Does sexual past have an affect on how you percieve your partner??

Terry

Mairt wrote:

Lets go at this from another angle.

That's what she said last night.

Also, Slightly NSFW.

Dudess

davejones wrote: »

So your like mrs Bertie-do you sleep with all sorts?.:)

No, wouldn't say that either. Man, where is this randomness coming from?

l3LoWnA

Dudess wrote: »

Not me. One-night stands tend to be meaningless, unlike relationships. Give me a guy with five years' worth of one night stands behind him over a guy who's just out of a five-year relationship.
Is it perhaps generally the case that the emotional stuff bothers women and the sexual stuff bothers men? Hmmm... strange that!

You've hit the nail on the head there! I would MUCH rather a guy with LOADS of no-strings sex history than a guy with an ex or two who meant the absolute world to him and were a big part of his life for a long time!

Dudess

Yep, I actually find it hot when a guy has loads of sexual experience. And I'd find it really hot if he had a gay experience!

MagicMarker

One night stands doesn't really = sexual experience though. For instance, i've only been with one girl other than my current partner. Not to toot my own horn but my current girlfriend says that she's never experienced anything like being with me and she's had a lot more partners than I, in a good way of course:)

I dunno, just depends on the person i guess, someone with lots of experience can be just as shíte and someone with no experience can blow your mind.

Ickle Magoo

I agree MagicMarker. There is a sexual chemistry you can share with someone which makes the sex fantastic regardless - sometimes you just "click" with someone & it doesn't matter what went before in either of your lives, you just suit each others styles. There are people who are very experienced yet pretty awful lovers & also those with little experience who are great in bed. I don't think one naturally follows the other, I think it is more dependent on natural chemistry, open-mindedness, a willingness to experiment & good, open communication.

kowloon

ScumLord wrote: »

I don't know, if I found out my girlfriend got spit roasted on two separate occasions I don't think I could look at her the same way ever again I'd just be thinking in the back of my mind "you dirty whore". It could have something to do with the type of men that would get into bed together to spit roast one girl as well. God knows what else they've been up to and passed onto her.

If she was with two girls I'd be thinking "you dirty whore" but in a good way.

Totally agree with you on the highlighted, have a lot less respect for the 2 halves of the spit than the roastee

arybvtcw0eolkf

Dudess wrote: »

And I'd find it really hot if he had a gay experience!

Now your acting the bollox :eek:

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Sorry, I was actually citing three scenarios. "I'm sure plenty of girls who have done it have lots of respect for themselves" - what I meant by that is I'm sure there are plenty of girls who have done it because they WANTED to, and they have plenty of self respect. But then there may be some girls who might actually want to do so when they're drunk but wouldn't if they were sober (I'd be in that category ). I'm not talking about girls who are absolutely plastered and barely know what they're doing (that might even constitute sexual assault), I'm just talking about those girls who have had a few drinks, inhibitions are lowered and they're up for stuff they wouldn't normally be up for - actually that's probably most of us girls.
And then there are probably girls who may not want to do it at all but feel pressurised into it. So it depends on the individual girl as to whether it's a positive or a negative thing.

That's where I'd stand too.

Well said.:D

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I agree MagicMarker. There is a sexual chemistry you can share with someone which makes the sex fantastic regardless - sometimes you just "click" with someone & it doesn't matter what went before in either of your lives, you just suit each others styles. There are people who are very experienced yet pretty awful lovers & also those with little experience who are great in bed. I don't think one naturally follows the other, I think it is more dependent on natural chemistry, open-mindedness, a willingness to experiment & good, open communication.

I'd tend to remember the lovers that I had chemistry with rather than the guy or guys who could go all night and could bend me into all positions

Dudess

Mairt wrote: »

Now your acting the bollox :eek:

What if you found out your ex had a girl-on-girl experience? I'm guessing you'd be pretty turned on by it.
I think all these "concerns" boil down to whether the experience involved penile penetration or not.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Dudess wrote: »

What if you found out your ex had a girl-on-girl experience? I'm guessing you'd be pretty turned on by it.
I think all these "concerns" boil down to whether the experience involved penile penetration or not.

Actually I'm not turned on by girl-on-girl at all.

l3LoWnA

Mairt wrote: »

Now your acting the bollox :eek:

I think not Mairt!

Dudess, didn't you just love Brokeback Mountain?!

