Nine year being bullied by a fourteen year old

K-9

Just of the phone to my ex. She told me that my 9 year old boy is being bullied by the neighbours children. She has had a word with the mothers of the children. But still going on. There is a few kids involved I think. 1 of the kids is a 9 year old who has known since he was 2 and his cousin, who'd be 10. The thing is there is another boy who's 14.

Lost for advice myself. Its hard when your 9 to stand up to a 14 year old! If my 9 year old was hanging around with a 14 year old I'd be worried but anyway, any advice?

Love2love

I hate this, my little brother was bullied for most of his life. Can you or your ex speak with the children who are doing this? Not in a threaten way obviously? Or speak with the mothers again? I know its not much advice but I dont think there is much that can be done here. My brother had to change schools because of this (the school done nothing, in fact, they told me mother it was all in his head, only after 2 years of counselling did they admit that anything was happening)

silverharp

Teenagers can be complete wan**** if they want to be and he will probably play his parents even if they speak to him. Confronting him would be a bad idea as well but how about spending a couple of Saturdays playing ball with your son out on the street, and if and when he makes an appearance give him a stare or otherwise let him know that you know without actually saying anything to him. He is probably playing on the fact that there isn’t a father about that your son can’t summon on the spot.

K-9

Love2love wrote:

I hate this, my little brother was bullied for most of his life. Can you or your ex speak with the children who are doing this? Not in a threaten way obviously? Or speak with the mothers again? I know its not much advice but I dont think there is much that can be done here. My brother had to change schools because of this (the school done nothing, in fact, they told me mother it was all in his head, only after 2 years of counselling did they admit that anything was happening)

Thanks for the replies. She has spoke with them and nothing has changed. Might have to have a word with the 14 year old. Not in a threatening way, more subtle. Maybe drop a wee hint about a 14 year old bullying a 9 year old! I think its a bit strange a 14 year old hanging around with the other 9 year old, but the 9 year old would be popular and would be tougher than my wee boy. Its just I would find it a bit strange if my 9 year old was hanging around with him. Its a very big age gap. Anyway!

silverharp wrote:

Confronting him would be a bad idea as well but how about spending a couple of Saturdays playing ball with your son out on the street, and if and when he makes an appearance give him a stare or otherwise let him know that you know without actually saying anything to him. He is probably playing on the fact that there isn’t a father about that your son can’t summon on the spot.

Might need to do something like that. My boy isn't really that into football, more games, cartoons, dvd's etc. He does go out a lot but I suppose its the age old problem, boys that are good at football are always popular. I only live about 1/2 mile away so possible to do.

Ayla

You know, I'm a bit torn here...I agree that the mothers should be addressed (which they have). And I also hear that the 14 yr old may be picking up on the "lack of a father figure" and pushing his bounds.

What I'm torn about is the manner in which you, as your child's father, should address the 14 yr old. Kids of that age are old enough to know better, and they're certainly old enough to make up their own minds about their behaviour. I have a huntch that if dropping "wee hints" doesn't work, maybe you need to flex your metaphorical muscle. Let him know that you're the man in the family and that you won't tolerate your boy being hassled by a pubescent punk.

Again, try the subtle route, but if that doesn't work, say something to him that leaves it clear in his mind that, in no uncertain terms your boy is off-limits.

When I was a kid (around 10) a kid in my class was horrible to me...teachers & "nice chats" did nothing, so my dad eventually had enough of my depression/tears and laid into the kid. I never got a boo out of him again.

K-9

Ayla wrote:

You know, I'm a bit torn here...I agree that the mothers should be addressed (which they have). And I also hear that the 14 yr old may be picking up on the "lack of a father figure" and pushing his bounds.

What I'm torn about is the manner in which you, as your child's father, should address the 14 yr old. Kids of that age are old enough to know better, and they're certainly old enough to make up their own minds about their behaviour. I have a huntch that if dropping "wee hints" doesn't work, maybe you need to flex your metaphorical muscle. Let him know that you're the man in the family and that you won't tolerate your boy being hassled by a pubescent punk.

