dealing with different cultures in school

BIRDCAGE

Hi All,
Our 4 year son started in Junior infants last week and is really having a great time. He is sitting beside two other boys, one is Irish and the other is a black boy. When we talk to our son about his day in school and the new friends that he's met there, he talks about the irish boy and knows his name and I noticed the other day when picking him up that he gave the other boy a big hug etc.... . Whenever we mention the black boy, who is sitting on our sons other side, he just clams up and changes the subject. After a bit of probing this morning he eventually said that he was afriad of him.... I can only assume because of the colour of his skin.

This is something that we have never considered before and we aren't too sure how to deal with it. When I think back he has never had any encounters with other skin colours.

I was thinking if maybe there was a book of some sort out there we could use, but any advise would be very welcome.

mike65

One thing to do is mention this to teacher so she (no doubt) is aware and can make a little extra effort to see the two of them get talking and kicking a ball about.

Mike.

BIRDCAGE

Thanks for that, we had already discussed talking to the teacher about this, if even just to get the boys name, as our son also mentioned on one occassion that he didn't know the boys name because he couldn't say it, but I think making the teacher aware is a good idea, as I'm sure they will have a sensitive way of dealing with such a matter.

D Bronc

I agree you definitely need to mention this to the teacher as you cant be there to encourage him to play/include this other little boy.

I know it can be a worrying time my son just started last week also and is getting on great so far (fingers crossed).

Would it be a possibility that you ask your son could he invite the two boys to your home and ye can all go to the park/mcdonalds or something.

I think its great that you are addressing this sooner rather than later so many others wouldnt;) .

Best of luck and hope it works out for you:) .

BIRDCAGE

Thanks for the advise D Bronc, inviting them over to the house is a brilliant idea, something that had never crossed my mind.

D Bronc

No problem, let us know how it goes:) .

Deliverance

D Bronc wrote:

No problem, let us know how it goes:) .

Hmmm I think I will get a black doll for my 2yr old after hearing that. It is curious and kind of humorous in this respect in an innocent way, hearing your childs reaction to skin colour.
And a scary realisation of the perception (or lack of) of folks' perception ingrained from an eary age?

BIRDCAGE

It can be kinda frightening alright just how easily a childs mind can be 'moulded', if you like, to think in a particular way about different skins colours etc.....or whatever....... which is turn brings it home to me just how much responsibly we have as parents when it comes to raising our children.

A work collegue of my suggested that I take my son on a field trip to henry street in Dublin, where he will find a mutlitude of different nationalities, skin colours, shapes, sizes... the lot, and then while we're there gently bring up the topic of 'everyone is different on the outside.........' and take it from there.

di11on

I think that would be a good idea - the black doll. Coincidently, the first doll my 4 year old daughter ever had was a black doll - but that was because her grandmother was living in a place where that was the majority skin colour.

It does work... someone with black skin is completely unremarkable to her... I have some nice pictures of her playing with a child of a friend of her granny's that could be used in a United Colours of Beneton Ad!! It's all about exposure - making it not strange to them.

Our daighter just started juniour infants too and she was talking about how another kid was calling "crisps"chips instead! Obviously not Irish!

It's nice, when you think about it, that they are getting so much exposure so early to all sorts of different cultures. They are learning a lot more than reading and writing! It will be a much more rich experience than it was for us... well, for me anyway!

Kildrought

one is Irish and the other is a black boy

This comment struck me...albeit (I suspect) an unintentional slip - use of language in this way underlines how attitudes are formed.

It's possible your son simply doesn't like the other child at this table or he could be afraid of him because he's bigger/yelled at him/stole his pencil

in any event play dates are always good at this age to help get them settled/make friends etc.,

di11on

Kildrought wrote:

This comment struck me...albeit (I suspect) an unintentional slip - use of language in this way underlines how attitudes are formed.

It's possible your son simply doesn't like the other child at this table or he could be afraid of him because he's bigger/yelled at him/stole his pencil

in any event play dates are always good at this age to help get them settled/make friends etc.,

I see nothing wrong with that language at all. The OP is hypothising that her son is afraid of the boy because he's from an unfamilliar culture and his skin colour is different. How else was she to draw our attention to this fact? My wife was the only white girl in her class. Was that a somehow inappropriate way of referring to the fact that my wife grew up in a culture where she was different?

Kildrought

It's making assumptions on both nationality and culture.

Davidth88

Hi,

This is an interesting debate.

Kildrought, I totally disagree with you , I believe the OP was using the description exactly like that , ie to describe someone. After all would it be wrong to describe someone as a blond, fair, redhed .... no

However I do agree with you that the OP may be making slight assumptions that the childs skin colour is what is worrying their child. It could be anything.

I can't really offer any advice , but I am interested !

Kildrought

the words used are quite clear - one Irish boy, one black boy.

There are 3 assumptions being made here

1) anyone who is Irish is also white
2) anyone who is black is not Irish
3) OPs son is 'afraid' of the other child at his table because of his colour
From OP post - "I can only assume because of the colour of his skin"

Imagine OP had said - the other child has red hair and I can only assume my son is afraid of him because of his hair colour?

I'm not being critical Birdcage, I believe the reference in your post was unintentional, but it does go to show the assumptions we make.

Davidth88

Kildrought,

Ok, now I get ya........ see what you mean

Of course a black person can be Irish , so can a person who appears Oriental or whatever.

Didn't read that into the post at all.

As I say I can't really offer any advice , although thinking about it just be seen by the child not to be concerned by the colour of a person's skin at all times ( being from multiculteral London , I don't often think about peoples skin colours, my school was about 50 % aisan , mostly from Kenya/Uganda... that dates me I suppose )

Susannahmia

BIRDCAGE wrote:

Hi All,
Our 4 year son started in Junior infants last week and is really having a great time. He is sitting beside two other boys, one is Irish and the other is a black boy. When we talk to our son about his day in school and the new friends that he's met there, he talks about the irish boy and knows his name and I noticed the other day when picking him up that he gave the other boy a big hug etc.... . Whenever we mention the black boy, who is sitting on our sons other side, he just clams up and changes the subject. After a bit of probing this morning he eventually said that he was afriad of him.... I can only assume because of the colour of his skin.

This is something that we have never considered before and we aren't too sure how to deal with it. When I think back he has never had any encounters with other skin colours.

I was thinking if maybe there was a book of some sort out there we could use, but any advise would be very welcome.

Is it possible that the other boy is just bullying your son? That seems like the most obvious explination to me.