Beauty and the Beast

CrazyNoob

SoShallow? wrote: »

Anyway, not being big headed but I'm a former Miss Donegal

I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league Thanks

Miss Donegal - OH my GoD, Oh MY God I'm so impressed, WoW!!! :rolleyes::rolleyes: you absolute celeb, how lucky we mortals are to have been graced with your presence!! :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Here you go have the biggest medal from my imaginary medal cabinet

Here's a crash course in economics for you Miss Donegal - Looks dont last forever !!!!!!! so continue trading on them and you are a depreciating asset.

I'd work on your personality otherwise in 10-20 years you'll find that you'll be bottom of your so called league

Lucky escape - He is blessed!!!!

miles teg

Everyone seeks a partner for themselves with the best of qualities (including looks) so i don't think it's a huge thing that your friends mention it to you that he's not so great looking... no one here would slate you if you said your friends told you he was a b*stard personality wise, so why such a reaction over looks?

Even so, weigh up your friends' opinions and decide for yourself whether you want to be with him. If you decide to be with him, then your friends should accept it.

Ayla

So, hold on Shallow - were you expecting any sympathetic replies? You come out with statements like "I know I'm out of his league" and "I want my everyone to be jealous of everything I have" and you're looking for what in reply....??

I can't honestly say I've ever read such a load of bull. You really need to sit yourself down and think about what a ugly person you're becoming, because it won't be long before you and all of your "gorgeous" friends are pregnant with bloated ankles and saggy boobs.

Such a load of rubbish... you sad, sad girl.

LegacyUser

BoozyBabe wrote: »

Oh my God!!!
It gets worse!!!!

Are you SERIOUS!!!!

So, not being content with been given good genes (which may only be your opinion of yourself), you're only happy if you think everyone's jealous of the fact.
& then not being content with that, you want them to be jealous of everything else too.

God you've some growing up to do!!!!!

& can you not be proud to have an intellient, witty, really kind bloke who thinks the world of you & treats you well who is not 'model' material"

OP, you really need to see how there are SO much more important things in life than looks.
Seriously:- what age are you? You seem to be about 15.

You could go out tomorrow, get hit by a bus, be left in a wheelchair with serious facial disfigurement, you could have children with life debilitating diseases, you could have a hunk of a husband who dies at 30 from prostate cancer!!

If any of these things happened, would the fact that you were Miss Donegal make any difference???? Would the fact that your husband was a hunk make any difference?

Time to see the BIG picture

I appreciate why you're being so harsh. I must sound like a complete bitch, I'm not really I just focus too much on appearances. I judge evrybody by the way they present themselves pyhsically. I didn't even realise until right now how awful that is. Your right, I do have some growing up to do. I'm 29 aswell so I should really know better.

Ayla

miles teg wrote: »

Everyone seeks a partner for themselves with the best of qualities (including looks) so i don't think it's a huge thing that your friends mention it to you that he's not so great looking... no one here would slate you if you said your friends told you he was a b*stard personality wise, so why such a reaction over looks.

In my opinion, there is a massive difference between judging on personality vs looks. If OP's friends had said, "no, don't go for mr. x b/c he's a jerk and he'll treat you horribly," well, then, we'd appreciate the fact that the OP had friends who care for her well-being. The difference is, however, that the friends had no idea what type of guy mr. x is, and found him only to be less attractive because he's not stylish/handsome/sexy/whatever. That is a purely cosmetic judgement.

*a*

ha that did make me laugh!!! Look beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if you have a person in your life that you are really happy with then who gives a damn what they look like. I am with my bf years and love him to bits, and although he can look non a-typical sometimes and get funny looks, he is sweet, kind, funny and very good to me. My friends may not find him attractive but they think he is great.

In five years or so things will start the journey south, your face will get lines and so will your partners - will you trade him in then for a younger model that people will be jealous of? Will he trade you in for a younger model, a younger girl with perkier boobs, less wrinkles etc?

Your friends need a wake up, maybe they are jealous, think that he will take you away from them???

This generation, is, in my opinion, convinced that they will never get old or lose their looks, but they will, and in years to come you will want a partner to make you laugh, to hold your hand when you cry, who will be there for you and love you for what is inside!

If you were dating a Brad Pitt look alike, that made all of the girls jealous and god forbid his was in a horrible disfiguring accident would you dump him because 'other' people didn't find him attractive?

I think that by being attracted to someone who isn't 'hot' shows signs of maturity, that you are looking for a partner, not just a fancy man - accept that you have more maturity than your friends, give it a try and forget about looks for just five minutes - you may have the best five minutes of your life!

BobTheBeat

Your fairly rapped up in yourself OP, its a real shame. It sounds like there is a normal person struggling to get out! Your obsession with your looks and all its trappings have made you very insecure about yourself (as strange as it may sound). Your "friends" are also doing your confidence no favours. If youre serious about this guy, tell them to fcuk off and do your own thing.

miles teg

Ayla wrote: »

In my opinion, there is a massive difference between judging on personality vs looks. If OP's friends had said, "no, don't go for mr. x b/c he's a jerk and he'll treat you horribly," well, then, we'd appreciate the fact that the OP had friends who care for her well-being. The difference is, however, that the friends had no idea what type of guy mr. x is, and found him only to be less attractive because he's not stylish/handsome/sexy/whatever. That is a purely cosmetic judgement.

I'm not saying judge on one trait alone. looks and personality (like any other trait) influence a person's opinion about someone. There's nothing wrong with a purely cosmetic opinion... which isn't automatically a judgement.

If the op decided to go out with the person and then her friends didn't mention his looks again, I see no problem. They just gave their opinions... she's the one who has to make the judgement based on everything else

Ayla

miles teg wrote: »

Looks and personality (like any other trait) influence a person's opinion about someone... which isn't automatically a judgement.

If the op decided to go out with the person and then her friends didn't mention his looks again, I see no problem. They just gave their opinions... she's the one who has to make the judgement based on everything else

I would agree with you if the OP's opinon of the guy hadn't completely changed b/c of her friend's comments. They were making judgements (ie: he's a minger, you're too good for him, etc), and the OP allowed their statements to change her behaviour toward the guy. She then decided (and has stated) that he's "out of her league", based purely on the fact that she believes herself too beautiful to be with such a "beast".

I agree that there are multiple factors in selecting a partner, looks being one. But they are not the only, or the most important, factor.

babyguinnessfan

SoShallow wrote: »

I appreciate why you're being so harsh. I must sound like a complete bitch, I'm not really I just focus too much on appearances. I judge evrybody by the way they present themselves pyhsically. I didn't even realise until right now how awful that is. Your right, I do have some growing up to do. I'm 29 aswell so I should really know better.

Well, assuming that you are not a troll, then maybe this is the wake-up call you needed so so badly. How about giving it a go with someone you are attracted to personality-wise and see how you go. You actually just need to radically modify your way of thinking about other people, their reactions, and also your own reactions. Maybe if you throw all your preconceptions out the window you may have a chance - try it...

BoozyBabe

Well, I'm sorry if I came across as harsh, but I hope this has given you the wake up call you need!!

Also, you're 29, yes, you should know better, so should your friends.

Ever wonder why someone as wonderful as yourself hasn't been snapped up long ago in your 29 years of existance?
That's not meant to be cruel, & it's not a question you need to answer publicly. Think about it to yourself. If you're SO beautiful, then your personality must stink if some guy hasn't wanted you for their own at this stage.

If you like the guy, give him a chance.
If your friends have an issue with that, tell them what has been said to you here.
There IS more to life. You may find, if you give this guy a chance, that you've never been SO happy in all your life.

Blackpitts

SoShallow wrote: »

I appreciate why you're being so harsh. I must sound like a complete bitch, I'm not really I just focus too much on appearances. I judge evrybody by the way they present themselves pyhsically. I didn't even realise until right now how awful that is. Your right, I do have some growing up to do. I'm 29 aswell so I should really know better.

now you are talking!
date the guy, if you like him he can make u happy!

or go for a handsome, steamy and hot a*sehole...but I'm sure i'll see another post from you here in the PI forum in less than a month, title "men are all bastards"

miles teg

Ayla wrote: »

I would agree with you if the OP's opinon of the guy hadn't completely changed b/c of her friend's comments. They were making judgements (ie: he's a minger, you're too good for him, etc), and the OP allowed their statements to change her behaviour toward the guy. She then decided (and has stated) that he's "out of her league", based purely on the fact that she believes herself too beautiful to be with such a "beast".

I agree that there are multiple factors in selecting a partner, looks being one. But they are not the only, or the most important, factor.

you're assuming she judged based on looks solely as opposed to reevaluated all traits again (straw that broke the camel's back type thingy) and then changed her mind. Besides, she still hasn't made her mind up because she asking advise here plus my original post said weigh up everything and then make a decision...not make a decision one looks alone. I also never said looks were the most important thing.

