First date = kiss or sex or both

MIN2511

Hi Ladies,

I was on a date tonight with a good looking guy. We went out for drinks and it was nice, half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm? And i think he had the impression we were gonna end up in my place or his:eek:
Is that a norm, for guys to get cosy and lovey dovey on the first date and expect more... He's nice but i don't think i like him that much to want more

WindSock

It's norm if you are sending out those signals. If not, tell him you aren't interested.

mcquickerson

If ye dont like him, why you on a date?

I dont think its a guy/girl thing

some people see EVERY date as potentially finding "the one", and yes, some just want ye in the sack

If it puts ye off just tell him the aul sichiation

Alessandra

Afraid it's the hazard of the game. Some people want a casual thing and see the back of ya after getting into bed, others want a regular casual thing and then there are those that want relationships. You aren't gonna know who wants what unless you actually keep dating. You can just enjoy yourself until you find the one to settle down with. As an elder buddy of mine said on this issue, "Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

mcquickerson

Alessandra wrote: »

"Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

Peared

Alessandra wrote: »

Afraid it's the hazard of the game. Some people want a casual thing and see the back of ya after getting into bed, others want a regular casual thing and then there are those that want relationships. You aren't gonna know who wants what unless you actually keep dating. You can just enjoy yourself until you find the one to settle down with. As an elder buddy of mine said on this issue, "Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

That last bits a joke right? Cos otherwise I really don't know where to begin with it.

Alessandra

Peared wrote: »

That last bits a joke right? Cos otherwise I really don't know where to begin with it.

No I don't think she was joking, some oldish larger lady I worked with (think she might have gotten the line from Joan Rivers). She was being tongue and cheek when she overheard us talking about dates etc. rReally funny at the time cos she was married!

barbiegirl

Been there done that, the truth is just like Alessandra said. Just keep thiking the more frogs you kiss the closer you get to the price. There are a lot of frogs though.
I once had a first date where when I told the guy I though he was obnoxious he still asked me if I wanted a quick shag. I just laughed and left. Still makes me giggle, he was a real asshole. Still kept dating now engaged to gorgeous man.

Jules

In all fairness Mcquickerson, if she didn't go on the date she wouldn't of know if she liked him or not.

And unfortunately a lot og guys can be like that. But you do have to put yourself out there in order to find the right person. Like they said Frogs and Princes. But ya don't acutally have to kiss them or have sex to know if you like them or not!

WindSock

WindSock wrote: »

It's norm if you are sending out those signals. If not, tell him you aren't interested.

If breathe and pulse could be described as those signals.

Peared

Moonbaby wrote: »

If breathe and pulse could be described as those signals.

Agreed Moonbaby. I think at these early stages a girl should just do whatever the hell she wants to and not be thinking about what hes thinkin. If he does like her, he'll go with it. If he doesn't, well, then so what. And that can mean sleeping with him or not.

Also, usually for men theres nothing more attractive than a girl who acts like she doesn't give a **** about seeing him again and is herself.

Maple

he's just chancing his arm. You do what YOU want to do, nothing else. And if he makes a big deal out of it, then forget him he is a total jerk.

Susannahmia

MIN2511 wrote: »

Hi Ladies,

I was on a date tonight with a good looking guy. We went out for drinks and it was nice, half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm? And i think he had the impression we were gonna end up in my place or his:eek:
Is that a norm, for guys to get cosy and lovey dovey on the first date and expect more... He's nice but i don't think i like him that much to want more

It's the norm for w*nkers.

*Page*

kiss...

randylonghorn

barbiegirl wrote: »

I once had a first date where when I told the guy I though he was obnoxious he still asked me if I wanted a quick shag.

Well, he didn't exactly have a lot to lose at that stage, did he?

faceman

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

Crumble Froo

:rolleyes: i've been unfortunate enough to meet more than one who would have been quite happy for a relationship after the first night....

biko

I don't expect anything on the first date.
On the second date I will at least kiss her goodnight (after all she came out again, that means she likes me).

Have had long-ish relationships with 2 girls who had sex on the first date (both times drink was involved).

faceman

biko wrote: »

I don't expect anything on the first date.
On the second date I will at least kiss her goodnight (after all she came out again, that means she likes me).

