Flush the toilet after you!

Elessar

I am gobsmacked by the amount of grown men at my job who simply do not flush the toilet after themselves. I work in an office environment with professionals coming and going all day in a multibillion dollar company. Almost everytime I go in I have to do it myself.

What is wrong with these people? Are they expecting mammy to come in a flush it for them? It is absolutely disgusting.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one here to experience this.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

Eugh that's terrible, I've never had any problems where I work, apart from the odd skid-mark which i suppose is to be expected

Neo#

Nah its far too much effort:D

togster

Why do it when women do it for us??;)

rick_fantastic

ah the phantom sh1tter... every office has one.

FlutterinBantam

As a sociology student,I understand that the practice is a left over from eras when the male marked his territory by dumping on its perimeters.

it carries over into the office hierarchy.

I mean if the financial controller takes a thick prizewinning dump in the bog,he is going to leave it there in case some director comes across it and mutters"Jaysus I'm not messin with that guy,if he can drop a shít like that he's dangerous"

Then when he has pipebuster fermenting in the gut,he will adopt the same tactics.

It's all simple when you analyse it son.

_blank_

I've just got a nice one brewing now actually.

I'll give it an hour, then pop in to the stalls.

I won't even wipe, just leave the log there in all it's glory.

AlmightyCushion

seansouth wrote:

I've just got a nice one brewing now actually.

I'll give it an hour, then pop in to the stalls.

I won't even wipe, just leave the log there in all it's glory.

Take a picture and send it in to ratemypoo.com.

mcauley

Far too much toilet talk on here these days.

I think to leave it there (intentionally) is one the most disgusting and lazy things you could ever do. Would you like to want into a cubicle and be greeted with a massive floating 'vessel'.

Its rank, seriously. Its one pull of handle / push of a button.

I was in the states earlier in the summer, most of their toilets are automatic flush. It eliminates this problem completely.

FlutterinBantam

May I suggest for max effect, use the "reverse iceberg theory", 9/10ths out of the water 1/10 in.

Just angle the ring so the first contact is with the pewter,and the gentle slide should let the growler achieve the desired configuration.

The Bollox

this thread is hilarious. it really made my morning

Thomas_S_Hunterson

FlutterinBantam wrote:

May I suggest for max effect, use the "reverse iceberg theory", 9/10ths out of the water 1/10 in.

Just angle the ring so the first contact is with the pewter,and the gentle slide should let the growler achieve the desired configuration.

The other way to acheive this is to fill the water with toilet paper first, and then it should just perch on top

The Bollox

do a South Park and take a dump in a urinal

_blank_

Or even better, the sink.

blah

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down!

The Bollox

blah wrote:

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down!

I prefer: if it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow leave it for the next fellow

_blank_

What?

Nothing worse than if you go into the cubicle, bursting for a shíte, and the water is yellow. You don't have time to flush, because you left it brewing for too long. The splash from the water :eek:

Bastards who leave the water yellow are worse than those who leave a log imo.

BrianD3

Maybe they did flush? Sometimes after (or before) flushing a log can lurk "around the bend". Looks to be gone but reappears a while later.

The Bollox

BrianD3 wrote:

Maybe they did flush? Sometimes after (or before) flushing a log can lurk "around the bend". Looks to be gone but reappears a while later.

in the business, we call those 'sneaky bastards'

bugler

I also work in an office environment (Finance related), and I've seen things in the toilets that have made me gag. There are also people who stick their snots to the cubicle walls.

Still the company is on top of it all. They blame 'outsiders': couriers and other miscreants from the floors above and below us, who sneak in and drop their subversive excrement on our hallowed bowls. Funnily enough even numerous changes of the security code on the toilet door hasn't stopped them getting in - they must pick the lock

Reku

Some of the people in my place can't figure out the flush mechanism either. Just a slight nuisance to have to flush when you enter the cubicle though.

dulpit

Ye think it's bad having people leave "presents" in the office? Try having it at home... There's two lads who live upstairs, 1 of them apparently is afraid of the flusher or something...

When i find out who it is *shake fist in fury*

Also, on the whole topic, as Billy Connolly says

There is nothing worse than going into a toilet, locking the door, turning around and finding that there's a wee jobbie there, somebody elses...

