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  • 12-11-2007 9:15pm
    #1
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭


    A guy went to a doctor with 2 red ears.

    The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered:

    "I was ironing my shirt and the phone-rang. Instead of picking up the phone I picked up the Iron and stuck it to my ear".

    The Doctor exclaimed in disbelief: Oh dear! What happened to your other ear ?".

    The guy replied "The son of a bitch called again!"

    *************************************************

    What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like crazy.... (She's got a hand grenade in hers mouth.)

    *************************************************
    A frencman is at a bar in New York.

    A man comes and tells the bartender, "Johnnie Walker, Single" and the man's companion says, "Jack Daniels, Single".

    The bartender approaches the frenchman and asks:

    "And you sir." He replies "Jaque Cristeau, married"

    **************************************************
    Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.

    At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"

    "No," the priest says politely, "I mean her LEGS."

    **************************************************


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    #2
    ircoha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭ircoha


    HYPNOTIST IN THE SENIOR CENTER

    It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

    'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'
    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

    'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

    The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch,until suddenly,it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.




    '****!' said the Hypnotist...




    It took three days to clean up the senior center..


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