Trying For a Baby

Chasing Cars

Hi

I'm new to this site and just wondering if there is a tread for people trying to get pregnant and if not perhaps I could make this the start of a one.

For the last year I have wanted to have a baby and every so often I decide that I am going to try and get pregnant but then when it comes to the ideal time for concieving I get scarred and avoid those perfect days then when it comes to the end of my cycle I change my mind and try and then get disappointed when I get my period. I then decide now is not the time and try and forget about it - all of which is very unfare on DH as he really wants one (maybe two there are twins in both our familly)

The problem is I had to change my job in Sept as my boss was bullying me, now I am in a great new job with loads of potential and I feel I can't just turn around to them and tell them I need to take 6mths off for a baby. Also I have the chief earner between myself and hubby and it is going to be very hard to survive on the scrap of money that the government give you.

I just wish I could have a baby without the pregnancy and maternity leave and my boss couldn't get pissed off and we would still have money.

Wow feals good to get this off my chest

Nevyn

Sounds like you are just not ready yet.
How much of this have you taked through with your husband ?
Have you considered getting some couselling ?

Chasing Cars

Thaedydal wrote: »

Have you considered getting some couselling ?

Why is this not normal?

grizzly

I wouldn't worry about what's "normal" as everyone's situation is going to be different. Counselling can be a great way of uncovering true feelings – what is it you are scared of? Whatever it is, it is best to explore before you have a child.

As for your boss and pissing them off with maternity leave – people get pregnant, it's life. You were hired on your merits and being a woman of child bearing age your boss must have factored this in already if he/she has any sense.

astrofool

Seems a bit early to be going down the root of counselling, she knows what she wants, but is torn due to some realities at the moment. However, there is never a "perfect" time to have a kid. Do you have your own place? (owned or rented) Are either of you still in education?

Also, very few bosses would be pissed off with a woman worker having a kid, it's part of being an employer.

Clytus

We were like you OP when thinking about trying for a baby....but our desire to have a child slightly out weighed to problems we thought we'd face.

being pregnant and bringing up a baby is a total life changing experiance. We thought we may have wanted to do alot more travelling and lived bit of the high life.....but it all ment nothing the day we found out my wife was pregnant.

It focuses you on the really important things (like your family and your unborn child)

Money reasons, at least to me is, is a very sorry reason for people not to have Children. They bring so much to peoples lives that its a shame so many put off having children for those reasons.

Quality

I am in a bit of a situation myself this year.

After suffering a miscarraige last year I was made redundant in my job, I am now doing a temporary job til May (Maternity leave cover), Thing is there is a possibility of the girl not coming back and me being kept on.

I really want to get pregnant straight away but I have to be in employment in order to get maternity benefit and if I dont get kept on in the job I am not sure if I will get a job being pregnant. I already have two kids and our lifestyle would change a lot if I did not bring in a wage. So the money is important to us.

Chasing Cars

Quality wrote: »

I am in a bit of a situation myself this year.

After suffering a miscarraige last year I was made redundant in my job, I am now doing a temporary job til May (Maternity leave cover), Thing is there is a possibility of the girl not coming back and me being kept on.

I really want to get pregnant straight away but I have to be in employment in order to get maternity benefit and if I dont get kept on in the job I am not sure if I will get a job being pregnant. I already have two kids and our lifestyle would change a lot if I did not bring in a wage. So the money is important to us.

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

I know people thinking that money is a cold reason to be afraid to have a baby and that these things tend to work themselves out but if you plan to have a child then I think you should should be in the best possible position unfortunatly the bank manager still wants you to pay you mortgage etc. People that work for the civil service and large corporations are very lucky to have the security that they provide. Loosing your job and being placed at the bottom of the rung with regards to security is tough going I can understand you worries

Carrigart Exile

Let your husband take the time off work instead to look AFTER THE BABY WHEN IT ARRIVES (oops sorry didn't mean the caps)

failsafe06

I am in a similar situation i have feeling so sad now every month for the last few months i really want to start having children but my boyfriend is okay with it one minute and then not the next minute which is really upsetting for me. (we live together and have been together years now) I decided that i don't think he will ever be able to decide when is the "ideal time" so i've stayed off the pill anyway and he's aware of this but i've not got pregnant yet and i'm starting to get really down about it. Sorry to moan i actually think maybe i have new year blues......

paulksnn

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

Let your husband take the time off work instead to look AFTER THE BABY WHEN IT ARRIVES (oops sorry didn't mean the caps)

While I do understand where you're coming from Carrigart, the system isn't built that way. While a man can take his holidays, any other type of leave(sabbatical, etc) will cause a drop in earnings. The most cost-effective method really is a woman getting maternity leave.
As a man, I would love to have spent more time with my child when she was younger, but it just wasn't going to happen. My wife earns about the same I do, and I would love to take parental leave, but financially, I just can't do it.