LegacyUser

My god woman, you deserve to be a spinster with an attitude like that!

Working in LA 6 years ago as a typical irish noob... I was on the tear with a couple of lads from the office we were all 24/25 they had spent 10 years in the gym working on their 6 packs... I had spent 10 years drinking 6 packs! So you can imagine they were in better shape!

Anyway to cut a long story short we were in a bar and this girl walked up to our table and said " can i buy you a drink?" I didnt even contemplate that she was asking me. One of the guys said "Miller please" She replied "not you the guy in the blue shirt do you want a beer?"
(I've got a Joe o'shea type head(from seoighe and o'shea) Pretty stocky but not fat but tbh i wouldnt consider myself good looking at least not over there... Her on the other hand she was think christina aguilera in her latest marllyn monroe type outfits/hairdo.

While i was working there we date "exclusively" (americans terms!) for a year everyone in the office was baffled how i pulled her (even though it was the other way around)

When i went to meet her friends after 2 months of dating, not surprisinly they were pretty shocked when my girl had told them about this "hot funny etc guy" that she had been dating... then i turn up. Initially they were a bit odd and a few years later i found out that they thought i was very odd looking! But thankfully my girl wasnt as shallow as i thought....

Skipping to the ending she basically came back to live with me were now married. Only recently did she tell me the reason behind asking me out. She had been dating these "good looking" types for a few years and now im not stereotyping, but she said they were idiots, no personality but she had been picking them because they looked good. When she seen me she seen me make my friends laugh she over heard us talking about european economics... (yes exciting pub chat!) so she took a plunge and hopefully she hasnt regretted it!

Honestly give the guy a chance!

dudara

I think that the OP has a fair idea right now of our general opinion. Let's tone it down a bit and see if anything else interesting can be said.

Ayla

miles teg wrote: »

you're assuming she judged based on looks solely as opposed to reevaluated all traits again (straw that broke the camel's back type thingy) and then changed her mind.

So, you're suggesting she liked the guy for his personality, then after the friends called him ugly, she reevaluated all traits and decided she didn't like him after all?

miles teg wrote: »

Besides, she still hasn't made her mind up because she asking advise here plus my original post said weigh up everything and then make a decision...not make a decision one looks alone. I also never said looks were the most important thing.

I didn't suggest that's what you said, I was just summarizing my point. Anyway, it's quitting time here at work, so I'm outta here -

pookie82

I sincerely hope that you end up with a really good looking, totally selfish, two timing, inconsiderate idiot who you have a great time showing off to your airhead friends. Leave this guy alone he deserves ALOT more than you. Much as you'll disagree I'm sure, HE is way out of YOUR league. If you've gievn him any indication of your true personality so far hopefully he'll have the cop on to steer well clear. As for everybody being jealous of you, I'm sure that that only applies to people as sad and small minded as yourself. You go out there and get a knock out guy to keep them talking for weeks and leave the genuinely good people to lead real lives based on maturity and genuine feelings. I initially thought that this was a troll but I'm disgusted to find that it looks like it's not.

LegacyUser

Well speaking as a guy who's pretty average looking I have been in your guy's corner once.

I dated for a few years a stunningly attractive girl who could have had a lot better looking guys than me without a doubt. Now I'm not ugly but I'm no model either and am under no illusions that I'm a head turner. I sometimes would get abuse in the pub from guys who thought she was way too good looking for me and I know that her friends all thought she could do better. But we stayed together for quite a while and the looks thing never bothered her.

Some of my friends are dating girls that I do not find attractive in the slightest - completely not my type but I respect the fact that they are attractive to my mates and would never be so rude as to insult them based on how they look. The thing is if someone's nice and treat my friends (guys and girls) well and make them happy then who the **** am I to comment on how they look? It's ridiculously rude and really really immature.

I know many girls that are the 'looks are most important' type and you see them getting hurt over and over because they judge people solely on how they appear. I'm not saying looks aren't important but there's lots of different types. I have had girlfriends that I found (and still find) amazingly sexy and gorgeous and other people wouldn't see it at all. Doesn't matter a flying **** to me as long as we're happy, that's all that matters.

