Talk About Your Relationships Here

Wibbs

Strange alright.

aliqueenb

yeah kinda weird

Lipraloof

Screw him if he is making u feel this way he ain't worth it. Have u told him how u feel?

John Mason

Lipraloof wrote: »

Screw him if he is making u feel this way he ain't worth it. Have u told him how u feel?

+1, why would you stay with someone who makes you feel like this? You are allow him to make you feel insecure. why would you do this?

Wibbs

irishbird wrote: »

+1, why would you stay with someone who makes you feel like this? You are allow him to make you feel insecure. why would you do this?

Maybe a chicken and egg thing. Which comes first? Him making her feel insecure or her being insecure and seeking out someone who will reinforce that belief.

Strangely enough, while yes he is being a knob, I don't "blame" him at all. Emotional blame is for the schoolyard anyway.

While others can influence our happiness and growth, we're all personally responsible for how that influence is felt. She's the one that has gone along with this for month after month. Would he pull this with someone who had more self belief and confidence? That would be a no and if he did he would get short shrift.

If every time a dog bites your hand, you give it a pat on the head, do you blame the dog when it continues to bite you? Same dealio, a little more complex but not by much.

I would reckon a goodly proportion of relationship issues, boil down to lack of emotional balance and self belief played out by one partner on the other partner(or both pulling the same thing). This accounts for a lot of the lack of communication, loss of attraction, staying in a bad relationship due to fear of loneliness, or a fear of change, often good change.

ilovetulips, confront him in a calm way by asking him directly why you haven't met his friends. Do not hint, he won't get it or will choose not to get it by ignoring it. And why shouldn't he ignore it as you've given him no reason to do so thus far.

Rozabeez

Guy mentioned awhile ago that wasn't paying me enough attention ended up paying me too much attention, I got all jumpy cos I never knew when he was gonna show up, discovered our personalities don't exactly click, got bored of having nothing to talk about and had to let the beautiful curly man go.

Sigh, sucks being so fickle.

ilovetulips

Well Ive since spoken to him and all was sorted out. As regards his whereabout that night I have since found out that someone is lying. Theres something goin on. One person says he was in one place and another elsewhere. I have been in relationships before and I have never been this insecure. I know its not just me. I enjoy being with him and I want to trust him but when you have people telling you otherwise, it becomes very difficult.
As regards the previous quote we are not in that space where we dont want to be together. We have only been together a little while and we get on like a house on fire in general. Im happy being on my own. Im not one of those people that wants to jump into things because I dont want to be alone. Quite the opposite actually so I dont know why Im hung up on this one little situation.
Just seems so weird

ilovetulips

By the way Wibbs, thanks for your response. I know hinting gets people nowhere!

Puddleduck

ilovetulips, tbh if your having trust issues with him so early on in the realationship it dosent bode well for things later on. If your suspicious about it then you should ask him outright. Wondering and torturing yourself over it will get you nowhere. If your certain he is lying, then he dosent seem like hes worth your time

conman78

He's probably going out with the other girl still..heard of girl I know..going out with a fella for a year but had never seen where he lived..long story short he'd been going out with girl and living with her for 6 years! just run!

lee_arama

I heard a great one about a girl I was in college with and she'd met some fella from London or something and yadda yadda, eventually marriage was suggested and somewhen it was revealed that there was a long term Mrs Londonman around.

Oh the hilarity of it all.

Go find yourself a nice older guy (not me cos I be spoken for). We're far more settled than those flighty youngsters. Older guys trust younger girls more, and younger girls trust older guys more. Match made in heaven FTW!

Wibbs

I dunno about that I'm an older guy and I'm an almighty eejit at the best of times.:D

Rozabeez

Like telling someone, "Your necklace reminds me of a vagina"?

ilovetulips

conman78 wrote: »

He's probably going out with the other girl still..heard of girl I know..going out with a fella for a year but had never seen where he lived..long story short he'd been going out with girl and living with her for 6 years! just run!

He is not that much of an arse. He is actually a decent guy. Stupid at times, but very decent.
Ah things have since been sorted out. Just a misunderstanding that needed to be said straight.

