Any good "I was stopped by a Garda" stories?

Dave!

People love to tell them and they're good to hear, so go on, spill!

I haven't been stopped yet, but have only been on the road about a year

Being stopped doesn't necessarily mean that broke the law, so mods, I aint encouraging illegalnessity!

So go on, give us a chuckle

JohnCleary

I was stopped by a bangarda once...

She was.... YORE MA :rolleyes:

Erm, good stories? Not really, i'm a good boy

FOGOFUNK

Looks like AH is spilling over.

That was really unfunny aswell.

JohnCleary

FOGOFUNK wrote:

Looks like AH is spilling over.

That was really unfunny aswell.

If I was trying to be funny i'd post in the Humour forum

Kimbot

I was stopped last week for apparently being on my mobile phone.

Garda pulled me over and the conversation went a little like this:

Garda: "You were on the phone weren't you"
Me: "No, I wasn't"
G: "Then what were you doing"
M: "I was scratching my ear"
G: "No you weren't"
M: "OK"
G: "I'll give you one last chance to admit it"
M: "I wasn't on the phone" "I was scratching my ear because of a little problem I have"
G: "Whats your name??"
M: "Jonathan"
G: "OK Thomas."
M: "No, its Jonathan."
G: "Yeah whatever Thomas."
M: "Hmmmm......"
G: "Now Thomas are you going to admit to being on the mobile while driving?"
M: "No, because I wasn't on it" "Oh and my name is Jonathan"
G: "OK Thomas"
M: "Look my phone is in my pocket and it hasn't being used since 10pm last night, you can ring o2 and verify that"
G: "Thomas I know I saw you on the phone"
M: "The name is Jonathan and I was scratching my ear because its bloody blocked and I am using drops that irritate my ear, I was not on my phone, do you want to look at it??"
G: "No its ok Thomas, but if I catch you doing anything again I will do you for everything I can, is that ok Thomas??"
M: "The name is Jonathan and yes thats grand, can I go now?"
G: "Yes Thomas"


I swear, I was the one with the dodgy hearing but that was just taking the p!ss!!

FOGOFUNK

JohnCleary wrote:

If I was trying to be funny i'd post in the Humour forum

Then what were you trying to be?

crosstownk

A taxi driver related his experience of getting stopped for speeding at the Templeogue end of the Tallaght bypass a few days before Christmas..........

Garda : Do you realise that you were doing 38MPH in a 30MPH zone?
Taxi driver : No. Are you going to fine me for it?
Garda : Yes. You will also be getting 2 points on you licence.
Taxi Driver : Look Garda, I wasn't exactly speeding - I was only doing 38 and it is Christmas after all.
Garda : And do I look like Santa Claus?!

Gran Hermano

crosstownk wrote:

Garda : And do I look like Santa Claus?!

Should have told him that his wife told you he only comes
once a year

Mr. CooL ICE

Very odd situation that I should have been done for a few years back:

I was after band practise (was based in Shannon at the time) and had lumped a load of music equipment into the back seat and boot, so that among guitar amps and whatnot, I couldn't see out the back window. I had been planning on driving my friend back to Limerick with me, but gave another friend a lift to his house (which was also in Shannon. hes lazy). So, with my Punto crammed with equipment in the back, the two lads, both about 6ft2" each, one of them 19st, sat in the passenger seat together. Ended up having severe difficulty changing from 1st and 2nd gears

At one stage, we realised a Garda car was following us. After seeing the car flash its blue lights, I turned a corner to see if they would follow, which they did, so I pulled over. At this point I started panicking and according to my friends, my voice got extremely high pitched with terror. So while I was getting ready to explain everything, from possibly overloading the car, not being able to see through the back window, having too many people in the passenger seat, and all being a (then) provisional driver. Garda car pulls up beside me, I roll down the window, and he asks me to turn on the light. Assuming he wanted a proper look at passenger the situation, I turn on the map reading light. He then says "no, your headlights", therefore I turn on my headlights, and he pulls off. He didnt take any notice of anything inside the car, probably didn't even see the two giants beside me, and was only interested in my headlights.

Very lucky escape IMO.

kdouglas

was stopped once on my way home from college, nice big, open and wide road with a 50kmh speed limit, admittedly i was going a bit over 50, probably over 60... (i was young and foolish, dont do that anymore) spotted a garda at the side of the road up ahead giving someone a ticket so i slowed down, he waved me in to the side of the road and i thought "ah sh!te, im getting a ticket",
he came over and talked to me for a few mins, where you going, where you coming from, looked at my licence etc.. then just said "off ya go, and mind the speed", i was quite relieved

seamus

Gran Hermano wrote:

Should have told him that his wife told you he only comes
once a year

Yeah, because that'll make him laugh...

