Great Quotes

IvaBigWun

We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing

Oliver Wendell Holmes

GirlInterrupted

I dunno who said this but it's one of my favourites -

'Kinky is using a feather - Perverted is using the whole chicken!'

dazberry

Some of my favs...

"Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me" - Tremors

"Young fool...only now, at the end, do you understand." ... "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side. You have paid the price for your lack of vision." - ROTJ

"Alright sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the core. A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet, every paycheck a fortune, every formation a parade" - Aliens

"How do I get out of this chicken-sh1t outfit" - Aliens

"Alright, now you heard the man and you know the drill! Assholes and elbows!" - Aliens

and a few Steven Wright classics:

"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. "

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. "

"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. "

"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

D.

Aurora Borealis

Spike Milligans last words...
"I told them I was ill"

Nearly fell down laughing when I heard that..

Steve_o

"I spent most of my money on booze and women, the rest I squandered" - George Best

MissHoneyBun

"If at first you don't achieve..
-then sky-divings not for you!"

Blazer

Oriel wrote: »

“There are two great teams in the city, Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.”

Someone said "football is more important than life and death to you" and I said "Listen, it's more important than that."

Bill Shankly.

Couldn't resist

"Liverpool aren't the best team in the Champion's league..hell they aren't even the best team in Liverpool" " Eamon Dunphy

Everton finished above them that year..

IvaBigWun

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

Spike Milligans last words...
"I told them I was ill"

Nearly fell down laughing when I heard that..

it was actually his epitaph

Maximilian

" or "

IvaBigWun

Maximilian wrote: »

" or "

I love that one

WooPeeA

I was thinking about what could I consider as my favorite quote. Finally I found one.


The future doesn't belong to faint-hearted, it belongs to the brave.
Ronald Reagan

Gavin "shels"

Dermot Keely (Shelbourne manager), all from 2007.


Newstalk 106 (Sun, Feb 25)
"If they don't like my style, I don't care. I'm 53 now, I'm too old to care about stuff like that."

The Sun (Tues, Feb 27th)
"The fact that the directors at Shels threatened to resign en masse when it was suggested that Roddy be brought in as manager says it all. Things were bad at Shels but they were not that desperate."

The Sun (Tues, Feb 27th)
"It's been a while since Roddy worked but if he wants to drop his CV in to Tolka Park then I am sure I could find him some plastering work."

Shelbourne FC Website (Sat, March 3rd)
"Having said that, I'm very ambitious, I'm very aggressive, I've always been a winner, but I don't have any illusions. I'm not Jesus Christ"

The Sun (Thu, August 2nd)
"What really concerns me ... is Staunton’s blatant disregard for the league. Stan was attended Bray v Wolves, Bohemians v Wolves and Bohs v Sunderland in recent weeks but managed to miss all Champions League, Uefa Cup and Intertoto Cup games involving Irish sides.

So, instead of watching the League of Ireland’s top stars in competitive games, Stan opted to take in meaningless pre-season friendlies."

IvaBigWun

"Knowledge is power"

Sir Francis Bacon

boogle

"Oh no! He's drank a whole bottle of Dreamy Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze!

"The simple process of focusing on things which are normally taken for granted is a powerful source of creativity"

-Edward De Bono: Father of Lateral Thinking

GirlInterrupted

When being stretchered from his suite at the Savoy Hotel in London, on his final trip to hospital, the great actor Richard Harris passed the dining room doors - he called to the diners ''It was the food!'':)

Pen1987

"life is not a bitch. Life is a beautiful woman. Men only call her a bitch because she wont let them get that 'pussy'. Maybe she doesnt feel they share any similar interests, or maybe hes just an asshole who cant sweet-talk the princess." - Aesop Rock


I'll add to this later, gots millions written down somewhere.

truecrippler

"He who dares, wins"

Del Boy (Only Fools and Horses)

hunter164

"This time next year Rodney we'll be millionaires"

Del Boy

Kovik

Life can only be understood backwards; it must be lived forwards.

The task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted.

Both by Kierkegaard.

Clare_Guy

"If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal."

JFK - Address at American University, Washington D.C. (10 June 1963)

Clare_Guy

"We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home."

