Are women more comfortable with "taken" men?

Tom Dunne

I ask because a very funny thing happened to me recently.

It was a family 50th birthday party, so all the in-laws and out-laws were there, including myself and Mrs. Dunne. To cut a long story short, there was drinking and dancing and towards the end of the night, there was one particular girl towards whom most of the single lads gravitated to on the dance floor. Being a smooth mover on the dancefloor, it wasn't long before I was in there throwing a few shapes, making a complete ass of myself, but we were all having the craic.

None of the single lads got anywhere near this particular girl and it was only a few days later that I found out she didn't think much of the single lads, but though I was a hoot.

Is it a case of she put up some kind of defence shield and wouldn't let the single lads near her, but thought the cuddly, balding, married man was a hoot? Do women sub-consciously feel more at ease with men who are not looking to get into their knickers?

Yip, still got it.

I should point out she was no more than 6-7 years younger than me.

fits

Of course she'd feel more comfortable with someone having a bit of craic than someone trying to get into her knickers. It would be the same with the role reversed too.

Tom Dunne

fits wrote: »

It would be the same with the role reversed too.

I couldn't disagree more.

Men are very bad at reading the signs. If a woman was "having the craic" with a man, he would convince himself and every male in the room that he was in with a shot.

Men with certain standards, such as myself, would of course only take it so far, but I would wager in the reverse situation, a man would think he was onto a good thing.

Maple

if a guy is attached then you can relax because then, most times, there is no agenda. he's just looking for the craic and you can relax and be silly safe in the knowledge that you're not going to have to resist his sweaty, clumsy advances later that night.

SarahSassy

maple wrote: »

if a guy is attached then you can relax because then, most times, there is no agenda. he's just looking for the craic and you can relax and be silly safe in the knowledge that you're not going to have to resist his sweaty, clumsy advances later that night.

Totally agree and the same goes for gay men.

I would not in a million years have a fling with a man I knew was taken. It ony serves to pump up their egos and makes them think that 2 women want them.

fits

tom dunne wrote: »

I couldn't disagree more.
.

So you'd be more comfortable with a woman making moves on you that you arent really impressed with, than with a nice attached lady who isnt looking to score you then?

MLE

Yeah Id always be more comfortable dancing with an attached married man as he wouldnt be reading into it as much. Im married but in saying that if I were to dance with a single guy they can get the wrong idea...

echosound

Short answer to your question - yip. I'm married myself, and would feel more comfortable round married men or men in serious relationships than single blokes, as you know there is nothing more going on than letting your hair down on the dancefloor and having a laugh, you're less likely to worry about giving out signals that could be interpreted as "come on to me please".

I think it's that the whole sexual element is taken out of the equation, it really is just two friends having a bit of craic, you both don't even think that way about the situation, whereas single lads or lassies will always have that lurking at the back of their minds - is this a come on? Is he/she flirting with me? Will I be going home with him/her tonight if I play my cards right/how in hell do I get rid of this eejit?

The reason the girl probably thought you were a hoot and wasn't impressed with the other guys is that you were probably being natural round her, whereas the others all had ulterior motives in mind and were in "hey baby" mode.

Cathmandooo

Fair play to you Tom Dunne, you've got the moves

Yes personally I'm much more comfortable with taken men. I love a good boogey on the dancefloor. IMO most single men on the dancefloor are looking to score or feel you up whereas taken men are looking for a bit of fun and a boogey.

St Bill

It's very hard to have the craic with someone who has an ulterior motive as they can't act naturally and come across all awkward. OP, you were probably like a knight in shining armour to that girl, come to ward off any dragons or lads with ulterior motives and sh*t (I wish I'd taken an interest in analogy class in school !

jellie

i would be yeah, but i think men are the same. i also feel more comfortable when im taken myself, & when the men know it - not claiming to be hot or anything, but it means you know that things you do wont be taken the wrong way (or hope so anyway).

milli

fits wrote: »

So you'd be more comfortable with a woman making moves on you that you arent really impressed with, than with a nice attached lady who isnt looking to score you then?

Well put

Could also be something to do with you want what you can't have - did she know you weren't single?

Tom Dunne

fits wrote: »

So you'd be more comfortable with a woman making moves on you that you arent really impressed with, than with a nice attached lady who isnt looking to score you then?

No, my point is comfort doesn't come into it. Most men are not thinking comfort, they are thinking of getting laid. That most horrible phrase "Any port in a storm" springs to mind.

Cathooo wrote: »

Fair play to you Tom Dunne, you've got the moves

Yes personally I'm much more comfortable with taken men. I love a good boogey on the dancefloor. IMO most single men on the dancefloor are looking to score or feel you up whereas taken men are looking for a bit of fun and a boogey.

Guilty as charged. \o/

Crumble Froo

well, i tend to be more comfortable with men in general, than with girls, but i don't think i tend to differentiate between the attached ones and the single ones, except to tell my fella not to worry, he's not trying to poach me from him, cos he's got a g/f / whatever.... :rolleyes:

although, from the original post, i would say it could have been that all the single guys were up there, probably not to subtly gravitating towards her, while you were just up throwing your shapes, making an ass of yourself, probably somewhat oblivious to the fact there was a pretty girl in teh vicinity (other than your wife, of course :P )

Tom Dunne

narco wrote: »

although, from the original post, i would say it could have been that all the single guys were up there, probably not to subtly gravitating towards her, while you were just up throwing your shapes, making an ass of yourself, probably somewhat oblivious to the fact there was a pretty girl in teh vicinity (other than your wife, of course :P )

No, the lads were on a mission to get the hot chick, I, on the other hand, was on a mission to prove to the world that, yes sir, I can boogie.

It was very funny to find out a few days later that four single lads crashed and burned and the married man was the one she would like to hit the town with (her words, not mine). Nothing sexual, she knew I was married. Just for a good time and a bit of craic.

Ladies, you have been warned.

pow wow

Well there can't be much wrong with you if someone has already snapped you up now can there? Nothing like someone elses gold seal of approval to make a man more attractive lol.

All my friends are men, some taken, some not. I do feel more relaxed around the taken ones as there is less room for innuendo and you know that (in theory!) they are never going to come on to you.

seamus

In general, single women can decide in their heads, "I'm not looking for anyone at the moment" and just go out for a bit of dancing and craic. Single men, not so much. They can say it, but in the back of their heads there's a libido looking out for potential mates.

Taken men however aren't usually looking for anyone and are just out to have craic, so the above single women know that the taken guy is going to be relaxed, natural and completely non-gropey.

Ask any taken man and they'll tell you that they never had so much potential for scoring until they became taken

John Mason

its the same with the gheys, its great you can have a laugh and know at the end of the night, you are going to try and put your down their knickers

Tom Dunne

irishbird wrote: »

at the end of the night, you are going to try and put your down their knickers

Your what? :eek:

John Mason

tom dunne wrote: »

Your what? :eek:

LOL feck, got disatracted by a phone there

"put your HAND down their knickers":)

Will

ive been told by a few female friends that theyre ever so slightly more attracted to men who are in a relationship/marriage, want what they cant have, forbidden fruit so to speak. Dont know how true it is.

also, not every single guy out on the dancefloor is trying to get off with women, dancefloor is for dancing and having fun with your mates.

was at the bar once and turned around to a girl in a very friendly, non offensive manner and said something like "ah its mad in here tonight isnt it?", she just walked off. wasnt trying to chat her up, anything like that and it was pretty clear i wasnt.

Tom Dunne

Wilburt wrote: »

also, not every single guy out on the dancefloor is trying to get off with women, dancefloor is for dancing and having fun with your mates.

I refuse to believe that. Let's be honest here - if there is any sniff of a hint of a possibility, every hetro, red-blooded male has one thing his on his mind it's not dancing.

Will

believe what you want, when im out i usually just go to have some fun, have a few drinks and chat with my mates. nothing more. ocassional dance. a dance is a dance, if some girl comes up to me dancing cool, il dance with her. but its just a dance nothing more, im not gonna follow her to her seat like some lost puppy.

i think thats the mistake some guys make, looking into things too much

SarahSassy

Wilburt wrote: »

i think thats the mistake some guys make, looking into things too much

Haha was laughing today watching Friends when Ross' cousin comes to visit and he hasnt seen her for years. It was the actress Denise Richeards who is obviously very sexy but Ross convinces himself she is mad for him even though she is his cousin because:

• she suggested they open a bottle of wine
• she was sitting close to him
• she suggested turning down the lights to watch the movie
• and she suggested they rent Logan's Run which is a sexy movie

So he made a move...... UGGGHHH Yeah men do look into signs too much.

Maple

SarahSassy wrote: »

Haha was laughing today watching Friends when Ross' cousin comes to visit and he hasnt seen her for years. It was the actress Denise Richeards who is obviously very sexy but Ross convinces himself she is mad for him even though she is his cousin because:

• she suggested they open a bottle of wine
• she was sitting close to him
• she suggested turning down the lights to watch the movie
• and she suggested they rent Logan's Run which is a sexy movie

So he made a move...... UGGGHHH Yeah men do look into signs too much.

lmao. i was watching that as well. what a daft git.

SarahSassy

It was a classic

Tom Dunne

SarahSassy wrote: »

So he made a move...... UGGGHHH Yeah men do look into signs too much.

Single men do.