Man... bike... WTF?! [Merged]

Thrill

What position was he using?

Was he taking it from behind or sidesaddle?

Feral Mutant

Ride me sideways

Cionnfhaolaidh

This guy was using an inanimate object for sexual pleasure in the privacy of his own hotel room. Why was he put on the Sex Offenders' Register? That's fcking ridiculous if you ask me.

What if he was "caught" in bed shoving a dildo in the shape of a bicycle saddle up his ass? Sex offender?

Let's change the scenario. A woman "caught" shoving a bicycle saddle-shaped dildo up her gee. What Is the Difference? Put her on the SOR shall we?

I don't condone shoving a bike saddle up one's hole, but this guy wasn't harming anyone, and certainly shouldn't have been put on the SOR.

A ridiculous reaction to a ridiculous story.

Big Ears

SumGuy wrote: »

You're dead right

that's the only good one yet .

TheThing!

Jesus H Christ! That bike rapist story is so messed up. There are no morals left in this world. In my day a man knew how to treat a bike right, and they took their time to go out and find the right one before settling down with it. Only then would there be any hanky panky. I hope to find a good bike some day, one that I can maybe make my wife, but until then, there will be no evil acts going on

Sinfonia

TheThing! wrote: »

Jesus H Christ! That bike rapist story is so messed up. There are no morals left in this world. In my day a man knew how to treat a bike right, and they took there time to go out and find the right one before settling down with it. Only then would there be any hanky panky. I hope to find a good bike some day, one that I can maybe make my wife, but until then, there will be no evil acts going on

Don't worry, I'm sure your wife will be a bike

Jesus Wept

TheThing! wrote: »

Jesus H Christ! That bike rapist story is so messed up. There are no morals left in this world. In my day a man knew how to treat a bike right, and they took their time to go out and find the right one before settling down with it. Only then would there be any hanky panky. I hope to find a good bike some day, one that I can maybe make my wife, but until then, there will be no evil acts going on

I think you are the first person to use the word 'rape' about the incident?

tallaght01

Now, I'm not saying I'd be into rattling my pushbike. BUT, what law was he breaking?

....................

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Bike sex man placed on probation

Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a bike
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Sizzler

Gives a whole new meaning to the term SADDLE UP

The Hill Billy

The guy was having a w@nk in the privacy of his bedroom. No harm done.

tallaght01 - You really have an obsession with this malarky at the moment. How's your todger?

star-pants

that seems the most unobvious thing to simulate sex with... how would that even work??
Not sure I want to know. And how is it an offence?

oddness...

tallaght01

hahahah it's true HillBilly.

The todger is slowly improving.

BUT, it's only day 8 today. Another 3 weeks MINIMUM before I can think about crackin one off.

Painful days, bro, painful days :-P

jester77

tallaght01 wrote: »

hahahah it's true HillBilly.

The todger is slowly improving.

BUT, it's only day 8 today. Another 3 weeks MINIMUM before I can think about crackin one off.

Painful days, bro, painful days :-P

aha, and the truth finally comes out tallaght01

xzanti

Hill Billy wrote: »

The guy was having a w@nk in the privacy of his bedroom. No harm done.

My thoughts exactly.. What goes on in a mans bedroom is his own business.. I just hope used protection..

Lump

I thought this was gonna be a thread about a local slapper

Senna

tallaght01 wrote: »

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
.

So let me get this right, they walked into a room, hired and paid for by the occupant, he was alone and having an unusual w**k.
They tell the manager and instead of the manager bursting his ass laughting, he calls the police.
Anyone else thinking the hostel manager, must have been a woman?
Or this was a prick of a guest and they just wanted rid of him.
One of the two i'd say.

Pompey Magnus

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

What kind of a misunderstanding could that be? I mean how many pints would you need to drink before the beer googles kick in for a bike?

2 stroke

Nice looking bike. I could go for a bit of that myself.


Seriously though, if one can be prosecuted for having sex with a bicycle, surely you could be prosecuted for using a vibrator. I'm unlikely to be the only guy to see a girlfriend taking a gearstick, surely she should be locked up. (I sold the car but still have that gearnob over my bed)

star-pants

2 stroke wrote: »

Seriously though, if one can be prosecuted for having sex with a bicycle, surely you could be prosecuted for using a vibrator.

that's a valid point -- if they walked in on a girl ..doing..that... would the same rule be applied?

ScumLord

This makes absolutely no sense what soever. Tis wrong!

kevmy

ScumLord wrote: »

This makes absolutely no sense what soever. Tis wrong!

