If you discovered your 'girlfriend' was a man.

sunnyjim

I read on another part of the board about a poster who got savagely assaulted by a new boyfriend, when he found out that 'she' was formerly a he.

Personally, as a guy, I would be very, very upset/angry/disgusted if I was seeing a girl who didn't tell me right away about it.

What would your views be?

Personally, I would steer clear. Immediately.

Enright

put on a pair of trainers and run like fXXk

you wouldnt see me for dust

Gran Hermano

sunnyjim wrote: »

I read on another part of the board about a poster who got savagely assaulted by a new boyfriend, when he found out that 'she' was formerly a he.

Link?

slipss

Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.

Karl Hungus

I would probably be wierded out.

Can't see why on earth the situation would call for violence, that's pretty god damn shameful.

Refer to Ace Ventura - thats how I'd react if not worse accompanied BY ANGER !

Jay D

I would be more surprised initially if I found out I had a girlfriend.

Overcoming that I would feel very uneasy, maybe even a little sick but does anyone know how exactly they'd feel unless it did happen to them?

Terry

I'd take his cock out of my mouth and ask why he didn't tell me.

LadyJ

sunnyjim wrote: »

I read on another part of the board about a poster who got savagely assaulted by a new boyfriend, when he found out that 'she' was formerly a he.

Personally, as a guy, I would be very, very upset/angry/disgusted if I was seeing a girl who didn't tell me right away about it.

What would your views be?

Personally, I would steer clear. Immediately.

If you are referring to the post that I think you are then I'm pretty sure that after 3 years as a couple the guy knew. He lied to the judge and said he didn't know though.

Jay D

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Can't see why on earth the situation would call for violence, that's pretty god damn shameful.

But what about the ego?

Varkov

S/he should have told the fella straight out. You can't be pulling that sort of stunt and not be expecting something along those lines.

Depends on how far you went before s/he told you, but yeah. I'd be fairly disgusted and angry. Probably just leg it though.

Petey2006

Agree with Karl. I'd be very very weirded out, but there's no need for violence.

KTRIC

FFS lads and ladies, You all know the rules by now - link, pick or it didn't happen :rolleyes:

Karl Hungus

Jay D wrote: »

But what about the ego?

What about it?

There's no excuse for beating a woman, even if she used to be a man.

Lux23

Would you still consider them men after they have had everything changed etc? I wouldn't.

Having said that I am in no way attracted to women so I would never date a female to male transexual because they always look like women with a beard. Plus I still don't think they can construct proper willies and that is the best part of a man.

sunnyjim

I'm not linking because I don't think the poster will want the attention. He/she will post when they want.

LadyJ, I thought it was 3 weeks, my mistake. Apologies to the poster.

Lux, the person is still a man. Will there be a clitoris? How about milk ducts to feed a baby? Womb? All gender defining organs IMO.

Lux23

sunnyjim wrote: »

I'm not linking because I don't think the poster will want the attention. He/she will post when they want.

LadyJ, I thought it was 3 weeks, my mistake. Apologies to the poster.

Lux, the person is still a man. Will there be a clitoris? How about milk ducts to feed a baby? Womb? All gender defining organs IMO.

They will have a clitoris, a far more sensitive one than real ladies apparently but none of the other stuff. But I do really believe that some people were born in the wrong body and that their brain doesn't match their biological gender.

prendy

scary...... but violence is not the answer children!

seamus

You'd have to look at it from the other side of the equation. The transgender person feels that they have always been a "she" and now have gotten the female body that they want, so in their mind they are a woman, no different from any other (with the exception of the missing organs).

While every male would want such a person to walk around with "I used to be a man" tattooed on their forehead, from their POV declaring their history up front is simply going to freak people out. No-one else is obligated to declare their history up front, so why should they?

It's something that should probably be brought up fairly quickly though. Not least because the issue of kids is there, most people have fairly strong feelings on the subject, so the other person in the relationship should be given the opportunity to ditch if they have that feeling about it, but after they've taken the time to get to know the transgender person.

Can't see why on earth the situation would call for violence, that's pretty god damn shameful.

Denial. Like those Westboro Baptist people. If you were always shaky about your sexuality and then discovered that the person you'd fallen in love with over the past three years used to be a man, you'd be forced to face up to what you never wanted to face up to.

I'd agree with the other poster who says that after three years, you'd have to already know but were happy to not broach the subject.

Canis Lupus

Karl Hungus wrote: »

What about it?

There's no excuse for beating a woman, even if she used to be a man.

A man is a man is a man. He can pretend to be otherwise by chopping it off but he's still a bloke regardless of whether he calls himself Andy or Pamela. Whether that in turn opens him up to being punched......

If I found out my missus used to be a bloke I'd be extremely pissed/sick/embarrassed. Enough to punch him a few times... yeah probably depending on the moments directly after the revelation altho I doubt I kick the crap out of someone.... But for me that would be a massive betrayal and I don't really know what I'd do. I'd fully support a bloke who kicked the crap out of a "girl" who turned out to have been a man in the past and "she" kept that secret from him.

In saying all that I'm happy my current is 100% XX so I doubt I need to worry about the problem just yet.

SimpleSam06

I heard about a case in the US, where some guy sued his wife of several years when he found out it was actually a man. Apparently the gent in question had been tucking his purple love bison into the pelvic cavity, thus disguising it.

Jay D

Karl Hungus wrote: »

What about it?

There's no excuse for beating a woman, even if she used to be a man.

light a rainbow.

where did I put my Blue Peter badge now?

Canis Lupus

SimpleSam06 wrote: »

Apparently the gent in question had been tucking his purple love bison into the pelvic cavity, thus disguising it.

What the....... Now that's a party trick.

Sleepy

While I get that a transgendered person feels that they were born in the wrong body I don't think I could ever consider them to have become the sex they've been reassigned to. For want of a better analogy a kit car porsche is not a porsche even if it looks exactly like one.

seamus

Sleepy wrote: »

While I get that a transgendered person feels that they were born in the wrong body I don't think I could ever consider them to have become the sex they've been reassigned to. For want of a better analogy a kit car porsche is not a porsche even if it looks exactly like one.

This is why I reckon it needs to be brought up early on, but not immediately.

To take your porsche analogy, the person should be given the opportunity to test drive the car and get to know what it's like. Then before they hand over their cash, they're told it's actually a kit car. Some people will immediately say no and walk away, others (who may have initially said no) may decide that they're happy to continue.

Imagine a former convict (for something like armed robbery) declaring to every potential partner that they had a criminal conviction. They'd get very few takers. After a period of getting to know the person though, the potential partner may overlook the conviction, when revealed.

The_B_Man

bleh, i'd probably vomit on their face, then elbow them in the sick!

TerrorFirmer

Canis Lupus wrote: »

A man is a man is a man. He can pretend to be otherwise by chopping it off but he's still a bloke regardless of whether he calls himself Andy or Pamela. Whether that in turn opens him up to being punched......

If I found out my missus used to be a bloke I'd be extremely pissed/sick/embarrassed. Enough to punch him a few times... yeah probably depending on the moments directly after the revelation altho I doubt I kick the crap out of someone.... But for me that would be a massive betrayal and I don't really know what I'd do. I'd fully support a bloke who kicked the crap out of a "girl" who turned out to have been a man in the past and "she" kept that secret from him.

In saying all that I'm happy my current is 100% XX so I doubt I need to worry about the problem just yet.

Yes, sure. So if your girlfriend looked like this, and you'd known her for years, loved her etc, if she suddenly said 'I used to be a man' you'd suddenly lay into her and beat her senseless, and feel justified?

You're a good person.

If my girlfriend suddenly turned around and said 'I used to be a man', well, frankly what can you do? If I had been seeing a girl for years and something like that was outed, after being with her for so many years and happily at that, if there was a reason to end the relationship it would be over the glaring hidden truth, but that alone. Not because 'Oh god, you used to be a man, get lost.' I don't think it'd be that simple.

LadyJ

I can't believe that anyone would think it's ok to beat someone within an
inch of their life for any reason whatsoever. Sure I'd feel betrayed and it would be
a very difficult thing to come to terms with but if you're not into it then dump them,
don't kill them.

Jay D

LadyJ wrote: »

I can't believe that anyone would think it's ok to beat someone within an
inch of their life for any reason whatsoever. Sure I'd feel betrayed and it would be
a very difficult thing to come to terms with but if you're not into it then dump them,
don't kill them.

I doubt many people genuinely believe in this

syklops

I dont mean to be blunt, but if she had a vagina, and breasts, and looked like a woman, then I wouldnt care. There are some transgender women(ie ex-men) who look like men with breasts, and there are others who look very feminine, and attractive. These is even a chick who posed for playboy who is transgender, and there is nothing masculine about her, and I definitely would not kick her out of bed. Cant remember her name though.