Again, try the subtle route, but if that doesn't work, say something to him that leaves it clear in his mind that, in no uncertain terms your boy is off-limits.

When I was a kid (around 10) a kid in my class was horrible to me...teachers & "nice chats" did nothing, so my dad eventually had enough of my depression/tears and laid into the kid. I never got a boo out of him again.

Thanks Ayla, think thats the way I may approach it. Subtle, maybe a few digs (verbal! ) and if that doesn't work, basically straight out with it. As you say he is a teenage 14 year old going to secondary school, for Christ's sake. A 9 year old, you could understand.

smashey

Ayla wrote:

Again, try the subtle route, but if that doesn't work, say something to him that leaves it clear in his mind that, in no uncertain terms your boy is off-limits.

That's the way I would handle it. This will probably lead to the bully running home to mammy and crying to her about you. Then, when she shows up on your doorstep, (remember, mammy's little darlings can do no wrong :rolleyes: ) you can really vent your feelings.

K-9

smashey wrote:

That's the way I would handle it. This will probably lead to the bully running home to mammy and crying to her about you. Then, when she shows up on your doorstep, (remember, mammy's little darlings can do no wrong :rolleyes: ) you can really vent your feelings.

So true, how dare you say anything to my son! Doesn't matter that my 9 year old is coming running home after being bullied by a 14 year old! Aaaghhhh! :mad: :mad:

prospect

I was beaten up as a kid, by a guy 2 or 3 classes ahead of me in school.

My Dad, who is normally very quiet was collecting me that day and asked wht happened, I was cut and my glasses (the reason I was bullied) were broken. I was quite upset and I told what happened and pointed out the kid who did it.

He promptly hopped out of the car and walked up to the guy (who was about intercert age) and I don't know what he said to him but that kid never even looked at me again.

I think a strong word with the perpetrators is in order, especially considering their parents have ignored the issue.

K-9

Thanks for the replies. Kind of reinforced what I was thinking but just didn't want there to be a thread in a week or 2's time - 14 year old getting bullied by a 9 year olds father!

HardyEustace

Well first of all, sorry to hear that this is happening. Must be very upsetting.

It's a fairly hot topic at the moment as, I don't know if anyone is listening to newstalk in the mornings, a mother has come onto the 9 o'clock talk radio show and has told a heart breaking story of how her 17 year old daughter committed suicide as a result of bullying. I defy anyone not to be in floods after it.

Not of couse, that this situation, is going to end as tragically. However the point that I did want to make is that a lot of people were texting/phoning in afterwards about what to do about bullies-the general consensus seemed to be that direct, threatening action was the only thing that seemed to work. Subtle, nicey, nicey stuff got you nowhere. I'm no expert but from listening to people's various stories over the last few days, a short, sharp shock seemed to work the best.

Failing that, I'm not a violent person, but some boxing lessons might do some good. I hope that it works out well. My post might seem a little agressive, I used to be more of a touchy-feely, everyone-is-lovely person a few years ago but it's good to be assertive(not aggressive, assertive) and boxing or some form of self-defense lessons might re-enforce that.

Good luck. Your son is lucky to have a Dad who takes such care of him.

HardyEustace

Oh and by the way, sod worry about bullying the 14 year old. He's old enough to realise what he's doing. The little sh*t deserves a large kick up the a*se and more.

K-9

HardyEustace wrote:

Oh and by the way, sod worry about bullying the 14 year old. He's old enough to realise what he's doing. The little sh*t deserves a large kick up the a*se and more.

Believe me, not worrying at all, meant completely tongue in cheek.

HardyEustace wrote:

However the point that I did want to make is that a lot of people were texting/phoning in afterwards about what to do about bullies-the general consensus seemed to be that direct, threatening action was the only thing that seemed to work. Subtle, nicey, nicey stuff got you nowhere. I'm no expert but from listening to people's various stories over the last few days, a short, sharp shock seemed to work the best.

Not generalising but I can see the point. The ones that do this don't tend to be the smart, intelligent thinkers. Subtlety probably will be lost on him. Probably will come to this. It turns out that its 2 9 year old s in his class who aren't related. The 14 year old is a brother of one of them!

