New Baby Killing Us

Pandybelly

Hi,
Our son is 2 weeks old and is sending us to an early grave. He will not sleep during the day and at most will give 3 hours at night. He is very hungry and will consume 130 - 180 mils at a feed every 2-4 hours. We are worn out and don't know what to do. I am back at work next week and my wife will be left alone. We do not have family backup so what now? How do we get him to sleep?

Thanks

Anthony,

Izzyone

Has a public health nurse called around to see you and your wife or have you had any words of advice? Where do you live? You may find that there is a parent/baby group in your area and even though your baby is not gong to be playing your wife could have a cup of tea, relax and see that there are other mums out there going through the same thing. YOu know, sometimes it is just nice for someone else to just hold your baby for a few minutes to let you enjoy a cuppa.

My baby is 20 months and even though you wont want to hear this, has always been an easy baby, but I have been in the company of people who had a very difficult time.

If you live anywhere near the tallaght, knocklyon, firhouse area then pm me and I might be able to help with some contacts.

littlebug

First of all here's a {{BIG HUG}} for you and your Mrs. Been there done that and it's a killer!

Unfortunately, having been there and done that I'm afraid I don't have any real answers for you. The only reassurance I can give you aren't doing anything wrong. Babies are all different and unfortunately you've got a non-sleeping screamer! We were the same and had no-one living nearby to help. Everyone says "take all the help you can get" which is bloomin' hard when you don't actually get any offers of help!

That said your baby is still very very small.. it may be that he just settles any night now and there's actually nothing wrong at all. To sleep in 3 hour stretches is not too bad at 2 weeks old... it's actually a lot better than either of mine did! It really does start to catch up with you though. Could you take a night each over the weekend where one of you actually gets a full nights sleep in different room?

It would be worth talking to your phn though as if your baby has colic or reflux there are various specific tips and products you can use. Google both of these to see if your baby fits the bill. If he has colic then rest assured it will ease as the weeks progress. My second baby (colic) changed overnight on the dot of 6 weeks. If it's reflux it a tougher and longer journey (BTDT with my first:( ).
However it could well be that your little man is just a hungry little bunny who is taking a while to get settled and likes to let you know loud and clear when he ain't happy.

RE daytime sleep... my first baby only ever slept on me in the sling or out walking in the buggy. When she was a bit bigger she would sleep in her bouncy chair (after a vigourous bounce!)... not quite the idyllic sleeping baby scenario I had imagined but it didn't last forever

Oh and don't forget You (and your wife ) should come on here to ask questions, vent, cry... whatever.. anytime, if it will help!

nesf

I can tell you what I was told when we were at the point you're at: It gets better.


Other than that, taking it in shifts and grabbing sleep when you can is as about as well as you can do at this stage. You're not going to be able to get a 2 week old into any kind of routine.

aoife13/01/2008

haven't had our baby yet so not sure but what i remember from previous posts was that you should try feeding him baby formula for hungrier babies maybe its because he's always hungry he's not sleeping.

Carrigart Exile

Pandybelly wrote:

Hi,
Our son is 2 weeks old and is sending us to an early grave. He will not sleep during the day and at most will give 3 hours at night. He is very hungry and will consume 130 - 180 mils at a feed every 2-4 hours. We are worn out and don't know what to do. I am back at work next week and my wife will be left alone. We do not have family backup so what now? How do we get him to sleep?

Thanks

Anthony,

You may need to enrich his formulae early sounds as tho' the wee mite is hungry

Mr. Presentable

Anthony, share the duties. Sleep in separate rooms for a while, until things settle down, so one of you gets some sleep. Remember, you were like that baby once, too

Huggles

nipplenuts wrote:

Anthony, share the duties. Sleep in separate rooms for a while, until things settle down, so one of you gets some sleep. Remember, you were like that baby once, too

My sister and her hubby where in the exact same position and they did the shift thing in separate rooms to, it worked a treat, no point the two of you being shattered all the time!

Best of luck and it does get better!

DinoBot

OP,

Nothing strange in what you posted. Ive three kids, 1st was a very very bad sleeper 2nd and 3rd were not as bad. But your little one is 2 weeks old, forget about sleep, really!

