Any good "I was stopped by a Garda" stories?

deman

This happened to me in 1996 on my way to work one morning, close to the Derry border in Donegal....

Me - Morning Gard
Garda - Got your licence there? (in a very rude manner)
(hand him the licence)
G - Where are you travelling to? (still rude... and continues to be so)
M - Work, just around the next corner.
G - And where do you live?
M - xxxx, Co. Donegal
G - And you're driving a Northern Ireland Registrated Car.
M - Yes
G - You realise you're breaking the law and I can impound this car immediately.
M - I don't think so.
G - You're driving a Northern Ireland car whilst living in the Republic.
M - And?
G - It's against the law.
M - I'm not breaking the law.
G - Yes you are.
M - No I'm not.
(Garda getting frustrated)
G - How long have you lived at your current address?
M - About 10 days
G - And where did you live before this?
M - Co Tyrone.
G - Right! What you're to do now is I want you to go straight to Letterkenny Customs Office and apply to have this car brought across the border and have the documentation handed in to MY Garda station today.
M - What time at today?
G - As soon as you come back from Letterkenny.
M - But I'm not going to Letterkenny.
G - You have to go there to get the documentation I've asked for.
M - No I don't.
G - You do.
M - No I don't because I have the documentation here in my glove compartment. I got it last week.
G - THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY EARLIER???
M - BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR IT!!!
:D:D

Gerry

Yeah, great stuff. Surprised you got away with that.
Obviously you had already paid the vrt and just hadn't put the plates on? You were setting yourself up for trouble in that case.
Was the guard was supposed to infer from your smartarse comments that you had in fact got all the relevant documentation?
Oh yea - I'm pretty sure the time limit for putting the plates on after registering is 3 days - if you were over that, you were breaking the law, or at least committing a road traffic offence.

deman

Gerry wrote: »

Yeah, great stuff. Surprised you got away with that.
Obviously you had already paid the vrt and just hadn't put the plates on? You were setting yourself up for trouble in that case.
Was the guard was supposed to infer from your smartarse comments that you had in fact got all the relevant documentation?
Oh yea - I'm pretty sure the time limit for putting the plates on after registering is 3 days - if you were over that, you were breaking the law, or at least committing a road traffic offence.

I was waiting for the registration to come through. Did so about a week after. I was only being a smartass to him as he was to me.

cast_iron

A amte of mine was on the move in a 30mph zone. Next thing the blue flashers come up behind and he pulls over.

Garda comes to the window, laser gun in hand, shoves it in his face and says
"58mph in a 30mph zone. Jesus, take it easy, will ya", while showing him the reading.

Friend replies
"I will, sorry about that".

Garda jumps back in his car and leaves.

Spunj

I was in a friends house about 15 years ago when his brother and a few of his mates came home with a funny story.

They had been out celebrating one of their friends coming back from Germany after 6 years and had gone out in a town 15 or so miles away. It was pissing rain all day, i mean bucketing down.

They left the town after closing time and were on the road out of there when they came upon a checkpoint. The guard in the middle of the road tapped on the window and asked the guy inside to roll it down, which he did, like half way because of the downpour. She obviously got the stench of drink off his breath and proceeded to ask the usual questions of where you were, have you been drinking etc.

The guy admitted that he had been drinking all night and the guard pulled out the book and proceeded to ask all the questions about name, address, age etc. There was apparently much laughter from he back seat which the guard ignored.

Once she was done (yep it was a bangarda), she asked him to step from the car. As he did she noticed that the wheel was on the other side, as the guy had driven his own left hand drive car back from Germany.

She was too embarrassed to actually question the driver, and let them on their way .

cyclopath2001

I was stopped for 'not cycling on a cycle track'. Or at least the Garda was clever enough to ask me to explain why I was not cycling on one.

I explained that the alleged track had had its RUS009 sign removed some months previously by the Dublin City Council and that it was therefore, now a footway. Garda then changed tone and started complaining to me, in a friendly way, about how Dublin City Council incompetance made a joke of his job & he gave me examples of situations he was supposed to enforce but couldn't because of unlawful road markings, lack of signs etc.

No ticket issued, he went back to booking cars driving in the bus lane.

Note that if a Garda is not sure, he'll ask you a question rather than tell you you're doing something wrong. Give a reasonable answer and don't take the mick and things will go smoothly.

Dave!

Stopped for not cycling in a bus lane??? He must have been really f*cking bored!

kdevitt

A guy in the UK from one of the BMW forums was coming home from a party late at night in his E30 M3 with his wife. He was completely pissed by his own admission - the car got pulled over and stopped by the kerbside.

Policeman comes to the window away from the kerb, where the guy was sitting. Winds window down, policeman gets the stench of alcohol. Asks the guy has he been drinking, he says he has. Policeman then starts quoting the law and informs him he'll be breathalized. Guy tells him its a bad idea and rather pointless. This aparently went on for a while, until the policemans colleague informed him that there was no steering wheel in front of the guy - it was a LHD and the sober wife was driving.

Keith186

Got pulled over for speeding at Cloughran straight stretch before the junction, doing 94kph in 60 zone, taxi was also speeding in front of me. He got waved on I got pulled over. Garda says usual:
G: Do you know what speed you were doing?
M: No
Points laser reading (of 94kph)

M: Sorry
G: Signs are big enough. Licence please?
M: It's at home.
G: Name and adress?
M: XXX & XXX
G: OK go home and be safe, show your licence in XXX station.
M: Thanks very miuch.......


Continued......


4 months later!!

€80 fine and 2 penalty points, complained that I wasn't advised at the time and was under no impression that points wouold be applied to no avail. This was about 2.5 years ago & points were pretty nre to me.

Keith186

One night, a Garda was stalking out a particularly noisy pub for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a chap stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The Garda was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

If only the Gardai tried that hard...!:)

Louie De Palma

Somebody told me this was on one of the radio shows.

Driver stop by Garda on M50 were the limit is 120kph.

Garda: Do you what speed you were going.
Driver: I was alittle over 120 maybe 125.
Garda: What would happen if you meet Mr Fog.
Driver: I would put my foot on Mr Brake.
Garda: You trying to be a smart arse.
Driver: You started it, Mr. Fog.
Garda: I said Mist or Fog.

Dave!

Louie De Palma wrote: »

Somebody told me this was on one of the radio shows.

Driver stop by Garda on M50 were the limit is 120kph.

Garda: Do you what speed you were going.
Driver: I was alittle over 120 maybe 125.
Garda: What would happen if you meet Mr Fog.
Driver: I would put my foot on Mr Brake.
Garda: You trying to be a smart arse.
Driver: You started it, Mr. Fog.
Garda: I said Mist or Fog.

That one is class!!!

Earth Worm Jim

Years ago myself and a mate were sitting in a motor outside my house in the innercity and there was two girls sitting on the bonet talking to us, we were all about 13 or 14 yrs old and having a laugh, probaly smoking or something can't remember it was that far back, but next minute a green ford granada 2.8i screeched to a halt beside us, scared the **** out of us, next we have two dicks with guns dragging us out of the Yellow Vauxhall Viva by the open windows, the two girls were screeming like hell in fright, now we weren't the best of it either, a big fat f@ck had me by the neck screaming at me "YOU LITTLE SCUMBAG I WILL BREAK UR ****ING NECK" his eyes were poping out of his head, I was getting choked to death by the c*nt, remember I was only a kid and this f@cking gorrila was trying to kill me, I was blacking out when the other dick started pulling the fecker off me, everything turned grey, could'nt hear a thing, seemed like it was hours but only a couple of minutes, while this was happening the girls got my da out of they house, he snapped went to floor the dick, in the mean time 2 or 3 uniformed cars arrived and started grabbing everyone including me da and the girls and manhandling us into the back of cop cars, when all calmed down a bit we asked what the f@ck was going on - they said that I was getting chased for an hour and had rammed the guards on serveral occassions and everyone was under arrest!
A uniformed sargent that knew our family asked me da what was the story and my da was laughing his head off, cops were going ape telling us we were f'cked and would be in Pats within the hour - when me da said open the bonet to the sargent while still laughing at them - the sargent opened up the bonet and hey presto there just a bare block of an engine in the car, no head nothing but the lower end of the engine as they car was siezed and only bought for spares. Let me say there were-RED FACES all round. sargent ran amok on the dicks who sped of a speed while the uniformed guarda hastily let us all go and sped of as fast as the dicks - never heard anything back or went any further about it. True Story!

skibum

The difference between old and new Guards is amazing, I used to work in a pub and twice over the last year when changing a keg I have been soaked in beer due to a faulty tapping head. Anyway on the way home the first time got stopped at a check point, Guard in his 50's had a quick look at the tax etc, every thing fine, sticks his head in the window starts the usual chit-chat and suddenly get's the smell of booze, stops him dead in his tracks. Asked me was i drinking, I said no and explained what happened, he started to laugh, said he hadn't heard that one before and waved me on
The second time (at the same location) was with a much younger Guard, same speil, but when he got the smell of booze off me, it was like he hit the jackpot, tried to explain, but he wasn't having any of it, had to blow in the "bag", anyway to cut a long story short when he realised that I was telling the truth, he double checked everything on the car, tax, insurance, nct, lights, tyres the full monty, I just sat there with a big grin on my face He was pi55ed off when he finally let me go having found nothing he could do me for.


