Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Can anyone help

  • 02-12-2007 7:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Long term lurker

    Been seeing this fab guy for about a year, know he's the one for me.He's stood with me through very tough times & has been fantastic.

    Lately though,we get into silly rows for stupid reasons. I think he's losing interest but doesn not how to say it & is too decent a gentleman to be callous.

    My question is...how do I find out if this is the case.

    When I ask him he says it's me he wants but then when I get upset or confused(& I am doing counselling to fix this) he lashes out

    When someone won't give you a straight anwer how do you find out


Comments

  • #2
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    He has told you he doesnt want to finish with you so you have to take his word for it or else you will drive yourself nuts and drive a wedge between you both...

    He may be a nice guy but do you really feel he would be staying with you to be nice??? Highly unlikely.

    Are you over-thinking this or putting too much emphasis on the relationship?? I can understand that this relationship is important to you and you are worried about it ending but if you dwell on it it may become a self-fulfilling prophesy.... Put the negative thoughts to the back of your mind. Enjoy the relationship and deal with a problem IF it arrives not before there is any sign of a problem.


  • #3
    l3LoWnA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 890 ✭✭✭l3LoWnA


    I agree with SarahSassy.
    WhatIdonow wrote: »
    I think he's losing interest but doesn not how to say it & is too decent a gentleman to be callous.

    This idea seems to all be in your own head from what you've posted. And you need to get it out of your head and move on. You are expecting him to want to leave you and I think this is your problem more than his. You need to continue with the counselling. You say he's helped you through a tough time. You seem to be expecting the worst from this guy which maybe is because of what's went on in your life before? Try to lighten up and enjoy the relationship without worrying he wants to leave you. The arguments are probably not helped by your insecurities at the moment and will probably ease off once you realise he's sticking around, not because he has to, because he WANTS to. (Guys do not stay in relationships because they feel they should, no matter how much of a gentleman they are, same goes for ladies....this guy wants you, get used to it) :)
    My question is...how do I find out if this is the case.

    The only way is to ask him and I would have advised this but.....
    When I ask him he says it's me he wants

    ....there's your answer right there. If he wanted to leave you he would NOT stay with you just to be nice. And he certainly would tell you the truth if you asked him as if he was finding it hard to leave you, that would be his easy ticket out of there, when you ask him straight out. I think you need to stop questioning him though because it's not very nice if a partner always needs constant reassurance. (sorry but it's not)
    When someone won't give you a straight anwer how do you find out

    It seems to me it's not a "straight" answer you want, it's the answer you've convinced yourself he wants to give, it's the answer you are weirdly seeking from him even though you say he's he man for you. In truth he probablly IS giving you a straight answer, you just don't believe it or don't want to believe it because you've convinced yourself otherwise.

    In conclusion, my advice is, keep up the counselling and if it's not working try to find a better counsellor.

    And believe in your boyfriend & in yourself :)


Advertisement