Frozen cows

Oliverdog

If I had £1, I'd send you a one-word telegram. As it is, have some stars.

ZorbaTehZ

lmao, dak that is brilliant.

dak

If Bull has fit of giggles if he now "laughing Stock"

patmac

Speaking of old bovine jokes what's the similarity between a Monaghan man and a pregnant cow, their both near Cavan(calving) oh you know what I mean.

Goodluck2me

you hear about the magic cow?

It walked down the road and turned into a field.

dak

A man takes his wife to the State Fair
and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.
They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says,
This Bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says,
"He mated 50 times last year",
They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says,
"This Bull mated 120 times last year".

The wife hits her husband and says,
"That's more than twice a week!
You could learn a lot from him."

They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying,
"This Bull mated 365 times last year".
The wife gets really excited and says
"That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one".

The husband looks at her and says....
"Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow".

dak

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
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At milking a cow...

Sign on a farm gate,
"There is no entry fee, please feel free to walk across the field, the bull will charge you later"

LoneGunM@n

LoneGunM@n wrote: »

I want to laugh at it, but I'm afraid if I do I'll have to kick my own ar$e

Ah don't be such a COWard.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Ah don't be such a COWard.

We might need to bully him into it!

dak

Deleted User wrote: »

We might need to bully him into it!

Whats the matador with you ?

dak

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia
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A Cows Rules for life

1) Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don't cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no
calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It's better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder
relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who's bossy.

11. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion
statement.

13. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day

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Did you hear about the salesman who sold a milking machine to a rich Kerry Farmer with one cow
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And took the cow as a deposit !!!!


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One farmer says to another farmer that he had to shoot one of his cows? "Was it mad?" asks the other farmer. The farmer replies "Well it wasn't very happy about it".

RxQueen

whats green and fuzzy and stands in a field??

a cow wearing a green velure tracksuit!!


i laugh at this but the udder ones are much better!

what do you get if you make a cow run around the field.



milk shake.

RxQueen

Why does a milking stool have only three legs?


Because the cow has the udder:D

dak

No Bull**T allowed

Mahatma coat

what bad cow pun therad would be complete without this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5s5qGg01nE

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and by complete I mean FOOOOOOOOOK OFF AND LET IT DIE!!!!!!

Soundman

http://www.totallytom.com/MadCow.html

Jesus Wept

It goes something like this:

One day, there was an old bull and a young bull grazing in a field.

Down in the valley, far below them, they see a herd of cows grazing contently on equally lush grass.

Not to miss a golden opportunity to exercise his manhood, the young bull quickly turns to the old bull and frantically says, 'Let's run down there, jump over the fence and fúck one of the cows!!!

The old bull slowly rises up from his meal, turns to the young bull and replies: "No. Let's stroll down there, walk through the gate and fúck them all."

dak

Moooveee Faster !!!!

dak

Q? What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
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A : A pat on the head

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Q? What did the lovesick bull say to the cow?
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A! When I fall in love it will be for heifer'

dak

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
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A cow that can milk itself

The only cow in a small town near Tulsk stopped giving milk.
The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow in Elphin for €200.
They brought the cow from Elphin and the cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it.
They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Elphin?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow..
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we
got the cow in Elphin?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Elphin"

Oriel

You know who said "You suck"?
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wait for it
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'It was Oriel.'
__________________

Mahatma coat

Ah Oriel thats not nice.

I feel all conflicted, on the one hand theres the charter which forbids negative comments or threats/promises of actual physical harm towards other posters,

then there cnuts who resuerected the Bad Cow Pun thread

Hagar

One bad pun thread at a time is more than enough.

Oriel read the charter.

Moooove along now! nothing to see!

dak

Well .........Holy Cow! An Udder one !


Q: How does a cow get to the mooooooooooooooon
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A It flies through udder space!!

udderly punatious!

rymus

worst jokes ever!