First date = kiss or sex or both

Civilian_Target

"Date" is a strong word to use. But if you meet a girl in a pub in groups of friends, chat for a couple of minutes but have to go and exchange numbers, there's a date! Or you meet a girl on the train on the way to work? Or someone you like in your thai-jistsu class that you really like... why not?

eth0_

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm really surprised so many Irish people date...I have never done it. I meet people in clubs.
How are people engineering these dates, do strangers proposition you in the street or vice versa.

I don't understand how you can hook up with someone in a nightclub? How can you possibly get to know them when you can't have a conversation as the music is too loud? How would you know you're not going home with a psycho? I'm 26, not an oul wan at all, but i'd never consider hooking up with a complete stranger, especially if I or they were drunk..

YogaChick

If I dont get physical with a guy after 4/5 dates then I usually assume the attraction between us is not strong and I move on because if you are not hot for each other in the beginning this means you have no chance in the long run.

eth0_

eth0_ wrote: »

I don't understand how you can hook up with someone in a nightclub? How can you possibly get to know them when you can't have a conversation as the music is too loud? How would you know you're not going home with a psycho? I'm 26, not an oul wan at all, but i'd never consider hooking up with a complete stranger, especially if I or they were drunk..

Why would you assume that just because I meet people when out that I am bringing strange men home! :mad:
I think you have issues.

There are plenty of quite places in a club to make conversation.

eth0_

Usually when someone say they met a guy or girl in a nightclub they mean they got off with them. Didn't mean to offend you, sorry.

I havent heard that since I was 16...it was a Dublin thing and it refered to kissing. At the time we laughed at the inelegance of it.
So I'm surprised it has persisted into adulthood around your parts. I never heard it when I lived in Dublin.

tomtom2008

sorry to bring this up again, i read it 2 weeks ago, but was not able to post until now. I had to read this thread a few times and look at the thread starters other posts cos for a while i thought i was the guy involved!!! but now i know im not!!! but, i was in this suituation a few weeks ago. girl i worked with in the same building, but little or no contact at work, knew little about her and we just went out for a few drinks.

my background, just out of a 5 year relationship, a hot girl i fancy asks me out for a few drinks, i say yes. im not into the whole "dating" thing, but i couldn say no, too soon maybe after what i had been through.

anyway, the night is flying and we spend the whole night laughing, i hold her hand and put my other on her leg, she doesnt let go or say anything. maybe she was uncomfortable, but didnt say anything. it comes from 5 years of intamacy. slightly wrong i know, but harmless, i know this girl would never go all the way on the first date or even, for a long long time.
so i can honestly say, i went there, not expecting anything, only to get to know this girl and maybe build something. maybe she wanted sex?!!(joking) girls are not angels either you know!!!anyway, walked home, good night kiss and that was it.

now, what pisses me off, is that girls on ere, think that all men are w**kers. touchin a girls leg is a sign he wants sex is it? get a grip girls please!! there is no harm with kissing on a first date, MIN2511, are you saying you have never kissed a lad in a pub or a nightclub and not knew who he was? i know its a different scenario and i know that when is one on one that your "stuck" with that person all night, but i think there is nothing wrong with a kiss.

i have a feeling that maybe, this girl thought the same as all you lot on here, but she was very very wrong.

MIN2511

tomtom, the guy worked in a different building Thank God! Cos i was freaking out after reading your reply.....
The first time i kissed a guy i knew nothing about was Friday week. Previous to that i have been very cautious of what i do with myself having come out of a 5yr relationship.
The guy in particular, i think, was too forward with his actions. I haven't contacted him since, lost my phone and finished my contract but i don't think i am interested in him enough to bother.
Men are not ****... i believe each person is speaking from experience. He may not have wanted sex but i sure as hell didn't want him to kiss me..
And about the date, what is it with blokes and white/black shirts and blue jeans...
I hate it!!

red_ice

if hes a bloke he should know that dating is like prostitution only you dont always get what you pay for

*runs*

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote: »

If a person is a relavitve stranger I would not have sex with them on a first date.
If it is a first date with a person what I already know or is a friend or a close friend when who knows.