Wibbs

So have you or are you going to meet this decent guys mates then? Maybe even his family? If not then I would be still very dubious and it would be more than a misunderstanding that needed to be set straight.

mollybird

oh my god my OH is driving me crazy. he has only gone and done some weird nerdy thing ot the tv where. the computer runs through the tv or vice versa. i tried watch neighbours from friends and the bloody thing froze and when it started again there was no sound and when i went back to friends the same thing happened. im ready to kill him. his answer ot it is that it is for him and his flatemate. well i said im here a bit when your not. so it would be nice to be able to use it when your not around. i said i leave you use my things when your there. but he said he is never there when im not and i just said because you won't stay without me. he is driving me crazy:mad:

ilovetulips

Wibbs wrote: »

So have you or are you going to meet this decent guys mates then? Maybe even his family? If not then I would be still very dubious and it would be more than a misunderstanding that needed to be set straight.

Yeah, Ive met his whole family since and Ive met a good few of his friends.
Things are going much better

Little Miss!

Hey all,

So here goes..... broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years at xmas as i'm working full-time and studying part-time and he didn't feel he was getting enough love and attention. We were living separating but had lived together for 5 years previous to me starting college. I did try to get home to see him every weekend (home being over 150km away), but after working the full week and being at college 2 nights, i was so tired by the time i got there i'd just want to sleep and the form probably wouldn't be the best.

Anyways, this morning he told me he's seeing someone new. I know everyone has to go through this but for some strange reason i thought we'd get back together and that we were only taking a break while i was at college.

I know i'd have no right to ask him to wait for me and i didn't, but i guess i just thought after all we'd been through we would wait for each other, obviously not.

And to make matters worse, i'm right in the middle of my college exams so this couldn't happen at a worse time. I'm starting to wonder what's the point anymore, i thought i was pushing myself to work and study to make life better for both of us, but now i'm totally alone and basically lost

Any help ye ladies could give me to help me through this would be great

Lil' Smiler

Hey,

That's a tough thing alright to happen during your exams. Just truck on with studying & stuff, don't let it get in the way! easier said than done i know, but focus on the exams. You should be doing your college course for you, not for both of you really. I kinda think, for education think about yourself. I made that mistake in the past, not applying to college in England or not applying anywhere outside Dublin because I wanted things to be easier for my bf and I at the time... Idiot!!:o So now, Im studying part time and every 2nd weekend is taken up but my bf just have to accept it and at the same time I do put in the effort to see him. But if I have to study, he understands.

You never mentioned who broke up with who? Or if you were really upset?

I think for most people, it will always be really hard knowing an ex has moved on, even if you are with someone else. I know if I was to find out that my ex was seeing someone, even though I'm in my new relationship a year and a half and am ridiculously happy, that it would bother me in some way. My friend and I were talking about this one time and were thinking, maybe we women want the guy to be upset as we are when it's a break up we didnt want and kinda expect them not to move on because no body will be compared to us... I dunno was just a view we had on it.

Just get through your exams and try not to think about it. Yes, he may be seeing someone new but it doesn't mean it will last or all hope is gone for you and him!

Good luck x

ash xxx

Hey Little miss,
I'm really sorry to hear about this and I completely understand what you're going through. Me and my ex only broke up 2 months ago and we were together for 3 and a half years. But I made some mistakes in that relationship, the main one being that I didnt do what was best for me. I didnt go to the college I wanted because I didnt want to lose time with him. I ended up doing I course I really didnt like and quitting after 2 years.

Well done on going to the uni that you wanted and all I can say is that focus on your exams cause no man is worth ruining your future for. Not that I'm single, I'm going back to college in September to do the degree I want. Think about it this way, now you dont have to go home every weekend and be tired all the time. You can stay up here and go out with people you work with or go to college with and get on with your life.

With regards to your ex, you dont know whats going through his head, this might be his way of trying to get over you, his rebound relationship if you will. If you are meant to be together you will be, and if you're not, hopefully you'll meet some rich, intelligent male model to make you happy. And you will be happy!!! Good Luck.

Little Miss!

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

Hey,

That's a tough thing alright to happen during your exams. Just truck on with studying & stuff, don't let it get in the way! easier said than done i know, but focus on the exams. You should be doing your college course for you, not for both of you really. I kinda think, for education think about yourself. I made that mistake in the past, not applying to college in England or not applying anywhere outside Dublin because I wanted things to be easier for my bf and I at the time... Idiot!!:o So now, Im studying part time and every 2nd weekend is taken up but my bf just have to accept it and at the same time I do put in the effort to see him. But if I have to study, he understands.

You never mentioned who broke up with who? Or if you were really upset?

I think for most people, it will always be really hard knowing an ex has moved on, even if you are with someone else. I know if I was to find out that my ex was seeing someone, even though I'm in my new relationship a year and a half and am ridiculously happy, that it would bother me in some way. My friend and I were talking about this one time and were thinking, maybe we women want the guy to be upset as we are when it's a break up we didnt want and kinda expect them not to move on because no body will be compared to us... I dunno was just a view we had on it.

Just get through your exams and try not to think about it. Yes, he may be seeing someone new but it doesn't mean it will last or all hope is gone for you and him!

Good luck x

Thanks for the advice. Yeh i'm pretty upset alright, to be honest i'm fighting back the tears here in work, and the slight wobble in my voice isn't helping either!

At xmas he said he couldn't deal with it anymore, meaning me not being around all week. I think he resented me for leaving him to go to college, but i really did think i was doing it for us both.

Thing is exam on weds was already having trouble studying for it, now what hope have i....

Lil' Smiler

Think positive.

There's no point in dwelling on it and upsetting yourself ! As annoying as it sounds, have a positive, "can do" attitude!!

It is fine to feel the way you do about him seeing someone else, yes it was bound to happen but happened at a bad time. Just think about yourself, focus on the exam and if you're studying part time, you're doing it for a reason.. to further your career(?) but you are doing it for YOU!!!

aye

Little Miss! wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. Yeh i'm pretty upset alright, to be honest i'm fighting back the tears here in work, and the slight wobble in my voice isn't helping either!

At xmas he said he couldn't deal with it anymore, meaning me not being around all week. I think he resented me for leaving him to go to college, but i really did think i was doing it for us both.

Thing is exam on weds was already having trouble studying for it, now what hope have i....

chip up and head down.

he didnt support your decision to go to college part time to enhance you career. thats pretty ****ty to me.

you broke up, but you always thought you'd get back together. here is the problem, i did this before and essentially it made me emotionally unavailable to any potential new girl. dont do this.
he has moved on, it might not work out with him and new girl and maybe you two could end up back together who knows, but dont hold out for it.

get the exmas sorted, top priority at the moment. if you cant concentrate, go for a swim, trust me.
do the exams for you, no one else, and dont let him take away all the hard work you've done over the year.

chin up, it will be ok.

Dragan

Your only mistake was thinking you needed to make yourself a success for someone else.

Here's the trick, do what makes you happy and you will find someone who just enjoys that you are happy.

metaoblivia

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual. So yeah. I feel like an idiot. And the shirt I'm wearing - completely stupid. At least my outside matches my inside. It's an all around :rolleyes: day.
Just needed to get that out.

Abi

metaoblivia wrote: »

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual.

We are our own worst critics, you might have read him wrong.

You are a bit of a stunner and intelligent. So I'm 99% sure he is either
a) threatened by that, or b) gay.


Either way, his issues not yours. Dust yourself off lady and slap on a smile.

aye

metaoblivia wrote: »

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual. So yeah. I feel like an idiot. And the shirt I'm wearing - completely stupid. At least my outside matches my inside. It's an all around :rolleyes: day.
Just needed to get that out.

dont worry about it, nothing ventured nothing gained

metaoblivia

Thanks, aye and Abigayle. It's hard putting yourself out there like that, and I keep hoping that maybe one day it will pay off. But I guess today's not that day.

ShaneU

Abigayle wrote: »

You are a bit of a stunner and intelligent. So I'm 99% sure he is either
a) threatened by that, or b) gay.

Agreed, that guy's a complete idiot imo

Pj!

metaoblivia wrote: »

Thanks, aye and Abigayle. It's hard putting yourself out there like that, and I keep hoping that maybe one day it will pay off. But I guess today's not that day.

Hey don't worry about it metaoblivia. Fair play to ya for putting yourself out there, it takes courage!

Feel good about yourself. You're a 'head turner'!

