Any good "I was stopped by a Garda" stories?

Steve

My favourite ones:

Friday night, closing time:

Paddy stumbles out of the pub, well gootered - heads for the car and bends down by the drivers door obviously having trouble getting the key into the lock.

Guard spots him and suspecting the obvious goes to have a word with him.

Guard: "Are ye all right there Paddy - havin a bit of bother are we?"

Paddy: "No Guaaard, no (hic) bothhher adalllll."

Guard: "Looks like you've had a few drinks, Paddy, I hope you're not thinking of driving home."

Paddy: "(hic) whadid ya think I was gonna do (hic) shuuur I'm in no condition to walk....."


Saturday night, different pub:

Gaurds parked up outside the pub at closing time, bag at the ready...

Guy stumbles into the pub car park, there are lots of cars there as its Saturday night, weaves around for a bit - obviously looking for his car - goes over to one and starts trying to open it.

Guards rubbing hands together "wait till he gets in and starts the engine - we have 'im"

Another guy comes along, shouts at the drunk "Oi that's my car", the drunk looks up bewildered and moves off - guy gets into his car and drives off.

Meanwhile the drunk tries another car thinking it's his - a few minutes later the owner comes out of the pub and the same thing happens.

Guards are still watching bemused that this guy is so bad that he can't even find his own car "he'll find it soon, Mick, then we'll bag him".

This goes on for about an hour and eventually with only 3 cars left in the carpark (as nearly everyone has now left the pub and gone home) the drunk finally happens on the right car, opens the door and gets in.

Ths Guards, bag in hand, hurry over to him just as the engine starts. They tap on the window and it opens.

"Evening sir, we have reason to believe that you might have had a few drinks tonight. Would you mind blowing into this for me" - hands him the bag.

The guy blows as hard as he can until the beep and hands it back.

The Guard looks at it - "just a few seconds for a reading sir" - and can't believe his eyes when it comes up green.

"Would you mind doing that again sir - there seems to be a problem with the first reading."

The guy blows again - same result. The Guards are flabbergasted and start questioning the guy who now appears to have miraculously sobered up.

"Sir, we saw you come into the car park - obviously drunk - you could barely walk. You could not identify your own car and tried to open at least eight vehicles. You dropped you keys several times and fell over as least three times. Now you appear to be completely sober - how do you explain that?"

"Easy Guard. I assume you've heard of 'designated driver'?"

"Of course I have, very sensible, one person elects not to drink and then drives everyone else home. Why?"

"Well it's kind of like that, Guard. I'm the designated decoy - good night."

Blitzkrieger

Not sure if it qualifies but I was driving home in a hurry one night when I saw a Traffic Corps car on the hard shoulder in the distance. He was just getting back into the car and his victim was driving off. When I passed the Garda car it pulled out behind me and caught up when I slowed down way too early for the next roundabout - the 60kph was miles back from the actual roundabout. I keep driving like an angel and don't accelerate at the other side until I pass the 100kph sign, and slow down in plenty of time for the next roundabout.....and the next all the time wishing he'd overtake me. I was ****ting myself thinking he was going to pull me for something. Eventually the lights come on and he tears past me and pulls another car over - the same poor bastard he had pulled before. Must have been following him for 10 minutes.

Car Mad

Anan1 wrote:

Really? I hate to say it, but I think you might be telling fibs! http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054865828&referrerid=&highlight=

Sorry had to bring back this thread was on hols all last week Anan1 yes I am 18 you might be able to use the search button but cant manage the date and time of the post that thread was posted in 2005 it is now 2007:D

ballooba wrote:

You must be on every list they have. Do you get rectally examined often? Do you like it?:eek:

Im not just you meet the odd prick.Dont get examined often when ever I get stoped at a check point check tax insurance dont even bother looking for licence most of the time.Some sound gards out there lads ye know who ye are;)

Like the joke about the designated decoy

Senna

have two stories.
first was a female driver who was stopped by the RUC, she had her seat belt on, but had it under her right arm rather than over it. The RUC officer started giving her a lecture than it wasn't on correctly, what if you were in an accident etc..
she then said 'oh but my nipples are so tender that i have to wear it this way'. the officer just when red and said 'on your way'

my own story.
was on my way home from work very late one night and came to a check point less than a miles down the road. I knew my tax was up, so was beginning to worry. As i got near to the garda i seen it was one of them that i know, anyway he just said hello and shown his torch at the tax and insurance cert, then looked back at me and said 'alright, go on ahead', so i breathing a sy of relief and started driving off,
Then i heard the garda shout something very loud at me. I was only just beginning to move off and wasn't moving fast but i slammed on the brake and the tyres let out a very loud screech. I began panicking again, the garda got to my window and said 'jesus ya's were fecking busy in hotel tonight, was there sometin on?' I kinda of laughed and said 'are ya trying to give me a heart attack?' he said 'ah, don't worry if i was going to do you for the tax, i would have done it the first time'

