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coming out. Didnt go well

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  • 31-12-2007 11:40pm
    #1
    2Shae
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭


    well earlier today I told my mom I'm gay, it didnt really goto plan. First she said its just a phase. Then told me if dad knew I would be kicked out of the house. Then half an hour ago she told me she would get me fixed.

    Now WTF do I do


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    #2
    Stark
    Registered Users Posts: 20,978 ✭✭✭✭Stark


    Give her some more time. She's probably going through a gauntlet of emotions right now. Hopefully things will be better after she's slept on it.


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    #3
    Shamanic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 385 ✭✭Shamanic


    when i told my mum she went mad. She completely lost the plot, but she came round. It took a bit of time, but shes sat here next to me now in my new home and shes very proud of who i am. It takes time, parents have to give up their dreams of big white church weddings and such, but just give her the time and space and put up with what she says about it being a phase and it'll all work itself out.


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    #4
    2Shae
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭2Shae


    anyone want to give me a timeframe of how long it usually takes?


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    #5
    kitt13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭kitt13


    I don't think there is a catch-all timeframe because each situation is different. As simple and borderline condescending as it sounds, give it time.


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    #6
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Its not so much time frame as much as theres a couple of stages. You need to have a second talk with her before you can truly judge her reaction. For me that came 6 months after the initial, terrible, conversation.


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    #7
    2Shae
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭2Shae


    i have to stick the whole day with her tomorrow and friday. BLAH


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    #8
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    2Shae wrote: »
    well earlier today I told my mom I'm gay, it didnt really goto plan. First she said its just a phase. Then told me if dad knew I would be kicked out of the house. Then half an hour ago she told me she would get me fixed.

    Now WTF do I do

    Ring Dublin Gay Switchboard - ask them to send you out the parents booklet (it's very old but still useful) - also ask them if you can refer your mother to "parents support"

    Talk to her again - tell her you're feelings on the issue - that for you it is not just a phase or that you can't be fixed. Give her the parents support booklet

    If she is still reacting badly then perhaps ask her would she like to discuss with other parents who are members of parents support

    http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/

    http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/ps_bklt_index.htm

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #9
    justindublin
    Registered Users Posts: 345 ✭✭justindublin


    2Shae, Outta total curiosity, How old are ya?
    Really feel for ya dude!


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    #10
    2Shae
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭2Shae


    17. She isn't in the mood to speak with me right now.


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    #11
    fozzle
    Registered Users Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭fozzle


    *hugs 2Shae*
    Well done having "the talk" with her - I know it can be bloody terrifying. I'm afraid there's no hard and fast rule about how long it could take your mum to come to terms with this, just give her time. Let her see that you haven't changed, you're still the same guy, you've just shown her a part of yourself she hadn't seen before. You're still her son and you still love her, right? So let her know that. It can be hard for parents who are suddenly struck with the realisation that they don't know their son/daughter as well as they thought.

    Again *hugs* well done for doing it - trust me, you're going to find it's a weight off your shoulders.


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    #12
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,299 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Are you the oldest or youngest, or the only son? If the only son/child, it may be cos she wanted the whole "white wedding" thing.


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    #13
    L1011
    Registered Users Posts: 68,691 ✭✭✭✭L1011


    the_syco wrote: »
    Are you the oldest or youngest, or the only son? If the only son/child, it may be cos she wanted the whole "white wedding" thing.

    Or, indeed, the grandkids option if you're the only child.

    Luckily for me not only was there sibilings, there were already two of the rugrats around...


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    #14
    2Shae
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭2Shae


    im eldest, i have a younger brother


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    #15
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,736 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    I really hope that your coming works out for you 2Shae. I think that it's great that so many teenagers can come out to their parents. I know I wouldn't have been able to at 17. Gay sex was actually still illegal when I was 17!! It was finally decriminalised when I was 18 and I came out eventually to my Dad (my Mum had passed away) when I was 22 and his reaction was good.

    You do need to give your Mum time on this. She's probably not a very open-minded person and is scared and confused at your disclosure. Do you live in a city or a rural area? Parents in country areas don't seem to handle their children's coming out as well as parents in cities.

    Hope it all works out for you!


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