Talk About Your Relationships Here

nikki 122

yes but isn't it embarrassing when they say no??

Cathmandooo

Yes of course but wouldn't you rather take the chance of being a little embarrassed over sitting at home bored by yourself? A lot of guys find it very complimentary to be asked out by a girl. Do you have your eye on someone in particular at the moment?

nikki 122

yes there is a guy in college but it does not seem he is interested in me

g'em

nikki 122 wrote: »

yes but isn't it embarrassing when they say no??

Of course it is, but at the same time at least that way you know they aren't worth bothering about! Guys find it nerve wrecking asking girls out too, and like Cathooo said it's just as complimentary for them to be asked out as it is for us.

As great and all as it would be sit be able to just sit back and let men come flooding to your feet (actually, no, that would be crap, where's the fun if there's no chase, not even a little one!?) that's just never going to happen. Get out there, go out with friends, get involved, meet lots and lots of new people. Some of them you'll like, some will like you back and hey presto, you've got something to work with.

Cathmandooo

If he's in college I'm sure you'll bump into him at events or in the pub, strike up a conversation and you'll have a better idea whether he's interested or not, suggest meeting him for a drink if he's chatty with you and see what happens. Good luck

nikki 122

thanks much might be a little more complicated than that but thats a long story for another time.... how cheesy was that

Tragedy

If i remember right, you're only 18 or 19 Nikki, so relax and let things happen
Asking guys out is a nice ability for a girl to have, but if you cant - patience and dont settle.

nikki 122

don't worry i won't settle my standards are too high ha, i tried talking to the guy today and i completely made an idiot out of myself i did not know what to say, so i started talking about a guy i went out with that told me he was into other people need i say anymore point is all i can do is wait because there is no way i will ever approach a guy i don't know ever again!!!!

FlexiLexi

boyf of nearly 2 years broke up with me saying he needs some space.
girls, does space mean that they'll come back?

Kya1976

awww *hugs* sorry to hear that. hard to say really if it means he'll come back or not ......

FlexiLexi

Kya1976 wrote: »

awww *hugs* sorry to hear that. hard to say really if it means he'll come back or not ......

thanks. he said he is still in love with me. i dunno, its really scary stuff...

homerun_homer

FlexiLexi wrote: »

thanks. he said he is still in love with me. i dunno, its really scary stuff...

I'm sorry to hear about your break up.
I wish I could give you some hope but my ex told me she still loved me (she wasn't just saying it either) but still wouldn't start the relationship again. If that is what it looks like will happen in your situation then it will only wreck with your head as it did mine.

Obviously none of us know your situation and what led him to this point, but maybe give him the space and see what happens. I hope he comes to his senses

FlexiLexi

homerun_homer wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your break up.
I wish I could give you some hope but my ex told me she still loved me (she wasn't just saying it either) but still wouldn't start the relationship again. If that is what it looks like will happen in your situation then it will only wreck with your head as it did mine.

Obviously none of us know your situation and what led him to this point, but maybe give him the space and see what happens. I hope he comes to his senses

me too. its all i want. on day 3 now, and it just seems to get harder.
break ups are good for 2 things, your figure....cause you lose the apetite completely (3 days sans food is amazing!) and realising you have the best friends and family ever.

FlexiLexi

and a great boards family too!:D

Gyalist

FlexiLexi wrote: »

boyf of nearly 2 years broke up with me saying he needs some space.
girls, does space mean that they'll come back?

Well, I'm not a girl bit I can tell you that it is highly unlikely that he'll come back.
What he did is the coward's way of breaking up - second only to the "it's not you, it's me" line.

FlexiLexi wrote: »

thanks. he said he is still in love with me. i dunno, its really scary stuff...

He's just trying to hedge his bets and let you down gently at the same time. Pay no mind to what he says, his actions speak far louder than his words.

Wibbs

FlexiLexi wrote: »

boyf of nearly 2 years broke up with me saying he needs some space.
girls, does space mean that they'll come back?

Depends. You can increase the chances though. Give him all the "space" he wants. Start to move on now. This minute. Today.

TBH space/break etc are excuses. Especially at the 2 year mark. The truth is he's having second thoughts. The honeymoon is over etc. The challenge is gone. Boredom basically. He knows where you stand, but he's not sure about himself. the "he loves me" bit is nice to hear, but useless to you if he's walking away.

So back off. Move on. Become a challenge again. become the woman you were when he met you first. If he comes back, then cool, but keep him on his toes. If he doesn't well you're already moving forward and in better stead for you and whatever follows. Result either way.

FlexiLexi

thanks guys.
its just hard to believe its over. it was all so sudden, came out of nowhere. and all before christmas, which means im one present down this year, tragic....:rolleyes:
ill try to see the positive side, that space may bring him back realising what a fool he has been, or that space will help me realise that maybe it just wasnt meant to be. i hope its not the latter though.:(

Ginny

Flexi was in your position a week from now last week, do not contact him, try and move on with your life.
If he does contact you to talk don't go running back, if you do end up getting back together you may end up still hurting from how he's hurt you.
Put yourself first because he's doing that for himself, harsh but true, I know I didn't, we kept in contact and he repeatedly hurt me over and over again until I copped on.
Look after yourself, arrange nights out with friends, maybe even a small trip away if possible.

FlexiLexi

Ginny wrote: »

Flexi was in your position a week from now last week, do not contact him, try and move on with your life.
If he does contact you to talk don't go running back, if you do end up getting back together you may end up still hurting from how he's hurt you.
Put yourself first because he's doing that for himself, harsh but true, I know I didn't, we kept in contact and he repeatedly hurt me over and over again until I copped on.
Look after yourself, arrange nights out with friends, maybe even a small trip away if possible.

sorry to hear it Ginny. I hope youre feeling better. its just really hard at the moment. Life goes on i guess, everything could always be that little bit worse.

homerun_homer

FlexiLexi wrote: »

thanks guys.
its just hard to believe its over. it was all so sudden, came out of nowhere. and all before christmas, which means im one present down this year, tragic....:rolleyes:
ill try to see the positive side, that space may bring him back realising what a fool he has been, or that space will help me realise that maybe it just wasnt meant to be. i hope its not the latter though.:(

No amount of advice telling you to move on will help, didn't for me so I wouldn't say it to you. As you said yourself 3rd day down, you're in mourning and not eating but posting here and opening up about it helps so keep it up and don't be shy. My only bit of advice is to keep yourself distracted. As hard as it is, just try and do things every day to keep you occupied.

When people say he got bored or whatever, don't take it to heart. It's only speculation based on their own experiences.

Christmas is a hard time to be missing someone close to you, but it's good that you have great friends and family to help you out.

Ginny

FlexiLexi wrote: »

sorry to hear it Ginny. I hope youre feeling better. its just really hard at the moment. Life goes on i guess, everything could always be that little bit worse.

I am, believe me I'm a million times better off now, I didn't get back with my Ex, thank God and am now going out with an absolutely amazing man.
Whatever happens concentrate on yourself and I how everything works out to make you happy.

FlexiLexi

homerun_homer wrote: »

No amount of advice telling you to move on will help, didn't for me so I wouldn't say it to you. As you said yourself 3rd day down, you're in mourning and not eating but posting here and opening up about it helps so keep it up and don't be shy. My only bit of advice is to keep yourself distracted. As hard as it is, just try and do things every day to keep you occupied.

When people say he got bored or whatever, don't take it to heart. It's only speculation based on their own experiences.

Christmas is a hard time to be missing someone close to you, but it's good that you have great friends and family to help you out.

tell me if im being a little too personal, but did you guys stay friends?he said we could remain friends, because he really was my best friend, but i dont know how thats going to work if all i want to do is be together again, i dont want to cut the ties, i just want to stay in touch, il really miss his family and everyone.

Gyalist

FlexiLexi wrote: »

tell me if im being a little too personal, but did you guys stay friends?he said we could remain friends, because he really was my best friend, but i dont know how thats going to work if all i want to do is be together again, i dont want to cut the ties, i just want to stay in touch, il really miss his family and everyone.

To be able to move on you'll have to cut all ties for the foreseeable future. That means no texts, no phone calls, nothing. Ignore the ones from him too - you don't owe him a response. Remaining in contact is like picking at a scab - it takes longer to heal. In a few months after all the emotions have settled it may be possible then but for now you need to put yourself first.

homerun_homer

FlexiLexi wrote: »

tell me if im being a little too personal, but did you guys stay friends?he said we could remain friends, because he really was my best friend, but i dont know how thats going to work if all i want to do is be together again, i dont want to cut the ties, i just want to stay in touch, il really miss his family and everyone.

For the last 6 months I've been picking at the scab. First we tried to remain friends because it was an amicable split, you don't want to lose the person forever & lose all contact. But it was tough. The first while we met up often, like when she returned home from college. She went away for a short while this summer which probably helped her keep strong but I had nothing to fall back on at the time.

Making matters worse was the fact that we were friends on various social networking sites so when you see updated photos and comments it really got to me. I wanted to be in her life still and was envious of others who were.
It was 3 months ago we ended up in bed with each other again after a great night out, just the 2 of us catching up. She told me she still loved me yet she didn't want to make things harder for us both. There was no black and white reason for why she wanted to stay broken up so it just confused me more.

Since then things have gotten a little quieter because my frustrations were becoming more apparent. So only this weekend did I pluck up the cajones to cut her off from Facebook and block that side of things as it did me no favours. It only kept the the wound open. I can't bear the idea of seeing that photo or comment that confirms that someone else is on the scene.

Wibbs

homerun_homer wrote: »

There was no black and white reason for why she wanted to stay broken up so it just confused me more.

I reckon it's simply that the emotional reasons for being apart are stronger than the ones that want to be together.

So only this weekend did I pluck up the cajones to cut her off from Facebook and block that side of things as it did me no favours.

Kudos.

Faddymackshyte

Relationships are the best, but then when it all ends and you've to move on, it's really poxy. My last relationship ended nearly 7 months ago and it's been tough and I've only just recently deleted the majority of his emails from my work email. The moving on was lousy, especially when he made me feel guilty for it!!

But now, I'm super happy to be out of it

12bizzle

citytillidie wrote: »

Burn the card and forget about him. Best thing to do is not have any contact with Ex's after you have split up.

so wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! i kept in touch with my ex when we broke up because she wasnt ready to commit she came back into my life when i was having problems with my current girlfriend turns out the girl is savage in bed:pac:

Kya1976

I think I've been really lucky. I recently ended a 10yr relationship/marriage and we get on really well, probably better now than we did just before we broke up. I would never wanna cut him out of my life.

homerun_homer

Kya1976 wrote: »

I think I've been really lucky. I recently ended a 10yr relationship/marriage and we get on really well, probably better now than we did just before we broke up. I would never wanna cut him out of my life.

It all depends on the split of course. If one of you still harbours feelings and wants to rekindle things then it's tough to stay friends. Maybe later down the line when enough time has passed and you're over the person.

But when it comes to relationships where things naturally fizzle out for both parties then it is easier to stay friends. I'm mates with a lot of people I've been with and there is no issues or feelings, barely even think about them as a past partner. But it's the 'one(s) who got away' where you've got to look out for number one and keep a close guard.

Wibbs

I agree with you on the amicable ones or the short term ones where you just didn't gel or click as lovers maybe, but may as mates. They can end up good mates long term.

With the serious heavy duty ones I wouldn't be friends. I won't accept the downgrade basically. If I dumped them it's not fair on them to be still picking at the wound. If they dumped me, well after the natural initial shock tones down, I figure if they leave, let them and they don't get the benefits of me without the commitment as my lover. Plus IME if you keep as friends one of the two will have feelings resurface a lot of the time. If it's me, it's a waste of time as they're not available to me. Lifes too short and it may block me from meeting someone else, or if I'm with someone else compromise my attachment to them. If it's them, then it's a waste for them for the same reasons and awkward for me dealing with that. Meh it's not worth the hassle for me.

I used to be strongly in favour of the staying friends side, in some cases, but I have to say I've finally seen the light. The main ex I used to think of as a good friend, I dropped contact (not deliberately) with for a while and finally copped on to how badly I'd been treated while we were "friends" :rolleyes: Mindboggling stuff.
I'm amicable with the other mainly serious one that ended because it fizzled out, but we don't have much contact.

I'm still willing to accept it can happen, but even more rarely than I previously believed.

nellyelly

Wicknight wrote: »

Very informative and eye-opening post!

Can I pick your brain on another issue from a guy perspective?

I met this guy a few weeks ago, he is a complete player/neanderthal/caveman with no manners whatsoever, I met him a couple of times (I've no idea what I was thinking meeting him a second time but was gobsmacked at his lack of respect and attitude!). Basically, he has driven over 3 hours to see me each time and then when he arrived was only slightly short of being pig ignorant! He informed me he has an ex girlfriend who's mad about him, amongst others of course, that he's probably going to get back with if he feels like it, oh and he also mentioned he was 'sick of sex' at the moment!! (dunno what message that's meant to portray, am i meant to be overcome by desire for him as he's so popular or was he merely trying to tell me that his kn*b has fallen off due to overuse. Just in case I was expecting a rampant night of passion?? ....)

Anyway, I don't get him, and what's more I don't want to, so, just wondering what's the most effective way to enlighten this lad! Do I ignore his texts/calls completely? (incidently he's the type of guy that will ignore texts himself until it suits him to respond) Or, do I answer his calls/texts and tell him a few home truths? (I should have done it when i met him but can't change that now and he's not the type to take no for an answer easilyl)

Well, I don't really want to spend time analysing this moron's tactics but a male opinion on this would be nice cos I sure as hell can't figure what it's all about......

homerun_homer

nellyelly wrote: »

Well, I don't really want to spend time analysing this moron's tactics but a male opinion on this would be nice cos I sure as hell can't figure what it's all about......

Don't waste any more time on this lad. To be nice txt him next time and say you are not interested, or however you want to phrase it. Then if he persists, not taking no for an answer, ignore him. It's rude to ignore someone out of nowhere but if you state where you stand then it's his turn to get over it.

nellyelly

homerun_homer wrote: »

Don't waste any more time on this lad. To be nice txt him next time and say you are not interested, or however you want to phrase it. Then if he persists, not taking no for an answer, ignore him. It's rude to ignore someone out of nowhere but if you state where you stand then it's his turn to get over it.

Thanks, will do...

stupidusername

What do you do when you're living with your ex?

dr.bollocko

You move out!

shellyboo

stupidusername wrote: »

What do you do when you're living with your ex?

Move out.

Seriously.

stupidusername

What if you can't

Kya1976

stupidusername wrote: »

What if you can't

stay put.
I'm living with my ex and it works fine. I think a lot of ppl are in the same situation atm, it's so expensive living in Ireland so a lot of ppl unfortunately dont have a choice.

stupidusername

Kya1976 wrote: »

stay put.
I'm living with my ex and it works fine. I think a lot of ppl are in the same situation atm, it's so expensive living in Ireland so a lot of ppl unfortunately dont have a choice.

well this kinda doesn't work. he wont accept that we're done, and wont stop harrassing me. i'm at my wits end

Kya1976

stupidusername wrote: »

well this kinda doesn't work. he wont accept that we're done, and wont stop harrassing me. i'm at my wits end

maybe move back home if that's possible

stupidusername

Kya1976 wrote: »

maybe move back home if that's possible

Its not possible.

shellyboo

stupidusername wrote: »

Its not possible.

so... you're going to just stay living with your ex forever? Why can't you move out?

stupidusername

shellyboo wrote: »

so... you're going to just stay living with your ex forever? Why can't you move out?

Well the lease is up in May, i think. so i can move out then, but before then i'll lose my deposit, which is too much money to lose. Plus it'd be hugely awkward to move now anyway.

Think I'm hoping he'll cop on in the meantime too, but doesn't seem to be very likely to happen

sammyv

My relationship is slowing becoming one of loathing, hatred, fights, and spitefullness, but i still love him

how do you know when someone is totally sick of you, and hates even being with you. i have given him plenty of options to leave me, me leave him, go on a break, but he insists he loves me, and wants to be with me...why cant he show it????:(:(:(

stupidusername

Orls81 wrote: »

My relationship is slowing becoming one of loathing, hatred, fights, and spitefullness, but i still love him

how do you know when someone is totally sick of you, and hates even being with you. i have given him plenty of options to leave me, me leave him, go on a break, but he insists he loves me, and wants to be with me...why cant he show it????:(:(:(

I think I'm in the same boat as you. He says he loves me, and says he's mad to be with me, but can't (or won't ) do ANYTHING to actually show me any of this. This is why it's difficult to know what to do, where to go. Because on one hand he does nothing to show he's interested, but then on the other he seems to care sometimes, and says it. and seems so convinces, it's just really confusing.

sammyv

So where do we go from here.
I dont want to be in an unhappy relationship, constantly worried about my furture.
Its my first proper relationship, so i wasnt too sure what to expect. Im mad about him, care about him, and love him. But i just need him to feel the same about me.
and then on the other hand, why is he still with me, so he must love and care about me.
He is going through some stuff at the min, and he says no matter who he would be with, he would never be 100% happy. And he said that there is too many things happening at the min, without him having to worry about me. He pratically said i wasnt a top priorty....surely that is wrong???

Puddleduck

Girls, loads of people have been in the same boat. If a realationship is holding you back in life. End it. End of. You should be able to live your life and achieve your goals and move with your partner. Its easier said than done, but which do you want more?

Yes where money is involved its hard, but if its making your life miserable, is it worth it?

stupidusername

Orls81 wrote: »

So where do we go from here.
I dont want to be in an unhappy relationship, constantly worried about my furture.
Its my first proper relationship, so i wasnt too sure what to expect. Im mad about him, care about him, and love him. But i just need him to feel the same about me.
and then on the other hand, why is he still with me, so he must love and care about me.
He is going through some stuff at the min, and he says no matter who he would be with, he would never be 100% happy. And he said that there is too many things happening at the min, without him having to worry about me. He pratically said i wasnt a top priorty....surely that is wrong???

Hmmm, well i don't know. I've basically said to my ex that i've too many things to worry about, to be stressing over him pissing me off all the time. But we've broken up and my mam has cancer, so it's kinda a different situation. It doesn't sound too good. But I know what you mean, seeing it written down it sounds different to how it seems to you. I would say it doesn't seem like he's too interested, but I know you probably feel yourself for reasons that you are sure that he still is.

Do you live with him?? Because I was just going to suggest giving him a little space, and see what happens of it. If he is interested he'll come to you, if he really isn't, then he wont. But that's impossible to do when you're living with him. Some people, i think especially men have a hard time dealing with serious things, and tend to cut off all other possibly hard-to-deal-with things, you know, to cut out stress. But it kinda seems like he should be coming to you for support rather than pushing you away....

sammyv

We are in a LDR, therefore dont see each other as much as other couples. i am planning on moving in with him in 4 weeks, then i have made a decision that if things dont improve in 6 weeks from moving in, then im outta there.
Its just sad though, things start so perfectly, and end so badly!