best monty python lines

growler

tried a search, but to pished to make it work properly , so what are your favourite monty python lines?

mine has to be:
your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries


one of the all time classic insults


and now for something completely different

(no spell check was used in this post)

Seth Brundle

best be quick to get this one in...
Nobody beats the Spanish Inquisition

WindSock

Yes, we are all individuals...




























I'm Not

Capt'n Midnight

kbannon wrote: »

best be quick to get this one in...
Nobody beats the Spanish Inquisition

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Robbo

I'm Brian and so's my wife.

Sabre0001

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

Or of course - "We are the knights who say Ni..Ni ni ni ni!"

The tax man

Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front? Fúck off! We're the People's Front of Judea.

Da Bounca

But I didn't have the salmon!

Agent Smith

Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Seth Brundle

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?

What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?

The tax man wrote: »

Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front? Fúck off! We're the People's Front of Judea.

Splitters!

Parsley

Good thing I didn't tell him about the dirty fork!

Zapp Brannigan

"Romans! What have they ever done for us, eh!?

....
...
..
.
The Aqueduct?"

So on and so forth

cozmik

Always look on the bright side of life

Feral Mutant

How do you know she's a witch?
Well she turned me into a newt
A newt?
. . . . . I got better

Grimebox

Feral Mutant wrote: »

How do you know she's a witch?
Well she turned me into a newt
A newt?
. . . . . I got better

Arthur: A duck!

gernon

This is an ex parrot

neon_glows

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock.

Seth Brundle

Finally monsieur, a wafer thin mint...

cornbb

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

growler

and what else floats besides witches?


apples, churches, small stones


classic

Fey!

"we have spam and eggs, sausage and spam, eggs and spam, spam, spam and spam with extra spam..."

neil_hosey

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.

Black Knight: Yes I have.

King Arthur: *Look*!

Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.


Priceless!

EDIT :

OH
OH!
and this one....

Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got **** all over him.

RadioCity

"What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen sparrow?"

"Nobody is going to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, and let me make this absolutely clear, even if they do say Jehovah..."

"Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." ..... "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

star-pants

Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.

---

La llama es una cuadrupeda
que vive en grande rios parecido el Amazonas.
Ello toiene dos orejas un corazón
una frente y un pico para comiend miel.
Pero ello es suministrado con aleta pare nadando.



brilliant...

Bryan1

I fart in your general direction!!

Seth Brundle

The BBC would like to apologize for the next announcement.

Seth Brundle

Crucifixion?
Er, no, freedom actually.
What?
Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.

--Kaiser--

Too many to mention...so let's sing a song

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

MOH

They said I was daft to build a castle here. But I built one anyway, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp.
So I built another one. That sank into the swamp.
The third one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp.
But the fourth one stayed up!


The Knights of Ni demand a sacrifice. You must bring us ... A SHRUBBERY!!!


Now the first thing to do when you're being stalked by an ugly mob with redcurrants is to ... release the tiger!

Raytown Rocks

Bigus Dickus
Incontentia Buttocks.

Oh and the line
"Bring out your dead, Bring out your dead".
"I'M not quite dead yet, actually I'm feeling much better".
then
Wallop across the head with a bat.

orestes

boreds wrote: »

Yes, we are all individuals...




























I'm Not

Damn you, you beat me to it!

The single funniest line ever spoken, no question!