(Bizarrely i just listened to a sketch with that in it, not 20 minutes ago...)

MarkR

Or wet seats when you need to lay a yard of cable. Hate that.

seamus

I never noticed it as a massive problem in my place, but they felt the need to put a sign on every cubicle door saying, "Please flush the toilet before you leave, and do not leave toilet paper lying on the floor", so someone seemed to think it was a problem.

FlutterinBantam

Those American Shítters with the water trough up so high the nads are immersed are awkward.

I went into one in Milwaukee once,and there was this growler like a burst tractor tyre gently bobbing just under the rim.

Why the fook do they need so much water???

bugler

...are you sure the toilet wasn't just blocked?

FlutterinBantam

Well this one could have been with the girth of "Meatloafs Daughter" floating in its depths,but generally the North American privvy tends to have much more visible water and higher up the pan.

When you go for a tonkeroo it can be like a holt of otters jumping into a river .

Splash back is very common with an unrestrained exit.

Duggy747

FlutterinBantam wrote:

Those American Shítters with the water trough up so high the nads are immersed are awkward.

I went into one in Milwaukee once,and there was this growler like a burst tractor tyre gently bobbing just under the rim.

Why the fook do they need so much water???

Yea, all those American toilets are headwrecking. When I was in New York for 2 weeks everytime I went for a shíte I always had to grab me balls to stop them from getting soaked!

I've never had a problem with anyone not flushing the loo here at work but someone has seriously got a bad case of the green apple splatters, the rim of one toilet is destroyed!! Like rust on a saucepan!

mcauley

The high water level in american toilets is something I couldnt really understand myself.

The thing that actually makes me laugh is the amount of names/phrases/slang words that people use for have a sh1t (even just in this thread!). There are hundreds of em!!!

MarkR

mcauley wrote:

The high water level in american toilets is something I couldnt really understand myself.

The thing that actually makes me laugh is the amount of names/phrases/slang words that people use for have a sh1t (even just in this thread!). There are hundreds of em!!!

Just for you...

Got a cake in the oven
Gotta drop the kids off at the pool
Paying homage to the porcelain gods
Floating a log
Dropping a doo
Peeling paint
Hershey squirt
*sounded racist*
*as above*
*ditto*
Laying cable
Choking a grogan
“Honey, I think it’s time”
Laying pipe
Out of body experience
Going to get “slim, fast”
Fumigating the head
Baking chocolate muffins
Going “choco-potty”
Pitting the porcelain
Going to Lamaze
Pushing the fecal-envelope
Sending the U.S.S. Constipation on her maiden voyage
Doing the nasty
Having a stinkie
Pinching a loaf
Releasing a chocolate prisoner
Taking a growl
Recycling the Taco Bell
Tell HAL to open the pod bay doors
Do a core dump
Dump some code
Spankin’ a frank
Write a letter to the Pope
Call the governor
Launch a missile
Brush up on my Polish
Leave some used food
Send a car of ore down the shaft
Empty the poop shute
Feed the trolls
Chokin’ a stoagie

FlutterinBantam

The flushing characteristics seem different too.

When you drop a particularly strung out Brad into the bowl and flush,the whole

contents seems to suddeny surge up and threatens the rim,then she subsides

and reluctantly and slowly exits the premises.

Very offputting for the first few Brads.

FlutterinBantam

Duggy747 wrote:

Yea, all those American toilets are headwrecking. When I was in New York for 2 weeks everytime I went for a shíte I always had to grab me balls to stop them from getting soaked!

I've never had a problem with anyone not flushing the loo here at work but someone has seriously got a bad case of the green apple splatters, the rim of one toilet is destroyed!! Like rust on a saucepan!

I'm told that frequent visitors to North America from Europe bring camping ladles with them ,y'know collapsable handles, When the want to crimp one off in the hotel/office they extend the handle,down between the thighs and cradle the nutsack in the spoon area.This shields against splashback.

Quick rinse under tap,nice dry sack,into the briefcase for future use.

Bit sceptical myself but i'm only passing on the hint.

