Talking duck (old but good)

patmac

A Duck walks into a pub and orders a beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, 'But you're a duck'.

'I see your eyes are working', replies the duck.

'And you talk!' exclaims the barman.

'I see your ears are working', says the duck,

'Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'

'Certainly', says the barman, 'sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?'.

'I'm working on the building site across the road', explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him, 'You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!'

'Sounds marvellous', says the ringleader, 'get him to give me a call'.

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!'

'Yeah?', says the duck, 'Sounds great, where is it?'

'At the circus', says the barman.

'The circus?' the duck enquires.

'That's right', replies the barman.

'The circus?' the duck asks again.

'Yes' says the barman

'That place with the big tent?' the duck enquires.

'Yeah' the barman replies.

'With all the animals?' the duck questioned.

'Of course' the barman replies.

'With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle', asks the duck.

'That's right!' says the barman.

The duck looks confused.

'What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer?

xzanti

That is fcukin brilliant...

fabsoul

v.gd

GLaDOS

So stupid but so good

GhostInTheRuins

Hahaha, have some stars

ifumust82

Thats good,4 stars for you!

drunk_monk

Yep thanks for that one, very good

shrapnel222

brilliant!!!:D

Mahatma coat

Well delivered D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:D

Fckuin classic, tha and de one about the nails

princess-lala

Brilliant

Frank Drebin

Duck walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'You got any bread?'
Barman says,' This is a pub, we don't serve bread.'
Ten minutes later the duck asks the barman, 'You got any bread?'
Barman says,' this is a pub, we don't serve bread.'
Ten minutes later the duck asks the barman, 'can I get a piece of bread please?'
Barman says,' this is a pub, we don't serve bread.'
Another ten minutes later the duck asks the barman, 'You got any bread?'
The barman says, 'listen here you... If you ask me for a piece of bread again I'm going to nail your bill to the bar!!'
The duck leaves it alone for a few minutes then asks the barman, 'You got any nails?'
Barman replies, 'No! Why?'
Duck replies, 'You got any bread!'