Talk About Your Relationships Here

Kazobel

SarahSassy wrote: »

Thanks a million.

Cant see how it applies here as he has made NO contact with me and is surely not trying to impress me.

Sorry, I meant mainly this part:

Guys have this funny thing where even after we are broken up, even after we are moved on and are with someone else, we still like to think that all the people we used to go out with are hung up about us. Its a confidence thing.

Keeping you on a hook may have gave him that feeling

citytillidie

Aww Sarah

Sorry to hear that but it looks like you got a lucky escape, I know it cost you in flights now but think if you have of got there and he just ignored you.

SarahSassy

Kaz, Ah ok I see.... Thanks

Citytillidie thanks and I think you are right. Just have to pick up the pieces of the disappointment and tell myself I had a lucky escape. Its a pain its this time of year too....

My new year resolution for 2008 is to stay well away from all men :S

SS

PS He is bastard of the year though.

AckwelFoley

Sarah, in June i broke up with my best friend and girlfriend of 7 years. I was sick about it.. in ways i still am. I met somone else after that, and after a month of dating i tolh my ex in an effort to help her move on too... it was horrible.. akin to road accident, tears all around... a week later the new gf dumped me

Its been a horrible year for me in 2007 ive been out of work for 2 months with severe depression, somthin ive had all my life.. but this didnt help

Chin up Sarah, you sound like a nuce young woman.. it will work out.. dont look back.. look forward

SarahSassy

Thanks Snyper, hope 08 is better for you.....

I have no real issue with being 'dumped' or him seeing someone as we were not a couple (it could have happened to either of us), but I have huge hurt over the way it was done....

the GALL

Kazobel wrote: »

I was dating a guy for nearly 3 years, it started great but after a while he changed jobs and start hanging around with new people an got into hash and acid and stuff. I stayed with him for a while (stupidly hoping I could get the old person back, I was 21 and naive :rolleyes: ) but one day he pinned me against a wall and tried to choke me so I booted him out. I felt such relief, it was like a weight was lifted. About a week later he turned up at the door p*ssed and wouldn't stop ringing my door bell and my neighbours until I let him in, I told him he could sleep on the couch but I wanted him out the next morning. I went to bed and couldn't sleep and heard him moving around but assumed he was using the toilet (you had to pass my bed to get to it). It was then he did this(Warning it's not nice).

your right it wasn't very nice
hope the scars have healed
the mental not just the physical

Crumble Froo

i did love hearing how my ex, who 'loved' me, and apparently cried and wouldnt eat for weeks after i left him got with this chick who i know to be nice, but the town bicycle (i had so much trouble trying to spell that there :P ), and after something like four months or something of not even solid relationship, he asked her to move in with him for college (their both only 18). she left him instantly.

i lol'd.

gcgirl

What can i say about my ex we were together 7 & half years we had 3 kids together he was not much of a hands on father, Cheated on me at least 5 times that i know about! Makes Charlo out of Family look like an alterboy Fecked off july to shake up with some slovakian as for the kids he did not spend any money on them, he spent 3 grand only for her to dump him and feck off back to Slovakia! Then comes crying back to me told him to feck off says he wants to be there for kids ect the kids are his whole life total bull****e ! Our youngest daughter spends 3 weeks in hospital He comes in 3/4 times to look after her while i get a much needed break Which i thought was a bloody joke since he worked 5 mins from hospital! And he took a day off for mates wedding while he did not for daughters surgery! as soon as she got out off hospital the phone calls dry up! the pick up the kids drys up! after a month and a bit he gets fed up of the kids and this is the same guy who wants guardianship!! Compleat fecking twit!

SarahSassy

I see a common thread here - men cant leave women until they have someone to move to....

Star Lord

SarahSassy that's not strictly true, that's tarring us all with one brush.

I've actually been told by pretty much everyone that I've been with that I'm very different to any other fella they've been with, in good ways.

SarahSassy

Damo, I was referring to this thread but maybe didnt explain it properly.

I know not all guys are like that but at the same time, from what I hear, experience and read many of them are...