Have had long-ish relationships with 2 girls who had sex on the first date (both times drink was involved).

you got to be getting a least a kiss on the first date, otherwise its confusing

tallaght01

faceman wrote: »

you got to be getting a least a kiss on the first date, otherwise its confusing

Agreed.

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

faceman

tallaght01 wrote: »

Agreed.

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

of it could mean he hasnt had relieve in ages and he just needs to. Maybe other dates he wasnt so forward. Its unfair to judge the chap on one meeting.

Then again, maybe the OP interpreted his body language incorrectly. Hard to say. Although chances are he wanted sex anyway.

randylonghorn

tallaght01 wrote: »

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

QFT.

Most of us have the cop-on not to admit to wanting it, because we know she's likely to think differently ... but if we get a few drinks in we may forget to be so diplomatic.

And yes, I agree that there is a double standard here a lot of the time ...

faceman wrote: »

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

... one which I disagree with.

I think it depends entirely on the people, the circumstances etc. ... the "x date" rules are a pile of artificial crap.

maple wrote: »

You do what YOU want to do, nothing else. And if he makes a big deal out of it, then forget him he is a total jerk.

Absolutely.

Black Swan

Some need to be in love before sex has value and meaning, drawing them closer through increased intimacy and sharing. Others enjoy passionate sex for sex sake. In essence, there are as many motives and needs as their are differences in people... and we all are different in many ways. So you cannot generalise. I might kiss on the first date, if I truly fancy someone, but I would never jump in the sack on the first date.

Star Lord

As a man, I can honestly say I would not have sex with someone on a first date. Primarily because I would not want to leave the lady in question wondering or worrying that it's all that I was after! Plus I want more than that!

But on a first date, if I did not get a kiss I'd chalk it down as a lost cause.

Solarball10

Kissing's fine on a first date!! Wouldn't sleep with someone till I knew em pretty well tho....mind u, depends how long I'd gone without some

Solarball10

faceman wrote: »

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

This, I think, is true in most cases. Most blokes I know say this. Hypocrites!

tallaght01

I once had a friend who had a very strict rule about who he would go on a second date with....

"If she rides me on the first date, she's a slapper, so I wouldn't go out with her. If she doesn't ride me on the first date, she's no fun, so defo wouldn't get in a relationship with her"

You gotta admire his logic

Star Lord

If circumstances let to me thinking enough of someone to sleep with them on the first date I certainly wouldn't think badly of them, I'd be more worried they'd think I took advantage...

Cuddlesworth

First of all I would like to say that I love this forum. Its like reading Cosmo when you think no-ones watching.

Second of all, I will say "leave the guy alone". As it stands at the moment, its the status quo that the guys initiate the relationships, we initiate the sex and we even initiate the commitment. We can't get it right all the time, maybe he thought you were up for it?

greenteaicedtea

half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm?

Well if that happened to me, and if I wasn't interested in ending up in his bed, I would put up my hand to stop him or clearly dodge the kiss or whatever, and I'd definitely put a deep freeze on the atmosphere afterward.

Even if I really liked him a lot, I'd prefer to get to know him better first, just in case he was a jerk and I didn't notice yet.

So no, I don't think that's normal. Anyone who respects you would give it some time and try to establish over time, what it is you exactly both wanted. If it was really a one night stand they were after, and if they were creative, they'd make some kind of racy joke or comment, to see what your reaction was first, and if you weren't receptive, they'd be respectful and back off.

if she didn't go on the date she wouldn't of know if she liked him or not.

and I've had that held over my head, when I told a guy I wasn't interested in a date in the first place!! eg. "how would you know if you liked me if you didn't date me" whereas I had already seen & heard enough to make my decision.

OT, but for a ladies' forum, there seem to be an awful lot of men here posting in reply. If I'm reading correctly, her post starts "Hi ladies..."

jesus_thats_gre

And to think, we can't have men only golf clubs yet ye are demanding women only forums. Tis a disgrace!!


If you were giving him socks, he may have thought that is was appropriate. Guess it is down to the signals you were sending or him being particularly forward.

stinkybum

I've never seen a difference in the way i've been treated by a man if i slept with him on the first date.

