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the new priest

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  • 10-10-2007 10:34am
    #1
    Green Giant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭


    The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, “Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly.”

    The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop…

    1. Next time sip, rather than gulp.
    2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
    4. David slew Goliath, he didn’t kick the $hit out of him.
    5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as “J.C. and the boys.”
    6. Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St.Taffy.
    7. We do not refer to the cross as “The Big T.”
    8. We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as “Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.”
    9. The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!”
    10. And last but not least, it is the “Virgin Mary,” not “Mary with the cherry.”


Comments

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    #2
    Oriel
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,154 ✭✭✭Oriel


    <insert petty neutral comment here but let's face it, I had a fair point>


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    #3
    Green Giant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Green Giant


    Oriel wrote:
    Please do not compare that tripe to Dougal.

    Fine, I'll change the title so


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    #4
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    An old one but a good one Green Giant :)


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    #5
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    @ Oriel - Please read the Charter, specifically the bit about no negative comments.


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    #6
    mickrourke
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭mickrourke


    Mary with the cherry, ha ha!
    Oops
    **Hole opens and i fall staight to hell**


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    #7
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    Hahaha I heard that years ago but forgot all about it, nice one OP!


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    #8
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Sadly I am forced to ban Oriel for 1 week.


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    #9
    Feral Mutant
    Registered Users Posts: 950 ✭✭✭Feral Mutant


    11. Peter was knocked from his donkey by a rock. He was not stoned off his ass.
    12. At the last supper, Jesus said "Take this all of you and eat it, it is my body". He did not say "Eat me".
    13. John wagered his donkey. He did not bet his ass.


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    #10
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    14. Samson killed 1,000 men with the jawbone of an ass not the arsebone of a jew.


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