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

I am still hoping to find a decent guy and by saying that I am acknowledging that not all men are assholes.... Sadly some are good liars and good actors but they are not all assholes.

Star Lord

SarahSassy wrote: »

Damo, I was referring to this thread but maybe didnt explain it properly.

I know not all guys are like that but at the same time, from what I hear, experience and read many of them are...

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

I am still hoping to find a decent guy and by saying that I am acknowledging that not all men are assholes.... Sadly some are good liars and good actors but they are not all assholes.

Oh no, I knew what you meant, maybe I should have elaborated in my reply.

When I was breaking up with someone I just told them that I didn't see it working out, and that while I did like the person a lot, thought it was more a friendship based like, and that I did not want to pretend otherwise because it would only end up dragging it out and she would end up getting hurt.

I see nothing to gain from dishonesty, I would never cheat on someone, and I treat people with respect.

SarahSassy

Well in my recent case, 1 phonecall would have saved a lot of confusion, embarassment (as obviously at this stage I had told friends and family about my trip) and hurt.. We might have retained the friendship but right now I cant see that he deserves to be my friend and in reality, that is the part that hurts the most.

Star Lord

Exactly, the fact that he wasn't considerate enough to let you know weeks ago shows that he doesn't deserve to have anything to do with you! Only a matter of time before the unlucky girl he met finds out how inconsiderate and uncaring he is.

Zombrex

SarahSassy wrote: »

I see a common thread here - men cant leave women until they have someone to move to....

I would agree in so far as some people (ie both sexes) tend to find it easier to leave their partners when they believe they have some thing else to go to.

In my experience I would associate this more with younger people who have less experience with relationships.

Most young people have issues with being not in a relationship. This tends to put an unnatural emphases on simply being in a relationship, rather than on the person you are actually in the relationship with.

I have friends, again of both sexes, who continue to go out with their partners I believe simply because they do not want to be "single". They may well convince themselves that they actually really like the other person, but that tends to just be a front.

In the long run this just ends up being very unfair on the partners though, and also ends up with situations where someone gets dumped like a hot potato as soon as someone else comes along.

Personally I would be skeptical of any girl I was starting to see who had a string of relationships and seemed to jump straight into a new one as soon as the last one ended.

SarahSassy

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

Only a matter of time before the unlucky girl he met finds out how inconsiderate and uncaring he is.

Well he had me fooled for quite a while....

Star Lord

Karma though, he'll get what he deserves in one way or another.

cold_filter

SarahSassy wrote: »

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

Agree with this spent a year and half out of a four year relationship trying to get the GF to dump me byt causing fights etc but the turned on the waterworks and i felt guilty. In the end she met someone else and I was the happiest i'd been for 2 years she was pretty puzzled by my reaction

Thankfully i am a bit more grown up now and I've wanted out in a couple of relationships since and I have sat the girl down and told her that i want out.

SarahSassy

Well the guys (and girls) who do get my total respect.... I have had to in the past and even if you know you have upset someone you can hold your head up.

Anyway, day by day Im improving (note to Clare Bear ) and who needs a wimp or someone who is not 100% into you.

I deserve to be adored

Clare Bear

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well the guys (and girls) who do get my total respect.... I have had to in the past and even if you know you have upset someone you can hold your head up.

Anyway, day by day Im improving (note to Clare Bear ) and who needs a wimp or someone who is not 100% into you.

I deserve to be adored

As horrible as I'm feeling right now, you're right....I adored him, I deserved the same back and didn't get it. I deserve someone that likes me as much as I like them.

Where is he?

SarahSassy

It doesnt matter where he is.... The only important point is that he is not there with you....

Grief like you are suffering is the anticipation of pain.... You feel sad cos you miss him not only right now but also because of the lost opportunities you have to do nice things with him in the future.... But you can plan your future. Who knows what might have happened had you stayed with him. Its time to make your own future. Pick up your own life again (which you had changed for him) and learn how to be happy again. I have no doubt you will be. I can see all the boys on PI telling us all how gorgeous you are....

Remember the only relationship to be in is one where there is balance most of the time and for this to happen you need to love each other equally...

Half measures are not good enough Clare and long term if you felt he was not as interested as you are then you would not be happy.

Clare Bear

Wise words Sarah, maybe they'll sink in in time...Thanks hun.

SarahSassy

Yeah and now I just need to swallow them myself

pow wow

We had been going out about 6 months, and it being 21st century we were facebook/myspace friends (websites have a lot to answer for lol). Anyway after a holiday together I changed my profile pic to one of me and him on the beach. He then, rather than speak to me, sends me a myspace message, asking me to take the photo down, because he is 'kinda seeing' someone else and it's 'not very pleasant' for her to have to see him with another girl. WTF is that?!

He also went on to say we could still keep seeing each other, so long as I kept it to a 'less public forum'. I LOL-ed, repeatedly. What a prize.

Am I irked that the other girl is a 5ft8 blonde bombshell? Kinda. I miss him but seriously....what a f*cking loser. Apparently there has to be a formal 'are we exclusive' talk after 6 months of practically living together and going on hols.

SarahSassy

ellscurr wrote: »

We had been going out about 6 months, and it being 21st century we were facebook/myspace friends (websites have a lot to answer for lol). Anyway after a holiday together I changed my profile pic to one of me and him on the beach. He then, rather than speak to me, sends me a myspace message, asking me to take the photo down, because he is 'kinda seeing' someone else and it's 'not very pleasant' for her to have to see him with another girl. WTF is that?!

He also went on to say we could still keep seeing each other, so long as I kept it to a 'less public forum'. I LOL-ed, repeatedly. What a prize.

Am I irked that the other girl is a 5ft8 blonde bombshell? Kinda. I miss him but seriously....what a f*cking loser. Apparently there has to be a formal 'are we exclusive' talk after 6 months of practically living together and going on hols.

The cheek of the twat - seriously well rid. I hope you told her he was seeing you at the same time. I would have.

pow wow

I think she knew, and after I bawled him out he was like 'oh you're making me feel a right a$$hole now'. My response: 'shame'.

It's always the good looking ones tsk tsk

SarahSassy

Putting it all back on you

He feels an asshole cos he is an asshole.

Kinetic^

I always tell my gf that she's got it good, showing her this thread might make her realise that she does.

spinandscribble

isnt that exactly what always happens?
"why am i feeling like a asshole? it must be because you're making me feel like a asshole!"

they cant even own their feelings. this goes for girls too, i have a friend who does the exact same.

*Murphy*

woke up to a text saying he was breakin up with me

blamed me for the break up

got engaged

begged me to get back with him

got married and got the lady pregnent

all within the space of 3 months.

likes to spread nice rumours about me still.... (this was 2 years ago now!!)

she was my best friend.......

Maple

*Murphy* wrote: »

woke up to a text saying he was breakin up with me

blamed me for the break up

got engaged

begged me to get back with him

got married and got the lady pregnent

all within the space of 3 months.

likes to spread nice rumours about me still.... (this was 2 years ago now!!)

she was my best friend.......

:eek: jesus, thats like something out of a soap! what a tosser.

Cathmandooo

yeah he sounds like a bit of a loon! There's some crazy men out there!!!

Latest on mine is he's aparently on holidays at the moment and texted me yesterday, I replied a couple of times, then he asked me is there any new man on the scene I didnt reply to that. I'm assuming he's on hols with the bird, what's he doing texting and making conversation with me and asking me my status at the mo???

I'll try be stronger and not reply again!

*Murphy*

i know. he was called 'the soapy bastard' for a while. he was a complete and utter w anker.

and the sad thing is he was my first love so ya no im always gonna have that 'thing' for him.

the funniest thing was, his wife was having her baby the same time my mam was, and my step dad bumped into him (i didnt tell my parents any of this) and ended up askin him 20 questions and gave him a right talkin too. the doc told him that his baby was born and my dad jus goes 'you will sit and tell me excatly everything that happend before you go anywhere' and he did. i was sittin there the whole time watchin him squirm and stutter tryin to get everything out. better then any apology.

Cathmandooo

*Murphy* wrote: »

i know. he was called 'the soapy bastard' for a while. he was a complete and utter w anker.

and the sad thing is he was my first love so ya no im always gonna have that 'thing' for him.

the funniest thing was, his wife was having her baby the same time my mam was, and my step dad bumped into him (i didnt tell my parents any of this) and ended up askin him 20 questions and gave him a right talkin too. the doc told him that his baby was born and my dad jus goes 'you will sit and tell me excatly everything that happend before you go anywhere' and he did. i was sittin there the whole time watchin him squirm and stutter tryin to get everything out. better then any apology.

Ah ha brilliant! fair play to step daddy gotta love them for things like that eh?

cornbb

Wow, what a thread! I can empathise with how sh*t breakups are and how they can drive us guys stir crazy for a while. Doesn't justify the crazy actions though. I guess ye can take solace from the fact that most of the guys in question were weak minded assholes.

I'm curious though, does this happen a lot? There are a lot of horror stories here but is it a large number compared to the number of relatively civilised (albeit painful) breakups that happen? I'd hate to think that the guys that do this are anything but a small minority...

Gauge

I've never had any particularly sh!t breakups but my last ex had some weird stalkerish tendencies... nothing like getting a phonecall when you're 5000+ miles away wanting to know why I had receieved a bebo comment from another guy. Also, having stuff I posted on boards repeated back to me was kind of weird and uncomfortable.

Um. Hopefully he doesn't do this anymore. In case he does: Hi!

rain on

Gauge wrote: »

I've never had any particularly sh!t breakups but my last ex had some weird stalkerish tendencies... nothing like getting a phonecall when you're 5000+ miles away wanting to know why I had receieved a bebo comment from another guy. Also, having stuff I posted on boards repeated back to me was kind of weird and uncomfortable.

Um. Hopefully he doesn't do this anymore. In case he does: Hi!

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

Cathmandooo

rain on wrote: »

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

oh ffs! arrrrgh stupid stupid men!! (I'm not saying all men are the same.....) kick them up the arse!

Papillon87

rain on wrote: »

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus! Haha! Talk about self absorbed/completely disillusioned!

John Mason

Cathooo wrote: »

yeah he sounds like a bit of a loon! There's some crazy men out there!!!

Latest on mine is he's aparently on holidays at the moment and texted me yesterday, I replied a couple of times, then he asked me is there any new man on the scene I didnt reply to that. I'm assuming he's on hols with the bird, what's he doing texting and making conversation with me and asking me my status at the mo???

I'll try be stronger and not reply again!

LOL, my ex does this to me all the time - he wants to know if i am servicing myself or have i found someone to help me out

then he likes to tell me how shi.t his girlfriend is in bed and wont allow any form of oral sex - i laugh and save the messages, i might even show her one day - poor cow

Kazobel

After my assault one I had to live as a guy for a while, more so to stop him being able to find me than anything else but I never hide my TS status ever, if someone wants to be with me then thats part of me that they have to accept too so I was dating a girl and we were together for 6 years and had a son, now at the time we were buying a house and everything but I got made redundant in October of the year in question and by November of that year she was sleeping with her brothers best mate. I didn't know at the time so I was acting like we were still a couple, anyway she used my redundancy to buy her family and him christmas presents, maxed out my credit card and I didn't see my son all of december, I seen him for an hour on Christmas morning and she wouldn't answer any questions (questions like "are we still together") then on the 5th of january she decided she wanted to talk so we went to McDonnalls and she broke up with me in front of my son and that was it. She said there was no-one else but a day later she had my son calling him "Daddy". In Febuary her, him and my son disappeared. He was 2 at the time, he'd be 8 now. I don't even know what he looks like and probably never will now. Before anyone jumps on this she was well aware I was TS, she didn't go because I was TS, she left because the money ran out so girls, guys...girls can be cnuts too.

Karen_*

I said to my ex last week that I wouldn't go back with him with things as they were. (they were bad and he dumped me) He replied 'yeah right'. I've since told him to feck right off and never to contact me again. I guess he spoke a bit too soon.

Crumble Froo

yikes! :O

jaysus, kazobel, you really have had it rough, haven't you?!

damn, im so sorry about that, it's one thing losing a lover, a whole other losing a kid

spinandscribble

rain on wrote: »

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

oh god please say that was a joke?
i feel much better reading this thread. being told they dont consider me a ex gf even though we spent more time together then his only other ex did (and got up to come then kissing) stung alot and made me feel like a piece of meat. but he's still single after nearly two years and im in a loving relationship for a year and a half so yay.

oh yeah and a month after being together he rings me to recite a poem he had just written about a girl 4 years before he loved from afar (ie. a love poem) but he said before he read it it was for a competition and he never wrote about anything else before and thats why he stuck to THAT theme. :rolleyes: i should have dumped him then. first bf though, low self esteem ect

Karen_*

Oh good for you Spin! Am delighted you found happiness! My ex constantly went on about his exes. They were all wonderful and he adored them all and yet he was still single at 40. I wasn't wonderful though. He used to show me photos of them and deliberately wind me up about them and other women. I should have dumped him then.

Cathmandooo

Sorry to hear that Kazobel, you have really had it rough havent you No doubt that women can be as bad as men!!

Kazobel

narco wrote: »

yikes! :O

jaysus, kazobel, you really have had it rough, haven't you?!

damn, im so sorry about that, it's one thing losing a lover, a whole other losing a kid

I'm learning how people think tbh, my girlfriend now has two kids, one has Down syndrome and their dad left the day she was born because he seen her as a flaw. She doesn't recognise him at all because she has limited face recognition abilities (she can hold 5 people in at a time) but sees me as her other parent and I'm happy to be that person for her so I like to think that maybe all the **** was to lead me to her where she'd have someone that really does love her as opposed to the fake **** her dad gives, he's even asked for my girlfriends 5 year old on her own and not have to take the baby on the days he has access

rain on

spinandscribble wrote: »

oh god please say that was a joke?

It'd be nice to think it was a joke... Other things he used to do would suggest otherwise though.. including, when we were going out, going on and on (and on and on and on) about how much he had loved his ex and how much he was never going to be in love with me... It's a mystery why I put up with him for as long as I did. In my defence, he was a great ride. But not much else

spinandscribble

Karen33 wrote: »

Oh good for you Spin! Am delighted you found happiness! My ex constantly went on about his exes. They were all wonderful and he adored them all and yet he was still single at 40. I wasn't wonderful though. He used to show me photos of them and deliberately wind me up about them and other women. I should have dumped him then.

i bet you became wonderful after though :rolleyes: thats how these guys are. they never want someone when they can have them. that ex only ever feels for women that dont want him. the sad bit is he still trys to make me jealous by going on and on about girls. we're friends so i expect him to talk about that but the extent to which he goes on is a bit OTT or maybe thats just his way.

Karen_*

spinandscribble wrote: »

i bet you became wonderful after though :rolleyes: thats how these guys are. they never want someone when they can have them. that ex only ever feels for women that dont want him. the sad bit is he still trys to make me jealous by going on and on about girls. we're friends so i expect him to talk about that but the extent to which he goes on is a bit OTT or maybe thats just his way.

Well I said that to him. You only seem to be mad about people you can't have and not bothered about those you have. He had a girlfriend for nine years, they split because he couldn't commit. Single for a few years and then would marry tomorrow a girl who couldn't stand him. Oh I was the one dumped and mainly because I forced a decision but when I wanted no contact and said 'you wanted a break up, you can have one' he went into panic mode of he needed me in his life and we would be brilliant friends etc. But I can't be friends with somene who can only do serious conversations by text.

Unfortunately once I got over my initial upset I wasn't about to accept a demotion. Our whole relationship was him trying to make me jealous in a hilarious joke kind of way. Because I don't have any sense of humour I didn't find it funny. Insight please into a guy who's a flirt, can't commit and tries to make someone jealous. And then blames everything on you