Snobbery, friends' musical tastes, etc.

Sinfonia

Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?

I know this sounds very much like High Fidelity style snobbery, but I can't help the way I feel about it.

What I mean is when you play your friend an amazing piece of music, even something that cannot be called 'not good', something composed by a genius like Mozart or Chopin, and they inform you that it's sh!t and you should really check out Lily Allen or some other bollocks.

Obviously I wouldn't stop being friends with someone over a difference of opinion regarding a song or a piece of music, but does it bother you when a friend of yours says "wow, the new Hard-Fi song is class"*** or something (assuming you think Hard-Fi are an embarrassment, not just to music, but to the human race)?


Is it just me?



***nobody I know said that, just an example

Karl Hungus

I don't think it's ever really come up. If a friend of mine isn't really into music, then I usually don't broach the topic.

Howard the Duck

SumGuy wrote:

What I mean is when you play your friend an amazing piece of music, even something that cannot be called 'not good', something composed by a genius like Mozart or Chopin, and they inform you that it's sh!t and you should really check out Lily Allen or some other bollocks.

Yep used to happen me all the time i'd play a friend a piece of music that i think is great and 15 seconds into the song they'd inform it's sh*t and they just don;t like my type of music. Then a few weeks later said song is getting lots of radio play and they are telling me about this great new song i should check out..
In the end i just gave up on them all.

Rigsby

It would be a sad boring world indeed if everyone had the same taste in music ( no matter how "good " that music was). Listening to different types, then mixing them to produce something new is how we came to have rock and the rest of today's music. If any music sounds good to you then it is good. No one type is "better" than another, it's just a case of personal taste.

To each his own

GhostInTheRuins

SumGuy wrote:

Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?

If I was like that I wouldn't have any friends! Absolutely none of my friends like the same music I do. I don't mind at all because it never really comes up (but it's a bitch to get someone to go to gigs with :mad:)

Sinfonia

Rigsby wrote:

It would be a sad boring world indeed if everyone had the same taste in music ( no matter how "good " that music was). Listening to different types, then mixing them to produce something new is how we came to have rock and the rest of today's music. If any music sounds good to you then it is good. No one type is "better" than another, it's just a case of personal taste.

To each his own

This is of course true, but not really what I was trying to say...
I don't mean to badmouth them because of their taste in music, but that it feels like a conflict of interests in a way, sort of like "well, I like Jim, but I ****ing hate Hard-Fi, and Jim likes Hard-Fi...can I really like someone whose emotional and mental interests are aroused by such music which I cannot stand?!?!"
If you get me...

household_goods

I think that if music is a big part of your life you should get new friends. This may sound harsh, but I find alot of people accrue friends just because they sat beside each other in school, or work together. I think that friendships should be based on shared interests and beliefs, not mere happenstance. Join a music appreciation group to find people that are interested in the same music type of music you are.

Rigsby wrote:

It would be a sad boring world indeed if everyone had the same taste in music ( no matter how "good " that music was). Listening to different types, then mixing them to produce something new is how we came to have rock and the rest of today's music. If any music sounds good to you then it is good. No one type is "better" than another, it's just a case of personal taste.

To each his own

I don't approve of pop-psychology relatvism such as this. People who know music shouldn't pander to people who don't. I wouldn't walk up to an auto enthusiast's souped-up lamborghini and tell him his air-intake system is a piece of s**t.

Dudess

Howard the Duck wrote:

said song is getting lots of radio play and they are telling me about this great new song i should check out

Yep, hate when people do that.

Creamy Goodness

loads of my friends don't like my music, i'll give suggestions no problems but never say like "omgz this is so the best music ever" as i just don't see the point.

i don't let the fact that they don't like my taste phase me, plenty of other things to talk about.

Howard the Duck

Cremo wrote:

loads of my friends don't like my music, i'll give suggestions no problems but never say like "omgz this is so the best music ever"

Yea i'd never say anything like that either...because i'm not a 12 year old american school girl

DerekD Goldfish

Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?