Aboriginal Australian Proverb

Pen1987

"He who dares wins" David Stirling, founder of the SAS

"its the sign of a true man when he can respect the beauty of a woman fully yet not need to persue her sexually to feel complete in himself" - I came out with that when hungover in work one saturday when I was accused of being 'mad for' the manager because we got along well! I surprised even myself!

The rest are all lyrics...

"Life is just a lie with an F in it, only death is definite" - Sage Francis

(speaking on relationship break-ups) "When a boy writes off the world its done with sloppy misspelt words when a girl writes off the world its done incursive." - Sage Francis

(speaking on modern society) "its whistle-blowers versus the pistol-holders, case dismissed, they'll lock you up and throw away the key witness. Justice is the whim of a judge, check his chest-density, it leaves much room for error, the rests left to destiny. The West Memphis three lost paradise, left with death-penalties and suicidal tendancies... all we wanted was a ****ing pepsi. Its an institution, making you think you're crazy is a million-doller industry." - Sage Francis again.

"the way I feel about life? its a struggle at best, its nothing but real hard work and stress. Real life gets me down sometimes, hopeless and depressed. This is life is nothing but a downward spiral at best, but I love it all to death." - Sleep.

"theres a thin line between gossip and gospel" - Slug

and my all time favourite (long but inspirational) quote ever.

(by an albino) "depending on the day... depending on what I ate, I'm anywhere from twenty to thirty-five pounds overweight. I've got red eyes and one of them's lazy, and they both squint in the sunshine so I look crazy. I'm albino, I know I'm pink and pale and I'm hairy as hell everywhere but fingernails. I shave a cranium thats not quite shaved right, face-type? shiney, and I stay and write late at night. My wardrobe is jeans and faded shirts, a mixture of what I got free and what I wear to work. I'm not mean, I;ve got a neck full of razor-bumps. I'm not the classic profile of what the ladies want. You might think I'm depressed as can be... but when I look in the mirror I see sexy-ass-me. Now if that something you cant respect well then 'peace', my lifes better without you actually. I say to everyone now whos a little different, **** a magazine these are gods fingerprints. You can call me ugly but can take nothing from me. I am what I am, you aint gotta love me.

Hagar

"Put your left leg in" - Ho Ki Ko Kay

kryogen

couple just came to mind, mainly lyrical

"Some might say, they dont believe in heaven. Go and tell it to a man who lives in hell"

Noel Gallagher

"Life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans"

John Lennon

“I look into their eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, 'I am going to bury you.”

Seve Ballesteros

Captain Slow IRL

"He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man"

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" Both from HST

"If we're not dead in the morning, we'll know we're still alive" - Randy Marsh

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?" - Homer J.

aidan24326

Aristotle wrote:

Better to be unborn than untaught, for ignorance is the root of all misfortune

Carl Sagan wrote:

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot

Robert Ingersoll wrote:

The inspiration of the Bible depends upon the ignorance of the gentleman who reads it

Robert Ingersoll wrote:

If, with all the time at my disposal, with all the wealth of the resources of this vast universe, to do with as I will, I could not produce a better scheme of life than now prevails, I would be ashamed of my efforts and consider my work a humiliating failure

Babs Keating-hurling manager wrote:

There's only six inches between a clap on the back and a kick up the arse!

.

Pen1987

"I live for those who believe that faith is a surrender of reason, not a reason to surrender." - Aesop Rock.

GirlInterrupted

''Judge no man by the colour of his skin, but by the content of his character.''
Dr. Martin Luther King


Reporter ''Miss Munroe, did you pose for that picture with nothing on?''
Marilyn Munroe ''I had the radio on.....''.

''I'm a great housekeeper, whenever I get divorced, I keep the house''.
ZsaZsa Gabor

Daftendirekt

For how long will you continue to listen to those dark shouters,
caution and prudence?
Fall in! Fall in!

-Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches


And some Buddha quotes I like:


All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

He is able who thinks he is able.

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.

I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

stepbar

As the Cavan man says " Say nothing til you hear more"

estar

That's the problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.


Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying that I don't deserve it.
all from calvin from the calvin and hobbes comic strip

Captain Slow IRL

estar wrote: »

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Haha - deep and insightful (and true!):D

lunacyfoundme

Irishtrekkie wrote: »

Well my sig , is quite good i think ( hitchhikers guide for the win )

and if that does not do it for you . try these

**********************************************

"Destroying an Empire to win a war is no victory. And ending a battle to save an Empire is no defeat."

