Doctor Doctor, Can't you see I'm burning, burning

mickrourke

Back after a week in the internet wilderness to assault your good taste
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A man walks into the doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. 'Ah! I can see whats the matter with you,' says the doctor. 'You're not eating properly'.

I'm not an organ donor but i once gave a piano to the SVP

A friend of mine is into Voodoo acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and... "Oh, thats much better".

I went to a massage parlour. It was self service.

I went to one of those people who sort out your problems with alternative remedies. He played some new age music, applied essential oils, did some accupuncture and massaged my ass with licorice. It didn't work - the washing machine still won't drain.

A man goes to the doctor with a painful leg. The doctor hears a tiny voice coming from the mans kneecap and listens with his stethoscope. The kneecap keeps saying "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner..." 'My ankle hurts too', says the man, so the doctor listens there and hears another little voice saying "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner..." The doctor tuts and says, 'This is worse than I thought. Your leg is broke in two places'.



Just to add insult to injury, Your gonna be singing the title for ages too

biko

One star

forbairt

mickrourke wrote:

A man goes to the doctor with a painful leg. The doctor hears a tiny voice coming from the mans kneecap and listens with his stethoscope. The kneecap keeps saying "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner..." 'My ankle hurts too', says the man, so the doctor listens there and hears another little voice saying "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner..." The doctor tuts and says, 'This is worse than I thought. Your leg is broke in two places'.

I quite like that one ...

*hands you the coat for the others*

The Bollox

I think they would be funny(ier) if you told them in the pub to a load of drunken friends

Oliverdog

Where do you think he's been for the last week?

JohnnyStones

A man walks into the doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. 'Ah! I can see whats the matter with you,' says the doctor. 'You're not eating properly'.


HAHA good one 8/10

:cool:

mickrourke

Oliverdog wrote:

Where do you think he's been for the last week?

I self imposed a ban from the forum, for the good of the other users
I'm a changed man i swear, it's just a shame my jokes haven't changed