But rest assured its 100% normal, your not doing anything wrong and it WILL get better. You really just need to ride it out. But that said when babies are that young every week is different so don't loose faith Some sound advice there from littlebug.

Pandybelly

Hi Folks,

Thanks for all the replies and offers to meet, unfortunately, we live in Kerry so I guess I cant take up the offer . We have discussed the situation with the district nurse and she has been very good with lots of help and advice. When David left hospital, he was on SMA Gold and devouring huge quantities of it. In hospital, he was a little 4 hour marvel. Feed, 4 hours sleep, feed etc. Boy did that change when we got home. As he was drinking so much SMA, the nurse felt he was not getting the full benefits from it and since yesterday he has been on C&G Premium with prebiotics. She says that this should suit him better. He has wolfed a 170 Ml bottle of this at his last feed. God help me when he discovers Guinness........
It is also extremely difficult to get wind up. Between the feed and attempts to wind, we are looking at 2 -2.5 hours at a time. If we don't get the wind up, he may spew the feed some time later during a bout of hiccoughs.
This is our first baby, born on the day of our 10th anniversary so he is our world. We just want to do right for him and a little right for us.:)

Again thanks for all the advice, it is truly great to vent........oh I hear the baby monitor, time to go.

Anthony

tuppence

I found Rollercoaster a godsend, especially the discussion section. You dont feel so alone.
Theres a section that may help you there too.
http://www.rollercoaster.ie/new_baby/new_baby_sleep.asp
If its just the one of you getting up at night on the weekdays when you are back to work donnt forget how exhausting these couple of weeks have been. As you now know sleep deprivation is awful. Make sure that your partner catches up on sleep when the baby is asleep during the day. Let her catch up on sleep during the weekends etc. Perhaps you will decide that a rota system better for you both. You sound like you really are sharing responsibilities, fair play to you both. That is so important. (If one person carrying the main burden can just be too hard)
Have realistic expectations. The household tasks will get done eventually. Have the takeaway number beside the phone!
Oh and congrats. Bless, after 10 years he is a gift.:)

kelle

EUMom Discussion Forums and Mumsnet are excellent too. You'll always find someone in the same boat!

I've been down that road, too, but I was breastfeeding and was feeding every hour. However, their rate of growth slows down at around 2-3 months old and their feeding demands lessen so they will start to sleep longer at night.
All that talk about newborn babies sleeping all the time is just pure tripe!

BTW, congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your son! It is a shock to the system when they arrive after you both being on your own for so long, but it does get easier. In fact, I'd say the transition from one to two is easier. And I made the transition from 2 to 3 recently which I've found a doddle in comparison!
Best of luck to you both.

Izzyone

Hi just wanted to add that the Dr. Browns bottles are very good for babies who might throw up some or all of their bottle after feeds and who suffer with wind or colic. It might be worth a try.

I said that my baby was and is very good in my previous post, but we did have to changed the food from SMA to C&G and then to Aptimil. Sometimes its just trial and error.

Good luck and keep us posted. Dont forget to give your lovely wife lots of hugs and kisses, it is essential for both of you to work as a team, you have had each other to yourselves for so long, that it is going to be(as you know already) very difficult. But coming from a mother of two, it really IS worth it....

Kashkai

Don't want to scare you but our twins didn't start sleeping through the night until they were 18 months old when all of a sudden they found their "sleep switch" and just started sleeping for 10 hours straight. Prior to that we got between 4 - 5 hours of broken sleep a night (on a good night that is!!!) as when one eventually settled, the other would wake :mad: :eek: . In our case there was no reason for it as they both were feeding well and when they woke up at night, they didn't want a feed, just to come into our bed would settle them (for a while!!!).

First babies are scary in a way as you don't have a clue what to do - but like the rest of us, you'll pick it up as you go along, i.e. the poo, the puke, the pee, the dinner thrown on the floor etc . However, for 99.9% of parents, we wouldn't change a thing about the little monsters, I mean darlings. Hang in there, it will get easier.

kelle

Prosperous Dave wrote:

Don't want to scare you but our twins didn't start sleeping through the night until they were 18 months old when all of a sudden they found their "sleep switch" and just started sleeping for 10 hours straight. Prior to that we got between 4 - 5 hours of broken sleep a night (on a good night that is!!!) as when one eventually settled, the other would wake :mad: :eek: . In our case there was no reason for it as they both were feeding well and when they woke up at night, they didn't want a feed, just to come into our bed would settle them (for a while!!!).

Sorry to go off-topic here, but I'm glad your twins are sleeping better now, Prosperous Dave. I recall you having problems with your son waking up constantly during the night when he was 7-months-old and my heart went out to you and your wife. Now I'm going through the same. I put our 9mo daughter sleeping in the bed between us, but she kicks and thrashes hubby and I throughout the night in her sleep! It's not easy.
But that's why God makes them so appealing, otherwise you just wouldn't put up with it.

looksee

Also 'been there' etc. Don't do it on my advice, but talk to your health advisor about putting the baby on a non-dairy feed (soya for example), it might do the trick.

dame

Re it being difficult to get the wind up: Infacol is great stuff.

It does get easier!

kelle

My daughter had colic for 8 weeks and 3 days, we tried Infacol and Gripe water, but no satisfaction. Then we were recommended a herbal remedy from Sean Boylan (Dunboyne, Co. Meath). Tried it, and she was cured within 2 days!

crosstownk

He's two weeks old - it's early days yet - give him time.

nesf wrote:

It gets better.

That's basically it. You need to get him into a routine, but at 2 weeks it may be a bit early for that, but there is some good advice in the above posts. Just grin and bear it and catch a nap when you can. Our youngest is almost 8 months, and still regularly wakes in the night - more than once - he was a total vampire (and we were zombies!) in the first couple of months, but slowly but surely he's getting better.

Best of luck - but it WILL get better.

sprinkles

wow.... I really misunderstood the title of this. I thought something awful happened in the states. Thank god for that.

nesf

crosstownk wrote:

That's basically it. You need to get him into a routine, but at 2 weeks it may be a bit early for that, but there is some good advice in the above posts. Just grin and bear it and catch a nap when you can. Our youngest is almost 8 months, and still regularly wakes in the night - more than once - he was a total vampire (and we were zombies!) in the first couple of months, but slowly but surely he's getting better.

Best of luck - but it WILL get better.

The key, we found, was getting into the mentality of "this isn't permanent, it will improve". There's no other way to approach it really, it's not like you can give them back.

I found talking to my parents helped, I had colic/reflux until I could sit up unaided. It made what we were going through seem "easy" by comparison.

Nowadays, with himself at 13 months, we get our night's sleep generally (though he rarely sleeps before midnight) but have no peace from his messing and exploring during the day. It can be hard to deal with sometimes but believe me, it's a hell of a lot easier than having to deal with a constant lack of sleep.

lennox1

Pandabelly,as I type this I'm looking over at a 23year old beautiful girl who created perfectly shaped dark circles under our eyes all those years ago!She was born at 24 weeks weighing 1.7pounds,and we thought we would never survive.My heart goes out to you but it does pass.You say your precious bundle wolfed down 170mls and can take 2-2.5 hours to wind.Just a couple of things that helped us as like you we didn't have family to help.
Make sure the teat hole is big enough that there is not too much effort involved in sucking.Withdraw the bottle very regularly during the feed and wind.If the burp doesn't come,dont worry too much as no air may have been sucked in.2-2.5 hours is too long to keep trying and adds to the feeling that you are not doing it right.You become uptight and baby picks up on this.If the baby didn't burp the usual way at the end of the feed,I learned to lay the baby on her tum on my lap and with rubbing her back the wind usually erupted.
When she cried a lot and didn't sleep following all the usual things you do,I used to put a warm covered hot water bottle against her tum on my lap and she would drift off with the warmth.The bottle was also put into the cot when she drifted off and we removed it when it cooled.
If you have very good friends who dont mind going home with a headache,get them to babysit for an hour and go with your other half for a break,walk or whatever.
Take it in turns to be on baby watch at night in separate rooms.
Baby will grow up to give you more joy and pride than you can ever imagine and in years to come,over a pint,you can embarass the life out of him with the stories.Chin up,it gets better.