All depends on the cop and the humour he is in. Any time I'm stopped I turn off the radio, open the window and make sure I'm mannerly, they get enough attitude (whether they deserve it or not) from others and there are times when manners will go a long way.

tenchi-fan

My bro was stopped for not displaying his insurance and tax discs (he was covered he just didn't have them on his van).
For some reason he thought the bangarda who stopped him was flirting with him (he was 19 at the time) and that she wasn't serious about him producing them at the garda station within 10 days. Then he received a summons. LOL

Esel

Good story, skibum.

I'd love to crack a stink-bomb just before I opened the window, just to see the look on the guard's face, and how he would handle it. I'd be certain everything was legal and shipshape first though. Have to drive with all windows open afterwards, but it would be worth it. Anyone know where you can get stink-bombs? That place near the Gaiety maybe?

Rippy

(1) Years ago ,when i was a motorbike courier in London, I was working late and had several drops still to do before I could go home. I was Of course In a bit of a hurry. Had just blasted through the limehouse link tunnel into Docklands at about 70/80 when I noticed the blue lights in the mirrors..... As I already had 9 points on my licence and was looking at a ban I thought I was in deep sh*t.
Anyway as it was raining cop sits me in the back seat to go through the inevitable. Just as he was getting started there was a very loud bang. I was told to get out of the car and that it was my lucky day. They then tore off towards the explosion. Seems the last IRA bomb on the mainland had done me a huge favour.

(2) Stupidly had 3 or 4 pints on board and was driving home from Cork late after a gig. Not something I did too often or am proud of. Came upon a check point in Douglas And was sure the Guard would smell my Beamish breath.
I wound down the window as I approached .. Oldish fat guard in his fifties smiles , says" only way to travel boy!" and waves me straight on.
I was driving a 1960s Volvo Amazon and I guess he liked old cars.

(3)
Doing stupid speeds down the Midleton dualler on a Yamaha FJ1200 I spotted a bike cop with a laser gun ahead on the shoulder. I slammed on the anchors , but he waves me in . Shows me the speed gun reading 119, sees my shocked looked , laughs and points out it's KMH not MPH. ( The limits has just changed). Was a jovial guaard and very interested in my bike. Turned out he owned one the same and was selling it and would I be intrested? I said maybe and he gave me his mobile number. Anyway I thought he was not going to do much about the slight speeding he had me for when he eventually asked for my licence. He then says I suppose I better write you a ticket. He knows I live local from our chat, but writes down the UK address on the licence. Tells me not to bother paying the fine and they won't bother chasing it. Says he is under pressure to issue tickets and you know how it is...;)


.

mick.fr

I have a couple of good ones, from gardi themselves.
One for tonight.

A Gard on motorbike stops at a red light when a civilian motorbike stops right next to him.
The Gard looks at the motorbike as it was a nice one and then the motorbike and the driver felt on the side.
The Gard stands up and give a hand to the driver, believing he was drunk.

Garda:
"What is wrong with you?"

Driver:
"Believe you me or not but yesterday I had a side car on my bike for a little while and I removed it. I just forgot..."

---

Another one

A Gard stops a car on the motorway and ask the driver for his driving license.
The drive provides the driving license and then the Gard asks for the insurance certificate.

The driver:
"Well you should ask the driver for this"

The Gard:
"Hum what do you mean?"

The driver:
"Well I am not the driver as you can see, he sits next to me"

The Gard realised he actually asked the passenger for the papers.
The car was a left hand drive and spanish.

The Gard was a bit confused and probably ashamed and simply said:
"Alright move on"

cianclarke

This one happened to a friend a year or two back - had it confirmed by a few people who saw it too.