I know this sounds very much like High Fidelity style snobbery, but I can't help the way I feel about it

Yes a lot

Rigsby

household_goods wrote:

I don't approve of pop-psychology relatvism such as this. People who know music shouldn't pander to people who don't. I wouldn't walk up to an auto enthusiast's souped-up lamborghini and tell him his air-intake system is a piece of s**t.

Sorry, but I cant understand this reasoning at all. What do you mean by "people who know music?". If music (any music) appeals to and moves you, what more is there to know, unless you want to be a musician and study theory ?
Secondly, music can be a spiritual experience. It can instantly trigger happy/unhappy memories you thought you had long forgotten. This is true whether you listen to Bach or the Beatles. Admittedly some music is more complex than others but that does not make it "better." Comparing it to a "souped-up lamborghini" is completely missing the point IMO. Your friend's musical tastes might not do anything for YOU but if it means a lot to them, you as a friend should respect that.

Rozie

That's just called "Having taste"...

John

It doesn't matter. Musical taste is not the be all and end all of what makes a friend a friend. Out of my friends, some are into similar music, most are not. My girlfriend doesn't like most of what I listen to, it doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother her. Music is just one aspect of life you can share or not share with people. It's a huge part of my life and has been for most of it yet at the end of the day, no matter how moving an experience I get from it, a good friend will always be more. If they can share in the experience, great. If they can't, so what.

padi89

SumGuy wrote:

Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?

Fvck no, i couldn't give **** what my mates like or dislike,it has no bearing on any of my friendships.

TheBigRedDog

SumGuy wrote:

Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?

Completely! I gave up on most of my friends 3 years ago! The trick I find though is never to show people a song etc. just play it and if they like it they might say something! If they don't it so be it!

Also Its not a matter of taste its just a bit of courtesy for someone putting in a bit of effort. To just dismiss it is completely ignorant!

John

TheBigRedDog wrote:

Also Its not a matter of taste its just a bit of courtesy for someone putting in a bit of effort. To just dismiss it is completely ignorant!

No it's not. If they're not into music then why the **** should they give a highlander's kilt if you think a song is the best thing ever. I don't pay attention to my friends when they talk about football and the non-musical ones ignore myself and the others when it moves on to music. To be honest, dropping friends because they don't like music as much as you is a bit shallow. Surely you share other interests in life and aren't just into music all day and all night?

TheBigRedDog

Obviously i would not be expecting an all hail from whoever it is but it gets annoying when you play a song, even to yourself, and someone turns around and says thats crap.

Most of my friends don't play any instruments so they have no interest and if someone plays a song and they butt in and say thats a crap song thats their opinion but its still got nothing to do with them. Its just being ignorant towards the person who might only be learning and only capable of playing basic songs.

GLaDOS

My music is better than everyone elses

LuckyLloyd

ScienceNerd wrote:

My music is better than everyone elses

QFT.

SumGuy, I used to feel the same in some respects. And, while I still think my taste in music, movies, literature etc. is better than yours (or anyones); I have learned to stop trying to convince the world of that fact. You will have friendships that are formed on the basis of the superficial - and it sure can be fun to talk passionately about stuff close to your heart with people that "get" you. But ultimately all of this stuff is quite secondary to what meaningful relationships are formed on.

grumpytrousers

Jesus H...do i have to ignore my friends tastes in music to remain friends?!?!

Perhaps this is an age thing, but at 33, I don't really 'play' 'cool' 'couldn't be called not good' music to my friends anymore, but it's quite possible that the OP is at the, um, stage of life where he/she feels that friendships are forged over shared interests in music'n'stuff.

Fair enough, to an extent, but frankly, if you're at *that* age, then best of luck finding a whole lotta Chopin freaks out there.

As a general rule, I think that your tastes are your own and you should always take the slogan on the shirt above as pretty much a motto for life; if by some happy coincidence your friends happen to be into similar music as yourself, then huzzah and so forth.

Adopting what *appears* to be a 'Niles Crane' type of aloofness - 'I can't understand how one could enjoy that cacophony yet fail to appreciate the subtleties of one of Bachs two part inventions' - isn't going to be the smartest of moves.

lordgoat

John pretty much hit the nail on the head. Some people don't like music as much as others do, that doesn't make you better or worse than them. Some of my best friends listen to the radio and have what would be considered by many on here as 'awful taste' but to go back to the high fidelity reference above. At the end of the film doesn't the character realise that good people can listen to bad music (in his opinion)?

Granted i have great friends that love music too however at times i find. That's assuming i had a girlfriend. that if there is big group i'll avoid talking about it as it can get all consuming and people feel left out.

I'd never drop a friend for listening to music i didn't like or thought was ****.
Like:
1) Are you going to X's party later?
2)No i'm not hanging out with X anymore, they have crap taste in music.

Seriously...

gucci

if everyone was the same and liked the same thing there would be no different anything (think that makes sense) liking the same type of music or not liking it wouldnt be a breaking point of a relationship with any pal or collegue, infact having different tastes in movies/music/stuff is what keeps you with something to talk about!!

Sinfonia

grumpytrousers wrote:

Jesus H...do i have to ignore my friends tastes in music to remain friends?!?!
This was clearly an exaggeration...sorry you didn't get that

Perhaps this is an age thing, but at 33, I don't really 'play' 'cool'why all the quotations? 'couldn't be called not good' music to my friends anymoreWhy not?
, but it's quite possible that the OP is at the, um, stage of lifeThis is really patronising stuff, and contradicts your overall point a little, as you seem to be dismissing my opinion, because you're assuming I am of a certain age where he/sheUN pretty much explains that one feels that friendships are forged over shared interests in music'n'stuff.

Fair enough, to an extent, but frankly, if you're at *that* age And what age is this exactly?, then best of luck finding a whole lotta Chopin freaks out there.That wasn't my point. It can be pretty much proven that Chopin's compositional methods were deep, thoughtful, inventive, and the work of a genius

As a general rule, I think that your tastes are your own and you should always take the slogan on the shirt above as pretty much a motto for life;I agree, I was just seeing what other people thought about differences of opinion with friends regarding something one is passionate about if by some happy coincidence your friends happen to be into similar music as yourself, then huzzah and so forth.

Adopting what *appears* to be a 'Niles Crane' type of aloofness - 'I can't understand how one could enjoy that cacophony yet fail to appreciate the subtleties of one of Bachs two part inventions' - isn't going to be the smartest of moves.

This comes across as really condescending, with not much elaboration on your points. Please be more constructive with your feedback.

grumpytrousers

Alright i didn't mean to be condescending or patronising and if it seemed terribly so, then i apologise.

You ask the question "Do you ever feel like you have to ignore your friends' musical tastes in order to remain friends?" and my take on it, for what it's worth, is that if the musical tastes of your friends is a vital ingredient of the relationship with your friends then you've probably got a problem. For the most part, I don't like my friends *despite* most of them having (in my opinion) crap taste in music, I like them because they're, um, my friends.

No friendship has come under pressure 'to remain friends' due to a difference in opinion over something as bloody pedestrian as a bit of music....

Sinfonia

Just to point out that I did say this:
Obviously I wouldn't stop being friends with someone over a difference of opinion regarding a song or a piece of music
in my OP.

What I really meant by my first question was this: I wouldn't just say "We have different tastes in music. Goodbye forever." But differences of opinion often result in debates/arguments, which are rarely if ever solved so that one person changes their mind. So maybe I should have asked "Do you have to ignore your friends' taste in order to avoid pointless arguments?" - I was just exaggerating.

Also, grumpy I'm interested to see how old you think I am

lordgoat wrote:

At the end of the film doesn't the character realise that good people can listen to bad music (in his opinion)?

True, but you have to admit the initial idea had some truth to it too.
I think if you have any shared interest you can be friends, but if you have absolutely none, then it could be quite difficult

Mr. X: Wanna go to a concert?
Mr. Y: No. Wanna go smoke crack?
Mr. X: No. Wanna go to church?

and so on

grumpytrousers

SumGuy wrote:

Just to point out that I did say this:
Obviously I wouldn't stop being friends with someone over a difference of opinion regarding a song or a piece of music
in my OP.

What I really meant by my first question was this: I wouldn't just say "We have different tastes in music. Goodbye forever." But differences of opinion often result in debates/arguments, which are rarely if ever solved so that one person changes their mind. So maybe I should have asked "Do you have to ignore your friends' taste in order to avoid pointless arguments?" - I was just exaggerating.

Also, grumpy I'm interested to see how old you think I am

12.

no - look - put it like this - i shared a gaff with a bloke who was only into classical music. We got on well. If i had the radio on, he would occasionally make comments about how whoever sounded like a cat repeatedly circumcised without anesthetic. I ignored him. I mean, arguing over taste in music (or even what music IS) is pointless . And that's it - Period.

Have a look over at the John Cage 4'33" discussion around here. I'm utterly convinced that half that board (present company excluded, obv) is talking thru their bloody arses, but there's enough good humour and respect there that I'm sure if i met any of those people in the real world, we'd get along famously. Argue, perhaps, but get along.

I prefer the Beatles Hard Days Night album to Rubber Soul and that, it seems, makes me a heretic among Beatles fans (and a fair few friends). I could give less of a sh!t, what anybody else thinks, and that cuts both ways viz

a) I don't ballyrag other people into seeing my point of view and
b) I don't give a crap what anybody else says about Rubber Soul being better; as far as i'm concerned they're wrong and the argument is pointless.

I take your point that obviously friendships need overlapping parts, and seminarians and drug pushers are rarely seen enjoying each others company over a quiet pint!

John

grumpytrousers wrote:

Have a look over at the John Cage 4'33" discussion around here. I'm utterly convinced that half that board (present company excluded, obv) is talking thru their bloody arses, but there's enough good humour and respect there that I'm sure if i met any of those people in the real world, we'd get along famously. Argue, perhaps, but get along.

Well, I was typing through my fingers but I think this is the key that SumGuy's friends are missing, being able to step back and accept someone else's opinion and/or debate sensibly. I don't think anyone is a bad person for not agreeing with me on Cage or anything else and this is the kind of thing you look for in a friend, someone who sees all your faults (not appreciating 4'33" ) but respects you and what you have to say.

grumpytrousers

jesus, two apologies in one thread, this is gotta be some class of record!

John - i meant the 'talking thru their arses' comment in a gentle ribbing kind of way, and please please please take it as no more than that! (oh wait, i see a smily in there as well...maybe this is unwarranted!)

My ultimate point, and it's one i think thee and me might well disagree on, is that 'debating' about music simply isn't worth it. I mean, either a piece of music 'gets you' or it doesn't.

The fact that it does, or it doesn't, doesn't make it any less good, less worthy, or the advocate of the piece any more, or less of a friend; ultimately what makes an impression or (boom boom!) strikes a chord with a person about a piece is deeply personal and not something that can be rationalised, any more than a love of shellfish, tofu or the movies in the Police Academy series.

thus to the OP, i'd have to say as a general rule, and it's somethign i try and do, rather than worry about the narrowness of view of other people and their apparant lack of willingness to listen to the stuff that YOU like and appreciate, perhaps the thing to do is to broaden your OWN tastes...

Sinfonia

Well, I think we've all learned some valuable lessons...

Police Academy is great
Abbey Road is top of the heap:D
and we should all respect each other's musical tastes...
Also I'm 22 gt, and my friendships are certainly not based on this kind of stuff

grumpytrousers

c'mon - group hug everybody!