Talk About Your Relationships Here

ttaylor

Well, I got told to f*uck off tonight. I asked him for more than just a few nights out together. We are together 10 months (me 30 & him 33) we see each other at least four times a week, and apparently he 'loves me.' I said I would like more than that...maybe move in together... he said things were just fine. We no longer have a sex life due to his 'accommodation' so I suggested moving in together. He said things are fine as they are, I disagreed. When he asked me why, I gave him an honest answer, too many people in one house, no sex etc......... he said he always goes to my house ....(which is once every two weeks for the record and I live at home). When I said a (as an adult female, who doesnt want marriage or kids...but i dont mind porn or soccer...which he apparently apprecieates) So I was told to literally F*uck off.

Thoughts please?!!!!? Male and female????

Oilrig

All over, move on. Sounds like a waster.

PS: Male

the GALL

why doesn't he want sex? and what's with his place that you can stay over? is he sharing a room
male
ps i hope you ****ed off and left him

stepbar

"We are together 10 months..."

"...we see each other at least four times a week",

"I would like more than that...maybe move in together..."

I'd advise your boyfriend to start running.... Fast....

meglome

The four days a week wasn't too bad but the no sex wouldn't be great at all. It does seem very harsh that he would tell you to **** off though.

FlutterinBantam

Ok folks... hey, back up now... nothing more to see here, it's all over,no more excitement,back to the humdrum existance.

You!! I'm talkin to you Sir,move along now ,its all over here see.

stepbar

stepbar wrote: »

"We are together 10 months..."

"...we see each other at least four times a week",

"I would like more than that...maybe move in together..."

I'd advise your boyfriend to start running.... Fast....

Hello practically NO SEX!

No one has ever told me to **** off. I'd dump him just for that.

Lil' Smiler

What do you do when you see each other 4 times a week?


Get adventurous... try sex outside, in the car etc!!


Count yourself lucky you see him 4 times a week, i might see mine twice a week. Maybe once during the week and depending on weekend plans i may or may not see him.

meglome

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

What do you do when you see each other 4 times a week?


Get adventurous... try sex outside, in the car etc!!


Count yourself lucky you see him 4 times a week, i might see mine twice a week. Maybe once during the week and depending on weekend plans i may or may not see him.

Well lucky you :rolleyes: That's like having a **** buddy not a relationship.

Lil' Smiler

meglome wrote: »

Well lucky you :rolleyes: That's like having a **** buddy not a relationship.

hmm... after a year and a half together I don't think it's like having a "**** buddy". i'm in college at weekends, i coach sports twice a week, he has been in college in the evenings, i have been mentoring a student some evenings, he works full time, busy lifestyles but make time for each other. We talk everyday... sometimes practically all day.

I should have said 3 times maybe. Both busy lately but still make time for each other and very much in a strong, loving, healthy relationship, thank you very much.

Thats nonsense Meglome! Complete and utter.

Lil' Smiler

Moonbaby wrote: »

Thats nonsense Meglome! Complete and utter.

Agreed. Thank you!

Uncalled for, I was giving my situation in relation to the OP's post trying to offer some help.

ttaylor

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

What do you do when you see each other 4 times a week?


Get adventurous... try sex outside, in the car etc!!


Count yourself lucky you see him 4 times a week, i might see mine twice a week. Maybe once during the week and depending on weekend plans i may or may not see him.

drink beer..........his hobby

Papillon87

Well I'm in the same boat as Lil Smiler regarding how often my bf and I see each other and we are certainly not **** buddies. College and work commitments. Doesn't mean we don't talk on the phone and text all the time.

OP, what happened? Did he basically say f off, it's over. Or was it, f off, we're having an argument? Did you just leave?

Lil' Smiler

ttaylor wrote: »

drink beer..........his hobby

Oh no *hugs* So is it worth being in the relationship then when you will be able to find someone more deserving of you etc??

And tell you to f*ck off..... ridiculous, no way should he talk to you like that!!


yeah what did you do actually?

ttaylor

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

Oh no *hugs* So is it worth being in the relationship then when you will be able to find someone more deserving of you etc??

And tell you to f*ck off..... ridiculous, no way should he talk to you like that!!


yeah what did you do actually?

