Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Friday Morning Quickies III

Options
  • 16-08-2007 10:20pm
    #1
    mickrourke
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭


    Back by popular demand, The Friday Morning Quickies.
    Missed last Fridays ones as I was, erm, off doing, er, I don't know, how about Charity work, yes that will do, I was replacing the batteries in battery hens. Anyway sorry for missing last week, but not as sorry as you will be after reading these bad boys below.

    In men the first sign of a bad memory is forgetting to do up your zip after having a piss. The second sign is forgetting to pull it down before you have a piss.

    Did you hear about the Dwarf Physic who escaped from prison?
    The newspaper headline read "Small Medium at large"

    My brother thinks he is a chicken, but we don't talk him out of it cause we need the eggs.

    A Scotsman gets a cab to take him and a girl he's just picked up in a club home. She's so beautiful he can barely keep his eyes on the meter.

    My mother was a ventriloquist. She was always throwing her voice. For 10 years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

    My wife treats me like a god - Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering

    What goes, "Click - Is that it?, Click - Is that it?, Click - Is that it?
    A blind man with a rubiks cube

    I went to the dentist, "He said, "Say aaaah." I said "Why?" He said, "My dogs just died."

    A man rings his local chemist: "Do you sell incontinence pants?" "Yes, sir", replies the chemist, "Can I ask where you're ringing from?" The man replies "From the waist down"

    Read the last one out loud if you don't get it. If you don't get the other ones, well, I dunno.....

    I swear I am 2 jokes away from getting banned from the Humour Forum. Hagar promised he would for the sanity of the world.


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    it's Thursday...





    I didn't get the taxi one

    I love the last 3 though


  • Options
    #3
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    They were excellent. My favourite was the batteries in the battery hens.
    Keep it up or I'll never ban you...:D


  • Options
    #4
    mickrourke
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭mickrourke


    The Bollox wrote:
    it's Thursday...

    I know, but I can't be arsed posting em tomorrow morning, up until at least lunchtime all i can do is read. Anyway it's Friday morning in Israel
    The Bollox wrote:
    I didn't get the taxi one

    Scots are not renowned for their generosity. Remember the "p***ing on me cornflakes" joke?

    I actually just made the battery hens up just now, all the rest are robbed, er, I mean, liberated.


  • Options
    #5
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,339 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    I didn't get the one about the airplane.


Advertisement