Any good "I was stopped by a Garda" stories?

Fozzie Bear

A fella i work with was heading home one night in Cork after working late. He was working as a welder at the time and had to work until 3am to get an urgent job finished for the next day. Anyway he was knackered tired after a 17 hour day, covered in dust, dirt and black as a coal man. He was "pushing it on" in his own words doing up to 70+ in a quite residential 30mph area. Because it was quite at that hour he was also slowing down, checking and then jumping red lights. He noticed a car behind him following him for a while but did not pass any heed of it until the blue lights came on. Pulled over, cop comes up and asks him whats going on in a fairly pissed off sounding tones. He had been following my mate for a good while and was not impressed with his driving. So mate remains calm, explains what had happened, had a long day, covered in dirt (he was still in overalls and looked like a minstrel) and that he just wanted to get home as quickly as he could and go to bed for a few hours before he had to go back into work. Garda takes a look at him, has a quick look at his tax, insurance and then tells him fair enough, on your way and slow down. Sure i know how it feels myself working nights! Mate breaths a huge sigh of relief as he already has 4 points on his license and goes home to bed.

Moral of the story boys & girls? Be nice to the Gardai and they will be nice to you!

dobsdave

johnsheehy wrote: »

This guy I know, who is a of the travelling community was stopped by a guard. He was absolutely twisted, off his head as he usually is.
So the guard says

"Hello sir,Have you been drinking?"

He responds with his amusing accent

"Well garda if im being honest,Ive had 10 cans and a bottle of whiskey"

Garda: "You had better step out so for me to breathalyse you"

T:" Why dont ya believe me"

Ah lads if ya heard it, it was the funniest thing ive ever heard:D:D:D

and its actually true.

I'm sure it is true,but that joke has already been done in this thread.;)

Duiske

I posted this last year....

Heres a good one.. Was driving (company van) to work one monday morn, and came across a garda checkpoint. Garda done usual check on insurance/tax discs, then informed me that I was being done for not displaying said discs. "What the Fcuk ?" i exclaimed. "They must have been nicked" Anyway, after being given on the spot fines for non display, and being told to report the theft of discs to my local gardai station, I continued on my way.

A few miles further on I decided to turn on air con, and was instantly showered in the confetti-fied remains of the discs, along with mouse crap, my fuel receipts and what appeared to be bits of a Tayto bag. The little fcuker had actually made a bed in the air-duct. He must have got as much of a shock as I did, because as I stood there looking at my confetti and mouse crap covered seats/dash/floor, the little bollix decided that he'd had enough and did a runner out the door.

Thankfully, my local gardai had a sense of humour and because I had provided him with the best laugh he'd had in ages, he had the fines quashed.

_Kaiser_

Well I had my first random drink-driving test last night (zero rating of course) but the Garda was very polite and professional I have to say. Young guy.. identified himself, explained the procedure. No fuss at all.

Then was stopped at a tax-insurance check on the way back. Asked me for my license, but again very polite and professional and no hassle - even though I realised afterwards I haven't put the new tax disc (old one expired three days ago) on the windshield yet. He didn't comment on it though.

Despite the (lets be honest, often justified) negative stories and comments about the Gardai (often by myself), credit where credit is due to the two officers I dealt with last night.

littlejukka

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

Despite the (lets be honest, often justified) negative stories and comments about the Gardai (often by myself), credit where credit is due to the two officers I dealt with last night.

i've been stopped 3 times in the last 2 months without an insurance disc. the last car was stolen and they won't issue a new disc until the claim goes through, still waiting on forms and stuff.

each time the garda has done the "what's the story with the insurance disc?" bit, listened to me politely explain why i don't have one then they send me on my way no bother. when i hear stories of people being supposedly harrassed or bothered by rude, ignorant, thuggish or smartarsed gardai i can't help but think that they might create the problem by being rude, ignorant, thuggish or smartarsed themselves.

in any exchange i've ever had with a garda i've always gotten the exact same amount of respect and consideration as i've given them.