YogiBear

I'm not in one, thank god! Rant over.

aye

metaoblivia wrote: »

Thanks, aye and Abigayle. It's hard putting yourself out there like that, and I keep hoping that maybe one day it will pay off. But I guess today's not that day.

it is hard putting yourself out there, but it will pay off one day

ilovetulips

Little Miss! wrote: »

Hey all,

So here goes..... broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years at xmas as i'm working full-time and studying part-time and he didn't feel he was getting enough love and attention. We were living separating but had lived together for 5 years previous to me starting college. I did try to get home to see him every weekend (home being over 150km away), but after working the full week and being at college 2 nights, i was so tired by the time i got there i'd just want to sleep and the form probably wouldn't be the best.

Anyways, this morning he told me he's seeing someone new. I know everyone has to go through this but for some strange reason i thought we'd get back together and that we were only taking a break while i was at college.

I know i'd have no right to ask him to wait for me and i didn't, but i guess i just thought after all we'd been through we would wait for each other, obviously not.

And to make matters worse, i'm right in the middle of my college exams so this couldn't happen at a worse time. I'm starting to wonder what's the point anymore, i thought i was pushing myself to work and study to make life better for both of us, but now i'm totally alone and basically lost

Any help ye ladies could give me to help me through this would be great

You poor, poor thing. Thats a terrible feeling. Ive felt it myself though I was only with the guy 2 and a half years.
I have to agree with what others have said. You made the right decision by going to that college to better your future. If he wasn't willing to support you then you're probably better off (though I imagine thats not exactly how you feel right now).
My sister and her now husband split up after a few years together because she wanted to study in London. When she returned home on a break, he was with someone else. She cried for days on end. She had a rebound relationship which didnt last too long. On her birthday, they got back together and theyre now married with 2 kids. People can get back together after being with other people. Even if you don't, you might find you're even happier with someone else.
My first long-term bf broke up with me during my exams. They really dont think about how their actions might affect you and how this gravely affects your study. Get your own back by putting the head down and giving it your all. You deserve it!!!!!!

ballroom blitz

Grrrr OH always off studying when the weathers nice and I want to go out and have romantic days in the park etc. Sooner the better he's done.

jellie

ballroom blitz wrote: »

Grrrr OH always off studying when the weathers nice and I want to go out and have romantic days in the park etc. Sooner the better he's done.

damn him! wanting to pass his exams!

ballroom blitz

sar84 wrote: »

damn him! wanting to pass his exams!

Yeah I know he gotta study its just a bit depressing.

jellie

ballroom blitz wrote: »

Yeah I know he gotta study its just a bit depressing.

i understand, im in the same situation. but ive also been in the situation where its reversed & i was the one who had to study. i dont mean to be a b*tch but i really hope youre not moaning at him about it. he probably wants to see you to but he has to prioritise study right now.

my brother is trying to study for his exams & ive heard his gf going "cmon lets go for a picnic on the beach!" & him saying "but i need to study", "awww but i wanna go for a picnic". she makes me so angry :mad:

& yeah it IS sh*te, but sure he'll be done in a couple of weeks & youll have the whole summer to do things (or in 5 days in my case, yay!)

ballroom blitz

5 days lucky you. A couple of weeks for me. Not moaning just keeping him fed!!

jellie

ballroom blitz wrote: »

5 days lucky you. A couple of weeks for me. Not moaning just keeping him fed!!

yup & then we go on holidays, yay! to be fair to you ive done my fair share of moaning & being fed up, i havent had any proper time with him in over 6 weeks.

cant wait for my hol

ballroom blitz

Wanna try make me a bit more jealous!!:p Thats why I posted on here, better to rant at strangers than him and cause stress. Exams suck enough without my help. Off anywhere nice?

sharkie2008

the boy and i have been so grumpy with each other the last week or so cause of our exams. cannot wait to get them finished and get home to see him

jellie

ballroom blitz wrote: »

Wanna try make me a bit more jealous!!:p Thats why I posted on here, better to rant at strangers than him and cause stress. Exams suck enough without my help. Off anywhere nice?

its been 6 weeks, cant help it sorry!

going to prague for a few days, just a short break but we both need it, & need some time together cant wait!

thejurysout

Apologies for man-post; seeking insight from other side.

Both 25, going out a few months, everything really great, no problems. Couldn't get enough of each other and always (normally) happy to see each other. I spent a lot of time at her place, but only at her request.

She's a smashing girl. Her friends, housemates, family (that I've met) like me. We've just finished our postgrads. We even talked of travelling together, and there's been no I-love-yous, talk of ex's, or moving in together stuff. Maybe I do love her. Who knows.

