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Leaving ur partner

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  • 02-01-2008 11:59am
    #1
    lil-buttons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 136 ✭✭


    Ok,

    Im living with my partner and our young baby - but I cant stand to be there anymore- my partner is not abusive or anything but I seriously cant stabd to live there anymore. The house is in both our names - but where do me and the baby go - I have no idea where to go and how to get things organised to leave - any advise please ?


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    #2
    Carrigart Exile
    Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    lil-buttons wrote: »
    Ok,

    Im living with my partner and our young baby - but I cant stand to be there anymore- my partner is not abusive or anything but I seriously cant stabd to live there anymore. The house is in both our names - but where do me and the baby go - I have no idea where to go and how to get things organised to leave - any advise please ?

    when did the feelings of not being able to stand living there start and how old is your baby?


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    #3
    sunnyjim
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭sunnyjim


    but where do me and the baby go - I have no idea where to go and how to get things organised to leave - any advise please ?

    Typical woman, you automatically assume you should have the child.

    We're all equal.


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    #4
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Can you not stay with your family?

    sunnyjim, the mother gets automatic custody if they are not married as far as I understand.
    http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/unmarried-couples/access_to_children_and_unmarried_couples


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    #5
    sunnyjim
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭sunnyjim


    But is it fair to the child?


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    #6
    crosstownk
    Registered Users Posts: 12,863 ✭✭✭✭crosstownk


    Maybe you should try and address the reasons as to why you 'can't stand to be there anymore' before you take the big step of moving out. Have a go at trying to resolve the issues first - if you can.

    Best of luck.
    Untitled Image




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    #7
    embee
    Registered Users Posts: 2,890 ✭✭✭embee


    sunnyjim wrote: »
    Typical woman, you automatically assume you should have the child.

    We're all equal.

    If the OP and her partner are not married (which I assume they're not, she didn't refer to him as her husband) then she is the sole guardian of their baby. That is the way things stand under Irish law, so unless they've gone to court to make her partner a legal guardian as well, then she is the childs sole guardian.

    As an aside, please refrain in future from making unhelpful off-topic swipes at the OP, sunnyjim.


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    #8
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    lil-buttons wrote: »
    Ok,

    Im living with my partner and our young baby - but I cant stand to be there anymore- my partner is not abusive or anything but I seriously cant stabd to live there anymore. The house is in both our names - but where do me and the baby go - I have no idea where to go and how to get things organised to leave - any advise please ?

    If you or the child are in any danger then leave and go to a shelter.

    If it is just that the relationship has broken down I would suggest that you
    consider mediation or couples couselling.

    If that is not an option you want to consider and there is no hope for the relationship then you have too look at selling the house and I would suggest that you see a solicitor or if you can't afford one get help from your local legal aid board.

    http://www.legalaidboard.ie/LAB/Publishing.nsf/Content/Home

    IF you can't afford to buy out your partner then you will have to sell the house and go into private rented accommodation and go on the housing list.

    I would suggest calling into to your local social welfare officer ( who you will in your local clinc ) to talk about what your options are.

    Can you stay with family while this is sorted out or do you have the means to
    get into rented accommodation with your child while the matters of the house, maintenance and visitation are sorted out ?


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    #9
    dame
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    embee wrote: »
    If the OP and her partner are not married (which I assume they're not, she didn't refer to him as her husband) then she is the sole guardian of their baby. That is the way things stand under Irish law, so unless they've gone to court to make her partner a legal guardian as well, then she is the childs sole guardian.

    As an aside, please refrain in future from making unhelpful off-topic swipes at the OP, sunnyjim.

    You don't need to go to court for that, just bring identification and both of you sign a form in front of a solicitor, making the father a legal guardian.


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    #10
    embee
    Registered Users Posts: 2,890 ✭✭✭embee


    dame wrote: »
    You don't need to go to court for that, just bring identification and both of you sign a form in front of a solicitor, making the father a legal guardian.

    I stand corrected, then.

    I would imagine that the majority of unmarried parents out there haven't gone and done this though - I know myself and my boyfriend haven't.


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    #11
    dame
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    embee wrote: »
    I stand corrected, then.

    I would imagine that the majority of unmarried parents out there haven't gone and done this though - I know myself and my boyfriend haven't.

    Reply is here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54769774&posted=1#post54769774


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    #12
    davyjose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,287 ✭✭✭davyjose


    lil-buttons wrote: »
    but where do me and the baby go?

    You could always leave the baby with its other parent, and go somewhere by yourself, that way it'd be easier to find somewhere to live.
    I presume this isn't a problem, because I presume you are considering the childs welfare ahead of your own.
    I understand that being with the Mother is very important to a baby, but so is not splitting a family up.


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    #13
    WHIP IT!
    Registered Users Posts: 5,882 ✭✭✭WHIP IT!


    davyjose wrote: »
    You could always leave the baby with its other parent, and go somewhere by yourself, that way it'd be easier to find somewhere to live.
    I presume this isn't a problem, because I presume you are considering the childs welfare ahead of your own.
    I understand that being with the Mother is very important to a baby, but so is not splitting a family up.

    ^^^^^
    What he said... You're leaving the relationship, not your partner, so why would you assume to take your child that belongs to him every bit as much as it belongs to you?

    Then again, with Irish laws on child custody being the way they are, what else would a woman think... :rolleyes:


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    #14
    Carrigart Exile
    Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    Carrigart Exile wrote: »
    when did the feelings of not being able to stand living there start and how old is your baby?


    OP if you do come back on, the reason I asked is you may just be suffering the baby blues which can have a devastating effect on you and really warp your sense of reality


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    #15
    lil-buttons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 136 ✭✭lil-buttons


    Thank u all for ur replies. Firstly if the father was able to look after the baby on his own then I wud leave the baby with him. But as usual I do everything for the child so I wud be taking the child with me. I organise the food/childcare/travel etc.. arrangements. I cant leave the house without writing out a clear set of instructions!!! Well after mush contemplating I have decided that I am going to stay in the house (under the advise of my friends)untill the house is sold and untill then I will come up with other arrangements for when the house is sold. For the record I would in no way stop the dad seeing his child and he can see him and look after him whenever he wants. Thanks again


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    #16
    davyjose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,287 ✭✭✭davyjose


    lil-buttons wrote: »
    Thank u all for ur replies. Firstly if the father was able to look after the baby on his own then I wud leave the baby with him. But as usual I do everything for the child so I wud be taking the child with me. I organise the food/childcare/travel etc.. arrangements. I cant leave the house without writing out a clear set of instructions!!! Well after mush contemplating I have decided that I am going to stay in the house (under the advise of my friends)untill the house is sold and untill then I will come up with other arrangements for when the house is sold. For the record I would in no way stop the dad seeing his child and he can see him and look after him whenever he wants. Thanks again
    Well I don't know your (ex)partner, but it could be that he's simply afraid to take the initiative. He could be following your every word because you're the one who made most of the decisions about the baby, and he took the back seat (as happenes with many first children families), and since then he's been intimidated. I know a guy in work -- great guy, loves his baby and wife -- but on the rare occasion he's been left with the baby, he said he was terrified.
    I don't know the particulars of your relationship, but I hope this is not the sole reason you've made the decision to split your child's family - because I don't think that's fair on the child.
    Also, I also hope your friends gave you objective and mediated advice. This isn't about them, it's about your babies. And whether you want to hear it or not -- broken homes do have profound effects on children. So if there is a chance the relationship can work, then maybe you should give it one last chance.


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    #17
    Shelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Shelli


    dame wrote: »
    You don't need to go to court for that, just bring identification and both of you sign a form in front of a solicitor, making the father a legal guardian.

    If parents are not married but both names are on birth cert do you still have to do this to make the father a legal guardian?


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    #18
    dame
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭dame


    Shelli wrote: »
    If parents are not married but both names are on birth cert do you still have to do this to make the father a legal guardian?

    Yes, unless you marry each other.
    If his name is on the birth cert and you marry each other after the birth, then he will automatically become the child's legal guardian, unless the child has been adopted by someone else (eg if the mother had already married someone else and that man had legally adopted the child).

    See Treoir's pamphlet on guardianship: http://www.treoir.ie/pdfs/guardianship.pdf It's very short and clear.


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