Haha - well, I've only had one ex who admitted to having previous gay experience, and I don't think I found that alone turned me on, but his massive previous experience (gay or not) that he brought to my bed was incredible and led to many many nights/mornings/days/weekends/weeks/months of pleasure

As said above though, we did "click" together and had alot of chemistry....but thinking about that guy, I don't know how he could NOT have chemistry with someone tbh. There ARE some people though, that are sh1t in bed and always will be no matter how many one-night-stands or long-term relationships they had or had not down through the years. Some girls are likes sacks of spuds, they just lie there, some guys have premature ejaculation ploblems that never go away or simply have no rythm and groove.....

l3LoWnA

Mairt wrote: »

Actually I'm not turned on by girl-on-girl at all.

http://benhourigan.com/images/avitar-1-tm.jpg

or

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1235/561739269_8cc23580f0.jpg
Both mildly NSFW.

does absolutely nothing for you?

Dudess

l3LoWnA wrote: »

Dudess, didn't you just love Brokeback Mountain?!

Went to see it three times, ordered the DVD months before it was available, watched it several times again on DVD!
You could say I loved it indeed!

arybvtcw0eolkf

l3LoWnA wrote: »

http://benhourigan.com/images/avitar-1-tm.jpg

or

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1235/561739269_8cc23580f0.jpg


does absolutely nothing for you?

Honestly?...

Absolutely nothing!...

You see women have this impression that every man alive wants it with two (or more woman) and that nothing turns us on more, not true.

Maybe when I was a horny teen & pulling the belly out of myself a hundred times a day it done something, these days sex mean's more to me than teenage fantasies.

Oh, I should add here that I frequent gay bar's regularly with some gay friends so the sight of few women snogging isn't really that rare to me.

l3LoWnA

Dudess wrote: »

Went to see it three times, ordered the DVD months before it was available, watched it several times again on DVD!
You could say I loved it indeed!

Are you serious? :eek:

l3LoWnA

Mairt wrote: »

You see women have this impression that every man alive wants it with two (or more woman) and that nothing turns us on more, not true.

A lot of men do, at least, enjoy thinking about it, fantasizing about it!

Obviously, you're not one of the average males who would enjoy watching two ladies lick eachother all over before pleasuring you until you cannot be pleasured anymore!

Maybe when I was a horny teen & pulling the belly out of myself a hundred times a day it done something, these days sex mean's more to me than teenage fantasies.

You see, for you, it ended at teenage fantasies. For some, it became reality after that! :eek:

arybvtcw0eolkf

l3LoWnA wrote: »

You see, for you, it ended at teenage fantasies. For some, it became reality after that! :eek:

The fantasing ended, the reality happened. It was cool, I've had my fun.

SimpleSam06

Meh, sex is basically just a sport anyway. Two men, one woman, two women, one midget in a penguin suit, who cares, let people have their fun so long as they are all consenting adults. Its not mine or anyone else business what someone does in the privacy of their own home (obvious addendums about legality etc.)

As to why a partner's previous sexual experience would change how you perceive a partner, that probably has more to do with how you view the partner - ie, its your problem. If you are looking at your current girlfriend as a pretty-in-pink princess and then you find out she had a torrid affair with two bisexual rugby players conducted mostly in the shower room, of course its going to rock your world. But its just you, others aren't to blame for your misconceptions. Deal with it or move on, victorian times are dead and gone, thank god.

juuge

Dudess wrote: »

Yep, I actually find it hot when a guy has loads of sexual experience. And I'd find it really hot if he had a gay experience!

Thanks for sharing that with us..Father !

flyingdagger

It has never bothered me in the past.But having said that i have been seeing someone who constantly talks about ex girlfriends/sexual partners and it does bother me slightly; i have expressed my unhappiness at hearing yet another story re his previous women. I like to think that i'm fairly openminded but I'd rather not hear about it regularly!

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Went to see it three times, ordered the DVD months before it was available, watched it several times again on DVD!
You could say I loved it indeed!

You must be joking? That film was the most boring piece of crap I've ever seen
two sullen idiots having a quick fumble and then making everyone else miserable?

arybvtcw0eolkf

I wouldn't watch Brokeback mountain if my life depended on it.

Dudess

bluewolf wrote: »

You must be joking? That film was the most boring piece of crap I've ever seen
two sullen idiots having a quick fumble and then making everyone else miserable?

Mairt wrote: »

I wouldn't watch Brokeback mountain if my life depended on it.

Well, you know, people have different tastes etc.

MagicMarker

Dudess wrote: »

Well, you know, people have different tastes etc.

Indeed, for instance, i like pie.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Well, you know, people have different tastes etc.

Yeah mine's better

really didn't like it though

anyway
enough on that outta me

Dudess

Mairt wrote: »

I wouldn't watch Brokeback mountain if my life depended on it.

Why? Afraid of it or something?

arybvtcw0eolkf

Dudess wrote: »

Why? Afraid of it or something?

Cowboys kissing.

Rejected names for Brokeback Mountain;

JEREMIAH’S JOHNSON

HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG

THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE

THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER

DOC’S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID

LONESOME DOUG

HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES

OKLAHOMO

COOL HAND LUBE

PAINT YOUR FAG ON

BAREBACK MOUNTING

THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE

gabgab

ha ha that was funny Mairt,

Anybody got any other thoughts on this one??

MagicMarker

I think it's safe to say we've exhausted all avenues with this. Now, if you don't mind, the Golden Girls is on. That Betty White is a ROIDE!!!

LovelyTom

Mairt wrote: »

I didn't answer the poll.

Just to say, if the woman I love told me about a threesome in her past I'd have a very hard time getting my head around it.

It would seriously mess up my emotions. I even hate to think of my OH being with someone before me.

have to say i completely agree with what Mairt said like i wouldn't care too much if she'd been in a long relationship before me and they'd done the normal stuff, i wouldn't like to hear about what they got up to but if she'd been in threesomes I'd be feelings pretty ****...

CrunchMagg

I have to say actually whoever ur with u know theres someone else (usually) who has been there before. There is always a sexual past that u have to just overlook or overcome or whatever, because u would expect the same. If you think too much about your OH having had a 3some and stuff then you will ultimately drive yourself mad and that would ruin your relationship. Sex is sex, whether its 2 people or 3 people or whatever. Your partner has HAD sex with someone else, other than u, and its likely u have also, by the time you're together. U hadnt met so get over it, its in the past and leave it there.

My bf repeatedly asks me whether i slept with this other guy we know who I was seeing before him. Incidentally i hadnt as i was seeing him only for a short time, but my bf hates him and says if u did i'd rather know about it now so i can get over it. I dont understand that, its a waste of anguished emotion.

WhiteWashMan

gabgab wrote: »

I am throwing this up as I have seen in a previous thread where someone is getting a hard time over his girlfriend having had a threesome, and he finding it difficult to come to terms with it,

It has opened my eyes a lot to peoples views I must admit, so I would be curious to see your opinions,

Thanks,

not in the slightest. i judge people on who they are.
not who they were.

dSTAR

My ex (whom I dropped a few days ago) assured me she never had the 'pleasure of being banged by two guys' but thought about it often. She loved having a vibrator stuck in her a-hole while on top of me watching a porno (typically involving a girl getting banged by multiple guys). I have to admit that occasionally it would turn me on but afterwards she would want to kiss and cuddle and I would just want to roll over or go watch some TV. I know it doesn't strictly answer the question (as per previous experiences) but it is something that affected how I perceived her and ultimately led to the demise of the relationship.

Black Swan

Sexual past? In which lifetime?:rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

dSTAR wrote: »

My ex (whom I dropped a few days ago) assured me she never had the 'pleasure of being banged by two guys' but thought about it often. She loved having a vibrator stuck in her a-hole while on top of me watching a porno (typically involving a girl getting banged by multiple guys). I have to admit that occasionally it would turn me on but afterwards she would want to kiss and cuddle and I would just want to roll over or go watch some TV. I know it doesn't strictly answer the question (as per previous experiences) but it is something that affected how I perceived her and ultimately led to the demise of the relationship.

and yet, i would bet that plenty of guys have no problem watching porn with someone else performing it.

Aalike

I think that the specific question of whether a significant other having a threesome would bother someone is a two-headed issue. Having dealt with this exact issue recently, I can speak pretty much from experience and offer some advice on how to fix this...but I will say this - you don't really know your own answer to this poll until you've dealt with it. I never in my wildest dreams would have figured that this would be an issue for me until it was.