He was driving a black renault megane, parked at the end of the school grounds having a fag with a few mates in the back seat - granted he was on a provisional but nobody gave a **** back then.
Anyway, an undercover mondaeo pulls in behind him with the lights on, and two big detectives come out with the revolvers drawn, pull everybody out of the car and throw them across the bonnet! After checking licence and so on they realise "****, wrong megane" and speed off again!

Pretty scary stuff still...!

Rovi

A buddy of mine told me this happened to him just last week:

He had just gotten a new set of tyres fitted to his Ducati 916 in an industrial estate somewhere on the Belgard Road and was heading home. He made his way through traffic up to Newlands Cross to turn left onto the N7 and head South for Portlaoise, and as he brought it 'smartly' to a halt at the traffic lights, he found himself beside a Garda bike at the line indicating left too.
"Beautiful bike" says the Guard, "I wish they'd give us something like it. Where are you heading?"
"Portlaoise." says my buddy.
"I'm going that way too" says the Guard, "follow me."
Once they hit the open road, he alleges they ran between 100 and 120 MPH (yes, in the old money) the whole way to Newbridge, where the Guard indicated off the motorway and bid my friend goodbye with a wave and a cheerful 'whoop, whoop' of his siren.
He slowed it down to something more closely approximating the speed limit for the rest of the journey, for fear of meeting any of his new friend's colleagues. :rolleyes:

All this must be true, he told me the story himself.

mick.fr

Rovi wrote: »

A buddy of mine told me this happened to him just last week:

He had just gotten a new set of tyres fitted to his Ducati 916 in an industrial estate somewhere on the Belgard Road and was heading home. He made his way through traffic up to Newlands Cross to turn left onto the N7 and head South for Portlaoise, and as he brought it 'smartly' to a halt at the traffic lights, he found himself beside a Garda bike at the line indicating left too.
"Beautiful bike" says the Guard, "I wish they'd give us something like it. Where are you heading?"
"Portlaoise." says my buddy.
"I'm going that way too" says the Guard, "follow me."
Once they hit the open road, he alleges they ran between 100 and 120 MPH (yes, in the old money) the whole way to Newbridge, where the Guard indicated off the motorway and bid my friend goodbye with a wave and a cheerful 'whoop, whoop' of his siren.
He slowed it down to something more closely approximating the speed limit for the rest of the journey, for fear of meeting any of his new friend's colleagues. :rolleyes:

All this must be true, he told me the story himself.

Not surprised, a few cops love to do that.
See below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBaOg-qsN2M

The Novacastrian

This one is not very responsible and I'm not condoning it!!!

About 14 years ago when me and the lads were all turning 21 we used to go to Good Time Charlies in Howth to celibrate as it was a change from Jets!

At one of these parties, as the night ended, it was time to go home. There was one car, a 3 door Pug 205. One of the lads doesn't drink and he was the driver. However he was a small nerdy bloke so one of the lads said 'ur not drivin, I am'. IIRC he had 2 flagons before goin out and then about 8 pints in GTC's.

There was 9 of us in the car, 3 in the back, 3 on our laps and 3 in the front. Gardai stopped us near the Yacht Pub and after a few questions told my mate to get out of the car. Just then her radio went off, she ran back to her cop car and turned around and sped off. needless to say my mate got away with that one. We waited and got taxis home.

Dave!

So many jammy b*stards here Avoiding a ban because of an IRA bomb... priceless!

deevey

.. Just saw this thread and thought I'd add my 2 cents ...

In Nutgrove a long long time ago .. I had my first car about umm errr 2 months perhaps.

I was collecting my sister from her mates, and anyhow they all decieded they needed a lift... 8 of them to the next party.. bear in mind im in a ford escort. so they bundled in and chipped in for petrol and i pulled in at the next garage...
Pulled out and immidieatly pulled by a squad car .. one big p***k of a guy and a "just out of templemore" blue badge.

So the big guy is checking out the car (lookalike RS turbo eek!) and the young guy asks me a few questions ..

Him > you have this long then?
Me > A month or two
Him > Licence ?
Here ya go >
Him > you only have it about 2 months !!
Me > That right guard.
Him >How many people are in here ?? (back windows darkened)
Me > I have no Idea guard i was doing a favour
Him > Counts .. 1,2,3,4,5,6,... BLOODY HELL !!
Him>Is there anyone with a full licence .. ??

Everyone> Drunk Voices all round (guys, girls, squeeky, deep in 6 diffenent accents !!) Me! (aussie) me! (american) ME (spanish) me (english) , ME (irish) , I half full licience (french).