Seth Brundle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S88MW7haDEI

JMULL

G Do you realise that you are speeding
M Sorry Guard
G Can I see your licence
M Dont have one
G Why
M Cause i lost it for drunk driving
G Is this your vehicle
M No Guard
G Whos is it
M Dont know guard i stole it
G From who
M From the man in the boot
G There is a man in the boot
M Yes guard i killed him when i was stealing the car
G How did you kill him
M With the gun in the glove compartment.

Guard goes and rings sergeant for backup

S Can i see your licence
M Oh yes Sergeant
S Is this your vehicle
M Yes Sergeant
S Can I look in the boot
M Yes Sergeant
S That Ok
M Is there a problem sergeant
S Guard told me you lost your licence for drunk driving, you stole the car
and that you killed a man
M Suppose the stupid Bollix told you i was speeding as well sergeant

MarkN

Anyone else think the guards have been told to go mad on checking young men for drink? I've been breathalysed 4 times now since random breath testing came in and most of the time once they see who is driving my car, the car in front is quickly waved on until they get to me! I don't have a problem with it at all, just think they are trying to hammer the drink driving message home to young males.

All the guards have been sound too apart from a fool last weekend who asked me did I own the car :rolleyes:

antodeco

I ran a red light before coming off the n81 (tallaght) onto the m50. Next minute, a bike comes up behind me. I pull over, he walks up:

G: Do you know why I pulled you over?
M: Ehhh, No?
G: You broke a red light
M: Oh right
G: Yeah, you know why now?
M: Oh right, uh huh
G: Where you headed?
M: redcow
G: This your car?
M: Yes it is
Then it began to rain
G: How much you pay for it?
M: 24k
G: Nice car
M: Thanks
G: Next time you break a red light, be careful no one crashes into you, its a nice car.
M: Ok....Thanks?

Then he drives off!

TheNog

Story 1


A patrol car is almost ran off the road by another car. The gardai give chase and stop the offending driver on a narrow country lane. This is how the conversation went:

Garda: Howya. What's the name?
Driver: Tony.
Garda: Where are you from, Tony?
Driver: Just up the road
Garda: Tony, where you drinking? (detecting a smell of drink and speech is slurred)
Driver: Just 2 pints guard
Garda: Tony I think you may have had more 2 pints. Can you step out of the car for me, please.
Driver: (opening the door) No guard I only had 2 pints I swear.

Tony gets out of the car and begins to stumble over his feet. He staggers 3-4 feet across the narrow lane and falls into some bushes and promptly disappears. The guards standing there trying not to laugh says,
Tony are you alright?
Driver: 2 pints guard

As it turned out there was a 4 foot deep ditch covered by the bushes. It was a job to get the driver out

Story 2

A stolen car is being chased by 3 patrol cars and the helicopter when the nicked car crashes into the ditch. The passenger in the lead patrol car jumps out, whips out the baton and swings for the driver's window to put the window in. Instead the baton strikes the driver on the nose breaking it. It turned out the driver had the window down before crashing.

mvpr

I heard a classic there recently;

Guy is driving up to Belfast from Dublin for a meeting which he is running late for. Ticking over at a ton on the M1, gets pulled over by a Garda.

Guard: "I've been waiting for a prick like you all day".

Driver: "I'm sorry - I got here as fast as I could".

Guard found it so funny he let yer man off.

Marcus.Aurelius

That one has been doing the rounds for a good bit IIRC

jimmycrackcorm

Garda stopped a friend with an Irish licence at the weekend who had just taken over a car from the UK.
Garda: Why are you driving a car with English plates?
himself: Because its an English car Guard.

Dalfiatach

Back when I'd just started driving, before there were penalty points and speed limits were in mph, been driving only about 4 months and was on me first provisional, I'm hurrying up from Galway to Letterkenny cos the lads are gathering in the pub for a Donegal/Dublin match.

So, I'm clocked doing 87mph through Barnesmore Gap.

Garda: And where are you off to in such a hurry young man?
Me: Jaysus Guard, just trying to get to Letterkenny in time for the match, wasn't paying attention to the speed, sorry bout that

Cue 10 minute in-depth discussion on that year's GAA action

Garda: On yer way now, and watch yerself, I reckon you'll still make it in time without speeding so slow down.
Me: Yes Gard, thank you Gard, I'll never speed again, etc.

Couple of weeks later, driving to Galway, tax/insurance check outside Knock. Mine was all in order, but then the Gard starts giving me the lecture about driving unaccompanied on my first provisional, we're cracking down on that this year, I'll have to book you, when he notices I'm listening to a match on the radio, can't remember which one. Cue another 5 minutes chatting GAA. "On your way now, remember to try and get your test soon as you can".

Never been stopped by the Guards since, but those two times it was the GAA saved me

Nerin

bot 2 0r 3 years ago i worked in newbridge in woodies,when we were asked to help with the stocktake in the carlow branch. the unlucky manager who had to bring us 4 noobs down was a new guy himself (and a lovely man too)
who had a british accent and had just come back from living in america.

as we're just coming off the motorway onto the carlow road outside kilcullen (doin the motorway speed limit) a guard appears n pulls us over.

after bout ten minutes of him being flustered and apologetic, the guard (who seemed happy with his catch) cops the accent. the manager explains were hes lived and the cop realises he has a british license/ address and the points / fine arent gonna fly.
guard tells him to slow it down and the manager returns to the car still worried, where us 4 heartless f*ckers are recording the whole thing on our phones.

it was a joke for months in store

Dave!

bumpidy bump bump!

Seth Brundle

What was the point in bumping this?

L1011

I got stopped for driving a bus lane - which was open to all traffic at the time. Guard had lost track of time and thought it was earlier than it was, extremely apologetic about the whole thing and (terribly) tried to crack a joke about his knocking off time being nearer.

Dave!

kbannon wrote: »

What was the point in bumping this?

To get more funny stories

(CH3)2CHOH

This was when I was young and stupid,

I was riding my VF750 up the A1 from London to Newcastle. At the time there was a lot of roadworks around the Catterick Area (big RAF base).

Some Muppet in a Rover 827 dosent see me and pulls out straight in front of me, I missed him by the skin of my teeth. Blew him and made the standard universal hand gesture.

About 2 minutes later the tit pulls up alongside me (75mph ish) in the outside lane. Him and his mate proceed to make a few hand gesture's of their own. He then waves "byebye" and floors the Rover.

At this point I figure it's about time to see how much faster the VF750 is than a poxy Rover, so I wind her up gently, watching the Rover beside me in the outside lane. He runs out of steam at about 120ish so I opened up and gave him one last finger.

About 2 miles up the road I spot a Coach in the inside lane so I figure I'll get down to sane speeds once I pass the Coach. I blitz pass the coach only to find a motorway patrol car sitting at 60mph about 10 yards in front of the bus.

I checked the speedo just as I was slamming on the brakes 145mph:o

Luckily there was a slip road ahead so as I braked I pulled straight up the slip road and took the exit on the right. Of cource the cops followed me and pulled me over.

I was bricking it at this stage thinking I was heading for an instant ban.

Standing next to the bike I removed the helmet and as a very irrate looking cop walked up to me he said,

" Well then Wing Commander, preparing for take off were we "

I had to laugh.

He couldn't do me for speeding since he would have had to clock me over 1/4mile, I ended up with a £25 fine for a small number plate.

corblimey

I was driving around a fairly dodgy part of the city a few weeks back, looking for parking (it was a Saturday night, so I was basically just hoping to get some street parking for a few hours), when I was stopped in a side street by a garda. He was stopping everyone. I wind down the window and the usual shpiel about where I'm from, what I'm doing here, etc etc. He then tells me that this area is rife with prostitutes and they were checking anyone who looked like they were up for it, as it were. He then points out one standing about 20 yards behind me (I didn't look). Now this was about 7.30 of an evening, so I can't imagine why they were stopping people at that hour, nor indeed why some ladies of the night were out that early. Eventually he lets me go, and I go get sexual relief somewhere else home

Orange69

Just got pulled over by the guards tonite... Was coming home from the university(Limerick) and overtook some dozy learner driver (doing 40 in a 50 zone) in a residential area on the way home.. I hit at least 70 if not 80 when overtaking..

Anyway they pulled me in and asked me the usual questions etc. And they they let me go!!! Without a fine or anything!