Car Mad

I have one heading somewhere the other night when all of a sudden i see blue flashing lights behind me unmarked pulled me over.
Garda: Good evening Just a sopt check.Licence Please
Me: Here you go garda.
Garda: Where you coming from
Me: Home
Garda: Wheres that
Me:Its on me licence there garda.
Garda: Smart Little f**ker arnt you.
Me: Well even a dope could figure out my address is my home.
Garda: Licence is ok.
Me: Of course it is i paid good money for that
Garda: Be careful now young fella
Me: Im always careful see how you havnt caught me out yet.
Preceeds to check tax insurance nct.
Garda : Your tax is out next month
Me: I know that garda I intend to tax it next month
Garda:Ok few more checks and ill leave you off.
Me: Ah shur I have all night and your getting paid to talk to me.
Garda checks my lights all in working order comes up to the car
Garda: Stay out of trouble
Me: I will
Garda: Drive on
Me: Winks smiles and said see you around

I was delighted because the garda checked eveything except for my headlights which 1 of them was gone.Has since been fixed since.
Might add that Garda was a arse hole.
I have come across Gards you can have a great craic with on the side of the road

keefg

i was stopped by a guard for crossing a solid white line.

i got 2 points

oh, how we laughed!

kdouglas

Car Mad wrote:

Me: Home
Garda: Wheres that
Me:Its on me licence there garda.
Garda: Smart Little f**ker arnt you.
Me: Well even a dope could figure out my address is my home.
Garda: Licence is ok.
Me: Of course it is i paid good money for that


etc...

To be honest, you are being a smart little f*cker right there, and i'd be looking for reasons to keep you there longer if i were the garda.

Anan1

kdouglas wrote:

To be honest, you are being a smart little f*cker right there, and i'd be looking for reasons to keep you there longer if i were the garda.

Go easy, the kid's not even 18 yet...;)

MarkN

Checkpoint on Francis St on a Friday night during summer.

My turn comes up.. all the 'friendly' locals standing either side of the road intimidating the guards, like something out of a movie...

I smile to the guard as I pull up, he leans RIGHT into the car (thinking he was trying to see if I had been drinking) and he says quiet as a mouse...

"how much did this set you back it's ****in gorgeous".

astraboy

Was pulling into Tesco with some friends about 2 years ago, guard in a car beside me motions to wind down the window. Asks me to pull over in the entrance to the shopping center. I pull in, he hops out, checks tax insurance etc, then asks me for my License. Hand it to him. "What are you doing in Cork?" I answer that I go to college up here and I live in the city. "Ok, no problem, on your way". I was expecting the 3rd degree over the modifications but he never said a word.:)

Dave!

crosstownk wrote:

A taxi driver related his experience of getting stopped for speeding at the Templeogue end of the Tallaght bypass a few days before Christmas..........

Garda : Do you realise that you were doing 38MPH in a 30MPH zone?
Taxi driver : No. Are you going to fine me for it?
Garda : Yes. You will also be getting 2 points on you licence.
Taxi Driver : Look Garda, I wasn't exactly speeding - I was only doing 38 and it is Christmas after all.
Garda : And do I look like Santa Claus?!

Hah, best so far

Keep 'em comin'!

Hagar

So this Guard stops me* and says "Your head light is out".
I get out, take a look at it, give a little kick and the head light comes on.
"It was only a bit loose Guard", says I.

Then he says "Your back light is out".
I get out, take a look at it, give a little kick and the back light comes on.
"It was only a bit loose Guard", says I.

He wanders round the front of the car and says "You better give you windscreen a kick".
"Why's that?" says I.
"Your tax is up since April".



*May be a total fabrication

crosstownk

Hagar wrote:

So this Guard stops me* and says "Your head light is out".
I get out, take a look at it, give a little kick and the head light comes on.
"It was only a bit loose Guard", says I.

Then he says "Your back light is out".
I get out, take a look at it, give a little kick and the back light comes on.
"It was only a bit loose Guard", says I.

He wanders round the front of the car and says "You better give you windscreen a kick".
"Why's that?" says I.
"Your tax is up since April".



*May be a total fabrication

I haven't heard that in ages - it was on a Noel Ginnity album my dad had - In fact he probably still has it!

Car Mad

kdouglas wrote:

To be honest, you are being a smart little f*cker right there, and i'd be looking for reasons to keep you there longer if i were the garda.

Look if a garda wants to pull me over for no reason and be the prick ill be the prick back.I knew from the second he walkd up to the car he was going to be a bolix anyway.I have no problems with members of the gards stoping me for what ever reason but when the start acting like power mad c**ts I get angry.I stopd sideways in front of a garda check point before and the garda came down said nice car started talking and he waved me on after 5 or ten mins and that was just talking didnt check nothing:D Theres no point in looking for reasons to keep me longer neither because I have all the time in the world and said gardas head would be just sore;)

Anan1 im over 18 also :eek:

ballooba

Car Mad wrote:

Look if a garda wants to pull me over for no reason and be the prick ill be the prick back.

You must be on every list they have. Do you get rectally examined often? Do you like it?:eek:

Anan1

Car Mad wrote:

Anan1 im over 18 also :eek:

Really? I hate to say it, but I think you might be telling fibs! http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054865828&referrerid=&highlight=

kdouglas

Car Mad: the gardai are entitled to pull you over if/when they please, judging from your attitude, your probably known to be a little pr!ck and they take pleasure in annoying you (and you probably drive a micra with neons all over it anyway, so your just asking to be pulled over).
they're just normal people doing their job like the rest of us, so give them a break, grow up and maybe they'll be more pleasant to you in future.

anyway, on-topic:
was giving my sister a lift one night, passed a garda car which was pulling out of a side road, stopped at a red light up ahead when a female garda gets out of the passenger seat of the car and runs up to me and asks me to pull in. She goes back to the car, they park behind me and when she comes back over to the car, looks really suspiciously at me and my sister for a minute, checks the tax disc and says "off you go", was quite baffled tbh.

littlejukka

i was stopped on the N11 one morning as i took a shortcut down the buslane past massive queues of traffic. the garda gave me an 80 euro fine and told me to join the queue of traffic.

lol

skyhighflyer

Was pulling out of a garage one night a couple of years ago, had a good look around before I pulled out, saw there was a grey Mondeo coming up to my left at a fair speed (must have been doing about 80kph in a 50 zone), however there was plenty of room - I pulled out, then pulled into my friend's housing estate about 20 yards down the road.

Reversed into a car parking space near my firend's house, as I was getting out of the car the same grey Mondeo pulls right in front of my car only this time it has blue lights in the grille and one in the windscreen. A huge bald fcuker gets out of the Mondeo in a hoody (wtf ) and a mustachioed bangarda in full uniform.

Baldy fcuker tells me to put my hands up (again - wtf ) I duly oblige as the bangarda stands smirking with her arms crossed. For some reason after about 5 seconds I think he realises he has the wrong person, I assume they were looking for someone in a similar car (I had a Saxo at the time - preferred skobie transport I know).

Despite this he grunts at me to give him the license. I hand it over. He looks at it and the ignorant bollox just grunts and throws it back at me over the roof of the car. He then says (I was 18 at the time)

Bollox: "So I see you have the full license, I wouldn't have given it to you anyway".

Me: "Well, lucky the tester thought different. What makes you say that?"

Bollox: "You pulled out in front of me at the Esso there."

Me: "First off I didn't, secondly if you weren't speeding in a built up area with no siren you might have avoided the situation"

Bollox *gets up in my face so close I can smell his breath* "Who the **** taught you to drive?"

Me: Actually, a Garda driver of 22 years experience. You might know him, it's Sergeant **** ****. (Knowing full well the guard would know who it is )

Bollox: *growls, flicks torch over tax, NCT, etc, can't find anything wrong, grunts at Bangarda, gets into Mondeo and tears off up the road*

Me: WTF was that

Still don't know to this day why all that happened. Have had other random dealings with the guards (random breath test the other night on the North Quays springs to mind, but all pretty mundane compared to that incident)

paulie.walnuts

This was told to me by a friend but i think it's too funny to be true :-)

Driving at 60mph through a 30mph zone a a few years ago my friend was stopped

Garda: I've been waiting here all evening for you son......
Friend: Well i got here as quick as i could Garda....

phill106

reminds me, read this on www.midnightclub.ie one of the car sites.

Few lads are parked up in a car, when a gardai taps on the window. Driver rolls it down, and gardai say "Hello lads, this is the gardai"
Quick as anything, driver says "Hello gardai, this is the lads!"

Gardai laughs and waves them on....

patrickc

Anan1 wrote:

Really? I hate to say it, but I think you might be telling fibs! http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054865828&referrerid=&highlight=

how do you remember threads from so far back anan?

dak

When we lived in the UK a few years ago a work colleague of my wife told this story about a friend of his who was in the army. Gang of lads were on their way back to the barracks near sheffield after a night on the town - entrance to the barracks was off an exit on a roundabout. The driver , a bit worse for wear missed the exit and went round again. Second time he also missed his exit yet again. On the 3rd attempt he missed it again, stopped and started to reverse back. Loud bang and a car had crashed into them.

By chance cops came on the scene a minute later. Army driver stayed in his jeep and wondered why the cops were taking so long talking to the other driver. A minute later the policeman came over to jeep and seeing no damage to the jeep said " carry on lads...the bloke in the other you is so pissed he thinks you reversed into him"

shanel23

Years ago whilst driving up past the spawell in my pride and joy - a MK1 black Golf GTi - I was with my girlfried and we were heading out somewhere when having just gone through the roundabout when all of a sudden a squad car lights up the blue light and starts flashing me to pull over .

I had'nt done any illegal manouvers and was'nt sure what the hell was going on. Anyway I pulled into the left and duly waited for the Garda to come talk to me . He came up to the window and asked me to get out of the car which I did and he asked to see licence and insurance etc - I duly obliged as they were all in order .

Then he asked me to open the bonnet ?? At this stage I asked what the hell he was looking for - he was nice and friendly and was "concerned" that I was driving a stolen car - once he was happy that it was legit having checked the VIN number etc .......... He then offered to buy the car from me ! Turns out he was Golf GTi nut and was mad into them :rolleyes:

I was that relieved that all was OK that I said I'd let him have first refusal when I was going to sell it . - I kept the car for another year and sold it privately having forgotten about his offer a year later !