Movershaker

You must be pretty insecure to need a good looking guy on your arm to make your friends jealous. Also, who wants to make their friends jealous? Sounds you are all about 15, I think some growing up is in order. And "former Miss Donegal"? I seriously hope this thread is a wind up because that is a highly knobbish statement to make.

metaoblivia

OP, I think you must be very insecure to place such importance on what others think of you. It's okay to want a partner that you find attractive. But it sounds to me like you're letting other people's view of what's attractive dictate whom you date.
You may well be very attractive, but that's not the issue here, and neither is the attractiveness of this guy. The issue is your own insecurity and lack of confidence in your ability to make decisions for yourself. As long as you keep seeking the approval of others, you're never going to be happy.

Marksie

Dudara has already asked people to tone it down. If you cannot post constructively then be very careful what you say.

OP: Society can be shallow if you let it be. The cheerleader syndrome. You are well aware by now that allowing pure physical looks to determine your choice of partner is only pandering to the shallowness inherent in yourself and your friends.
You are more concerned with how your friends sneer rather than what is important. How this guy made you feel.

You may very well end up bitter and disappointed if you continue judging people by looks alone and pandering to the whims of your friends.

You may very well find yourself missing out on things which would have been wonderful experiences and then be looking back at a procession of "beautiful" people who are shallow, insecure and determined to have repeated behaviour patterns which will leave them just as bitter, just as aloof and just as self important.

So physically he wasn't model status, but he had one thinsg that transcended that, he had something in and of himself that you found deeply alluring and attractive.

So what did you do? capitualte to your friends jibes and teach yourself not to have any feelings for him. Rather than letting go and see where it went, you ruthlessly stamped out any of the positives.

sobriquet

SoShallow wrote: »

I appreciate why you're being so harsh. I must sound like a complete bitch, I'm not really I just focus too much on appearances. I judge evrybody by the way they present themselves pyhsically. I didn't even realise until right now how awful that is. Your right, I do have some growing up to do. I'm 29 aswell so I should really know better.

You'd hate me so. Even if I go out of my way to dress up, I look like a scruffy person stuffed into dressy up clothes. It's unintentional, and as I'm getting on into my twenties I'm trying not to succumb to it, but it has a sometimes useful side effect: it acts a something of a bull**** filter, specifically filtering out people who judge everyone by the way they present themselves - you. Point being, as long as you're doing that you're lacking some things people should have developed in adulthood - sympathy and empathy. You've no idea what a person is made of, what they've been through or experienced the way you're going. It's a defective way of dealing with the world.

+1 to metaoblivias' post. The bloke in question has pretty much nothing to do with your issue. It's your friends and how you and they perceive the world. As long you let your friends (or acquaintances, or random people who you don't know but are imagining their opinion) influence you, you'll be miserable. It takes nothing to cast a negative judgment on something or someone, and as long as you and friends are playing these games, you'll never be happy. They (or you) will always find fault because there is always fault, we're all imperfect.

By the way, you couldn't have any bloke you wanted. At least, you're not universally attractive to blokes. You'd be amazed at the degree to which a particular woman might have some of a group of blokes falling over themselves, and the rest going 'meh'.

mikemac

You're 29 OP.
As stated before, in 10 years you will be far from as attractive as you claim to be and no amount of spa treatments or facials can can solve this.
In fact, you're already on a downward slope.

While this guy will still have a fantastic personality.

I wonder who's been hard done by so.

earlyevening

You sound awful. There's a strong chance you'll get left left on the shelf I'd say or stuck in an unhappy marriage. I hope I'm not unfortunate enough to come across you.
Miss Donegal?? Reminds me so much of the Lovely Girls contest on Father Ted. What a pathetic thing to hang your ego off. You probably won it 10 yrs ago. Move on.
I'm getting more frustrated and angry by the second as I type...

dudara

earlyevening banned for one week for failing to heed repeated warnings to tone down replies.

PM me or another mod in one week to rescind ban.

m83

metaoblivia wrote: »

OP, I think you must be very insecure to place such importance on what others think of you. It's okay to want a partner that you find attractive. But it sounds to me like you're letting other people's view of what's attractive dictate whom you date.
You may well be very attractive, but that's not the issue here, and neither is the attractiveness of this guy. The issue is your own insecurity and lack of confidence in your ability to make decisions for yourself. As long as you keep seeking the approval of others, you're never going to be happy.

+1

OP read this reply and wheh you're finished it go back to the start and read it all over again. I was going to post the same thing but got beaten to it

And people, ease off on the abuse. I don't think the OP is actually making a conscious decision to be shallow the fact that she wanted to date the guy in the first place proves this. She just sounds very insecure to me.

