Farting in public

kelle

Hilarious thread, I'm falling off my chair.

longshanks

farting in the car with the windows up, yeah!!, its deadly if you're givin someone a lift. or i used to get into bed with me ex and she'd be all warm and cosy so i'd tell her to warm my back up, and she'd kind of spoon me and then i'd blast one off on her legs. brilliant. used to go asleep laughing

Poxyshamrock

Do it in school the whole time. it's sort of a competition really and when im with the lads loudest/smelliest wins!

cazzy

The smell of farts in night clubs and pubs since the smoking ban
Its like a fart feast - I think people loose their fart control when they are drunk and just let it all out there

robo

They don't need to be drunk :rolleyes:

Mr. Presentable

In a snooker hall, one slipped out. Moments later at the next table, chap inhales deeply through the nose "What the f**k", he says. A minute or two later, another deep sniff, filling his lungs, "Still there!"

EdgarAllenPoo

The ones you do just after someone has left the room tend the be the loudest (and most painful). It's like it's finally managed to escape your arse and is yelling for help. These usually sound like a mixture of a quacking duck and someone ripping the threads from a couch.

star-pants

The-Rigger wrote: »

hold on, hold on, girls don't fart.

//leaves thread for good.

...em.. it was.. IF yes that sounds good girls did fart....

which we don't... *cough cough*...

Sea Sharp

I do it if I feel confident I can get away with it. Silent but violent. Then you wait till somebody else reacts. Then you pretend to react and give them a dirty look like u think it was them

StarryBud

a friend of a friend of mine once farted so hard that his rectum prolapsed, i.e. it flopped out his anus.

he was rushed to hospital and now he can't eat solids because he lacks the means to expel fecal matter so to speak

in_da_club

mucker23 wrote: »

follow the old saying "better out then in"

lol:D

*Page*

do farts have hee haws...

you know the misty air out of your mouth and nose on cold mornings...

if you fart on a cold morning does mist fall from your butt...

Toots

One of my mates once tried to light one of his farts on fire....but set fire to the hair on his arse by accident!! Flames were extinguished by another quick thinking mate who was willing to sacrifice his pint of Guinness. Funniest thing I've ever seen!!!:eek:

cazzy

*Page* wrote: »

do farts have hee haws...

you know the misty air out of your mouth and nose on cold mornings...

if you fart on a cold morning does mist fall from your butt...

I would assume so - why dont you try it. Youd prob have to be naked though.

Rhyme

Ninja_scrotum wrote: »

I've always wanted to fart in mass!! A real ripper that would reasonate perfectly off those aged benches, then echo all around the church. Only problem is I don't go to mass....

Haven't been to mass in a while but those benches do wonders for a fart... sounds like an old door asking a question.

In private i just let fly but in public it pays to be careful... test the water, so to speak, and adjust yourself accordingly. I've not drawn attention to myself in about 3 years of commuting :cool:

philstar

StarryBud wrote: »

a friend of a friend of mine once farted so hard that his rectum prolapsed, i.e. it flopped out his anus.

he was rushed to hospital and now he can't eat solids because he lacks the means to expel fecal matter so to speak

you're havin a laugh..right

i mean what did he eat a tin of beans washed down with guinness??

Irish-trucker

Its just GAS

I like it haha

Thrill

When I'm at work, the one I hate most is the one thats bursting to get out
and you know that there's no way it's coming out quietly.

Trying to find a quite spot to let loose can be difficult, but I've been successful so far.


Fart survey on BG&RH

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055173663

Stench Blossoms

I don't fart in public but I have no problem aiming my farts in the direction of my little sister when i'm at home.

echosound

Personally will let rip when at home, but in public it's the slow and sneaky "ease it out there silently" and if possible, vacate the immediate area before anyone gets the whiff.

As for the letting rip in mass, a friend of mine was attending a month's mind for a relative, and during the communion (verrry silent time in mass apparently) some aul codger lets out a right rattler, that went on for about 10 seconds, at full volume, with added "cheeks-flapping-in-the-wind" sound effects, reverberating off the pewseat, and stares beatifically ahead without so much as flinching.

All the people near him were gagging and moving pews, and my friend was literally peeing herself laughing at it. Of course the more you shouldn't laugh (in a silent church filled with people mourning the loss of a loved one) and try to suppress said laughs, the more you do. Poor friend was still giggling uncontrollably outside afterwards, with all the oldies who were too deaf to hear the rattler shooting her dagger-stares for being such a cold-hearted wench as to find a month's mind hilarious.

on a side note, best public mortification in recent times came courtesy of my dear ol dad: brought the oldies out shopping a few weeks back, and as we go into the store entrance, dad decides to forget he's in public and lets out the most gut-shuddering belch imaginable. Barney Gumble, eat your heart out. Like a deer's mating call.
Literally EVERYONE in the store turned round, a moment's silence ensued while people had a "did I just hear that" moment, and then people started guffawing, poor ol mum goes puce and starts shouting in a high pitched squeak to "get away from me" and runs away off down the shop hoping people don't realise he's with her, and my dad and I walk up the aisle to be greeted by applause!!! That's right, a round of applause. Only the men though, all the wimminfolk were busy warning the applauding men to "don't even think about ever doing that".

Oh, and one more, while I'm at it - a tip from my FIL: never wear a white karate suit if you're suffering with upset tummy/diahorrea. Poor blighter was caught short between the car and the hall, and filled his shoes in front of 3 nuns who were in the carpark. No hiding that when you're wearing white trousers. The walk of shame back to the car was the worst apparently, as more kept on noisily spluttering out. Car had to be disinfected with bleach to get the smell out apparently.

Third_Echelon

Farts are funny... end of story. They make people laugh

I was in a queue for a ryanair flight coming back from liverpool. Some farmer type of culchie from Tipp or somewhere was just in front in of me. Looked like he'd drank a keg of guinness. Stank of booze..

Anyway, there was a family in front of me with 2 young girls (around 9 or 10 years old). The dude let out this almighty rip, followed by a smell that would strip paint off walls. The 2 kids were gagging and laughing so hard, it was hilarious. Queue myself getting the giggles for about 10 minutes. I think the whole queue of people were in stitches soon after...

Ninja_scrotum

Some farmer type of culchie from Tipp or somewhere was just in front in of me.

Hey what are ya sayin' about Tipp?? Tis a pure fine place boyo, nice fertile land for dem spuds.

Third_Echelon

Ninja_scrotum wrote: »

Hey what are ya sayin' about Tipp?? Tis a pure fine place boyo, nice fertile land for dem spuds.

It sure is, I'm a fan of Tipp myself. I'm just presenting the facts to help my story

lisbon_lions

At work, i would pull ma chair right up to the desk and fart under it (like thats where it stays )

If i was oot and aboot, it depends on whether it was a silent wan or not.

If it was silent, i would do it, wait 5 seconds and move on to another part of the room. If it is a ripper, i take it to the jacks..

Archeron

No matter where I be, at work, at home, or in the pub, I always go to the bathroom, fart into a sandwich bag, seal it, and then give it a proper burial in a field somewhere. I consider them to be dead breaths and its only right to show them some respect.