+1
As for kissing, whatever, it's hardly that big a deal

jezza

God. Would a 1st date count meeting in a nightclub? Yeah to 1st kiss, but if a guy asked me back to his place, i'd ask him in no uncertain terms if two people could fit under his rock.

I wouldn't have sex on the 1st date- personally.

SW81

definitely not sex...i mean what's the rush anyway, even if you like them that much that you can't keep your hands off them....if you liked them they'd just think you're easy no matter how much chemistry you have. i'd wait a month or so probably but it depends.

Nevyn

a month ???

SW81

SW81 wrote: »

definitely not sex...i mean what's the rush anyway, even if you like them that much that you can't keep your hands off them....if you liked them they'd just think you're easy no matter how much chemistry you have. i'd wait a month or so probably but it depends.

a month? o.O

Barlow07

MIN2511 wrote: »

Hi Ladies,

I was on a date tonight with a good looking guy. We went out for drinks and it was nice, half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm? And i think he had the impression we were gonna end up in my place or his:eek:
Is that a norm, for guys to get cosy and lovey dovey on the first date and expect more... He's nice but i don't think i like him that much to want more

I think it he was just looking for one thing and nothing long term on this date, if he was a gentleman then he would have acted like one from the start. I dont agree with what some people have said about sex on the first date, calling a girl a slapper if she does, i bet nine times out of ten drink is envolved at this stage.

I'm curious to know how you ended up going on a date with him in the first place

briantwin

A month?? Are you insane?? I hope you have big hands cause that poor lad would be packin water melons after a month of dating and no mating!!

SW81

really? god i didn't think a month was that long at all!

I don't think a month is a long time at all. I think it is ridculious to not sleep with someone on a first date because they are a stranger, and then assume after a month or less that you know them, well enough to trust them.

TerrorFirmer

A month is not long at all. I'd be more then happy to wait several months - and even longer if the female in question preferred it that way.

MIN2511

Barlow07 wrote: »

I think it he was just looking for one thing and nothing long term on this date, if he was a gentleman then he would have acted like one from the start. I dont agree with what some people have said about sex on the first date, calling a girl a slapper if she does, i bet nine times out of ten drink is envolved at this stage.

I'm curious to know how you ended up going on a date with him in the first place

Hehehehe... met him @ a work xmas party, we are not in the same building but we are in the same department(don't work together either)
We danced, exchanged numbers... he texted me, emailed me... we communicated and decided to go for drinks...

Piste

A month isn't that long really, if you both have school/college/work/ something that takes up your weekdays then you're probably only going to see them once or twice a week after you first meet them, a month should be the bare minimum!

Pyjamarama

If I was interested in the person and envisioned a 2nd date then a kiss would def be on the cards, I think if there was no kiss that's mean neither parties were interested.

The hand on the leg thing is a bit presumptous if you haven't given him any signals, body language that say you wanted to kiss him but I guess different people pick up different things so he may have just misread the signals.

I wouldn't have sex on the first date because if I liked the person I'd want to know them better and feel more comfortable with them. Don't judge anyone that would it's just not my style! Also guys do tend to label girls who sleep with them on the first date as 'easy' and perhaps not 'relationship material' which is of course totally hypocritical and double standards. If they really like the girl I don't think it makes that much of a difference to a lot of guys.

Mr. Incognito

I usually wait about a year before I sleep with someone but It really depends on the guy/relationship. Id like to be more liberated when It comes to sex

That is mind-boggling to me. A year? A girl told me that once and I broke up with her. you're not going to be more sexually liberated with an timer like that.

mollybird

a kiss on hte first date is very appropriate espically if you really like them. sex id usually say no but it kinda happened with me and my current beau and he is still with me a 18 months later. so i guess it's different for everyone.

MIN2511

I also went on another first date with another bloke And we didn't kiss or have sex, and i WONT be ringing him again. I wonder...

stratospheres

What happened MIN?

Kiss on the first date definitely

Sex...well I'm still a virgin and with my bf 6 months

MIN2511

stratospheres wrote: »

What happened MIN?

Kiss on the first date definitely

Sex...well I'm still a virgin and with my bf 6 months

Nothing really, i just didn't fancy the bloke.
On second thoughts i would have sex with a guy on a first date, but i would have to be REALLY REALLY ATTRACTED to him.

cuckoo

Wow, this thread has made me think i might have to hand back my ladies lounge membership card and head over to BGRH. Sometimes i might have sex with someone because......i wanted to have sex.