wet-paint

YEah, that reminds me of a time my sister rang me at three am to go into town and pick her up from a bar, and drop her and her friend home. I getthere, and she's also invited four welsh rugby players for a lift back to their hotel, which is on my way home. SO that's seven people in a fiesta, four of which are big lads. So heads are hanging out windows, the seats are pulled up against the stop, and still it's wedged. Driving out along Salthill, and there's a damn checkpoint. Start freaking out as they wave me down, until I realise the cop is related to me. She stopped us, hada bit of chat, and off we went. Pretty nervous I was.

BnA

spockety wrote:

I know most of it provides a chuckle and all, but this thread really re-affirms what a piss poor unprofessional police force we have to contend with.

I disagree.

I think that this thread re-affirms what an arrogant shower of cocky arrogant immature knowitall w@nkers that the Gardai have to deal with.

dak

BnA wrote:

I disagree.

I think that this thread re-affirms what an arrogant shower of cocky arrogant immature knowitall w@nkers that the Gardai have to deal with.

The heading of this thread asks for " good stories ". In that context you wouldn't expect them all to be true , only humerous in any case . Your statement is more like a bout of road rage. As a mature poster to this thread I accept you are entitled to view an opinion but such a post adds nothing in my view to this thread apart from being an anger venting piece of dribble

MrPudding

BnA wrote:

I disagree.

I think that this thread re-affirms what an arrogant shower of cocky arrogant immature knowitall w@nkers that the Gardai have to deal with.

Well said.

BnA

dak wrote:

The heading of this thread asks for " good stories ". In that context you wouldn't expect them all to be true , only humerous in any case . Your statement is more like a bout of road rage. As a mature poster to this thread I accept you are entitled to view an opinion but such a post adds nothing in my view to this thread apart from being an anger venting piece of dribble

????

Anger venting piece of dribble.....????

Who is angry... ?

All I am saying that while some posts here are funny, there are a lot of them, that if they are true, make the posters look like arrogant little spoilt brats.

dak

BnA wrote:

????

Anger venting piece of dribble.....????

Who is angry... ?

All I am saying that while some posts here are funny, there are a lot of them, that if they are true, make the posters look like arrogant little spoilt brats.

I'm not angry ...just don't like been insulted. Now that you have elaborated on your original post your post now seems very reasonable and I could even agree with you!

Marcus.Aurelius

MrPudding wrote:

Well said.

Seconded. Some fairly immature posts thus far. Can't believe how bad its got.

ambro25

BnA wrote:

I think that this thread re-affirms what an arrogant shower of cocky arrogant immature knowitall w@nkers that the Gardai have to deal with.

While some posts here are funny, there are a lot of them, that if they are true, re-affirms what little regard there is for the rule of law in this country if there is any sort of relationship between the offender and the enforcing officer.

MrPudding

ambro25 wrote:

While some posts here are funny, there are a lot of them, that if they are true, re-affirms what little regard there is for the rule of law in this country if there is any sort of relationship between the offender and the enforcing officer.

Beacuse Ireland is the only country on the planet, where a copper that knows you might go easy on you....

MrP

Anan1

Car Mad wrote:

Sorry had to bring back this thread was on hols all last week Anan1 yes I am 18 you might be able to use the search button but cant manage the date and time of the post that thread was posted in 2005 it is now 2007:D

Did you even read your own post? You said you were 16 in December 2005. Having read your posts in this thread, I reckon you're still 16.;)

ambro25

MrPudding wrote:

Beacuse Ireland is the only country on the planet, where a copper that knows you might go easy on you...

Of course not. Why be so self-centered? On the contrary, because Ireland is amongst the countries on the planet, where a copper that knows you might go easy on you.

dak

Getting back along the op's original thread


An old Uncle of mine was travelling through Fermanagh late in the evening a a few years ago and was followed and pulled over by the RUC for driving somewhat erractically and weaving slightly over the white line. The RUC stoped him took out the breathalyser and were about to use it when my Uncle explained that he didn't drink at all (Pointed to his pioneer pin) . When asked to explain his "erratic driving" he answered " sorry officer ...but there was some b****x in a 4x4with big headlights sitting on my tail and he wouldn't overtake so I couldn't see where I was going!

MrPudding

ambro25 wrote:

Of course not. Why be so self-centered? On the contrary, because Ireland is amongst the countries on the planet, where a copper that knows you might go easy on you.

I am not being self centred, why would I be. It is simply that in your post you said "in this country....." not "in this country, amongst others, France for example...."

Forgive me if I thought you were only talking about the only country you actually mentioned.:rolleyes:

MrP

mickey mac

Anan1 wrote:

Did you even read your own post? You said you were 16 in December 2005. Having read your posts in this thread, I reckon you're still 16.;)

Now now girls! I think you're both getting a little carried away.
Noboby cares what age either of you are.

Anan1

mickey mac wrote:

Now now girls! I think you're both getting a little carried away.
Noboby cares what age either of you are.

Nobody being you mickey, yes?;)

ambro25

MrPudding wrote:

I am not being self centred, why would I be. It is simply that in your post you said "in this country....." not "in this country, amongst others, France for example...."

I do not believe that I needed to provide any kind of proviso to my opinion, since same is expressed about stories involving Gardai.

I made a broad-brush comment directed at Ireland - that does not mean that it would not extend to other countries either, but such was not the context of the thread.

With reference to your first comment,

MrPudding wrote:

Beacuse Ireland is the only country on the planet, where a copper that knows you might go easy on you...

I believe it is you, who restricted the validity (or otherwise, each to their own opinion) of my comment to Ireland only - not me

Incidentally, cops in France don't look the other way anymore, whether you're a friend or related (at least not in the North East or South West, dunno about Paris). Used to be the case, for sure - heck, you didn't even need to know or be related to a cop, all you had to do was provide the local super (FR equivalent) and his Mrs with a beautiful dinner all-expensed or a full crate of Reims' finest, and zap, fine and points 'disappeared' (within reason of course - e.g. if you were caught drink-driving or flashed at supersonic speeds or in a urban/school zone, well... no way out of that, or worse).

Those times are well and truly gone - never more so than under Sarkozy as Interior Minister (now President, so I'd imagine it can only get worse/better, whichever side of the fence you're looking at it from).

Germany and Luxembourg are worse still, Belgium still somewhat "civilised", and the UK about on par with France (you'd have to be a cop to get away with it - & yes, I do have a UK cop in the family btw).

On with the show...

cantdecide

my cat's name is mittens

Jack Sheehan

This ones not great. I was stopped by the gardai walking home a few nights back, a little drunk. The Gardai asked me 'Now are you carrying anything?'

I replied, no sir sure im only 13.

Im 17.

cantdecide

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Tw6u4FhcIE

I hope this isn't one of those vids that everyone has seen.


I was walking along a country road near home with some friends when none of us had cars (or anywhere to go for that matter). One of those particularly pathetic single seater scooters came along against us with two young girls around 16, one of which had no helmet. The driver jumped on the brakes and had the biggest tank-slapper I've ever seen and did well not to lose it altogether. The reason they'd braked was because a squad car had come from behind us. The girls purposefully jumped off, and walked down the drive alongside where they'd stopped. The Guards drive down after the girls and one rolls own the window and asks- "What are you doing in my driveway"? We roared with laughter and they nearly died.....

wet-paint

I'm guessing I was being referred to in one of those previous posts about knowing the garda. I'm presuming you're taking offense with the Garda's behavious, as in her position, you'd happily stop and arrest your brother in law, yeah?

I'd say it's cold up there, yeah?

Dave!

jayzus lads, let's just have the stories and not the hostility! make love, not war! hugs, not drugs! etc

wet-paint

I dunno, I'd like some drugs now.

the_syco

Anan1 wrote:

Really? I hate to say it, but I think you might be telling fibs! http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054865828&referrerid=&highlight=

December 05, he was 16. If his DoB was in January, he would have been 18 last January... and thus over 18 now.

Anan1

No!!??

dak

the_syco wrote:

December 05, he was 16. If his DoB was in January, he would have been 18 last January... and thus over 18 now.

Who cares ? If the lad says he's 18 then so be it. All this animosity over someones age is a bit childish . Lets stick with the thread!

macshadow

cantdecide wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Tw6u4FhcIE

I hope this isn't one of those vids that everyone has seen.


I was walking along a country road near home with some friends when none of us had cars (or anywhere to go for that matter). One of those particularly pathetic single seater scooters came along against us with two young girls around 16, one of which had no helmet. The driver jumped on the brakes and had the biggest tank-slapper I've ever seen and did well not to lose it altogether. The reason they'd braked was because a squad car had come from behind us. The girls purposefully jumped off, and walked down the drive alongside where they'd stopped. The Guards drive down after the girls and one rolls own the window and asks- "What are you doing in my driveway"? We roared with laughter and they nearly died.....

That youtube clip is the biz.