I went out with a man for 10 years that I shagged on the first night and it wasnt even a date, I pulled him on the way home from town

I never ever had a bloke think i was a slag for bringing him home on the first night !!! I think that if blokes have hangups about things like that, its usually a reflection on themselves, that they are scared they will be easily compared to other men or that that woman is sexually experienced and therefore more likely to issue comparisons. I guess you are either comfortable with the idea of casual sex or you arent. If you arent ok with it, dont do it, that goes for men and women.

I slept with my husband on our 3rd or 4th date and the sex was a bit of a misnomer but I knew I was going to marry him after our first date so we knew we had all the time in the world to get the sex right. And we did.

MIN2511

Hmm,

I read all the replies to the thread and i decided not to text him again.. We work together not in the same department or location and luckily i haven't bumped into him. He's sent me a few texts and emails but i guess he gets the picture now

LivingDeadGirl

To me that doesn't sound great OP, think you made the right decision, imo you need someone's permission to touch them like that, whether they give it to you verbally, physically(by touching the other person in a similar manner) or by body language etc. I'm sure people do make some amount of honest misinterpretations, but there's a fair amount of sleazebags out there too

Nevyn

If a person is a relavitve stranger I would not have sex with them on a first date.
If it is a first date with a person what I already know or is a friend or a close friend when who knows.

Clare Bear

No way would I ever sleep with someone on a first date, no matter how much I liked them! My body is a temple and it needs to be worked for ha ha ha ha. Plus I've never been in to sex just for the sake of it. One night stands and all that malarkey don't appeal to me.

I'd kiss someone on a first date, only if I really liked them though. And if I was expecting to see them again.

Fremen

kiss or sex or both

Does that suggest you'd have sex with a guy without kissing him?

tallaght01

You mean some people kiss without having sex!!!????!!!!! :eek:

Crumble Froo

apparently... :eek:

Star Lord

Fremen wrote: »

Does that suggest you'd have sex with a guy without kissing him?

I LOLed
Made me think of the way prostitutes apparently don't kiss customers as they want to keep something special for their boyfriends... :rolleyes:

Clare Bear

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I LOLed
Made me think of the way prostitutes apparently don't kiss customers as they want to keep something special for their boyfriends... :rolleyes:

Aww do they hurt your feelings when they won't kiss you on the lips Damo?

monkeyfudge

The movie Pretty Woman is not an accurate description of the prostitution industry.

Crumble Froo

never seen it, but i know there's a lot of misconceptions... in nz, prostitution is legal, and i know my b/f used to work as a gardener for a coupla brothels for a while, he was good mates with a lot of the girls, and i've seen him get into huge rows with people on other boards when the topic comes up and they really don't know what they're talking about.

johnnyskeleton

Peared wrote: »

Also, usually for men theres nothing more attractive than a girl who acts like she doesn't give a **** about seeing him again and is herself.

As in a slut?

What's all this talk about dates? You mean there are other ways to meet people other than in the pub?

johnnyskeleton

tallaght01 wrote: »

Agreed.

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's straight

.

eth0_

If a guy dropped the hand on me during a first date, it would be the last date.
Would never ever sleep with a guy on the first date either, it just makes you look like a slut IMO.

panda100

My golden rule is to never even kiss a guy on the first date. Its a lot more fun and exciting when you leave it a bit until the first kiss cos then your both really excited about it when it does actually happen.Also I just dont get anything out of kissing a stranger and for me It takes at least a good three or four dates before I can say I know someone. I usually wait about a year before I sleep with someone but It really depends on the guy/relationship. Id like to be more liberated when It comes to sex but Just from my own first sexual experience and being brought up a devout Catholic I have huge issues with sex.

Nightwish

Myself and my boyfriend did have one kiss on the first date. It made the end of the evening special and I'm glad it went no further.

Civilian_Target

Interesting, lots of people not even kissing on the first date 8) Unless a girl made it very clear she was still interested in me, I would assume she wasn't interested if we didn't kiss the first time, next time we meet I'd assume she wanted to just be friends...
Doesn't have to be the most mind-blowing kiss or anything but just something to make you look forward to next time!

MIN2511

I have mixed feeling about kissing or not kissing on a first date... it all depends on the mood

I'm really surprised so many Irish people date...I have never done it. I meet people in clubs.
How are people engineering these dates, do strangers proposition you in the street or vice versa.