"A leader is judged not by the length of his reign but by the decisions he makes."

"There is no victory without combat."

"Great men do not seek power, they have power thrust upon them."

All the these qoutes are by Kahless the Unforgettable , first Warrior King and Emperor of the Klingon Empire, known as the "greatest warrior of them all".

You stoopid dumb no life trek nerd.

How could you leave these out...

PICARD:

"Let us make sure history never forgets the name...Enterprise."

"They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far and no further! And I will make them pay for what they've done!"


RIKER:

"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise"


WORF:

"If you were any other man I would kill you where you stand!"

dead air

Cliff, speaking to Norm in Cheers:

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

IvaBigWun

“Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you”

Ogden Nash

marcsignal

'The Chinese' a Great Bunch of Lads !

Fr. Ted Crilly:D

IvaBigWun

"I hated every minute of training, but I said, ''Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion''

Muhammad Ali

IvaBigWun

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer"

Woody Allen

trowelled

"I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members"- Groucho Marx

"I can resist everything except temptation" - Oscar Wilde

Fave cheesy one has to be "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen" John Cusack in Say Anything

IvaBigWun

"When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams"

Dr Seuss

genericgoon

'Life is but an empty vessel into which man pours false meaning'

'I ain't got time to bleed.'

'Tis from the hottest furnace that the grestest steel is wrought.'

A man may fight for many things: his country, his principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?

Raiser

My Wife keeps saying I never listen to her… or something like that - Rear Bumper, '79 Chevy Silverado

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain [attrib. others also]

RandolphEsq

Cooking our food is what seperates us from the animal kingdom

missmatty

Non illegitimis carborundum.....

also known as


Don't let the bastards grind you down

Think I saw that on a boardsie's sig so i stoled it

Linoge

My first post in AH since about 2005! Forgive the long post but these are all my absolute favs. They always cheer me up!

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
Vic Gold

The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
William Feather (1908 - 1976)

Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there.
E. H. Gombrich (1909 - )

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
Gian Vincenzo Gravina (1664 - 1718)

The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
Daniel Webster (1782 - 1852)

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), (attributed)

One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or time or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you.
Lillian Hellman (1905 - 1984)

A goal without a plan is just a wish.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944)

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
Howard Aiken (1900 - 1973)

This is my answer to the gap between ideas and action - I will write it out.
Hortense Calisher

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
Ben Stein

Purchase not friends by gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love.
Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661)

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Letter to Mrs Foote, Dec. 2, 1887

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)

It is better to confess ignorance than provide it.
Homer Hickam, The Coalwood Way

The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.
George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)

The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

My favorite animal is steak.
Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )

As long as humanity has been human, it has looked toward the heavens and dreamed that some day, some way, there would be giant federal contracts involved.
Dave Barry (1947 - )

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry (1947 - ), "The Taming of the Screw"

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry (1947 - )

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
William Blake (1757 - 1827)

If you get a reputation as an early riser, you can sleep till noon.
Irish Proverb

Don't break your shin on a stool that is not in your way.
Irish Proverb

What may be done at any time will be done at no time.
Scottish Proverb

Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either.
Jewish Proverb

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
Japanese Proverb

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
Irish Proverb

Charity sees the need not the cause.
German Proverb

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese Proverb

Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.
Chinese Proverb

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
Al Franken, 'Stuart Saves His Family'

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "Last Chance to See"

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby (1937 - )

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
Anonymous, often attributed to Dan Quayle

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.
Anonymous

A groundless rumor often covers a lot of ground.
Anonymous

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
Anonymous

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

Muggy Dev

chopperbyrne wrote: »

"IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!" - Admiral Ackbar

.....breakin´my h*le!:D

PrivateEye

The majority of the members of the Irish parliament are professional politicians, in the sense that otherwise they would not be given jobs minding mice at crossroads.

-Flann O' Brien, Irish writer

I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire truck.

-Kurt Vonnegut, American writer.

chopperbyrne

Muggy Dev wrote: »

.....breakin´my h*le!:D

IvaBigWun

Linoge wrote: »

Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.
Chinese Proverb

I loved the other ones, but - ermmm

what?! :pac: