Vodka

smashey

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the feces out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

legspin

It comes around again. I was thinking of this one just a few days ago trying to remember it. Made me laugh again.

You missed one though.

"Samson used the jaw-bone of an ass as a weapon, not the ass-bone of a jew"

AckwelFoley

lol.. yes a classic..

many different versions.

fabsoul

ya still good,

Plug

smashey wrote:

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, Yeah God.

The good ones!

ciggs

ha ha nice one

mc nuggets

I think this joke was my first post on boards ages ago, still brilliant:D

Caychadh

smashey wrote:

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

Hehe.. I have to use that one- sheer blasphemy!!

Oman

he he brilliant

ifumust82

Excellent!