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Man... bike... WTF?! [Merged]

daniel3982 · 2007-10-27 20:55:36

Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

27-10-2007 9:55pm

#1

daniel3982

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Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 10:02am BST 27/10/2007

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

An object of lust?

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

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#2 27-10-2007 9:59pm

g5hn710m4xpdwy

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I bet she hardly spoke at all.

I'll get my coat

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#3 27-10-2007 10:00pm

JohnnyStones

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That's Wheelie hard to believe:)

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#4 27-10-2007 10:00pm

is_that_so

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A bit tyre some alright

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#5 27-10-2007 10:01pm

Binomate

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What a day. Riding your bike is now a sexual offence.

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#6 27-10-2007 10:06pm

Genghiz Cohen

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<Insert Really Bad Bicycle Pun Here>

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#7 27-10-2007 10:12pm

gilroyb

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I'm just glad I've never been done for pumping my tyre.

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#8 27-10-2007 10:12pm

Voodu Child

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You'd wanna see the saddle-bags on the thing he was ridin..

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#9 27-10-2007 10:12pm

Pete4779

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That's actually ****ing ludicrous. I wonder was the judge or magistrate female or male?

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#10 27-10-2007 10:15pm

CreepingDeath

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He must have to install windscreen wipers on his TV during the "Tour de France"

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#11 27-10-2007 10:22pm

ircoha

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there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

He has been placed on a list

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#12 27-10-2007 10:26pm

daniel3982

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ircoha wrote: »

there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

He has been placed on a list

I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?

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#13 27-10-2007 10:28pm

ircoha

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daniel3982 wrote: »

I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?

after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.

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#14 27-10-2007 10:33pm

daniel3982

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ircoha wrote: »

after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.

You have got to be taking the piss surely?

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#15 27-10-2007 10:37pm

JohnnyStones

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daniel3982 wrote: »

You have got to be taking the piss surely?

Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:

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#16 27-10-2007 10:40pm

daniel3982

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JohnnyStones wrote: »

Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:

My god, I refuse to believe it's not some elaborate joke.

I was going to make a joke about a saddle pole and why it might cause one to be uptight but said poster will probably try and litigate me for slander upon their character :rolleyes::rolleyes:

edit: I have now too read previous jokes, it's literal man! Everyone's "favourite" person to be stuck next to in a bar! Jaysus.

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#17 27-10-2007 10:46pm

daniel3982

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Anyway back on topic, maybe it was a mounting bike? :rolleyes:

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#18 27-10-2007 10:58pm

Onikage

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What a heartbrakeing story.

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#19 27-10-2007 11:03pm

JohnnyStones

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If it was a Tandem Bike would that count as a threesome?

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#20 27-10-2007 11:03pm

LadyE

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I bet he is really sad(dle) now

sorry. Im so embarressed at that one.

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#21 27-10-2007 11:04pm

Sofaspud

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daniel3982 wrote: »

Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

Dude, put NSFW tags on that attached pic of the bike, I appreciate it for its beautiful form and all, but I was almost caught!

On topic, I bet he rang its bell!

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#22 27-10-2007 11:05pm

Jesus Wept

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Was he fúcking the bike, or was the bike fúcking him? Trying to ponder the logistics. :eek:

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#23 27-10-2007 11:14pm

ejmaztec

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Dirty peddlefile! Hangin's too good for 'em!

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#24 27-10-2007 11:21pm

Dave

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Who can blame him, she was the village bicycle.

:eek:

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#25 27-10-2007 11:24pm

Karoma

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You people disgust me, making puns when there is a serious matter at hand. The guy faces years of intolerance and jokes and possibly losing a job, etc. as an outcome of the trial. That aside, was it consensual? Did he pull a wheelie as he ...finished? These are important questions and I want answers!

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#26 27-10-2007 11:29pm

ejmaztec

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I reckon he was framed!

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#27 27-10-2007 11:30pm

Karoma

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ejmaztec wrote: »

I reckon he was framed!

OWLY?

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#28 27-10-2007 11:33pm

tech77

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Did the bike testify?
Was it offered counselling?

Seriously though this really trivialises the issue of sexual abuse and victims of sexual abuse.

Oh and the punning..
Give it a BRAKE lads.

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#29 27-10-2007 11:33pm

in_da_club

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ha:D

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#30 27-10-2007 11:36pm

JohnnyStones

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I totally agree no more bad puns; it's a vicious cycle though!!

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#31 27-10-2007 11:36pm

daniel3982

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The thing I want to know is will he keep his dead down and let this ruin his life, or will he get straight back onto the saddle?

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#32 27-10-2007 11:40pm

daniel3982

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JohnnyStones wrote: »

I totally agree no more bad puns; it's a vicious cycle though!!

Spoke too soon mate!

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#33 27-10-2007 11:41pm

ejmaztec

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He will be cured after a few sessions with a cycliatrist!

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#34 27-10-2007 11:42pm

Schlemm

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Is it the same fella from this thread?http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055113514

Bikes must be getting a lot of action these days.

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#35 27-10-2007 11:44pm

daniel3982

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I just hope he was wearing protection

and that he didnt burst the rubber

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#36 27-10-2007 11:52pm

daniel3982

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Can someone embed this if it doesnt work..... It really needs to be done:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

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#37 27-10-2007 11:57pm

Jesus Wept

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daniel3982 wrote: »

Can someone embed this if it doesnt work..... It really needs to be done:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

you take out the http://youtube.com/watch?v= bit, everything before the =
Other than that, you had it.

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#38 27-10-2007 11:59pm

Red Hand

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Wonder if he made it's bell ring?

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#39 28-10-2007 12:00am

JohnnyStones

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Schlemm wrote: »

Is it the same fella from this thread?http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055113514

Bikes must be getting a lot of action these days.

Yeah it looks like the same story:eek:

or maybe he was caught again

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#40 28-10-2007 12:00am

tech77

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TBH even though it's a ridiculous story the guy must still be some sort of cycle-path.

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#41 28-10-2007 12:06am

WindSock

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ejmaztec wrote: »

Dirty peddlefile! Hangin's too good for 'em!

:mad: Gah, that was my pun!

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#42 28-10-2007 4:42pm

AlmightyCushion

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Move to cycling.

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#43 28-10-2007 5:12pm

A racy brainrot

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AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Move to cycling.

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#44 28-10-2007 5:22pm

remus808

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What's next- bicycle pornography? Last thing we need is more dirty smut peddallers..

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#45 28-10-2007 5:27pm

AlmightyCushion

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karmabass wrote: »

What's next- bicycle pornography? Last thing we need is more dirty smut peddallers..

Or pedofiles.

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#46 28-10-2007 5:27pm

gernon

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like Chuck Berry said he was just playin with his ding-a-ling-a-ling, anyway hope this doesn't lead to a 'chain' reaction.

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#47 28-10-2007 5:34pm

Nephew

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All kidding aside, how the **** does this make him a sex offender. He was in his hotel room and the cleaners had to unlock the door to get it. A locked hotel door is usually a sign that the person doesn't want to be disturbed. I could see some logic behind it if he was doing it in the hotel lobby.

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#48 28-10-2007 7:45pm

Jesus Wept

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How can it be quantified as sex when it's an object, not a living thing.

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#49 28-10-2007 8:05pm

Krieg

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The-Rigger wrote: »

How can it be quantified as sex when it's an object, not a living thing.

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

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#50 28-10-2007 8:09pm

Sinfonia

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Asbad wrote: »

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

You're dead right

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#51 28-10-2007 10:50pm

Jesus Wept

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Asbad wrote: »

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

:rolleyes:

With something that has never lived.

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