After he told me to f*ck off three times, i did. I f*cked off and left him sitting there. We don't usually fight, we do have a close enough relationship but this was totally out of character. I have since called him but he is not answering the phone.....so I guess this it it.

How old are the pair of you?
Were you asking him to move out of his mothers house?
Did you try encouraging him to move out on his own first?

Lil' Smiler

ttaylor wrote: »

After he told me to f*ck off three times, i did. I f*cked off and left him sitting there. We don't usually fight, we do have a close enough relationship but this was totally out of character. I have since called him but he is not answering the phone.....so I guess this it it.

Aww what a p*ick... no need for those words!!
Leave it for him to contact you anyway!! Don't get in touch with him.

Hmm... i dunno maybe it's just me but the relationship doesn't seem so serious, but then i don't really like to judge others relationships. would it be a terribly bad thing if it was all over??

meglome

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

hmm... after a year and a half together I don't think it's like having a "**** buddy". i'm in college at weekends, i coach sports twice a week, he has been in college in the evenings, i have been mentoring a student some evenings, he works full time, busy lifestyles but make time for each other. We talk everyday... sometimes practically all day.

I should have said 3 times maybe. Both busy lately but still make time for each other and very much in a strong, loving, healthy relationship, thank you very much.

Well that's me back in my box

ttaylor

Moonbaby wrote: »

How old are the pair of you?
Were you asking him to move out of his mothers house?
Did you try encouraging him to move out on his own first?

I'm 30, he is 33, and no, he is living with another guy and girl in shared accommodation

thanks for the replies so far guys!

ttaylor

ttaylor wrote: »

I'm 30, he is 33, and no, he is living with another guy and girl in shared accommodation

thanks for the replies so far guys!

Sorry I did read that orginally, but his attitude gave me the impression that ye were much younger.
It is a completely unacceptable way for someone of his age to act.
I know you have said it is out of character, but 10 months is a short time and you don't start to see someone true colours until the honeymoon phases starts to wear off.


I don't see why his accomidation is affecting your lovelife when he is in shared housing?

Jackz

^+1, If you pay for a room in a house it's a given you can sleep and shag in it.

meglome

So he has his own room?

Lola123

You're only together 10 months! Do you not think thats a bit soon to be moving in together???
Also, I don't get the no sex thing. Why can't you do it at his place? Does he not have his own room?
Is he bothered by the lack of sex?

aye

ttaylor wrote: »

drink beer..........his hobby

he's a waster so.

thats what that says to me.

i can understand him not wanting to move in together to so quick, but it seems to me like he is scared to change.
surely if living with people was causing an issue with sex, he could move out on his own for a while?

i'm male by the way.

Crazy Catlady

You're together 10 months.
The sex is non exsistant.
He doesn't seem bothered about this and tells you to F*** Off when you mention it?
What are you not getting? He;s just not that into you!
He's tellin you what you need to know. Move on.

watna

Grrr, I rarely have a reason to rant about my relationship but I'm pissed off today.

Himself was in the pub last night. He was supposed to meet me and get the dart home with me (I was having dinner with friends) but decided to stay in the pub because he was having so much fun. I was a little put out because he's going away for 6 weeks next weekend and I wanted to have as much time together as possible but said fair enough and went home.

I went home and my dad called over to collect me. He let me know that our family cat is very sick and is at the vet and it doesn't look good, that he's probably on the way out. The cat is 16 and is adored by our family. I've had him since I was 8. Anyway I texted my bf to tell him and that I was really upset. Didn't get a reply. An hour later I get a drunken phone call where he said he didn't get the text. I had to tell him about the cat over the phone and i was crying. He eventually gets in, eats curry chips in bed, argues with me for a while (he'll argue black is white when he's drunk), eventually asks about the cat, says oh well (no comforting me) and falls in to a drunken sleep leaving me upeset and lying awake.

Men! I just wanted some comforting and a bit of symapthy! So I'm upset in work now, I just want to go home and I haven't heard from him. Men!! :rolleyes:

Dragan

Okay, looking to move in after just 10 months would have me saying "I don't think that's such a good idea, we're only together a short while."

The sex thing? I'm with you on that one, sex is important and needs to be worked on however moving in is not the answer.