Issue one - just dealing with the "shock" of the physical act. This is mostly a male thing. As guys, we think about sex in a very juvenile manner - that's why we're way more apt to talk about it and cheapen it. We're also pretty all-or-nothing about most specific sexual acts - stuff that we're into is great and stuff that we're not is "gross" or "gay" - and the two guy threesome is an example of this as its something that guys are usually all for or vehemently against. And for guys that are against it, generally we get our perception of it from "guy talk" or from how it's marketed to us in porn (and since it's something that ideally is about pleasing the woman, it has to be portrayed as "degrading" to sell to male porn consumers). I think that the best way to get over this issue is to simply talk to the person about it, but not in a manner where you're yelling at them or judging them. Chances are you'll see that the porno scene that is running through your head is very inaccurate. and if it was that kind of thing, well, even so, I think that putting a human element to it and hearing from your SO that it wasn't a big deal will help you stop sensationalizing it. Guys have traditionally had problems dealing with girl's casual exploits, no matter how insignificant - and when you throw a "taboo" element into it too, it can magnify that. but in reality, as someone else pointed out here, casual sex is casual sex, and rating it on some sort of order of magnitude basis due to specifics is dumb cultural BS. If your SO is really into you, it should trivialize all previous casual sex, no matter the specifics.

Issue two is a little deeper - and that has to do with contextualizing the act within the framework of the person that you've come to know, and this is an issue that affects both genders, but generally in a different way. With men, they tend to view their girl with a colorful sexual past as "used", taken advantage of, victimized, etc...hearing about a girl that has had some casual sex so to speak lessens a guy's sense of "conquest" - which doesn't jive with our need to put our partners on a pedestal - "how can I put this girl above all other women if she's been an afterthought for another dude" - silly but true. It's a weird paradox - we spend so much of our single lives trying to talk women into bed with us then we fall in love and we're shocked that those same women have said yes to other people. Again, this effect is magnified by the "shock" of the threesome. For women, being bothered about a guy's past threesome is probably a function of the perception that he's some sort of "player" type and can sometimes render her to be too clingy for fear that he's only a few drinks away from ending up with some hooker. for women it's generally not the visualization or shock of the past incident that bothers them but instead the distrust for the future. with guys, it's not so much that they don't trust their girlfriend but more that they are worried about their girlfriend's past diminishing their sense of accomplishment and their need to be "big man of the bedroom." It's all insecurity based, but rooted differently.

Dragan

Nope, besides, for those who let it affect them it's always a pot kettle thing.

Sex is good and people enjoy it. Don't blame your current partner because you couldn't get laid as much you would have liked.

IvyTheTerrible

TBH it would have bothered me when I was younger and knew less about life. Now I've been with a guy for the last 2 years and we've never talked about past sexual relationships (only in a very general way and not about the sex part). I know he's had previous sexual relationships, he's a good looking guy. But what's the point of me worrying about it? He's with me now and the past is the past. If I let it bother me, then I wouldn't be enjoying the time we spend together. Life's too short people!

Username!

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

TBH it would have bothered me when I was younger and knew less about life. Now I've been with a guy for the last 2 years and we've never talked about past sexual relationships (only in a very general way and not about the sex part). I know he's had previous sexual relationships, he's a good looking guy. But what's the point of me worrying about it? He's with me now and the past is the past. If I let it bother me, then I wouldn't be enjoying the time we spend together. Life's too short people!

*applauds*

Aalike

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

TBH it would have bothered me when I was younger and knew less about life. Now I've been with a guy for the last 2 years and we've never talked about past sexual relationships (only in a very general way and not about the sex part). I know he's had previous sexual relationships, he's a good looking guy. But what's the point of me worrying about it? He's with me now and the past is the past. If I let it bother me, then I wouldn't be enjoying the time we spend together. Life's too short people!

Yeah, this is definitely the logical approach - had I known that there was potential for it to bother me I never would have had any talks of past experience, but we had the talk just swapping "crazy" stories one night in the early stages of dating and at the time I had no idea that I'd eventually fall this hard for her, and she told it to me like it was very nonchalant and silly (which I'm sure in her mind it was). I've never had a problem discussing peoples' pasts before, in fact like many people in this thread have cited, in some ways it's way better to find someone who's had a reasonable amount of sex and hence knows what they're doing - but hey, love can really screw up the ol' logic circuits, and honestly, maybe I'm old-fashioned but I had never really heard of anyone having an MMF three-way (and not a spitroast either, if you catch my drift) - most "three-way" stories I'd heard of were two girls mildly experiementing/attention-whoring with one guy. but again, after conversation with her I realized that it was just akward and silly experimenting, not some monumental, character-defining thing.