Talk About Your Relationships Here

nikki 122

fair play to you i could not do it then again i've never been with someone that i really liked so i can't say much

Crumble Froo

well forget about the long distance/ short distance thign. look at the big picture. is this a person you are bothered with? could/would either of you make genuine sacrifices for each other? how much are ye really into each other?how much od ye really know each toehr.

mollybird

after our weekend away in galway i have found that we are on such a different level. you know the one where you know your guy more than his friends do. didn't think it was possible with the distance thing but guess i was wrong. yes i know i should tell him that he is slipping again on his part but then i don't want to be nagging him. he knows im not impressed with him not doing his part by me not coming down all the time and the fact that im missing watching the rugby thing is well htis weekend is put in to. he knows where i am if he needs me.

jellie

mollybird wrote: »

ladies,
how do ye feel about long distance relationships? are they worth it at all?

id say im kinda in one at teh moment. we are only an hour away from each other and the first year was great it was comepletly 50/50. i was down in dub one half of the week and he came up to me the other half. this year though it's feels like im doing most of the work. but i feel so secure in the relationship that i don't feel i need to do all the running lately. if he can't come up to me either way after me coming down a good bit i stop making the effort. im not going down twice a week. i'm a student and dont' have the money to be making all the trips.

no 2 relationships are the same. what works for some people might not work for others. long distance can be extremely difficult, especially when youve to go without seeing each other a long time.

having said that, i wouldnt really class your relationship as long distance. it takes me longer to get to work. you could see him whenever you wanted to with a small bit of effort. not really possible in long distance, it takes me 6 hours to get to my bf

Grinderman

Sometimes my strange thoughts really worry me late at night.

So you are going out with someone and you meet or see a picture of an ex or more than 1 ex. And you just go EFFIN HELL, did you really go out with that person. I think it is more a guy thing, as i think a lot of guys go for a similar type, whereas women tend to go out with different types.
Im not just talking looks, its also personality.
You meet the ex and think, i am absolutely nothing like the ex.
Garry

Cathmandooo

Grinderman wrote: »

Sometimes my strange thoughts really worry me late at night.

So you are going out with someone and you meet or see a picture of an ex or more than 1 ex. And you just go EFFIN HELL, did you really go out with that person. I think it is more a guy thing, as i think a lot of guys go for a similar type, whereas women tend to go out with different types.
Im not just talking looks, its also personality.
You meet the ex and think, i am absolutely nothing like the ex.
Garry

Was there a question in that? why do you have to be like an ex of your OH's? surely everyones different anyway

Silverfish

I think with every person you go out with, you learn a bit more about what you want and don't want in a person.

So, the next person you go out with is (usually) a bit better in one way or another than the last. So, it depends on how many steps there was between that ex and you.

Nightwish

I've only had one other serious relationship other than the one I'm in and it ended amicably. As I'm not in love with him, I do kinda cringe at the thought of say ever kissing him or sleeping with him again, but I could never fault the guy. He was a real sweetheart.

Crumble Froo

only one ex do i think of and shudder. dear heavens, that was a bad one.

Jackz

love and crazy are such close friends.

spinandscribble

is it normal to feel literally sick thinking of ex's? like when you remember things and you want to puke?

Crumble Froo

yep.

Grinderman

Cathooo wrote: »

Was there a question in that? why do you have to be like an ex of your OH's? surely everyones different anyway

Obviously Not, it was posted somewhere else and moved to the rants page (the mods obviously think im bitter, so lets throw it in the RANTS)
Just forget i was here.

Cathmandooo

Grinderman wrote: »

Obviously Not, it was posted somewhere else and moved to the rants page (the mods obviously think im bitter, so lets throw it in the RANTS)
Just forget i was here.

The mods are just trying to keep this place from becoming a relationship forum, so they put all things about relationships into one thread, don't take it to heart and feel free to post, the more the merrier

Profiler

Well, let me tell you as a Man, some of the more shi**y things you girls have been put through and described on here, I've been responsible for with my Ex's, much to my shame.

I've had two girls tell me how much they cared about me, heard it, felt panic and terror and then run as far and fast as I could.

I've acted like a total tool, but only so she would end it as I hate having "that" conversation.

I've done a lot of bad things (but I've never cheated on anyone)

I know I did these things because I was immature, because I hated the thought of needing someone because I feared they would leave me, because I've been pretty selfish.

I've also lost the one true love of my life because of the way I've behaved.

Karma - yep, What goes around come around - I have that tsh*rt too.

Potential-Monke

Won't go into too much detail, but need yeir advice.

Right, not the best looking fella, never was or will be, so i make up for it with old fashioned romance, manners, and gentlemanliness. Which seems to work fine. So, going out with someone for over 1 1/2 years, and all's excellent.

Now, was in a previous 6 year relationship, which ended when i was two timed (something i've never done, and never will do). It wasn't even 2timing sex, it was a kiss, but thats enough for me. We tried to stay together, but as far as i was concerned, that night was the end of it. But, this has had a knock on effect, i get crazy jealous.

Long story short(er), my love, for want of a better word, is going to be going travelling for a year or so at some stage in the next, well, year. I don;t want to break up, as i believe no matter the distance, once you love someone you can wait. She's not giving me a straight answer as to what she wants to do. This was apparently a plan she had with her (bitch) friend, who is intent that she breaks up with me for this "holiday", and i know she only wants this because she doesn't want to be the only slut sleeping around with someone from every country.

Because of my past experiences getting women, and with women, i've basically said that i can wait, i will wait, and i'd even meet up with her for a few months if thats what she wants/it takes. But, and here's where i'm probably wrong in saying, if she breaks up with me, thats the end of it. No getting back together once she's back. Take me now, or leave me forever.

I can't share someone i love. People have said to me that i'm being selfish, and making it impossible for her to make a decision, but is it that much to ask that if you love someone that you would wait? Maybe thats the old-fashioned romance coming out in me.

Help please!!! And, ah, sorry this isn't as short as i had intended...

Far from being unreasonable.
I think your 100% in the right, asking her to let you know where you stand before you spend a year waiting around for her.
However dreading the trouble it takes to find a new relationship is a poor reason to stay in the old one.
And I don't know anyone who when it came down to it, chose OZ over a loving relationship with a future.

Potential-Monke

Moonbaby wrote: »

And I don't know anyone who when it came down to it, chose OZ over a loving relationship with a future.

Thats bloody typical. I bust my balls being the best i possibly can be, and yet still women today seems to hav the sense and logic part of thier brain hidden. But i know who's to blame! Trendy boys.

Trendy boys, the majority of the time, only care about themselves and no-one else, and mostly are only with a woman for the sex. This leads women to think that all men are the same. So i reckon anyway. Correct me if my generalisation is wrong.

I don't want to break up with her, and there's no point in talking about it now as she doesn't know what she'll do if and when it comes to it. But it drives me insane sometimes.

cregser

As I'm no wimmin and this is a wimmins board, I'll keep my response succinct:

Take a hint.

Potential-Monke

cregser wrote: »

Take a hint.

Not helping, and keep your smart comments to yourself thank you very much.

I'm mystified as to how that generalisation* applys to my point?

*Which I don't rate.

Potential-Monke

The human race are like a herd of sheep, most follow the ones that go before them. Trendy boys have given women doubt as to good futures with their partner, that at some stage all men will be men and get rid of them, so they're willing to go off holidaying and get rid of the man. I'm not explaining this very well...

Ginny

Was it planned before you got together?
If not why aren't you going yourself?

Einstein

how old monke?

Potential-Monke

GinnyJo, it was just an idea in their heads before i came on the scene, so she tells me anyway.

Einstein, i is 24 years young. 25 in May.

St Bill

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Thats bloody typical. I bust my balls being the best i possibly can be, and yet still women today seems to hav the sense and logic part of thier brain hidden.

So you treat your girlfriend right because you want a pat on the back and to be told that you're the best in the world? I'm sorry, but that sounds self-absorbed to me. And if women are so frustratingly illogical, why do you even want a girlfriend?
As to whether your girlfriend's friend is stirring things up, a break-up is ultimately going to be your girlfriend's/your/a mutual decision. It sounds like your girlfriend might want to let her hair down on this trip, especially if she doesn't want to be in a relationship when travelling. If so, then let her go and have her adventure and be happy for her. That's the path she wants to follow, you have your own path to follow.

Ginny

To be honest from the sounds of it giving her that choice me or Oz is going to make her pick Oz. She will say if you loved her you'd let her do her thing and see how it goes when she gets home.

Midna

Potential-Monke wrote: »

i get crazy jealous.

bad start. You either trust someone or you dont. if you dont, they arent for you.

I don;t want to break up, as i believe no matter the distance, once you love someone you can wait. She's not giving me a straight answer as to what she wants to do. This was apparently a plan she had with her (bitch) friend, who is intent that she breaks up with me for this "holiday", and i know she only wants this because she doesn't want to be the only slut sleeping around with someone from every country.

OK... if you talk to your gf about her friend like that, it may be no wonder she is stalling in deciding. It sounds bitter and makes you come across as possesive and jealous of even close friends. There may be more that makes you feel that way, and that is fair, but equally you may not be telling us an unbiased view of the story.

People have said to me that i'm being selfish, and making it impossible for her to make a decision, but is it that much to ask that if you love someone that you would wait? Maybe thats the old-fashioned romance coming out in me.
Help please!!! And, ah, sorry this isn't as short as i had intended...

Its not old fashioned romance. I don't think I'd find anything romantic about how you've portrayed your attitude. Old fashioned yes.

I understand and agree that if she was with someone else, why would you want to be with her. But ultimatums dont work in relationships.


Your generalisations about trendy boys are again very old fashioned? Do you think women are dumb poor things that need to be protected? Maybe they just want the same thing as "trendy boys" some times.

Your slut comment is out of order too. Women are sluts if they want sex?

Einstein

hmmm...is she totally opposed to you going? Or is it just something that you're not up for doing?
Sounds to me that if the relationship meant anything to her, she'd re-assess the whole travelling subject and possibly involve you. Plans change, no reason you can't be a part of it, if she doesn't want you to go...i'd question what you guys have?!

Eviledna

You poor yoke thats a crap situation. I have known a two couples that were in that exact situation before. Here's what happened.
Couple number one stayed together, same situation as you, girl went to oz never sure if she should have broken up with her fella back home, had similar friend abroad with her, and the girl ended up cheating on the boyfriend. Boyfriend found out and they broke up.
Couple number two, fella went abroad and girl stayed at home. Fella stayed apparently faithful (as far as anyone can ever know) and girl did too. They stayed strong for the experience and recently married.

Personally, I couldn't do it. If my fella was even in doubt after a year and a half if Oz was worth dumping me over I'd get out first, no matter how hard it might be.
One thing to remember that is very clear from your post, you have a negative self image and refer to yourself as "not the best looking fella, never was or never will be". You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, somebody's idea of the perfect guy, and therefore would be 'trendy guy' in their eyes. I know this from personal experience, as I never saw myself as anyway goodlooking or pretty in my single days, and neither did my boyfriend of now 4 years, in his single days. However when we met, he is my idea of perfect.Physically.and personality. We often joke about how we all can be clueless to the real meaning of beauty in the eye of the beholder.
Long analogy short, stop selling yourself short. Just because you don't find yourself attractive doesn't mean that you aren't, or that you deserve to be treated any different to any reasonable non-cheating boyfriend. If you want to be with someone that would choose you over Australia (or wherever she's going), then be with one. It's ultimatum time. It will hurt and it will suck for a while but you will always be proud of yourself for making the right choice. I hate to quote the TV psycologists, but in the end you truly do teach people how to treat you.

(And you might be surprised to hear her answer)

Potential-Monke

St Bill wrote: »

So you treat your girlfriend right because you want a pat on the back and to be told that you're the best in the world? I'm sorry, but that sounds self-absorbed to me.

I'm definitely not self absorbed, but i do have that extra bit of work to do, as i don't ahve the "looks" to rely on. I'm not looking for a pat on the back either, but i do liek being appreciated, as does everyone.

As to whether your girlfriend's friend is stirring things up, a break-up is ultimately going to be your girlfriend's decision.

I understand that, but are you saying that other people never influence a decision? Especially a friend she calls her "best friend" (which i find hard to take considering circumstances, but thats a different story)

It sounds like your girlfriend might want to let her hair down on this trip, especially if she doesn't want to be in a relationship when travelling.

Thats grand if she does, but i can't wait for her. I won't wait for her. As i said, take me now or leave me forever. I#m not being illogical. Why does leaving your hair down constitute breaking up with someone you love so you can ride other people? Are you saying that you need to be single to let your hair down?

If so, then let her go and have her adventure and be happy for her. That's the path she wants to follow, you have your own path to follow.

And i would be delighted if we could walk these paths together. I've no problems with her going and having a good time, but that doesn't mean she has to sleep with other people. Thats my whole point.

Rob_l

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Thats bloody typical. I bust my balls being the best i possibly can be, and yet still women today seems to hav the sense and logic part of thier brain hidden. But i know who's to blame! Trendy boys.

Trendy boys, the majority of the time, only care about themselves and no-one else, and mostly are only with a woman for the sex. This leads women to think that all men are the same. So i reckon anyway. Correct me if my generalisation is wrong.

I don't want to break up with her, and there's no point in talking about it now as she doesn't know what she'll do if and when it comes to it. But it drives me insane sometimes.

I dont understand the quoted text at all

Are you blaming a sub-group of humans which only exist in your mind on your problems?

LilyM1980

If she stays and heaven forbid you break up, she will always resent you making her stay so at least give her the chose and then she can make her own decision if it is to be it's to be and if she loves you you can work around it

Potential-Monke

Midna wrote: »

bad start. You either trust someone or you dont. if you dont, they arent for you.

I do trust her, but i've alot of years of being shunned behind me, and it's not something that just goes away once you're in love again. It'll always be there.

OK... if you talk to your gf about her friend like that, it may be no wonder she is stalling in deciding. It sounds bitter and makes you come across as possesive and jealous of even close friends. There may be more that makes you feel that way, and that is fair, but equally you may not be telling us an unbiased view of the story.

I can't tell you the whole situation here, cuz i'd be here all night. Lets just say that her friend got jealous of my gf because i came along, and she was having a bad time with fellas. She has so many other friends that i would call close to her, but old habits die hard (what kind of best friend doesn't call or text for a few weeks?)

Its not old fashioned romance. I don't think I'd find anything romantic about how you've portrayed your attitude. Old fashioned yes.

Again, i can't properly say how i feel, or what exactly the situation is. All i'm trying to say is that if 2 people love each other, why is there even mention of breaking up?

I understand and agree that if she was with someone else, why would you want to be with her. But ultimatums dont work in relationships.

I know they don't, but the longer a relationship goes on, the harder it is for me to get over it, and i don't want to have to put off going through hell again.

Your generalisations about trendy boys are again very old fashioned? Do you think women are dumb poor things that need to be protected? Maybe they just want the same thing as "trendy boys" some times.

If they want the same things as trendy boys then they shouldn't be in a loving relationship. The eye can wander yes, but it's the actions that cause trouble.

Your slut comment is out of order too. Women are sluts if they want sex?

I just used slut to get my point of how i feel about it across. It seems that way to me, if she ends the relationship to go travelling, it seems like she wants to slut herself to foreigners.

Einstein, i've talked to her about it, told her that if she wants i'll go with her, or go with her for a while, or (insert as many possible variations here). Not getting a definite answer.

Eviledna, i have personal self esteem issues that are going to take alot more years for me to overcome, thats why i'm so negative about myself.

Rob_l, trendy boys do exist, and the majority of them are ****, treating women like dirt. I see it every week, and i deal with them every weekend, and i know plenty of women who ahve been on the receiving end of their bull****. I'm not blaming them for all my problems, but it sure makes it harder for people like me to make a lasting impression.

LilyM1980, i understand that, and i am giving her the choice, but i don't want to delay it longer than it needs to be delayed for, for both our sakes.

themadchef

Im trying to think how i would have reacted if my now husband after a year and a half into our relationship wanted to go to Oz for a year.

A. I'd be gutted.
B. Awful as it sounds, i would have said i wouldin't wait.
C. I would question his feelings for me, leaving me for a whole year to go party the other side of the world.

Ten years and 4 kids later i think i'd pack his bags for him

So if it were me, i would say everyone has to walk their own path if she chooses Oz, she does not choose you. Hope that makes sense.

Potential-Monke

Potential-Monke wrote:

I just used slut to get my point of how i feel about it across. It seems that way to me, if she ends the relationship to go travelling, it seems like she wants to slut herself to foreigners. ]

For someone in love (presumably) you're quick to imply your gf is a slut/think that way of her. remind us why you're with her again? you dont own her

not only that, have you even sat down and talked about it properly? or just issued ultimatums? "it seems that way to me" - how about finding out how she actually feels when you are not being aggressive or refusing to listen and given your posts so far on the thread, i imagine you are doing just that

old-fashioned yes indeed, but in this case it's certainly not a good thing
while you are dealing with all this, work out your insecurity/jealousy issues

St Bill

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I'm definitely not self absorbed, but i do have that extra bit of work to do, as i don't ahve the "looks" to rely on. I'm not looking for a pat on the back either, but i do liek being appreciated, as does everyone.
I understand that, but are you saying that other people never influence a decision? Especially a friend she calls her "best friend" (which i find hard to take considering circumstances, but thats a different story)
Thats grand if she does, but i can't wait for her. I won't wait for her. As i said, take me now or leave me forever. I#m not being illogical. Why does leaving your hair down constitute breaking up with someone you love so you can ride other people? Are you saying that you need to be single to let your hair down?
And i would be delighted if we could walk these paths together. I've no problems with her going and having a good time, but that doesn't mean she has to sleep with other people. Thats my whole point.

I like being appreciated too, but I don't do things for people just so I'll be appreciated. I do things for people because I want to, whether they appreciate it or not is up to them.

Yes her friend might influence her decision, but it's your girlfriend's (or your) decision at the end of the day. She has a mind of her own, despite the opinion of her you've shown in this thread.

Sometimes you need to be single to let your hair down (and when I say 'let your hair down', I'm not using your definition of it). Letting your hair down might mean having the freedom to talk to anyone who comes along without the worry that your partner might think you're flirting with them.

You are already assuming that your girlfriend is travelling just so she can sleep with other people and she hasn't even left the country! You don't trust her. You're prolonging your agony by being with someone you don't trust.

Midna

Potential-Monke wrote: »

(what kind of best friend doesn't call or text for a few weeks?)

Good ones who know that the friendship is more than just hanging out?

All i'm trying to say is that if 2 people love each other, why is there even mention of breaking up?

You can have love and still not be good as a couple. I loved someone who was paranoid, jealous, possesive and manipulative. Obviously I was better of without them but it didn't mean i didn't live them or I wouldn't have stayed as long as I did.

I know they don't, but the longer a relationship goes on, the harder it is for me to get over it, and i don't want to have to put off going through hell again.

So your motives are more selfish than loving? Its all about the risk to you rather than the potential?

If they want the same things as trendy boys then they shouldn't be in a loving relationship. The eye can wander yes, but it's the actions that cause trouble.

thats not what I asked you. You think that girls are taken for a ride by "trendy boys" - I'm not even sure what that means - honestly, that sort of sentiment belongs with dragged knuckles.

I just used slut to get my point of how i feel about it across. It seems that way to me, if she ends the relationship to go travelling, it seems like she wants to slut herself to foreigners.

there is your problem right there. Your attitude. you use these words to make the world seem black and white so you can justify your attitude imho.
I think you need to actually listen to what your gf wants, not give her demands, ultimatums or ask her intentions for your needs.

b3t4

As cregser put it: Take the hint.

She wants to break up with you but hasn't an iota of how to do. By what you display in these threads I can see why she's putting it off.

When ye do break up (matter of time, in my opinion) I think you should take some time out to look at your attitude. In my opinion your attitude stinks and you need to seriously look inwards to find out what you portray to the world.

A

Sam Spade

what are "trendy boys"

Jackz

b3t4 wrote: »

As cregser put it: Take the hint.

She wants to break up with you but hasn't an iota of how to do. By what you display in these threads I can see why she's putting it off.

When ye do break up (matter of time, in my opinion) I think you should take some time out to look at your attitude. In my opinion your attitude stinks and you need to seriously look inwards to find out what you portray to the world.

A

+1 Not a wimmin but I think you probably had a dodgy outlook before you met this gal, be complete without someone, be nice without expecting to be rewarded with praise or loyalty and know that you have zero control over the actions of other people ..... you probably need to live more like tomorrow might never happen, having the belief that you are conventionaly unattractive is the great reason to disregard that entire system of rating people....

Mikel

Best of luck with that one.... you're dealing with female 'logic' now
She wants to do something, so the rationale is that if you loved her you'd let her do what she wants..... If you don't then you dont trust her..... by saying you're not willing to be taken for granted then you're issuing ultimatums.
What if the shoe was on the other foot, what would her attitude be then?

TequilaMockingBird

maxsmart wrote: »

what are "trendy boys"

+1

@ OP ??? You have a really bad attitude towards women.

@ OPs GF - Run, girl run.

Dragan

Potential-Monke wrote: »

The human race are like a herd of sheep, most follow the ones that go before them. Trendy boys have given women doubt as to good futures with their partner, that at some stage all men will be men and get rid of them, so they're willing to go off holidaying and get rid of the man. I'm not explaining this very well...

Okay, first of all you need to stop being angry. Your applying and image and a personality to an aspect of your life that is pissing you off to give you focus. At this stage in the game focusing your anger in this way will not really help you.

It will seep into conversation between you and your girlfriend.

This is going to be a pretty rough thing to say and is not meant as an insult. It is the simple fact of the situation. If she decides to break up with you and go traveling knowing that you would happily stay together it is as simple as her choosing an experience over you. This does not mean you are flawed in some way, or that she is a bitch, or that some modern flaw in the male/female dynamic has led to you getting ****ed over. It just means that you were not meant to be together.

I said this in another thread not too long ago but relationships face tests for a reason. Sure, it sucks at the time like nothing else but life is risk. I know i'd rather have a failed relationship than live in a world where we couldn't even be sure that ones that work do so for the best of reasons.

All you can do right now is continue to be you and if it's meant to be then that is the way she will choose.

aliqueenb

girl sounds like she is a slut lol, ah now why cant you go with her? if she breaks up with you then i wouldn't take her back when she comes back if i was you

Eviledna

It's amazing how harsh people here have been on you based on the few 'facts' that you have presented, bearing in mind that you are no doubt coming here to vent and get this off your chest, as most people do when they are behind a computer and posting on boards about a personal issue.
There are many girls out there who would crucify a guy with your outlook on women/relationships because it suits their own needs to do so. Your attitude to love/commitment may well not have mass appeal, but it is your prerogative to have it. Taking that into account, (including some sincere advice to speak to someone regarding those self-esteem issues, as they will always affect your relationships until they are dealt with),I would advise you to stop playing/participating in mind games with your girlfriend, stop using the stereotype of 'trendy boys' and 'slut' girls, and sit down with her sooner rather than later to speak about this in full. If it helps, write down a list of issues that you have with the situation. Try your best to keep the judgement to a minimum and speak as calmly and respectfully as you can. It is only then that you will have clarity.

Blush_01

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they're yours forever. If they don't, they were never yours.

OP, you're about a year older than me. Do you not think that you might be very young to spend a year waiting for someone who may find the distance from you too much anyway? If she has asked for the two of you to take a break for the year, then maybe you should respect the fact that she doesn't want to be with you while she's away, and is trying to be as considerate as possible about it. She could just lie to you - people lie all the time. Maybe her honesty is something you need to appreciate rather than find so offensive. A lot can happen in a year, maybe you'll find someone so fantastic that your current girlfriend pales in comparison (or maybe you won't, but life's like that). Maybe she does want to "slut" her way around the world with all the "trendy boys" she can get her hands on. As much as your intolerance of her desire to have a free and no-strings-attached year is your prerogative, her desire to have that year is hers. Whether you want her to go or not, she's still a free person, and it could happen that she'll break up with you to go anyway. If her plans have been there for longer than you have, and if she's committed to going without you, even if she promises not to do anything with anyone else, you (just an assumption from your posts here) may not believe her when she comes home anyway - in which case you'll be shattered, she'll have wasted a year being faithful to someone whose jealousy and mis-trust have destroyed the relationship anyway, and there will just be resentment all round. If she doesn't go, she'll ask herself "what if" for the rest of her life - and that on its own can drive people apart.

I understand you find you have issues - but even though your ex kissed someone else after a 6 year relationship and you're currently in a 1 1/2 year relationship, for someone who believes himself to be so grossly unattractive to the opposite sex (for whatever reason) you've still got almost 8 years of commitment under your belt, which is more than a lot of people at your age.

IMHO, (and please excuse me if you think this is out of line) you don't sound happy. Happy is the really important thing. (And if you can't be happy with yourself, being happy with you and someone else just gets even more difficult.)

Eviledna

you don't sound happy. Happy is the really important thing. (And if you can't be happy with yourself, being happy with you and someone else just gets even more difficult.)

I second this. Blush_01 makes some very good points.

When you take away all the anger and tension you have about all this it really does boil down to that. No matter how this works out, how likely are you to be happy with the result? She goes, you stay, will you not resent/not trust her? She stays, will she not resent you? She goes, you break up, game over. All of these options do not a happy you make.

Having been in a 6 year relationship and then a 1.5, in no doubt sucession due to your age, have you really had time to decide what you want for yourself, apart from someone to lean on? It may seem like a scary prospect being single after so long, but it may well be the making of a happy you.
Something to consider?

Crumble Froo

Blush_01 wrote: »

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they're yours forever. If they don't, they were never yours.

an ex of mine used to say 'if you love someone, set them free. if someone loves you.. don't fúck up.'

OP, you're about a year older than me. Do you not think that you might be very young to spend a year waiting for someone who may find the distance from you too much anyway?

im younger yet, and it can be done.

may not believe her when she comes home anyway - in which case you'll be shattered, she'll have wasted a year being faithful to someone whose jealousy and mis-trust have destroyed the relationship anyway, and there will just be resentment all round. If she doesn't go, she'll ask herself "what if" for the rest of her life - and that on its own can drive people apart.

some very good points there.

IMHO, (and please excuse me if you think this is out of line) you don't sound happy. Happy is the really important thing. (And if you can't be happy with yourself, being happy with you and someone else just gets even more difficult.)

and some more here.

cee_jay

OP, I know your girlfriend (I am the drunken one from the pub on New Years Eve). She is not the type to be a slut sleeping with someone from every country, and you should know that.
That was my first time meeting you, but she seemed to be crazy about you.
Don't issue ultimatums, just tell her how you feel, let her decide without pressurising her.
What's meant to be is meant to be.