HardyEustace wrote:

Failing that, I'm not a violent person, but some boxing lessons might do some good. I hope that it works out well. My post might seem a little agressive, I used to be more of a touchy-feely, everyone-is-lovely person a few years ago but it's good to be assertive(not aggressive, assertive) and boxing or some form of self-defense lessons might re-enforce that.

See exactly where you're coming from and starting to see things like that. Was thinking of Gaelic myself. Know what you mean by the touchy feely thing. There seems to be this thing to rear children to respect others etc. and I was reared like that but I'm starting to realise its outdated. Respect the ones who respect you but don't forget that some kids are reared with no respect whatsoever for anything, including other kids, school, guards and eventually their parents and this is where it will backfire on the parents eventually.

Does the other 9 yr olds mother not see something wrong with her son palling around with a 14 yr old and vice versa? There just in different ages and mentalities/development etc. ? I can see this backfiring on the 9 yr olds parents in a few years. Anyway.......

He does need to toughen up. Its hard though when he probably is more a book, nintendo DS, Harry Potter kid, but will make an effort. Definitely going to tell him to walk away at the minute and ignore them. Boxing and GAA would be good generally, but when its a 9 yr old against a 14 yr old?

HardyEustace wrote:

Good luck. Your son is lucky to have a Dad who takes such care of him.

Cheers, no saint at all. Its hard when you have a day or 2 with them. I think this is where trying to keep a male influence in a kids life is really worth it. Not in a macho, umba bunga way but just dealing with life.

tuppence

So how big did you say the 14years olds father is? :eek:
Dont get me wrong whatever you do, but seriously you will need to be sure you and your ex are singing from the same hymn book, because she and her house will be the focus of any reverberations from any confrontation.
What about acting (singing) classes or something like that to get his confidence up? Of course the side effects of that is he may end up in a boy band in a few years!

K-9

tuppence wrote:

So how big did you say the 14years olds father is? :eek:

. Well if he can't see there's something wrong with him palling around with 9 year olds and bullying other ones well he has bigger issues to worry about. How is father reacts is the least of my worries. His mother has been told and they've either not bothered too much or his 14 year old doesn't listen to him too much.

tuppence wrote:

Dont get me wrong whatever you do, but seriously you will need to be sure you and your ex are singing from the same hymn book, because she and her house will be the focus of any reverberations from any confrontation.
What about acting (singing) classes or something like that to get his confidence up? Of course the side effects of that is he may end up in a boy band in a few years!

The ex came to me because her talking to the parents didn't work. There may be revererations but that says more about their parents. I think she knows that and will be well able for it. We've reared our son to not bully so why should he suffer?

Funnily enough, confidence isn't an issue for him.

tuppence

Not the same priorities and principles unfortunately instilled in some kids and parents for that matter. You would think that since it was flagged up that the parents would be mortified...and do everything in their power to stop it. :mad:
Can understand how you must be feeling for your wee fella. Bit of a delicate one. Best of luck Seanies32 with it for the three of ye.

Victor

Seanies32 wrote:

If my 9 year old was hanging around with a 14 year old I'd be worried but anyway, any advice?

Is it simply a matter of they are the only kids around?

K-9

No, the 14 year old has his own pals too.

the_syco

tuppence wrote:

You would think that since it was flagged up that the parents would be mortified...and do everything in their power to stop it.

Angel syndrome, tbh.
"But my kid would never do that..."

=-=

OP, I won't give you any advice, but I'll say this. If given the chance to kill the bully who instilled fear into me for a few years, I wouldn't think about it. I'd kill him there and then. Give it time, and your son may think the same way.

K-9

the_syco wrote:

Angel syndrome, tbh.
"But my kid would never do that..."

=-=

OP, I won't give you any advice, but I'll say this. If given the chance to kill the bully who instilled fear into me for a few years, I wouldn't think about it. I'd kill him there and then. Give it time, and your son may think the same way.

Yeah, they mightn't be the ideal kids to be palling about with anyway. Have had a word with the 9 year old, haven't seen the 14 year old. My boy has to understand as well that your friends when you are 4/5 mighn't be a few years later. Have to mention that to him to.