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in love with two men

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  • 05-01-2008 2:54pm
    #1
    ladeelove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    Mod please feel free to move but i just wanted some girlie advice.

    I'm currently in a long term realtionship but I think I have fallen for another other guy. Now I am so confused I know seeing the other guy is wrong(he has his own complications as he is seeing someone aswell). The new guy i have known for a few years and have developed real feelings for him. We kissed on xmas eve and it was magic.

    I dont want to feel this way about him because i love my boyfriend but i am sooooo confused about the whole situation.

    Any advice?


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    #2
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    Not trying to offend, but if that was me in the situation, I wouldn't "think" I've fallen for someone else, I'd just be the bitch who's bored with her relationship and wants an affair, so she convinces herself she's falling for another guy. But that's just my mentality.


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    #3
    ladeelove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭ladeelove


    thanks for the advice roz


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    #4
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    id say stick with b/f, break contact with new guy. give it some time, if you still have feelings for new guy, break it off with your boyfriend before anything else happens with you and the new guy.

    alternatively, take a break from both, if you feel it'd be dishonest to stick with your fella while you make up your mind. dont try have your cake and eat it, it'll never end well.


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    #5
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    You never mentioned any guilt about the kiss. Be honest, do you feel guilty or was it so magical that you don't?


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    #6
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    If you love your bf, why do you think you allowed yourself to feel for the new guy? Is there something missing? Are you bored or unsure about him longterm?
    You need to ask yourself why this has happened before you can decide what to do, really.

    It is a tricky one, but if you really do want a simple life and to do right by your bf, avoid the other guy. Its only fair to analyse where you are with your bf and be sure about him or leave him first, before thinking of man #2. If man #2 is meant for you, he'll keep till your ready.


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    #7
    ladeelove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭ladeelove


    Roz I have never cheated on any boyfriend before but this kiss made me realise how much i really care about this guy so level of guilt is really low to be honest, i;m such a bitch

    We are in the same sports club so i would see him once a week.


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    #8
    ladeelove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭ladeelove


    KtK wrote: »
    If you love your bf, why do you think you allowed yourself to feel for the new guy? Is there something missing? Are you bored or unsure about him longterm?
    You need to ask yourself why this has happened before you can decide what to do, really.

    It is a tricky one, but if you really do want a simple life and to do right by your bf, avoid the other guy. Its only fair to analyse where you are with your bf and be sure about him or leave him first, before thinking of man #2. If man #2 is meant for you, he'll keep till your ready.


    I am unsure about him long term, i dont know if i see myself having kids and growing old with him but i can with the new guy


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    #9
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    then break it off with your fella.


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    #10
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    Ah you're not a bitch, we can't help our feelings sometimes.

    Do you know if guy no.2 is willing to start a relationship?


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    #11
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    ladeelove wrote: »
    I am unsure about him long term, i dont know if i see myself having kids and growing old with him but i can with the new guy
    Well youve kind of said it there then.

    The only thing to beware is, that the in the first exciting bit of being with someone, it is AWFULLY easy to let your feelings run away with you. You can see this new person as perfect for life simply because their new and you dont know them all that well? Not to confuse you further, but well, just think a bit.:)


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    #12
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    narco wrote: »
    id say stick with b/f, break contact with new guy. give it some time, if you still have feelings for new guy, break it off with your boyfriend before anything else happens with you and the new guy.

    alternatively, take a break from both, if you feel it'd be dishonest to stick with your fella while you make up your mind. dont try have your cake and eat it, it'll never end well.

    +1


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    #13
    ladeelove
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭ladeelove


    Rozabeez wrote: »
    Ah you're not a bitch, we can't help our feelings sometimes.

    Do you know if guy no.2 is willing to start a relationship?

    Yes he is, he ended his relationship when he realised how he felt about me.


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    #14
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Well the ball is in your court. There are no certainties but you have to try your best not to hurt your bf....

    Finish with him, spend some time on your own and see how is goes with the other guy. At the moment you are flattered by the attention. Doesnt mean you will be compatible with the new guy.


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    #15
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Rozabeez wrote: »
    Ah you're not a bitch,

    Yea she is. :)


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    #16
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    The-Rigger wrote: »
    Yea she is. :)

    + 1

    aha i kid i kid, but seriously i dont kid...

    jeez I doubt your bf would be too happy knowing you kissed another guy especially on christmas eve. No offence but you're been very unfair to your bf. Make up your mind for both your sake and his.


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    #17
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    + 1

    aha i kid i kid, but seriously i dont kid...

    jeez I doubt your bf would be too happy knowing you kissed another guy especially on christmas eve. No offence but you're been very unfair to your bf. Make up your mind for both your sake and his.

    I'm almost afraid to think it, let alone say it, but...

    Cheeky_gal = Voice of reason.

    :eek:


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    #18
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The grass is always greener on the other side...

    You need to sort out your feelings, You are obviously not happy in your relationship cause if you were you wouldnt be kissing other lads.

    Dont be ripping your boyfriend off though, thats a horrible thing to do...


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    #19
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    ha ha! I love your reason!!!! :D


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    #20
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Why not date them both ?


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    #21
    Agent Smith
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,504 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    threesome?


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    #22
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    ladeelove wrote: »
    I dont want to feel this way about him because i love my boyfriend but i am sooooo confused about the whole situation

    If you truly loved your bf you wouldnt have gone near the other guy in the 1st place. do the guy a favour & break up with him before you do more to hurt him.


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    #23
    Tom Dunne
    Registered Users Posts: 23,212 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    agent smith wrote: »
    threesome?

    I believe the phrase the young people are using is "four ball".


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    #24
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    break up with your boyf. take some time for yourself and decide what exactly it is befre you do anything further.


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    #25
    whatsgoinon
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭whatsgoinon


    well the way I see it is, man 2 has ended his realtionship for you, and if you do get with him, how do you know it won't happen again, if you get my drift, when the magic wears off and you're back to where you are now except you are the one getting your heart broken., when he trades you in a for a newer model or vice versa
    once a cheater always a cheater and cheaters always get caught.


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    #26
    Kiya
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭Kiya


    op, i think ive an idea how ur feeling.

    u must be feeln guilty about ur current bf but then it mightnt seem too bad cos you're probably all excited about this new guy, espesh if he has left his gf for you.
    its a big ego trip for you too, hes broken someone elses heart especially for you! :rolleyes:

    i know how i felt when it happend to me a few years ago.
    id broken up with my "nice, honest, steady" bf before i kissed this guy (who was a long term crush) & supposedly madly in love with me.
    i refused to see him unless he was single & because i felt crappy for his gf, i didnt speak to him til a month later.
    by this stage he'd "supposedly" ended it with his gf & i was crazy about him thinking it would all work out. :o

    but unfortunately like the other guys say, once a cheater....
    a few months later he dumped me to get back with her, saying it had all been a huge mistake.. lovely bloke eh!
    imagine if i had still been in a decent relationship & ended it for him. :eek:


    just out of curiousity, how long u with ur current bf?
    & u say uv known him years... have u always fancied this new guy?


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    #27
    Will
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,183 ✭✭✭✭Will


    break it off with the guy, do him a favour. Tell him you cheated on him too so it wont take him ages to get over you.


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    #28
    milli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 219 ✭✭milli


    ladeelove wrote: »
    I am unsure about him long term, i dont know if i see myself having kids and growing old with him but i can with the new guy

    Try imagining things without this new guy - would you still be happy with your boyfriend? Or would you just be coasting along? Maybe this new guy is the excuse you've been looking for to get out of your current relationship?


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    #29
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    This is not rocket science. You're at the "in love" infatuation stage with the new guy. You love in the long term way the boyfriend. Hence you love two men, just in different ways. You have more of the spark with the new guy. You had the same spark with the boyfriend when it was all new and exiting too though. It's just familiarity has dulled that somewhat. Spark pretty much equals horniness. It can be dressed up in flowery chocolate box romance terms, but basically you want to bone the new guy more.

    Because people nowadays have more choice of partners this confuses things. In the past you would probably be married to the boyfriend and that would be that or you would have an affair.

    The grass is greener stuff is where this comes from. You leave the boyfriend and go out with new guy. The lust stage passes and you find you may not be as compatible with the new guy as you were with the old. Cue tears and tales of regret. In some it's also repeat ad nauseum.

    Every time you fall in love you reset the mechanism somewhat. I know I do. I think "I never felt like this before" and this one is special etc. In retrospect looking back they were all pretty similar just different women.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #30
    BeardyGit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,946 ✭✭✭BeardyGit


    Nail on the head Wibbs.


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    #31
    G86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    hey chick, I was in the same situation a few mths ago. I convinced myself that I'd fallen in love with my best friend. But it turned out that I was just looking for a way out of my own relationship, I didn't love my boyf anymore. So I broke up with him, got with my friend and ruined the friendship. You have to remember thst what this guy is like now as your friend may be completely different to what hes like as a boyfriend. Does he even want a relationship? And do you really want to jump from one relationship to the other?

    If your feeling this way then you need to talk to your boyf about whats gone wrong between you. Leave the other guy out of it until you've cleared your head. Then you can figure out how you feel about him. Your boyf deserves more of your respect and consideration than him at the moment.


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