Chasing.
Of course you want to be in the best position possible from a finance/job security standpoint, but I don't think there ever is an ideal time. You've just got to go for it. Fear of the unknown can be a huge factor, but knowing that the two of ye will sort out all problems between ye, can have a very calming effect.
As for the job, you just have to decide which you want more, family or job. You don't have to take the full 9 months if you don't want to. But (and this is the way I think of my job these days) what do you feel you owe the company. I know you want to make a good impression, but if the company decided to make people redundant, would they even pause before cutting your salary out of the budget.

The others are correct though, it's way, way too early to even think about counselling.

Chasing Cars

failsafe06 wrote: »

I am in a similar situation i have feeling so sad now every month for the last few months i really want to start having children but my boyfriend is okay with it one minute and then not the next minute which is really upsetting for me. (we live together and have been together years now) I decided that i don't think he will ever be able to decide when is the "ideal time" so i've stayed off the pill anyway and he's aware of this but i've not got pregnant yet and i'm starting to get really down about it. Sorry to moan i actually think maybe i have new year blues......

In know how you feel its a very scary time - we spend so long making sure you don't get pregnant and then when you try you realise that it is not that easy - the only solice you can take is that it can take 6-12 months for two perfectly healthy people to concieve and then if there is a problem there are so many very simple steps to take like loosing wait, getting fit, stop smoking/drinking (for both the man and the women). Then if the women is not ovulating a simple stimulant can help kick start that etc etc. Don't know if a man can get anything to increase his sperm but I know diet etc helps. Well thats what I am hoping for and then if that doesn't do it there is still IVF.

As for the time of the year I think that doesn't help either as you look at the 365 days to come and ask yourself how its going to be different to the last 365 and what you want to have acheived by 2009. Not good if you don't like what you see ahead but you can change it as it hasn't happened yet.

Chasing Cars

paulksnn wrote: »

I know you want to make a good impression, but if the company decided to make people redundant, would they even pause before cutting your salary out of the budget.

The others are correct though, it's way, way too early to even think about counselling.

With regards to the job - its more about how i think I will see myself then what my boss will think he's a good guy and I don't think the would be an overt problem its just I like having a job where I make a differance to the company. But you are right its all about which is more important to me and I think I know the answer to that as I am currently meant to be working and not posting on boards.ie and thinking of babies. I can't wait to be able to tell people that I am pregnant - I don't know how I'll keep my mouth shut for three months after I find out.

Glad to hear that people think the counselling suggestion was a bit OTT as it gave me a fright to think that other people don't have the same fears.

MLE

I dont agree that you need counselling either. I think they are normal and natural thoughts.

I was bringing in the main wage before I had my first and to be honest I have completely stalled my career prospects by having my first baby but this was by my own choice. I was lucky to get reduced working hours so that I could have more time with my child ( now children).

Myself and the hubby discussed who would look after the kids when they were born and even though he thought that he might be interested in it, when it came to the crunch we both agreed that its better that I did it.

So we earn a lot less between us now and Im currencly on maternity leave with my second and hoping to go back on less hours again so we will be earning less again but you learn to live on what you have.

And so even thought there are many sacrifices to make in having children they are worth it and when the come it will naturally be the right time I think.

iguana

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with your husband and discuss this with him. Perhaps you will decide together that it might be best to wait another 6 months or a year before trying. I'm in a similar situation in that my husband and I decided to try for a baby this year but then he got a new job which means that for the next 11 months he will be working long hours with very little time off.

Which means that if I got pregnant right away he wouldn't be able to take time off work and as we live in the UK we don't have any family around so we've decided to wait until this job is done and he'll take an easier job in 2009. Personally I'd prefer to be trying now, but I get that this job is a big deal to him and would prefer to wait until the time is better than push ahead now and face a very lonely time with a new baby.

On the otherhand, we do have to keep our age in mind when we decide to put it off. I'm 29 now so I'm a bit terrified of leaving things too late. I'm also scared that after 13 years of trying very succesfully to not get pregnant that there is a reason for my success other than diligence.

Chasing Cars

iguana wrote: »

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with your husband and discuss this with him. Perhaps you will decide together that it might be best to wait another 6 months or a year before trying.

I have have spoke with my hubby and every time we agree that we should wait untill things suit better, but as soon then we both suddenly change our minds - I think it is got to the stage that nature going to take over as the broadyness is getting too much to ignore

iguana wrote: »

I'm 29 now so I'm a bit terrified of leaving things too late. I'm also scared that after 13 years of trying very succesfully to not get pregnant that there is a reason for my success other than diligence.

I have had this thought myself my hubby always used to say that we would get caught out someday when we really dreaded the idea of getting pregnant and I used to argue that no if we are sensable about protection then we will not have an accidental pregnancy but now I'm not so sure....

iguana

Chasing Cars wrote: »

I think it is got to the stage that nature going to take over as the broadyness is getting too much to ignore

Then maybe the thing to do is to let nature take it's course for a little while. Don't do ovulation tests, don't try to have sex on specific days. Just do what comes naturally for a few months and let what happens, happens.