Things got hectic for her toward the end of college, she kept to herself and didn't pay much attention to me, grand, but things haven't changed a week later.

I call into her place, suddenly she wants space. After a few days, and almost no contact, I call into her again and talk it over for a few hours, she's not sure anymore, "doesn't know if we're right for each other", says "we are into different things" and "isn't sure what she wants to do with herself at the moment." Yet, she doesn't want to break up with me until she knows herself. I'm fairly confident she's not seeing anyone else or is interested in anyone else. I listened and gave my tuppence - didn't turn into a sobbing wreck or get angry or anything.

We embraced and had a long kiss just before I left. Before this I think I announced three times during the day that I was heading home but I kinda sense neither of us really wanted to be apart.

She's gone to see her parents for a few days and says she'll see me next week. I've a strong feeling it's not going to go my way. The question:

Call her every day or so and let her know I exist or do absolutely nothing? (any other non-black and white options / advice welcomed)

The other question: What is up with her?

FYI
I'm not totally destroyed over this, I've been in several relationships before and am generally staying upbeat. As I said she's a great girl, we have a lot of fun together (normally), and we're never stuck for anything to say or do together (normally). I'd really like to see this one last.

Thanks,

Silverfish

Give her the space.

She can't miss you if you're always there. Get on with your life, go out, meet friends, do stuff.

If she contacts you at any stage, don't act disinterested, let her know you still want to be with her - although, this all may be a test to see if you are, and in that case, run like hell.

Peared

Well what would you do if you were seeing a girl and you told her you wanted space and then she called every day to remind you she was alive?

Question answered.

-Freebird-

Sounds confused. Afraid, previous bad experience? Maybe she's developing feelings she wasn't expecting.

The whole 'Don't know if we're right for each other' after talking of traveling together, introducing you to family/friends doesn't add up.

I say don't give her time totally alone, remind her you're there. Maybe not a phone call, maybe a text, just to let her know 'I'm still here and I'm still thinking about you'

thejurysout

Peared wrote: »

Well what would you do if you were seeing a girl and you told her you wanted space and then she called every day to remind you she was alive?

Question answered.

This is very true... (no appropriate smiley faces to hand..)

Abi

thejurysout wrote: »

I call into her place, suddenly she wants space. After a few days, and almost no contact, I call into her again and talk it over for a few hours, she's not sure anymore, "doesn't know if we're right for each other", says "we are into different things"

Call me cynical, but sugar-coated "I'm done here" comes to mind.

and "isn't sure what she wants to do with herself at the moment." Yet, she doesn't want to break up with me until she knows herself.

..Until something better comes along.

^^The above may seem a bit harsh, but I dont think I'd be able to stomach sticking around until she has made up her mind what she is doing.


You said it yourself, you've had other relationships. Do you think this is acceptable, really?


The good money says; you quit calling and texting, and she will start texting and calling you. Give it a whirl, If Im wrong I will eat my keyboard with Ketchup.

thejurysout

-Freebird- wrote: »

.The whole 'Don't know if we're right for each other' after talking of traveling together, introducing you to family/friends doesn't add up.

..You're telling me it doesn't..

As for Abigayle.. true it isn't really acceptable behaviour at all but I'm such a shmuk I'm willing to put up with it because I like this one.

I think at this stage I'll just sweat it out and wait for her to call. When I say wait I mean go and get some sunshine...

Abi

thejurysout wrote: »

I think at this stage I'll just sweat it out and wait for her to call. When I say wait I mean go and get some sunshine...

If you are going to wait for a result from this one, do keep yourself busy so that you dont get temped to call her. As irritating that is, its all in a good cause, you are showing her you wont sit around her ankles waiting for her to give you the nod. Avoid copious amounts of alcohol, that mightnt mesh well with your plan.

If one is to give this girl the benefit of the doubt here, and she is a bit fcuked up from exams and other pressures; if you taking a back seat on this one doesnt work, Im not sure anything will.


Im not saying you are, but forcing the issue with her wont make you an attractive prospect to her. You are too readily available to her.Have a little bit of pride in yourself, and remind yourself that you are a good catch, and you dont deserve being left dangling.

If all she needs a bit of clarity, but she is still interested; she will call / text you. Might take a little time but she will.