Being told to **** off is just not on and he needs to apologise for that one.

It should be noted, the moving in idea might have thrown him somewhat, so he may have been off balance at the time.

Still a dickhead move mind.

She Devil

Awww ... lits never easy eh ...
If he didnt offer you a promise in the near or even distant future i would walk away ... maybe he will realise then what he is giving up!!
If not he was never worth it anyway! Have some pride girl ...
xx

aye

She Devil wrote: »

If he didnt offer you a promise in the near or even distant future i would walk away ... maybe he will realise then what he is giving up!!

ah come on, they're only together 10 months.
i'm not advocating what he said, complete waster i think.
but i also think ten months is a bit early to be expecting a guy to be promising a move in the future.

watna

I don't think 10 month is that short a time if you're sure and spend a lot of time together.

I moved in with my bf after 8 months, but we were living together unofficially at that stage anyway.

OP, if you think you're at that stage but he doesn't then I'd say there's a problem. It sounds like he won't consider making any kind of commitment and you want to. Imo, that can only lead to problems and unhappiness. Maybe taht's something to think about, especially if you take in to account the way you were treated, it might just be best to move on.

Dragan

watna wrote: »

I don't think 10 month is that short a time if you're sure and spend a lot of time together.

Horses for courses and all that.

watna

Dragan wrote: »

Horses for courses and all that.

Exactly, it depends on the kind of relationship you have really.

Niamho!

Dragan wrote: »

Okay, looking to move in after just 10 months would have me saying "I don't think that's such a good idea, we're only together a short while."

The sex thing? I'm with you on that one, sex is important and needs to be worked on however moving in is not the answer.

Being told to **** off is just not on and he needs to apologise for that one.

It should be noted, the moving in idea might have thrown him somewhat, so he may have been off balance at the time.

Still a dickhead move mind.

I agree with this. the lack of Sex thing obviously a big deal.
but if someone was talking about moving in with me after 10 months i think i'd be a bit freaked out aswell.
...then i suppose that deoends on the relationship but yeah, i'd imagine i'd be a bit freaked.

aye

watna wrote: »

I don't think 10 month is that short a time if you're sure and spend a lot of time together.

well a friend of mine did move in with his gf after 7 months, and they are still living together 2 years later.
we think he only moved in with her tho, cos none of the lads would move in with him.

different strokes for different folks i suppose.

telling you to f-off was well out of line regardless.

Maple

You're only together 10 months, maybe he's not ready to move in just yet.

You see each other at least 4 nights a week and you want to see him more? Let the boy have his space ffs. He said he "loves you", how is he disproving it? (apart from the fcuk off obviously) Just because you're ready for something and he's not doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Lack of sex. Definitely an issue and you need to sort that out.

His drinking being his hobby. If you're not happy with it, discuss it with him and try and reconcile it. If you can't, then forget it and move on.

Telling you to fcuk off? Out of order but maybe he felt pressured. Doing it 3 times tho, get the message and leave him alone. For the minute anyway. Till he gets his head together.

Tommy the Cat

There's got to be more to this, seems awfully strange with him telling you to f*ck off, out of character and all. Dont contact the prick whatever you do.

the GALL

meglome wrote: »

Well lucky you :rolleyes: That's like having a **** buddy not a relationship.

f**k buddy reminds me of the 90's and a stable I ran
Girl get it together he told you to f off and you'd put up with that in the 'dating' stage of things I can only imagine what the tone would be like in a couple of years and you wondering what went wrong...... if he does't have you on a pedestal he's not worth it. move on, you've got to be with the bad one's to know when you've got a good one.

Slow Motion

ttaylor wrote: »

Well, I got told to f*uck off tonight. I asked him for more than just a few nights out together. We are together 10 months (me 30 & him 33) we see each other at least four times a week, and apparently he 'loves me.' I said I would like more than that...maybe move in together... he said things were just fine. We no longer have a sex life due to his 'accommodation' so I suggested moving in together. He said things are fine as they are, I disagreed. When he asked me why, I gave him an honest answer, too many people in one house, no sex etc......... he said he always goes to my house ....(which is once every two weeks for the record and I live at home). When I said a (as an adult female, who doesnt want marriage or kids...but i dont mind porn or soccer...which he apparently apprecieates) So I was told to literally F*uck off.

Thoughts please?!!!!? Male and female????

OK! You see him 3-4 times a week, I think that is plenty, however, no sex? neither of you has your own place? That's a problem, at least he should be bringing you away for the night/weekend to a hotel so you can get up to no good, TBH if he is not prepared to make that effort and has told you to fcuk off, then I think you should do so literally (I am on your side here), let him bugger off find yourself a real man with his own place and move on with your life, trust me you will be better for it in the long run!

aye

the GALL wrote: »

if he does't have you on a pedestal he's not worth it. move on, you've got to be with the bad one's to know when you've got a good one.

ah come on!!
if he had her on a pedestal the complaint would be that he is to needy or clingy or whatever.
its about a happy balance, not the guy doing everything for the girl.

the GALL

aye wrote: »

ah come on!!
if he had her on a pedestal the complaint would be that he is to needy or clingy or whatever.
its about a happy balance, not the guy doing everything for the girl.

No no no your missin the point he doesn't have to tell her that he's mad about her yada yada yada, that would drive anyone nuts. if your in a working relationship your treat your partner as and equal or better not an equal or worse. Thats what makes it work.

aye

the GALL wrote: »

if your in a working relationship your treat your partner as and equal or better not an equal or worse. Thats what makes it work.

i agree with that, striving for equal footing.

geminilady

he should have never swore at you, you were only asking a question is this guy worthy of your time?

MajorMax

Cut your losses and run, lifes too short to deal with a muppet like that he may be 33 but he seems to act like he's 13

the GALL

aye wrote: »

i agree with that, striving for equal footing.

Im not havin a dig at ya :)but relationships should be starting on an equal footing not striving and as the relationship grows thats when you should place your partner above you, but only if the love is being returned. If it is'nt and the op's is'nt then she may be on a lost cause. Ill put it another way. If your partner(/buddy/wife/husband/FRIEND(most importantly)) is'nt watching your back what's the point.
That girl could go out tonight and meet a lad in a pub have a few beers meet him again fall in love together(this time) and wonder what she seen in yer man. life is too short to be wasting on people who dont show respect for ya (and yes respect is earned but after ten months if you havn't earned it why bother trying any harder)

aye

the GALL wrote: »

Im not havin a dig at ya :)but relationships should be starting on an equal footing not striving and as the relationship grows thats when you should place your partner above you, but only if the love is being returned. If it is'nt and the op's is'nt then she may be on a lost cause. Ill put it another way. If your partner(/buddy/wife/husband/FRIEND(most importantly)) is'nt watching your back what's the point.
That girl could go out tonight and meet a lad in a pub have a few beers meet him again fall in love together(this time) and wonder what she seen in yer man. life is too short to be wasting on people who dont show respect for ya (and yes respect is earned but after ten months if you havn't earned it why bother trying any harder)

i think we just have different interpretations of a pedestal.

putting someone on a pedestal to me, means when they say "jump" you say "how high?"

OP kick him in the nads.

the GALL

aye wrote: »

i think we just have different interpretations of a pedestal.

putting someone on a pedestal to me, means when they say "jump" you say "how high?"

OP kick him in the nads.

I think your right (different interpretations)
Im talking about love, the love that's givin and the love that's recieved. your talking about loseing your self respect

SarahSassy

ttaylor wrote: »

After he told me to f*ck off three times, i did. I f*cked off and left him sitting there. We don't usually fight, we do have a close enough relationship but this was totally out of character. I have since called him but he is not answering the phone.....so I guess this it it.

Thats not good enough.. His actions are appalling and if you were my sister / friend I would be telling you to dump him... He has no respect for you. Is his lack of sex drive due to heavy boozing? Is no excuse and he would be out the door if he told me to F off.

LivingDeadGirl

Based on what you've told us, I'd get rid, he sounds like a waste of time.

shqipshume

Hey everyone just wanted to ask you's what you think of long distant relationships? And if its long distant how would u feel if he was say getting his pleasures from other girls. If you havent consummated the relationship!
How would u feel alright with it?
And what do the guys think could you do that and but have feelings for a girl far away?