Elephants

dak

What did the hotel-owner say to the elephant who couldn't pay his bill?
'Pack your trunk and clear out.'

What did the river say to the elephant when he sat in it?
'Well I'll be damned!'

What did the elephant say when it sat on a grape?
Nothing: it just let out a little whine.

What did the elephant say to the hotel-porter?
'Take my trunk, up and I'il follow.'

What did the elephant say to the telephone-operator?
I want to make a trunk-call.'

What did the conductor say when an elephant got on his bus and asked for a ticket to the zoo?
'Thats 5cent for the ticket, and €10,000 for the bus!'

What did the elephant say when he stamped on the mouse in a football match?
'Sorry, ref-I only meant to trip him up.'

What did the man say when he saw 4 elephants wearing sun-glasses coming over a hill?
Nothing: he didn't recognize them.

What did the peanut say to the elephant?
Nothing: peanuts can't talk, silly!

What do you say to an elephant with 2 heads?
'Hello, hello. How are you, how are you?'

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One day in the jungle there was a football match between the elephants and the insects. By half-time the elephants were winning 39-0.

Then in the second half a centipede came on - he was a brilliant player. By the end of the match the score was 46-39 to the insects.

As they were leaving the field the captain of the elephants said,

'What puzzles me is, why didn't you play that centipede in the first half?' 'We would have', said the captain of the insects.

"The only trouble is, it takes him an hour to get his boots on...'

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A lion was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.

The lion roared, *Who is the king of the jungle?' and the deer replied,'Oh, you are, master.'

The lion walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The lion roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, master.'

The lion walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared.

With that the elephant threw the lion across a tree and jumped on him. The lion scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'

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Eglinton

Do I hear the pitter patter of Captain Midnight en route?

Oliverdog

Eglinton wrote: »

Do I hear the pitter patter of Captain Midnight en route?

He can't be long, surely?

dak

Oliverdog wrote: »

He can't be long, surely?

Am I missing something here ?

Oliverdog

Yes - the Capt'n is world-renowned for his elephant jokes. Just stand here and wait with the rest of us - I'm sure he won't let us down.

dak

Oliverdog wrote: »

Yes - the Capt'n is world-renowned for his elephant jokes. Just stand here and wait with the rest of us - I'm sure he won't let us down.

Can someone make a trunk call to him then !!!!:D