If a man would judge me for having sex with him after the first date, well, it obviously wouldn't work for the two of us long term anyway.

Rattlehead_ie

Staying with the 1st,2nd date theme but changing question slightly. for either sex, how long will it normally take for you to decide if you actually fancy the guy / girl, not to sleep with him / her I mean! With guys I would say for the most part easily the 1st if not 2nd date.Girls are you the same?

Ginny

cuckoo wrote: »

Wow, this thread has made me think i might have to hand back my ladies lounge membership card and head over to BGRH. Sometimes i might have sex with someone because......i wanted to have sex.

If a man would judge me for having sex with him after the first date, well, it obviously wouldn't work for the two of us long term anyway.

+1


(But you're a woman you're supposed to be virtuous and pure, not just horny:D)

azezil

The only reason I'd have for not kissing someone on the first date would be because I wasn't interested in them so I'd assume if they didn't kiss me they felt the same way, thus if I don't get a kiss on the first date, there ain't gonna be another!
I have had sex on the first date, generally those don't lead anywhere but to more sex and relationships based on sex, in my experience, while damn good fun don't last. If I really liked the person I'd prefer to wait a while.

As for the second question posed by Rattlehead_ie, that's rather subjective, I've been crazy about some guys right from the start and other I haven't liked people at all but in time have grown to, but I'd certainly know within the first 4 dates.

Dudess

MIN2511 wrote: »

is this the norm?

What? So dating etiquette is now open to examination like medical symptoms? Seriously, if you don't want him to get too frisky with you then what has whether it's "the norm" or not got to do with anything? You just don't want it - end of. Maybe you will want it from the next guy you go out with. Just have sex when you want, snog when you want; don't have sex when you don't want, don't snog when you don't want. What other people do really doesn't have anything to do with you.

MIN2511

Dudess wrote: »

What? So dating etiquette is now open to examination like medical symptoms? Seriously, if you don't want him to get too frisky with you then what has whether it's "the norm" or not got to do with anything? You just don't want it - end of. Maybe you will want it from the next guy you go out with. Just have sex when you want, snog when you want; don't have sex when you don't want, don't snog when you don't want. What other people do really doesn't have anything to do with you.

Dude... whats the story with you? I asked ladies... did someone stand you up recently?

Dudess

It's "Dudess" which signifies that I'm female. I'm just asking why you're seeking approval. Just do what you feel like, or don't do what you don't feel like. It doesn't matter what other people do, nor what they think.

MIN2511

My apologies i didn't see the second s. I would at the end of the day do what i please, i was asking. It's ladies lounge? Thoughts and opinions can influence my final decision

Marksie

Totally depends on the dynamic, what both are looking for and what they are comfortable with.

I usually go into dates with no expectations and take it from there.

I wouldn't be upset if somene didnt want to go further than a kiss at the end of the night.
But a kiss at the end of the night is good.

Usually there is some awareness and knowledge of who we are, so it makes conversation easy.
But it does go both ways, I have been known to say no as its not felt right.

Beruthiel

MIN2511 wrote: »

Thoughts and opinions can influence my final decision

Do you not have enough confidence in yourself to know what you want without outside infulences?

SarahSassy

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

Staying with the 1st,2nd date theme but changing question slightly. for either sex, how long will it normally take for you to decide if you actually fancy the guy / girl, not to sleep with him / her I mean! With guys I would say for the most part easily the 1st if not 2nd date.Girls are you the same?

Probably second date but then I have plenty of friends who wont even go on a second date if they dont really fancy them on the first... It can kinda grow on me so I tend to go on a second / third date to be sure either way...

MIN2511

Beruthiel wrote: »

Do you not have enough confidence in yourself to know what you want without outside infulences?

CAN is the word i used, i did not say would. Opinions would always influence decisions we all make, we can either take them or leave them!

I didn't start the topic to talk about confidence, i asked a question people shared their opinions...

SW81

SarahSassy wrote: »

Probably second date but then I have plenty of friends who wont even go on a second date if they dont really fancy them on the first... It can kinda grow on me so I tend to go on a second / third date to be sure either way...

