What are your funniest Irish sayings?

gyppo

She had a belly on her like a poisoned pup!

nice1franko

An old favourite of mine that my grand pappy used to say:

"jasus, them brits are an awful shower of cnuts"

ejmaztec

But, I don't want to bend over, Father!

lizzyd66

After a night on the town...

.....You look like a boiled ****e!

....Here's the wreck of the hesperis (sp!)

...the dead arose and appeared to many

On a well built woman ....

...She is beefed to the heels like a mulligar heifer!
....Her arse was smiling at me

Some one being a bit above themselves

...A neck like a jockeys arse!

Heavily disguised compliment ....

You're not as green as you're are cabbage looking


Most of the above came from my mum or her family . The boiled ****e one was the most used during our teens /early twenties and the last thing you wanted to hear after a night on the lash.

Orange69

neuro-praxis wrote:

"Will you be coming out tonight?"

"I will in my arse."

Can also use, "I will in my hole".

When someone arises after a nights boozing.

"Ah, The cracken awakes!"

skinner2x

"As mane (mean) as ditchwater"
" As tight as a ducks arse" (explain 'arse' to the yanks)

Lucky: If he fell into a river, he come out with fish in his pockets!

Are ye goin on the beer? ..I am in the back springs of me bo**ix...

DonalN

I'm so hungry I'd ate the balls off a low-flyin duck!!!.....

Bald? er, dash!

A few from my ould fella:

"Up she flew & the cock flattened her!" - no idea?????
"Livin' away like a small farmer" - in response to "How're things?" or similar
"Neck like a jockey's bollix"
"... said the actress to the bishop..." - usually replying to someone saying "F**k me!"
"F**k me said the duchess, more in hope than in anger" - probably not irish in origin
"There he/it/they was, gone"
"A hoor's bastard"
"Quare(queer) wan" - the wife
"That's her... said the Kerryman to the bull"

monaghanbiffo

Nearly never bucked the goat

head on ya like the price of spuds

hairyfairy00

'Better than a bang in the sh**e'

'Well fu(k me pink'

'As dumb as a box of hammers' + 'As daft as a brush'

'Look at the head on him and the price of turnips'

Sam Vimes

Trojan911 wrote:

She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

i don't think thats irish because its in full metal jacket

Dun laoire

You're bleedin wreckin me tits man

neuro-praxis

I just remembered a favourite of my Dad's - "He was tighter than a camel's arse in a sandstorm."

And my mum - I've only heard her say it in extreme circumstances (for example, tripping over the hoover) - "Fu*k me Aunt Fanny!"

_blank_

neuro-praxis wrote:

I just remembered a favourite of my Dad's - "He was tighter than a camel's arse in a sandstorm."

Tighter than a nun's cúnt on Sunday.

ThE_IVIAcIVIAIV

''yera tis i suppose''

or yera on its own, it can be used for practicaly anything, how old are you? yera you know yourself...
are you going out tonight? yera you know yourself
do you have aids? yera you know yourself hai!
kerry people are funny

whatshername!!

Some tipperary sayings that no one seems to understand.

Well - Hi
Hows she cuttin? - how are you?
Any sca? - Any news?

Hagar

How are they hanging?

redtom

One from Donegal - "He's wile funny!" (He's very funny) -

Hagar

From Belfast - "He's wired to the moon" ie stone mad.

Captain Chaos

Ones my Dad says.

I was standing there like a slice of sh1te.

A face like the back of a bus.

Your some man for one man.

As daft as a brush.

Hows she cuttin.

Did you see the hoop on her.

Ya made a right balls of that.

_blank_

whatshername!! wrote:

Any sca? - Any news?

Ah, I know this one.

More like schka though.

A real Irish thing is saying 'yer man'.

You know

'Who gave you that money'
'Ah, yer man, Farelly'
'That gowlbag, he's only a langball'

'Who's giving you a lift this evening?'
'Yer man, Joe'
'Yeah, he's a decent skin'

I said 'yer man' in this type of context to an Australian bloke one time, he thought I was commenting on his sexuality.

watna

Things I've been told are funny by foridners is:

yer man
that yoke (outside Ireland this makes no sense)
and come here to me for when you want to tell someone something. My other half used to say I'm still in the room I haven't gone anywhere, what are you talking about!

Apparently, and I had to ask numerous people to make sure this is true the phrase "giving out" is not used outside Ireland.(I asked kiwis and aussies, they'd never heard of it before they came here) Madness!

Trojan911

Commander Vimes wrote:

i don't think thats irish because its in full metal jacket

The actor was Irish/American, he had to be, most Americans claim to be Irish.....

TJ911...

lezizi

Americans always find the phrase ' Im goin smokin a fag' funny. My friend said it in work in America and they were like ' your going shooting queers??'

whatshername!!

lezizi wrote:

Americans always find the phrase ' Im goin smokin a fag' funny. My friend said it in work in America and they were like ' your going shooting queers??'

LOL
Another one is
Im goin to see a man about a dog - when someon asks you where your goin in other words mind your own fu(kin business where im goin

_blank_

lezizi wrote:

Americans always find the phrase ' Im goin smokin a fag' funny. My friend said it in work in America and they were like ' your going shooting queers??'

Can I bum a fag?

Another one.

'Doing the messages' for going to the shops.

Ruu_Old

What qualities can you bring to our company?
I can bring sweet fuck all.

I only wish I had the guts to say it in that context!

byte

Nearly never bulled a cow.

Fcuk me pink and call me Rosy

And maybe the word "Aaarraah"

ie. Aaarraah for the love of Jesus
or Aaarah fer fcuk's sake

Dyr

DesF wrote:

Can I bum a fag?

Another one.

'Doing the messages' for going to the shops.

that reminds me..."slip"

as in the classic irish parent saying of of "slip down to the shops for us"

PlayGirl

you'l be some pup when yer tail grows