What difference does it make? Having a relationship is about sexual attraction, and personality attraction. If she is attractive in both senses then whats the problem?

LadyJ

Jay D wrote: »

I doubt many people genuinely believe in this

I think there are a lot of men out there who would not hesitate to
beat the crap out of someone for this kind of thing. I wish I was wrong
but I don't think that I am tbh.

Lux23

syklops wrote: »

I dont mean to be blunt, but if she had a vagina, and breasts, and looked like a woman, then I wouldnt care. There are some transgender women(ie ex-men) who look like men with breasts, and there are others who look very feminine, and attractive. These is even a chick who posed for playboy who is transgender, and there is nothing masculine about her, and I definitely would not kick her out of bed. Cant remember her name though.

What difference does it make? Having a relationship is about sexual attraction, and personality attraction. If she is attractive in both senses then whats the problem?

I think some who have a problem with are the ones who may have doubts about their own sexuality. If you were with someone long enough then either there is no way you could tell because they are so feminine or you had an inkling you sort of liked it so just went along for the ride.

Another question? There are some hermaphrodites who are female on the outside and male on the inside, they are usually tall, slim and with big breasts would you not date them? Some catwalk models are supposedly like that and one very famous hollywood actress is reputed to be one.

Canis Lupus

HavoK wrote: »

Yes, sure. So if your girlfriend looked like this, and you'd known her for years, loved her etc, if she suddenly said 'I used to be a man' you'd suddenly lay into her and beat her senseless, and feel justified?

You're a good person.

If my girlfriend suddenly turned around and said 'I used to be a man', well, frankly what can you do? If I had been seeing a girl for years and something like that was outed, after being with her for so many years and happily at that, if there was a reason to end the relationship it would be over the glaring hidden truth, but that alone. Not because 'Oh god, you used to be a man, get lost.' I don't think it'd be that simple.

I never said I'd beat him senseless, I could perceive myself potentially punching him given how I handle the moment and I can't also perceive a scenario that would involve:

"I used to be a man"

"Oh well, you just sit down there, I'll pop the kettle on and we can have a chat about it and our future over a cuppa".

I would have thought the response would be more like shock turning quickly to disgust and anger and I don't care how long you've known the offending party. Therefore a violent response is very possible and I would be completely understanding to another bloke if they beat the crap out of their partner in that situation not that I'm saying I'd do it myself. Finally I would instantly dump the person. It's a bloke and the last time I checked I wasn't gay.

Karoma

sunnyjim wrote: »

I'm not linking because I don't think the poster will want the attention. He/she will post when they want.

LadyJ, I thought it was 3 weeks, my mistake. Apologies to the poster.

Lux, the person is still a man. Will there be a clitoris? How about milk ducts to feed a baby? Womb? All gender defining organs IMO.

Thank you for showing respect to the OP of that post. I would ask that other members extend the courtesy.
The OP of that post has been in touch with me via PM and says, however, that you have your facts wrong, but moving on with the thread and avoiding specifics...

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

the_syco

slipss wrote: »

Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.

Women have them as well.

=-=

If I found out, I'd dump them. Why? Cos if they lied about being a woman, what else have they lied about? But, tbh, childhood friends & photo's ftw. Some things can't lie.

Meirleach

Canis Lupus wrote: »

A man is a man is a man. He can pretend to be otherwise by chopping it off but he's still a bloke regardless of whether he calls himself Andy or Pamela.

It's a complicated issue, and this is a valid opinion.

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I would have thought the response would be more like shock turning quickly to disgust and anger and I don't care how long you've known the offending party. Therefore a violent response is very possible and I would be completely understanding to another bloke if they beat the crap out of their partner in that situation not that I'm saying it myself. Finally I would instantly dump the person. It's a bloke and the last time I checked I wasn't gay.

This however is disgraceful, there is little excuse for anyone hitting their partners, male or female.

Sleepy

seamus wrote: »

This is why I reckon it needs to be brought up early on, but not immediately.

To take your porsche analogy, the person should be given the opportunity to test drive the car and get to know what it's like. Then before they hand over their cash, they're told it's actually a kit car. Some people will immediately say no and walk away, others (who may have initially said no) may decide that they're happy to continue.

Imagine a former convict (for something like armed robbery) declaring to every potential partner that they had a criminal conviction. They'd get very few takers. After a period of getting to know the person though, the potential partner may overlook the conviction, when revealed.

I'd agree with that entirely seamus.