Even if it is wrong is it illegal. Yeah if he was doing it in the middle of the street but he was doing it in his room. Now he's on the sex offenders list. Imagine trying to get a job when your on the sex offenders list when all your a danger to is solitary bikes in private settings

He was probably only testing out the suspension.

2 stroke

Do we call persons caught riding bicycles cyclepaths or pedalophiles?

Overheal

weird... i read this story weeks ago! why is BBC news only reporting it now?

EDIT: yeah here http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/177208.html

October 27th, 2007

how is BBC so stupid? This isnt the first case ive heard of them reporting stale news.

ScumLord

kevmy wrote: »

Even if it is wrong is it illegal. Yeah if he was doing it in the middle of the street but he was doing it in his room. Now he's on the sex offenders list. Imagine trying to get a job when your on the sex offenders list when all your a danger to is solitary bikes in private settings

No it's not illegal in any way, You have people publicly marrying dogs (it happens in Europe too) they are more than likely having sex with the dog/small horse/donkey/cat/chicken, people laugh at the marriage but everyone knows whats going on behind the scenes.

Unless there's something not being said in the report. Like he was living in a hostel maybe if it was a dorm and he started doing it in front of everybody but it's certainly not worth a 2 year sentence.

Overheal

Hey - give them credit: at least theyre pre-marital about their beastiality.

2 stroke

I'm so curious, I'm going to have to try it. Pass the 3 in 1.

Terry

Overheal wrote: »

weird... i read this story weeks ago! why is BBC news only reporting it now?

EDIT: yeah here http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/177208.html

October 27th, 2007

how is BBC so stupid? This isnt the first case ive heard of them reporting stale news.

You also informed us of it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055172830

Dave!

Not sure what part of the bike he would be penetrating...

Either way, ridiculous if he was charged over it.

2 stroke

I often wondered why some landladies banned bicycles in the house.

2 stroke

Riding a bike while drunk isn't easy. Brewers droop I think, or maybe I just havent met the right bike.

A Dub in Glasgo

Overheal wrote: »

weird... i read this story weeks ago! why is BBC news only reporting it now?

EDIT: yeah here http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/177208.html

October 27th, 2007

how is BBC so stupid? This isnt the first case ive heard of them reporting stale news.

Eh? The BBC are reporting the sentence arising from the charge. Your link and previous thread are reporting that the guy has been charged

Terry

Makes a mockery of the sex offenders list.

whiskeyman

Jeez AH?!? What's wrong with you today?
I can't believe no-one posted the most obvious answer to this..



He wasn't straight





He wasn't gay





He was clearly bike-sexual...





That is all

source

The last time i checked a breach of the peace was a public order offence, and this was done in the privacy of his own room which he paid for!!!! If anything the cleaners should be arrested for invasion of privacy and adding him to the sex offenders list is ridiculous that's just after screwing up his life for using an unusual sex aid while having a ****, Abso-friggin-loutly ridiculous.I could understand it if he was doing it in the hall of the hostel but in his room????!!!!!????!!!!

Rhyme

whiskeyman wrote: »

He was clearly bike-sexual...

Wow. Just... wow.

YeatsCounty

foinse wrote: »

The last time i checked a breach of the peace was a public order offence, and this was done in the privacy of his own room which he paid for!!!! If anything the cleaners should be arrested for invasion of privacy and adding him to the sex offenders list is ridiculous that's just after screwing up his life for using an unusual sex aid while having a ****, Abso-friggin-loutly ridiculous.I could understand it if he was doing it in the hall of the hostel but in his room????!!!!!????!!!!

Completely agreed. Even the report says that the cleaners entered after they assumed that there was no-one there. He was in the privacy of his own place, having sex with an inanimate object. The only reason I can see for him being charged is if he saw them enter the room but he kept pumping away at the bike regardless (see what I did there?).

Hester

YeatsCounty wrote: »

The only reason I can see for him being charged is if he saw them enter the room but he kept pumping away at the bike regardless (see what I did there?).

From what I can remember of reading about this a few weeks ago, that's exactly what happened.:(:o

RoyalMarine

wrote:

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

did anyone else notice this on the bottom of the add?

RoyalMarineComm

RoyalMarineComm wrote: »

did anyone else notice this on the bottom of the add?

Yes! he was ordered to "kerb" his activities.

Dave!

YeatsCounty wrote: »

The only reason I can see for him being charged is if he saw them enter the room but he kept pumping away at the bike regardless (see what I did there?).

Very clever