Dudess

micmclo wrote: »

You're 29 OP.
As stated before, in 10 years you will be far from as attractive as you claim to be and no amount of spa treatments or facials can can solve this.
In fact, you're already on a downward slope.

Sorry, but we're all on a downward slope already, no matter what age we are. Please don't use the sexist, ageist "you're a woman, you'll lose your looks in your 30s" line to tell the OP what's what. I'm not having a go at you personally but I just find that notion appalling because a) it's not always true and b) men don't seem to get that sh*t thrown at them half as much. To state that a 39-year-old woman is going to look "far" from how attractive she was at 29 is... to me, quite offensive. 59, fair enough, but 39 - that's just not true.

OP, a beautiful-looking guy minus a decent personality is seriously unattractive.

binhead

why everybody gotta bash her so bad?

At least she's honest, a little too honest maybe but honest.

You sound like a nice person trapped in the body of zoolander. You also sound like you've taken alot from all these replies so hopefully you'll go into work and do what you know you gotta do, ask the lad out and see what happens. You're friends will come round and if they don't then good luck to them.

You said you feel bad about being so shallow? well thats a start!

anyways, Good luck.

myname.

Idbatterim

hang on a sec, the OP is getting some harsh treatment, I wouldnt exactly agree with the whole "leagues" thing, but some people are far more physically attractive than others. How many very good looking lads would settle with someone from what the Op has described as below average? answer? almost none. Everyone evaluates what their priority in a partner is and no matter how nice someone is or funny, if you dont find them physically attractive what is the point? We have turned into a selfish people, who dosnt want the best of everything? the best looking bf or gf, and especially for girls to out do each other in the bf stakes...

Reku

Ok, the only points I'll make are:
1. As I always try to explain to people who don't understand why I'm not bothered about physical "beauty", one mistep at a traffic crossing and bye-bye good looks, perhaps even life. Considering how easy it is for someone to die suddenly would you rather have some pretty pictures to look at afterwards or memories of how great they were and how much you loved them and they loved you? For me, as long as there's nothing in their appearance that would indicate problems, present or future, with their health (morbid obesity, size 0, bits well outside the normal span of bodily proportions, that sort of thing) I couldn't care less.

JoeyNormal wrote: »

Some of my friends are dating girls that I do not find attractive in the slightest - completely not my type but I respect the fact that they are attractive to my mates and would never be so rude as to insult them based on how they look. The thing is if someone's nice and treat my friends (guys and girls) well and make them happy then who the **** am I to comment on how they look? It's ridiculously rude and really really immature.

This links to my second point:
I thought there was supposed to be some sort of code among girls that unless you know something about the guy a female friend fancies/is dating treating former partners badly or being gay you don't say a thing against him unless the girl who fancies/is dating him starts pointing out flaws first?

JoeyNormal wrote: »

I know many girls that are the 'looks are most important' type and you see them getting hurt over and over because they judge people solely on how they appear. I'm not saying looks aren't important but there's lots of different types. I have had girlfriends that I found (and still find) amazingly sexy and gorgeous and other people wouldn't see it at all. Doesn't matter a flying **** to me as long as we're happy, that's all that matters.

Dudess wrote: »

Sorry, but we're all on a downward slope already, no matter what age we are. Please don't use the sexist, ageist "you're a woman, you'll lose your looks in your 30s" line to tell the OP what's what. I'm not having a go at you personally but I just find that notion appalling because a) it's not always true and b) men don't seem to get that sh*t thrown at them half as much. To state that a 39-year-old woman is going to look "far" from how attractive she was at 29 is... to me, quite offensive. 59, fair enough, but 39 - that's just not true.

The above part of JoeyNormal's post is a large part of why, for years the mantra has been that girls are not shallow, lads are, which TBH is the biggest load of BS ever. Fact is girls are just as shallow as lads, moreso in some ways as lads know that their mates will probably find something to ridicule them over with regards their new partner/relationship so there's a bit less of the concern of impressing the mates, girls regularly seem to dwell far to much on "will he impress my friends". As a result of that mantra that men are shallow but women are not there is a far more negative view upon a woman aging.
Throw in the shorter fertile part of their lifespan, women (in general before someone gets offended) even today finding wealth a particularly attractive "quality" in a man (older a man is more money & assets he is likely to be earning and to have saved) and you can see why the fact that it gets harder to attract a member of the opposite sex via looks as you get older is more regularly brought up with respect to women but not men.