I honestly have no problem with transgendered people, medical science just isn't advanced enough to change the sex of the body yet (if it ever will be is something I'm not qualified to make even a cursory guess at - I do understand the difference between sex and gender however). I suppose I'd see sexual reassignment surgery as changing the person from a man/woman to a transsexual rather than the sex they were choosing.

If the scenario happened me, it probably would be a deal breaker as being a father is something I look forward to and it's important to me. Add in the betrayal I'd feel at having this important fact withheld from me and I'd certainly be pretty pissed off but it's still no excuse for the violence some of the less mature (less secure?) posters are suggesting in this thread.

Cokehead Mother

If I was never in doubt about her sex, and discovered she was actually male, then I'd still consider her a woman. Depending on how far into the relationship we were, I'd feel betrayed, but not to the point I'd end the relationship.

Maple

sunnyjim wrote: »

I read on another part of the board about a poster who got savagely assaulted by a new boyfriend, when he found out that 'she' was formerly a he.

Personally, as a guy, I would be very, very upset/angry/disgusted if I was seeing a girl who didn't tell me right away about it.

What would your views be?

Personally, I would steer clear. Immediately.

you've got your facts all wrong buddy. reread the thread in question.

sorry, just noted your apology.

copeyhagen

knock the bolox out of them..literally!!

nah im jokin, its a very dodgy thing to happen to anyone, and no one can say whether they would attack the person or not unless it actually happened to you. you could be the most anti person with regards to violence towards women, but something like that could turn u like a light.

Kazobel

This thread is about me and I'd like to clear a few things up. It wasn't the OP's intention but he got the facts wrong.

Me and my ex dated for over 3 years 2 and a half of which we lived together.
I didn't tell him after 3 years, he was aware before we even started dating and we had been having regular sex from 6 months into the relationship so he was well aware of my TS status. He lied about his knowledge of it to get a lesser sentance, if you's want to read the thread it's here from post 20 onwards and then decide if it was deserved. For the record a TS rarely lies about their status unless they were definite their past wouldn't catch up on them. For us we try to date someone who is already aware through friends and such or are very up front very early on in the relationship. We know the possible outcome of decieving someone and for us to wait to long could result in A: getting the sh*t kicked out of us (as some posts on this thread unfortunatly prove) and B: getting the sh*t kicked out of us by a person that we may have actually fallen in love with. Most TS beatings aren't as a result of this, most occur after sex when the man feels disgusted in himself and goes into "I was never confused" mode and blames us because of their confusion over their sexuallity. If anybody want's discuss it more on this thread then fair enough but I'm not getting into the whole "is a man/isn't a man" debate, that's a whole different thread.

Reku

Honestly can't say since I've never been there but I'd imagine I'd feel horrified and disgusted to some extent, I'd definitely call it quits since lying about a big thing like that does raise the issue of what else have they lied/will they lie about. Then there's the thought that if I were to find the right someone I'd like to at least have a possibility of having kids (via conception, not adoption or a womb for hire) if the time felt right for both of us, as such I don't think I could ever date a TS since I'd feel there was already a limitation in how far the relationship could go so what point when I could meet the right person during the time I'm wasting with them.
I would hope that I would not lash out at them over it and simply pack my stuff and go.

Kazobel wrote: »

For us we try to date someone who is already aware through friends and such or are very up front very early on in the relationship.

As long as you're up front about it like this then you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't have to suffer abuse for it.

The_Minister

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Can't see why on earth the situation would call for violence, that's pretty god damn shameful.

It has been used as a legal defense in the past actually - Gay panic defense(also applies to transexuals).

Note: Am not saying that I would murder anyone, just that it seems to have been used as a legal defense.

bubblebobble

Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.

Dyr

does that mean only 1% of irish men are teh gheylords? Yay irish mens.

keen

slipss wrote: »

Probably get myself to the opticians quick smart and have him replace the old fashioned "letters that gradually get smaller" test with a "spot the big fukk off adams apple" test.

hahaha excellent.

Mossy Monk

I would be annoyed that I was never informed in the first place. That's a hell of a detail to not tell. I would be weirded out big time by it and would sing Adios.

meditraitor

bubblebobble wrote: »

Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.

what type of idiotic statment is this

Mossy Monk

bubblebobble wrote: »

Only those not secure in their sexuality would respond with violence.
Which sums up 99% of Irish Males.

Link to your source please.

seamus

Mossy Monk wrote: »

Link to your source please.

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/scie...1292.stm