Young doctor

dak

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to
replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older gent suggested the young one accompany him
on his rounds so the community could become used to
a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a
little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been
overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the
amount you've been eating and see if that does the
trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even
examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis
so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my
stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over
to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in
the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty sneaky. I think
I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes
talking with an elderly woman.

She complained that she just didn't have the energy she
once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much work for the church,"
the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back
a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost
certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my
stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed
the preacher under the bed."

*********************************************************
A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how many times he checked around his Parish.

Frustrated, he decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass.

From the pulpit, he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?"

All the men inside the Church stood up!

"No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?"

All the women inside the Church stood up!

"No, no, no...what I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?"

All the nuns stood up!

****************************************************
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the
river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you
ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes,Preacher. I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right
back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up
and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this
time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have
you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher...

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

************************************************************************

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly
across the street from a whore house.

They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the
house.

"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those
Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!". They
both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously
and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.

"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing
holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is
coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the
flesh. 'Tis a shame, I tell ya!".

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the
house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly
sneaking in.

"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls
musta died."

****************************************************

A man drove his car into a ditch in a remote rural area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong donkey named Pete.

He hitched Pete up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Bessie, pull!"

Pete didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Jim, pull!"

Pete still didn't move.

Once more the farmer cried out, "Pull, Becky, pull!"

But nothing happened and Pete just stood there.

Then the farmer said, "Pull, Pete, pull!"

And the donkey easily dragged the car out of the ditch.


The man was very grateful, but he was also curious.


He asked the farmer why he called his donkey by the wrong name three times.


The farmer said, "Old Pete is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"


Folks, I am here to tell you. . .



That life can be a roaring great catastrophe. . .


If your ass is too small. . .

******************************************************************

A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her
breasts. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the
tip of your breasts and say, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."

She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked!
She grew great boobs!

One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized
she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new
boobs and didn't want to lose them, so right in the middle of the
bus--"Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"

"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"

"Hickory dickory dock."

******Have you heard that Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce?

Yes, it's very sad, but Mickey went to see a divorce lawyer and explained what was
going on and why he wanted a divorce. The attorney was shocked and told Mickey
that he would have to do some checking and for Mickey to come back in a week.

The following week Mickey showed up and the attorney told him, "I've been
investigating your allegations and I don't think that you can prove that
Minnie is crazy."

"Crazy?" Mickey asked. "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy!"

*************************************************************

You think life is bad...

How would you like to be an egg?

You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all...The only chick that ever sat on
your face was your mother.
*****************************************************

A woman was pregnant with triplets.

She was robbed and shot three times in the stomach. A bullet hit each child. The children were ok and the doctors thought it was more risky to try and remove the bullets than it was to leave them in.

Sixteen years later, the oldest girl came into the room crying to her mother. She told her mother she had to pee-pee and a bullet came out.

The mother told her the story about the robbery and explained to her that it is ok about the bullet.

The next day, the middle girl came crying into the room with the same problem. She had to pee-pee and a bullet came out.

Again, the mother explained the robbery story and the girl was fine.

The next day, the youngest, a boy, came into the room to talk to his mother.

The mother said, "I know son. You were trying to pee-pee and a bullet came out of you."

The son said, "No, momma. I was stroking my "Johnson" and I shot the dog!"

************************************************************

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.

The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?"

The groom says "I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the
rug

"AHA!"

Under the rug was a disc with four screws.

He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws
them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How
was your room?", "How was the service?", "How was your stay
at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER you complained of
the chandelier falling on them."