Murphy's Law

Sgt Hartman

Can anyone here think up some examples of Murphy's law? Some of mine would include..

. The person you try to avoid the most is the person you will bump into the most.
. The busier you are, the more people will come to you with demands.
. The later you are, the heavier the traffic will be.
. The one day you decide not to cook and have something in the work canteen they will have a very poor menu on that particular day.
. The tighter the work deadline, the greater the chance of equipment breaking down on you.

The above laws have almost always been the case in my work-life. I could list some more but I'm too tired.

Jimbo

. The later you stay up, the more tired you will be

AckwelFoley

The more careful you are, the one time you shagg a minger is the one time the condom breaks and she gets pregnant.

Sgt Hartman

jimbo78 wrote: »

. The later you stay up, the more tired you will be

An inconvenience in itself but a perfectly natural phenomenon. Not quite what I was looking for .

Terry

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

That pretty much covers them all.

arybvtcw0eolkf

When you become an amateur spelling Nazi on AH and correct someone you'll mak a spelingk miztak yourselv.

PhilipMarlowe

if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

highlydebased

If there is a choice between two things- the one you want/need most is always NOT the one you pick

Maple

you will always look like a spotty bag lady the day you run into your ex.

Goat Mouth

You'll buy something exceptionally pricey and pretty soon afterwards you'll find it being sold somewhere else for a cheaper price!

slipss

You travel to the other side of the city for ecstacy tablets because there are none available in you locality and in the vicinity on the other side of the city you get stopped by the Garda, searched, arrested, charged and released. Then you walk for three hours back to your side of the city (because the gardai confiscated everything you have, even your bus fair "it could be considered evidence says I", 'pirate gardai apparently'. Then when you get home you run into the fukker that you usually get them off and he says "yeah I got them about 6:05" (you left for the other side of the city at 5:55), so you figure "what the fukk, done for a lamb, might aswell have a good night", and then as your saying goodbye to the slow obtaining baztard, you see him take off in the other direction as fast as his little nikes can carry him, so you turn around and are confronted by two detectives with the kinds of grins on thier faces normally associated with the types of people that you have a gun pointed at but they know your gun is defective and they have a 12" bread knife secreted on thier person, and you get done for the second time in the night for having 14 ecstacy pills on you? That kinda thing?

Overheal

The people you love will be the ones you hurt the most.

The hungrier you are the less food there will be to eat.

When you get erectile dysfunction - thats when everyone wants you.

Your obsession with shaved pubic regions will eventually lead to you being accused of paedophilia.

When you need a shower urgently - the water is ice cold.

On exam day you will run out of coffee.

You will have a heart attack the one day you aren't carrying a pain killer.

When you're in the most important conversation ever - your battery will die.

When your steak isn't cooking, you will burn your hand on the other hob because you're a muppet and you can't read the stove dials.

When all you have is cereal the milk will be sour.

You're about to lose your virginity... but you have no condoms.

You type the best post in the world and your session times out.

slipss

Just this very moment discovered another one. (kinda, but not really at all)

When you pound on the wall of your house that is also the wall of your next door neighbours house and scream at the top of your lungs " for the last time, turn that fuking classical sh1t down now!!!!" and then you realise you have a set of headphones, which are lying on the floor by your feet, plugged into your computer and a tab (damn you firefox!) open on a website where the backing midi is some classical overture...

Overheal

HEY never damn Firefox tabs. ever. Could be worse. Try looking up porn on IE and then whoops you have a pornographically transmitted infection!

Wear a condom: use firefox

gcgirl

and isn't it ironic don't you think??

Thanks Alanis

DaBreno

slipss wrote: »

You travel to the other side of the city for ecstacy tablets because there are none available in you locality and in the vicinity on the other side of the city you get stopped by the Garda, searched, arrested, charged and released. Then you walk for three hours back to your side of the city (because the gardai confiscated everything you have, even your bus fair "it could be considered evidence says I", 'pirate gardai apparently'. Then when you get home you run into the fukker that you usually get them off and he says "yeah I got them about 6:05" (you left for the other side of the city at 5:55), so you figure "what the fukk, done for a lamb, might aswell have a good night", and then as your saying goodbye to the slow obtaining baztard, you see him take off in the other direction as fast as his little nikes can carry him, so you turn around and are confronted by two detectives with the kinds of grins on thier faces normally associated with the types of people that you have a gun pointed at but they know your gun is defective and they have a 12" bread knife secreted in on thier person, and you get done for the second time in the night for having 14 ecstacy pills on you? That kinda thing?

Sounds like a perfect example.

Toots

Toast will always land buttery/jammy side down.

Following on from that, you will always drop a piece of toast made from the last piece of bread in the packet, and when you do the floor will always be dirty.

Aisling(",)

Toots85 wrote: »

Toast will always land buttery/jammy side down.

Following on from that, you will always drop a piece of toast made from the last piece of bread in the packet, and when you do the floor will always be dirty.

stick the toast to a cat before ya drop it because cats always land on their feet.....oh wait no thatll just cause anti gravity...never mind

Volvoboy

10,000 spoons and all you need is a knife:mad:

L31mr0d

lol... had a case of this yesterday in work... on a friday the boss usually buys us lunch from the cafe downstairs, but the food is usually end of week stuff, old, crusty, not really appetizing. So the wife recommended we do an after xmas detox, starting friday with a one day fast. Since the food on friday is usually crap I agreed.

Go in friday and the cafe has cooked us up a fresh dozen sausage rolls to say thanks for the continued business, on top of this one of the staff had their birthday and had brought in a large chocolate gateaux for everyone to have.

I just muttered under my breath "figures!"

Sam Vimes

it's like rai-eee-aaayynn on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought... it figures

uncle-mofo

Everything takes longer than it should except for sex.

RobbieTheRobber

Ah good old sods law says anything that can happen will happen when you least what it too

Alter-Ego

Anything that can happen, will happen at the worst possible time.

tweety28

the less money you have the more you spend

watna

My OH just proved Murphy's law to be true while I was reading this thread.

He's a bit anal about plugging in his laptop to the mains if he's doing anything. He's running a virus scan on his laptop that's turning up loads of hidden things and of course this one time, he didn't plug it in, the battery went and he has to start it all over again!

nlgbbbblth

This one used to apply when I was a teenager.

Whenever I was watching a film, my mother or father or both would walk into the room just before the sole sex scene [usually tame] and we would sit there in embarrassed silence.

Toots

Going back to my backpacking days:

. If you get food poisoning from the dodgy chinese takeaway, there's not going to be any bogroll in the jax when you need it the next morning. Of course you won't realise that until it's too late

dsmythy

Don't know if this is one of those. I was out and about today and it happened again. Often when i'm trying to cross a road where traffic lights are nowhere to be seen i'd see a line of cars coming down one side of the road, the other side empty. I patiently wait until the convoy moves through and what do you know a line of cars come the other way while the opposite side is clear. these cars move on and you think now is the time. But now another perfectly ill-timed snake of cars comes down the road. Very annoying.

Another minor one if your crossing the road away from lights and you see a car coming and stop. He snails his way up and past you leaving you wishing you just crossed the road. Other times you'll make that move because you feel the car is far enough away and it turns out to be a boy racer shooting up the road and you get an angry honking. Also very annoying.

Maximilian

If you wear an velvet eyepatch, a gardener will make off with your hoover.

nlgbbbblth

When queuing in a supermarket / fast food restaurant:

You decide to change queues as you think the one you are in is going slower.

Never works out. Someone ahead of you in the other queue will throw a spanner in the works and order something awkward or take ages to pay with the credit card.

Corruptedmorals

Busses come in pairs after waiting ages.
The more you want to get off till, the longer the queue gets.
The more the clothes are reduced, the messier it gets and the ruder the customers get.

Sam Vimes

dsmythy wrote: »

Another minor one if your crossing the road away from lights and you see a car coming and stop. He snails his way up and past you leaving you wishing you just crossed the road.

not really the same situation but you reminded me of something that happened the other day. i was stuck behind a van that was driving about 15kph for no apparent reason and we were coming up to one of those sets of traffic lights that are green for 5 seconds and red for ten minutes. the little bastard managed to time it exactly so he got through just as it went red and left me stuck there. then he sped up to normal speed.

i felt like driving after him and ramming him just to teach him a lesson but i didn't because i'm not quite that insane

Manic Moran

nlgbbbblth wrote: »

When queuing in a supermarket / fast food restaurant:

You decide to change queues as you think the one you are in is going slower.

Never works out. Someone ahead of you in the other queue will throw a spanner in the works and order something awkward or take ages to pay with the credit card.

A few years ago some Canadian scientists got together to figure out why the other lane always moves faster. Their conclusion was that it was an illusion, because the points in time when you're looking around are when you're not doing anything yourself. The times that you're moving, you're focused on looking ahead and not noticing the other lane stationary.

However, this proved controversial, with other scientists in the US saying that the lane -does- actually move faster. Quantum theory, anyone?

http://www.pass.maths.org.uk/issue17/features/traffic/index.html

A traditional old tanker's one is that the heater in your tank will break in October, and the part to repair it will arrive in April.

NTM

carbsy

You get a great chance of a shag with someone you've been after for ages but you're having a bad hair day! haha

P.S. Happy 1000th post to me la la laaaaaa

dsmythy

If your in a real rush and you drop something. It will take an inhumanely long time and a number of attempts to manage to pick it up again

Crumble Froo

Toots85 wrote: »

Toast will always land buttery/jammy side down.

Following on from that, you will always drop a piece of toast made from the last piece of bread in the packet, and when you do the floor will always be dirty.

ha, and the likelihood of it landign butter side down is always proportional to the expense of the carpet...

Archeron

When you're in an important meeting with your peers, there is no such thing as a "silent sneaky fart". It will always sound like a small dog being hit by a bin truck and smell like an open grave.

Splinter

when you need to send a text message about someone and instead of sending it to a different person you send it to the one person you definetly dont mean to

Reku

It's only when you're carrying something too big and heavy to put down in a hurry that you'll suddenly need to sneeze and it'll be the messiest thing you've ever done.

Mister Fister

Toots85 wrote: »

Toast will always land buttery/jammy side down.

Following on from that, you will always drop a piece of toast made from the last piece of bread in the packet, and when you do the floor will always be dirty.

This my friend is where the 5 second rule comes into play!

-Leelo-

When you're getting your hair cut and you have to stay still, THATS when your nose gets unbearably itchy.

Fremen

This may not be in the spirit of the thread, but here's a different kind of Murphy's law:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/de/RoboCop.jpg

Archeron

Fremen wrote: »

This may not be in the spirit of the thread, but here's a different kind of Murphy's law:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/de/RoboCop.jpg

Just when you realize how lucky you are to have a beautiful loving wife and child, that'll be the day you get riddled into tiny pieces by a gang of ruthless sadistic criminals who laugh as your arms fall off.

Meirleach

The harder you work, the more work you'll be given.