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Ireland declares war on France!

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  • 04-09-2007 12:44am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 69 ✭✭


    Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

    "Howya, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

    "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

    "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

    Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

    "Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back. Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

    "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

    "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

    Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

    "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

    Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

    Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

    "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

    Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

    "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

    "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and decided there is no ****ing way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners."

    :D:D:D:D:D:D


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭passive


    Why France? :confused:

    And Chirac's not the president anymore...

    The foundations are sound though. Classic & amusing.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,258 ✭✭✭✭Rabies


    passive wrote:
    Why France? :confused:
    Some of the wimen wanted wine.

    Good joke.
    /Throws stars


  • Registered Users Posts: 69 ✭✭ifumust82


    passive wrote:
    Why France? :confused:

    And Chirac's not the president anymore...

    Why not France!! Yeah its an oldie but sure why not


  • Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭EricM


    passive wrote:
    Why France? :confused:

    because the french have a reputation for being cowards.


  • Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭mickrourke


    Good joke, made me laugh :)
    More stars for you Ifu!!!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    Have heard it before alright but still gets a smile out of me as it's a good one :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,711 ✭✭✭keano_afc


    FOR SALE: French army rifles. Never used, dropped once.

    Hear about the new French tanks? They have 16 gears. All reverse.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭fabsoul


    heard it before, but still a great joke :)


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