A Few Quickies

BRIAN1956

A young women is about to end her life by jumping off a cliff,
when a sailor happens to be passing by,
the sailors pleads with her not to do it and says to her,
" i'l stow you away on the ship and you can start a new lif in america "
three weeks later she is found and brought before the captain,
the captain asks " what the hell are you doing aboard my boat ??? "
she replies " 1 of your sailors is stowing me away to america,
he brings me 3 meals a day and in return he gets to f**k me everynight"
the captain replies "oh he's f**king you allright, this is the Liffey Ferry":eek:
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An old woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a
scotch and two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her a drink she says, "It's my birthday today and
I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink.
In fact I'll take care of this one for you."

As the woman finishes her drink a woman to her right says, "I guess I should
buy you a drink too."

The 80 year-old woman says, "Alright. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops
of water."

"Alright" says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "Since I'm the only one
around you that hasn't bought you a drink I guess I might as well buy you one
too."

The old woman says, "Alright, bartender I want a scotch and two drops
of water."

"Comin' right up" the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am I'm dying of curiosity. Why the
scotch and only two drops of water?"

The woman replies, "Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold
your liquor but you sure can't hold your water:rolleyes: