Talk About Your Relationships Here

Wibbs

Riann wrote: »

I asked him to at least call me so I could get a bit more closure than just an email, but he wouldn't.

Look up the nearest dictionary and look under the entry for escape and lucky and you'll find a picture of you. You'll be glad of the educational memory he provided. Spineless on his part TBH.

Riann

That's a much better response than the usual, "You knew what you were getting into." It's a nice change, ha ha, thanks.

SarahSassy

Some of you know my story and its about 6 weeks since I had the conversation with the 'foreigner'..... Have not thought (ie been feeling hurt) often about it nor talked about it a lot but the last couple of days have been hard. I havent had the urge to contact him or to make him feel guilty but I have that urge now ..... He is not worth my stress but funnily enough I am missing the regular contact and the potential of meeting him again. I miss the friendship I thought we had. Have kept myself so busy so I have not had time to think up to now but it seems to be catching up with me.

Help... I dont want to contact him. Would not give him the pleasure of thinking I am still thinking about him.

Wibbs

SarahSassy wrote: »

I miss the friendship I thought we had.

The operative word her is "thought". A true friend would not pull that stuff. If he was a true friend as well as being into you, you would likely still be together. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Put it this way, if someone walked up to you and said I love you and then kicked you in the shins, which action would you believe? Talk is cheap.

Help... I dont want to contact him. Would not give him the pleasure of thinking I am still thinking about him.

Then don't. I know that sounds simple. Take it day by day. Fake it til you make it as it were.

SarahSassy

Thanks Wibbs, I think the vodka made me think like that I wont lower myself to contact him.... He behaved badly and is not worth the time or cost of a phone call..... Friends dont teat friends like that.

Maybe it was caused by Valentines Day etc.

tallaght01

SarahSassy wrote: »

Some of you know my story and its about 6 weeks since I had the conversation with the 'foreigner'..... Have not thought (ie been feeling hurt) often about it nor talked about it a lot but the last couple of days have been hard. I havent had the urge to contact him or to make him feel guilty but I have that urge now ..... He is not worth my stress but funnily enough I am missing the regular contact and the potential of meeting him again. I miss the friendship I thought we had. Have kept myself so busy so I have not had time to think up to now but it seems to be catching up with me.

Help... I dont want to contact him. Would not give him the pleasure of thinking I am still thinking about him.

Does no-one else use the patented tallaght01 method of surviving break ups? I basically just say "listen, I don't want to have any more contact with you" in a nice way. Then I delete their mobile number, email address, facebook page etc. Then, in moments of weakness, I have no way of contacting them. I'm never nasty about it. It works wonders. Not a clue what any of my exes are up to, though

it also means I don't have to listen to people hitting me with the same old supportive cliches everytime that I feel like ringing an ex.

SarahSassy

tallaght01 wrote: »

it also means I don't have to listen to people hitting me with the same pod supportive cliches everytime that I feel like ringing an ex.

Well it must be great to have life under control :rolleyes:

I havent contacted him, nor have I attempted to. I had a moment of weakness after a night out....

Thanks for your 'help'.

tallaght01

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well it must be great to have life under control :rolleyes:

I havent contacted him, nor have I attempted to. I had a moment of weakness after a night out....

Thanks for your 'help'.

Hold onto your knickers. I wasn't rude to you.

jellie

tallaght01 wrote: »

Does no-one else use the patented tallaght01 method of surviving break ups? I basically just say "listen, I don't want to have any more contact with you" in a nice way. Then I delete their mobile number, email address, facebook page etc. Then, in moments of weakness, I have no way of contacting them. I'm never nasty about it. It works wonders. Not a clue what any of my exes are up to, though

it also means I don't have to listen to people hitting me with the same old supportive cliches everytime that I feel like ringing an ex.

hmm thats all very well, but with my last breakup i knew the mobile number, email address, bebo.. the bebo was ok for awhile, we both agreed to put our profiles on private, but i couldnt erase his number from my head.

its not relevant to me at the moment, but just wanted to make the point that sometimes its not that simple.

SarahSassy

sar84 wrote: »

hmm thats all very well, but with my last breakup i knew the mobile number, email address, QUOTE]

Exactly, but I just could not have been bothered pointing that out.

Thanks Sar

Wibbs

Exactly. I can remember the phone number of an ex I went out with ten years ago.

I do agree that a symbolic removal of said number from your phone is a good plan. Along with any other reminders.

Rattlehead_ie

sar84 wrote: »

hmm thats all very well, but with my last breakup i knew the mobile number, email address, bebo.. the bebo was ok for awhile, we both agreed to put our profiles on private, but i couldnt erase his number from my head.

its not relevant to me at the moment, but just wanted to make the point that sometimes its not that simple.

I find a restraining order can be handy Nah,any of my break ups were never to a point where I needed to do that. We were still friends afterwards, some more so than others and these were LTRs.

tallaght01

SarahSassy wrote: »

Exactly, but I just could not have been bothered pointing that out.

Thanks Sar

So the fact that my musings on what I do after a breakup don't apply to you gives you an excuse to be rude?

Crazy people remembering phone numbers when they're in your phone. I don't even know my family's numbers!

Bloody celtic tiger kids

jellie

tallaght01 wrote: »

So the fact that my musings on what I do after a breakup don't apply to you gives you an excuse to be rude?

Crazy people remembering phone numbers when they're in your phone. I don't even know my family's numbers!

Bloody celtic tiger kids

just want to check who youre calling rude? cause i dont think i was rude but the quotings a bit messy & my names in there somewhere..

mostly remember numbers that id dial from the house phone - bfs, mothers, 1 or 2 friends.

tallaght01

sar84 wrote: »

just want to check who youre calling rude? cause i dont think i was rude but the quotings a bit messy & my names in there somewhere..

mostly remember numbers that id dial from the house phone - bfs, mothers, 1 or 2 friends.

Sorry, sar84, it was the other girl I was calling rude. I shall fix my messed up quoting straight away

SarahSassy

tallaght01 wrote: »

Crazy people remembering phone numbers when they're in your phone. I don't even know my family's numbers!

I would know 90% of the number in my phone but sure if thats crazy I is happt to be crazy.

takola

I used to know peoples numbers by heart but it used to annoy me when I was having a "weak" moment so now I make a point of not memorising peoples numbers. So when I delete the numbers/bebo page/email addy etc etc that's it. There is still some numbers I know by heart which still annoys me!

I agree with Tallaght, It's the best way to go about it. Don't know what everyone is getting so snobby about!

As for the "must be great to have your life under control" comment.

Grow up. Learn to handle your own emotions for god's sake. There's no point in getting annoyed with someone because they have more self control than you do.

angelicious

If your partner gave you a gift that for some bizzare reason he seemed to think you'd like, but in actual fact it was a bit thoughtless, tactless and it left you feeling hurt, would you tell him or would you just chalk it up to "male stupidity"

I know mine is not the biggest problem in the world and I probably should just let it go but for some reason I can't and I'm getting increasingly p****d off. I've mentioned elsewhere that my bf gave me a pair of running shoes for valentines day. A gift that's about as romantic as a dry fart. Granted I'm dieting to try and lose the bit of weight I gained after quitting smoking, and I take my dogs walking every day but outside of that I loathe sports, a fact he well knows, and I didn't need runners - I have 2 pairs at home!

I guess I feel hurt because it seems like he got the shoes just for the sake of getting me something, or else he's subtly hinting that I should move my fat a** more. I don't know, it can't be that he's actually that clueless, can it? This was our first valentines and I went to a lot of effort to make it special but now I can only associate it with feeling hurt.

The ironic thing is that he's said from day one he'd never surprise me with jewellery because he hasn't got a clue - I doubt even the gaudiest piece of costume jewellery would have bothered me as much as a f****** running shoes.

Should I just let it go, or should I somehow raise the issue with him so he knows how I feel? I don't know what to do.

Quality

It is obviously bothering you. I would be straight with him, ask him what he thought he was doing buying you runners? Did he say anything when he gave them to you?

Sherifu

This is the benefit of giving her nothing for valentines, she can't be disappointed. My plan worked! Tell him how you feel, he's not going to guess. I doubt he gave them to you to tell you that you're fat. Some people are just crap at giving presents, male or female. Some people are ungrateful no matter what you get them.

Silverfish

Honesty. Best policy.

Bear in mind though, desperation can drive some men to terrible presents.
The logic seems to go 'What has she said in the past week. Something about walking more. Walking = sore feet. *man walks past sports shop* "I know! Runners! I'm a genius!"



( I say this while waving my terribly useful but completely pointless dustpan and brush combo present from an ex)

angelicious

Quality wrote: »

It is obviously bothering you. I would be straight with him, ask him what he thought he was doing buying you runners? Did he say anything when he gave them to you?

Nope, he just had this big grin on his face in anticipation of my look of delight. Which I faked wonderfully. I deserved an oscar.

Sherifu wrote: »

This is the benefit of giving her nothing for valentines, she can't be disappointed. My plan worked! Tell him how you feel, he's not going to guess. I doubt he gave them to you to tell you that you're fat. Some people are just crap at giving presents, male or female. Some people are ungrateful no matter what you get them.

I'm not ungrateful, I'm just upset at his apparent lack of thought.

Silverfish wrote: »

Honesty. Best policy.

Bear in mind though, desperation can drive some men to terrible presents.
The logic seems to go 'What has she said in the past week. Something about walking more. Walking = sore feet. *man walks past sports shop* "I know! Runners! I'm a genius!"



( I say this while waving my terribly useful but completely pointless dustpan and brush combo present from an ex)

Oh dear lord..... I revoke my rant!!

Quality

angelicious wrote: »

Nope, he just had this big grin on his face in anticipation of my look of delight.

Ahh Bless him...

Just say it too him nicely... As nice as you can explain that runners are not the usual romantic valentines present..

nikki 122

i've been meeting this lad for a month and he still has not asked me out yet ... i don't think this is normal whats everyone elses point of view?

Quality

What do you mean by meeting?
How do you usual set dates?

Do you mean he hasnt asked you to be exclusive?

nikki 122

aye wrote: »

As a guy i can tell you i dont think this is anything to do with men being silly, its just him. and you put up with it so he'll do it.

girlfriends birthday - it's all about her, you can see your mates another night.
pressie afteryou broke up - he's apologising
buying flowers on your card - dunno what thats about, seems to be just plain ignorance that he thinks he can use your card.

this isnt silliness here, he's know he can do this.

if a guy was doing this to a female friend of mine, i'd very unimpressed by him, and i'd probably advise her to get rid, if even for a while just to scare him.

wow good advice the world needs more lads like you!!!

John Mason

let it go, FFS its a made up holiday, you done well to get anything all, especially with you being this ungrateful

nikki 122

Quality wrote: »

What do you mean by meeting?
How do you usual set dates?

Do you mean he hasnt asked you to be exclusive?

yeah we go to the cinema and dinner all the time and he said he is not with anyone else, neither am i.... when i say meeting i mean making out when ever we meet up ... i know i don't really get it ... and i've made it clear that im not going any further with someone i'm not going out with... what do you think?

Quality

nikki 122 wrote: »

yeah we go to the cinema and dinner all the time and he said he is not with anyone else, neither am i.... when i say meeting i mean making out when ever we meet up ... i know i don't really get it ... and i've made it clear that im not going any further with someone i'm not going out with... what do you think?

Ok what age are you and what age is he?
Have you both been in relationships before?

Have you ever tried to make a move on him?

nikki 122

Quality wrote: »

Ok what age are you and what age is he?
Have you both been in relationships before?

Have you ever tried to make a move on him?

i'm 18 he is 20.... he had 1 serious relationship and i've had none... nope never made a move i'm too darn shy and i'm not interested in being sleazy

Quality

I think a lot of times, Men can be quite shy when it comes to making a move...
He sounds like a gent.

I am sure it will be worth the wait.. Nothing to worry about..

nikki 122

Quality wrote: »

I think a lot of times, Men can be quite shy when it comes to making a move...
He sounds like a gent.

I am sure it will be worth the wait.. Nothing to worry about..

ah thats a relief as i thought the same thing ... fingers crossed i don't end up in tears!!!

aye

nikki 122 wrote: »

wow good advice the world needs more lads like you!!!

thanks!

as for your problem, just when you out with him, go "so when are you gonna ask me out?".

he'll do it then, some guys are just a little cautious about getting rejected. especially at that age.

nikki 122

aye wrote: »

thanks!

as for your problem, just when you out with him, go "so when are you gonna ask me out?".

he'll do it then, some guys are just a little cautious about getting rejected. especially at that age.

god what if he said never girls don't like rejection either!

Wibbs

Here's another angle nikki 122. You meet up, go the flicks or whatever and he gets snogs on tap. Why should he change anything? From his point of view he has it pretty good. There's little reason for him to step it up a notch and become exclusive. He could turn around and say he's met someone else and if you haven't established where you both stand, you don't really have much recourse to blame him for looking elsewhere. I'm not saying he is looking around. Not at all, but if you really want something more permanent then state your case. He won't as he has little reason to.

tallaght01

NIkki122,

Next time he tries to kiss you, you could just pull away.

He's bound to ask why. Then you can tell him you're not all that comfortable with just constantly snogging someone you're not going out with.

You're not directly saying you want to go out with him, so no fear of a shame-fest :P

And you're putting the ball directly into his court.

metaoblivia

Just an update. I've blocked Jon from accessing my profile, and I've dropped Paul as a friend, just so that Jon has no way of getting information and sent Paul an email explaining exactly why. I suppose you can call it the tallaght01 method of moving on. His number is also gone from my phone (and no, it wasn't memorized). I made sure to send Jon an email taking back my apology to him.
Bridges burned, etc., etc..

Davei141

angelicious wrote: »

If your partner gave you a gift that for some bizzare reason he seemed to think you'd like, but in actual fact it was a bit thoughtless, tactless and it left you feeling hurt, would you tell him or would you just chalk it up to "male stupidity"

I know mine is not the biggest problem in the world and I probably should just let it go but for some reason I can't and I'm getting increasingly p****d off. I've mentioned elsewhere that my bf gave me a pair of running shoes for valentines day. A gift that's about as romantic as a dry fart. Granted I'm dieting to try and lose the bit of weight I gained after quitting smoking, and I take my dogs walking every day but outside of that I loathe sports, a fact he well knows, and I didn't need runners - I have 2 pairs at home!

I guess I feel hurt because it seems like he got the shoes just for the sake of getting me something, or else he's subtly hinting that I should move my fat a** more. I don't know, it can't be that he's actually that clueless, can it? This was our first valentines and I went to a lot of effort to make it special but now I can only associate it with feeling hurt.

The ironic thing is that he's said from day one he'd never surprise me with jewellery because he hasn't got a clue - I doubt even the gaudiest piece of costume jewellery would have bothered me as much as a f****** running shoes.

Should I just let it go, or should I somehow raise the issue with him so he knows how I feel? I don't know what to do.

Oh ffs. What a load of nonsense.

metaoblivia wrote:

Just an update. I've blocked Jon from accessing my profile, and I've dropped Paul as a friend, just so that Jon has no way of getting information and sent Paul an email explaining exactly why. I suppose you can call it the tallaght01 method of moving on. His number is also gone from my phone (and no, it wasn't memorized). I made sure to send Jon an email taking back my apology to him.
Bridges burned, etc., etc..

Update. We friends. Update. Not friends. Update. Dodgy atm. Update. he seen my rant. Update. i apologized. Update. I deleted him from facebook.

That whole situation sounds like its infested with people needing to grow the **** up.

metaoblivia

Davei141 wrote: »

Oh ffs. What a load of nonsense.



Update. We friends. Update. Not friends. Update. Dodgy atm. Update. he seen my rant. Update. i apologized. Update. I deleted him from facebook.

That whole situation sounds like its infested with people needing to grow the **** up.

Indeed, it is. That's why it's over now. Oh and I only had one update, so the update scheme you went with kind of didn't work out.

Clare Bear

metaoblivia wrote: »

Indeed, it is. That's why it's over now. Oh and I only had one update, so the update scheme you went with kind of didn't work out.

Don't mind him Meta, good for you, you did the right thing.

Crumble Froo

delighted to hear that metaoblivia! nobody needs more stress in their lives, and i think it's well about time to move on from all the weirdness in those relatoinships

TequilaMockingBird

http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php
Lie dectector.

We got the powah now!

Crumble Froo

ha, i do most of that stuff anyway. im just not generally comfortable around people.

nikki 122

tallaght01 wrote: »

NIkki122,

Next time he tries to kiss you, you could just pull away.

He's bound to ask why. Then you can tell him you're not all that comfortable with just constantly snogging someone you're not going out with.

You're not directly saying you want to go out with him, so no fear of a shame-fest :P

And you're putting the ball directly into his court.

thats a good point he only said to me last night that he really likes me and he is not going to be with any one else but i don't know if i should believe him as he used to be such a player!

nikki 122

Wibbs wrote: »

Here's another angle nikki 122. You meet up, go the flicks or whatever and he gets snogs on tap. Why should he change anything? From his point of view he has it pretty good. There's little reason for him to step it up a notch and become exclusive. He could turn around and say he's met someone else and if you haven't established where you both stand, you don't really have much recourse to blame him for looking elsewhere. I'm not saying he is looking around. Not at all, but if you really want something more permanent then state your case. He won't as he has little reason to.

thats fair enough I quess it's hard for the lad to always make the 1st move at least I'm getting somewhere now...thanks for the advice

Davei141

metaoblivia wrote: »

Indeed, it is. That's why it's over now. Oh and I only had one update, so the update scheme you went with kind of didn't work out.

Sorry for being harsh, its just your clearly not going to be happy with that situation. best rid.

nikki 122

The best way to over someone is under another!

RubyXI

We've been together 2 years. he just doesnt give me hugs and kisses so much anymore. Like hardly ever. I often try to cuddle up to him but more often than not he keeps his hands to himself. I dont know whether he's lost interest or if its just coz we've been together a while now. :(:(

nikki 122

you need to reinvent the flame you once had!

Maple

phi3 wrote: »

We've been together 2 years. he just doesnt give me hugs and kisses so much anymore. Like hardly ever. I often try to cuddle up to him but more often than not he keeps his hands to himself. I dont know whether he's lost interest or if its just coz we've been together a while now. :(:(

is this the same guy who watches telly over your shoulder while you're having a smooch on the couch?? i'm thinking that this is you again, but girl you are clearly unhappy in this relationship so either talk it out with him or get out of it.

Apologies if i've gotten you confused with another poster.