Yeah I'd say the same as that, would need 2 or 3 dates to know really. Well if I definitely knew I didn't fancy them on the first date I'd know but if I wasn't sure I'd give it another date or two. And I'm glad I have in the past, some relationships grow slower than others.

Drift

Read through the thread and I'm helaciously confused. I can't confess to being a dating expert but if I really liked a girl during a date I wouldn't have thought there'd be anything wrong with briefly putting my hand on her knee? I always thought that contact is a way of expressing your like for someone. But now it appears half the girls out there would think I was after a quick ride!!!!

I wouldn't sleep with a girl on the first date. Never have so far anyway. But I'd go for a peck on the cheek at the end of the night if I thought the date went well. If I felt it wasn't right to try and give her a peck goodnight I'd count it as a lost cause. If I tried and got knocked back I'd be very wary about making a fool of myself by asking her for another date. So what I'd be expecting for a second date sign is a wee smile from her when I do.

Aww well back to the drawing board I suppose. So if there's no kiss at the end of the first date girls how do you let a guy know you'd like a second one?

Drift

Drift wrote:

Aww well back to the drawing board I suppose. So if there's no kiss at the end of the first date girls how do you let a guy know you'd like a second one?

"let's meet up again soon"

Drift

bluewolf wrote: »

"let's meet up again soon"

50% of the time a girl saying that might actually be telling the truth you know!

Ok I'm joking, but I do think that quite a few girls (the type i don't want to see again) would say this but not mean it at all. So I guess if you go that way about it make sure that you're enthusiastic about the prospect. Give him some hope

Drift

Drift wrote: »

50% of the time a girl saying that might actually be telling the truth you know!

Ok I'm joking, but I do think that quite a few girls (the type i don't want to see again) would say this but not mean it at all. So I guess if you go that way about it make sure that you're enthusiastic about the prospect. Give him some hope

Well I guess you ask them when and see if they are prepared to arrange a time
I cant imagine they would if they really werent interested

Drift

Guess I'll just have to rethink the way I go about things.

So peck on the cheek to say goodbye is a definite no-no then? :rolleyes: (Women ..... sometimes you just wonder )

isthatyoudave?

After afirst date the least you'd expect is a blow job around the back of the pub!...

Seriously though
if the first date is a success you'd look to arrange a secon date, then on the second date you'd be aiming for a kiss at the end of the night or 3/4 way through the date. This has to be forthcoming, if not you're in danger of being a 'friend' - and thats a hard place to get back from....

If your picking a girl up in a bar or nightclub and she's snogging the face of you and grabbing your crotch then its a defo sex on first night, maybe depending on how much of an ug she was you might give her a buzz for the following weekend, but girls if your a stunner and you still put out easy we'll still respect you as your hot!, if your an ug then you're liable to be a f*ck buddy.....

Remember, men are always horny.....:D

Marksie

isthatyoudave? wrote: »

After afirst date the least you'd expect is a blow job around the back of the pub!...

Seriously though
if the first date is a success you'd look to arrange a secon date, then on the second date you'd be aiming for a kiss at the end of the night or 3/4 way through the date. This has to be forthcoming, if not you're in danger of being a 'friend' - and thats a hard place to get back from....

If your picking a girl up in a bar or nightclub and she's snogging the face of you and grabbing your crotch then its a defo sex on first night, maybe depending on how much of an ug she was you might give her a buzz for the following weekend, but girls if your a stunner and you still put out easy we'll still respect you as your hot!, if your an ug then you're liable to be a f*ck buddy.....

Remember, men are always horny.....:D

Indispensable advice :rolleyes:

Rabies

Marksie wrote: »

Indispensable advice :rolleyes:

I'm sure everything he learned about women is from Loaded or FHM.

Rattlehead_ie

Rabies wrote: »

I'm sure everything he learned about women is from Loaded or FHM.

Ahhh the Jenna Jameson Columns
I'd say if either party didn't make a move by the 3rd date then you would start to wonder, but it really just depends I think

isthatyoudave?

It is true to say that you can get ladies who just want a quick shag too? your painting the men here as being the horndogs but women can be just as bad......

discuss