With that one of the girls in the back pushes her licence to him (Boston- American) ... He's totally stunned now, and could barely focus on the thing,

Him > Whats this
Her > My full Licence (Shlurred)
Him > What your name (looking at the card.. eh ....... Maggie Malone (eyes up to heaven .. :eek: fecks sakes guess you americans all do have irish blood in ya, had a few huh ?

Him > How far are ya going ?
Me > Just to the next bend and into the estate.
Him > You really shouldnt Pile people in like that ..

... go-on just be careful and ..

TURN ON YOUR BLOODY LIGHTS !

Oops .. sorry that was long winded..

L-M

Was in a small town in Clare there in August... And Instead of crossin the road to park we went up the end of the town and turned around, of course, the brother was flyin along... One of the lads says
>Was that a gard back there
Of course it was.... Crouching tiger hidden Garda popped out behind a few cars as we were going back down the town...Now just for the record at the time, the brother had no nct, no tax (only just out), and was a prov. licence driver with five of us in the car, had two different type of licence plates(ie. same number but different style, sum1 had robbed one) and hadn't got his licence with him.... I know asking for trouble
Garda> U were going fairly fast there
Brother> Sorry Gard...
G>Where are u from?
B>Limerick...
G>What's ur name
B> *******
G>(at this point the Gard walks around the car)
>U've no tax on the car
B>It's in the post
G>Show me ur licence
B>It's at home
G>U should have it with u
B>I know....
G>Where are u from(again)
G>What's ur name(again)
At this point the old gard see's a woman walking down the street and says "U wouldn't want to be drawin attention to urself so would u??"

If some1 could calculate the fines/penalty points etc. a normal gard would of given, i'd say we'd of been walkin home:D

seaner

Last night, Wicklow, 2am - breathalized.

Was the designated driver but had one bottle...and stupidly a shot JUST before leaving which I thought would land me in it.
Was pulled over by an unmarked car, had a few friends in the back.
Rolled down my window, turned off the radio and had a polite conversation with the said guard. In fairness he wasn't snotty or anything...just doing his job. Asked me if I'd been drinking and I said one bottle...bout 3 hours ago. He asked me if I had any objection to being breathalized...I said no.
Another squad car came along, two more guards hopped out. At this stage my hearts pumping...even though i know I SHOULD be alright.
I blow into the bag...and it reads ZERO. Happy days...i'm told to enjoy the rest of my night...and off I head.

Now for the funny part . I was at a fancy dress party (bit late I know 1st Nov) and during this whole ordeal, I was dress as FRED from Scooby Doo!!!!!

(ps Daphne was in passenger seat, and the two back seat passengers were an american footballer, and a biker. )

http://www.chamberofhorrors.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/ru16499.jpg

loismustdie

we were stopped at a random checkpoint a few weeks back. the cops were really ignorant there was about 4 of them standing around takin turns comin over asking us our names and stuff. my bf was drivin and didn't have his licence or insurance or any id and they kept on at us to look and see if he had it when we already told them we hadn't. they said he had to hand it in to the guarda station within 19 days and he said he would. they said the nct was out on the car and my bf said it shouldn't be, he shares the car with his folks and they would look after that end of things but we were sure they would have made sure that wasn't the case. we didn't get a chance to look at the nct disk or even think of it, we presumed they were telling the truth. they kept asking interrogating us if we had ever been in trouble and we said know but they kept repeating 'are you sure, we can find out' we told them to ring the cops in our town and ask if they didn't believe us,we ewre gettin pissed out at this stage. ignorant powertrippers!

miju

in fairness to them though if you dont have proof of insurance (disc) on a car (whatever about the license) then your going to get hassle from the garda. unless of course theres something im missing

johnsheehy

This guy I know, who is a of the travelling community was stopped by a guard. He was absolutely twisted, off his head as he usually is.
So the guard says

"Hello sir,Have you been drinking?"

He responds with his amusing accent

"Well garda if im being honest,Ive had 10 cans and a bottle of whiskey"

Garda: "You had better step out so for me to breathalyse you"

T:" Why dont ya believe me"

Ah lads if ya heard it, it was the funniest thing ive ever heard:D:D:D

and its actually true.

Esel

miju wrote: »

in fairness to them though if you dont have proof of insurance (disc) on a car (whatever about the license) then your going to get hassle from the garda. unless of course theres something im missing

You're missing the fact that there is a difference between an insurance disc (which was never mentioned) and being asked for your insurance (cert).