Yeah, it always happens where I work, but most of the time its the customers that do it, and not us.

However when you're in the need of a sh!t, there's a few people that frequent the same toilet cubicle.. not at the same time, that would be odd and smelly.

jobonar

Funniest thread i've read in a while

Nevyn

FlutterinBantam wrote:

Those American Shítters with the water trough up so high the nads are immersed are awkward.

I went into one in Milwaukee once,and there was this growler like a burst tractor tyre gently bobbing just under the rim.

Why the fook do they need so much water???

It means that the poo does not come in contact with the side of the bowl and so there are no skid marks.

L31mr0d

yeah pretty much the same story as my work. Although the people here have some weird habits when donating a few pounds to the irish coastline. The majority of the guys i've seen in the toilet never wash their hands, they are usually on the phone while in the cubicle, then just come out and walk straight out the door... disgusting, they also bring coffee and snacks in with them I mean WTF??? Eating and drinking in the toilet?

There's also this one dude that just sits in the cubicle and waits until the rooms empty before crapping, I mean i'll be in one stall and he'll come in and sit down and just wait, and I could be in there for 10 minutes playing tetris on the phone and still nothing, eerie silence until you leave or the other people who cough to mask the sound of the splash.

People are weird

_blank_

Thaedydal wrote:

It means that the poo does not come in contact with the side of the bowl and so there are no skid marks.

Skids can happen on the bottom of the bowl too, under the water. In fact the log I left in the jacks in work had some pretty impressive sub-marine skids, a lovely track from just above the water at the front, all the way under, and out the back.

Also, I left skids all over California and Vegas last Summer, all the while dangling my bollix in the water.

Demonique

seansouth wrote:

What?
Bastards who leave the water yellow are worse than those who leave a log imo.

Its environmentally friendly this whole 'when its brown flush it down, when its yellow let it mellow'. Saves water

Demonique

MarkR wrote:

Just for you...

Laying pipe

In Big Brother the year ladyboy Nadia one, there was this guy called Victor who used Laying Pipe as an euphanism for sex.

"I like to lay pipe with the women'

MooseJam

Mine don't float, they sink like the titanic, does this mean I'm well hard

ircoha

A little off topic but true.

I was an SBO in an AIB Branch in West Cork when Paddy O'Keeffe was head honco.

He arrived for a branch visit one day and there was a big flurry on looking for the Manager, who was in the head:

I got the job of calling him so I shout in:

"Mr. O'Sullivan, sir: Mr. O'Keeffe has arrived.

The reply;
"Tell him to wait, I can only handle one ****e at a time."

MooseJam

MooseJam wrote:

Mine don't float, they sink like the titanic, does this mean I'm well hard

Nah!! just means that your diet lacks fibre.

FlutterinBantam

Thaedydal wrote:

It means that the poo does not come in contact with the side of the bowl and so there are no skid marks.

Well that might be the theory,but I entered a stall in Cleveland once and the fcukin pan looked like a tigers back .

She was scudded and skidded like the main runway in Hartsfield.

Just lettin you know the theory doesn't always work.

Agamemnon

Thaedydal wrote:

It means that the poo does not come in contact with the side of the bowl and so there are no skid marks.

Have you never seen skid marks at the bottom of the bowl and around the bend? If not, then you haven't lived.

You should wait a few days between laying loaves: save it up and unleash a faecal titan that will crack the porcelain.

L31mr0d

Demonique wrote:

In Big Brother the year ladyboy Nadia one, there was this guy called Victor who used Laying Pipe as an euphanism for sex.

"I like to lay pipe with the women'

maybe he was kinky and talking about cleveland steamers or a dirty sanchez

WindSock

When I was stopped off at Seoul airport, there was a strange looking device beside me called the ettiquete button. Curious as I was to what this button did, I pressed it and out came the sound of loud flowing waterfalls that masked up the sound of your bottom orchestra. Marvellous!

DJMG92

The Bollox wrote:

this thread is hilarious. it really made my morning

same with me!!!

Savman

Moral of the story:
FLUSH

gyppo

Savman wrote:

Moral of the story:
FLUSH

Don't agree with that - it'll lose all its character