Breakup any come back?

KingKenny7

Hi

I dunno why I'm here writing this, perhaps for comfort, perhaps getting a womans point of view or just clinging on to hope.

Some of you may have seen by thread over the weekend, and for those that didnt see the end of it, my girlfriend and I broke up.

She says things between us have moved too quickly and she is not confortable with it, she is not ready to give herself to someone else. Was in a long term relationship a year ago and we meet 6 months after her break up.

I cant get my head around it atall. I cant understand how one week she loves me so much and brought me to meet her friends properly and met her folks, and were discussing future plans (ie little weekends away, going out more often etc etc, nothing crazy).

Then we break up, she was annoyed I didnt text her NYE (which I did) I can understand her begining alone and upset (wish I didnt go now). In the time she was upset with me she realised we were going to fast, not me but WE as a couple. And she finsihed it. Now I'm in bits, I was contented yesterday, but this morning, I am crying like a baby.

Why would she do this? Has ladies out there broke up for the same reason, and what was the outcome? Is there any comeback?? If feels totally wrong, not saying breakup should feel right buut this doesnt feel right atall.

Pls help

Cathmandooo

For starters big hugs for you. Break ups are horrible.

To me it sounds like she was finding an excuse to get out of the relationship. Not saying there's anything wrong with you, it just seems like she wants to be single. I read your post on PI and agree with everyone who said she totally over reacted about the New Years text. Had she been picking fights with you lately? Maybe she just wasnt ready for a relationship but pushed herself into introducing you to her friends and family in the hope that she would feel different.

Give her space for the moment. Maybe she just needs to clear her head and sort herself out. She might realise she does want to be with you but that's not to say you should sit there waiting for her. If it happens that she comes back and YOU still want HER then give it a go. Otherwise try forgetting her, keep yourself busy and move on.

KingKenny7

Cathooo wrote: »

I read your post on PI and agree with everyone who said she totally over reacted about the New Years text. Had she been picking fights with you lately? QUOTE]



No not atall, christmas was all lovey dovey. We actually met on boards, so she may see this, I hope not, coz I always try to play the big man.

Cathmandooo

crap sorry I was thinking of the wrong PI thread! I'll have a read through yours now.

KingKenny7

That was mine, and she did over react over NYE texts, but everything up to NYE was perfect. She used to tell me I was the perfect b/f, no one is perfect, I just love her and treated her with the respect she deserved.

Cathmandooo

There was a similar PI topic by an unreg person saying his gf went mad that she received no new years texts from him (he tried but couldnt get through). They've since split so I thought that was you.

I'm all caught up on your thread now. Although my advice above still applies to you. She seems to have been quite childish alright but you're both at fault for all this communication through texts. 9 times out of 10 they end in disaster. Sometimes I curse the availability of texts!! Give her space, you were right to delete her off bebo and msn and all. She has no leg to stand on calling you childish over it, it's the right thing to do.

As i said, forget her, keep yourself busy and try to move on. I know it's hard but you deserve a woman who appreciates you and she clearly doesnt.

John Mason

would you preferred she strung you along for another year?

now pick yourself up off the floor and move on. this is called life, these things happen and we all have to go through it.

*Page*

Some's times when it doesn't feel right for one person to break up the other person doesn't feel right in the relationship.

I wouldnt hold my breath for her to come back to you.

It will take time to get over her and you will have ups and downs (was she your 1st love?)

KingKenny7

I;m 28 years old so no she wasnt atall.

I'm in work right down and all I;m doing is crying and smoking, I gave up the smokes and when straight back on them with a venegnce, something I know I'll regret.

I feel weird being on here talking to strangers. Perhaps I have to vent and let it out, perhaps I;m looking for a glimer of hope I dont really know why I;m here. All I know is she was telling me how much she loves me and how being with me was the best thing to happen to her, then bang we break up a week later.
I had issues with getting close to girls and she changed all that. When we were togther I felt like my whole world was complete and nothing in the world could stop this happy feeling.
I left my phone in a friends house so I cant contact her and I dont want it back. Every 30 mins I suddenly cry, and I get scared my heart starts to beat really quickly.

takola

irishbird wrote: »

would you preferred she strung you along for another year?

now pick yourself up off the floor and move on. this is called life, these things happen and we all have to go through it.

Sorry I know it's harsh but I agree with irishbird here. The crying in work etc has to stop! Suck it up. Have your pity party at home for god's sake!

Did you go and see her face to face as was suggested in the earlier thread?

How long were you two together?

Cathmandooo

Ok seriously you have to pick yourself up here. You cant be sitting in work bawling your eyes out, it wont get you anywhere. She's not the one for you, be glad you're not wasting anymore time with her. There's plenty of lovely ladies out there who will make you much happier.

Round up the lads and have a few sessions, it'll do you good. Don't sit there wallowing in self pity. We all know it's hard, there's no easy solution we can give you, time will heal all.

spinandscribble

shes either a crazy lady or there was more going on between you then just a text mishap. maybe she was looking for an excuse to dump you. either way it seems pretty messed up and i'd move on if i was you.

RobbieTheRobber

KingKenny7 wrote: »

That was mine, and she did over react over NYE texts, but everything up to NYE was perfect. She used to tell me I was the perfect b/f, no one is perfect, I just love her and treated her with the respect she deserved.

the women will slate me but this is were you went wrong
A relationship is a two way thing give too much respect and boom its over your finished
make them work for it!

RobbieTheRobber

takola wrote: »

Sorry I know it's harsh but I agree with irishbird here. The crying in work etc has to stop! Suck it up. Have your pity party at home for god's sake!

Did you go and see her face to face as was suggested in the earlier thread?

How long were you two together?

In fact if he is this emotional it may be one of the reasons behind the breakup

Go out get drunk and get your balls back
Im outta here now

takola

RobbieTheRobber wrote: »

the women will slate me but this is were you went wrong
A relationship is a two way thing give too much respect and boom its over your finished
make them work for it!

Im outta here now

I suggest you do! The door is that way -->

KingKenny7

spinandscribble wrote: »

shes either a crazy lady or there was more going on between you then just a text mishap. maybe she was looking for an excuse to dump you. either way it seems pretty messed up and i'd move on if i was you.

There was, she thinks we're moving too quickly. It just happened that we fell for each other

spinandscribble

im sorry but thats a sorry excuse. shes about to have another mans child, you're in love, you're not living together... where exactly is the moving too fast. she was scared this wasnt the right relationship, i know thats what i and my mates think when we say "its moving too fast".
could the fact shes preggy mean shes over reacting emotionally? i think someone (ie. you) might end up with a sobby sorry phonecall soon.

RobbieTheRobber

takola wrote: »

I suggest you do! The door is that way -->

Nah im staying I love ye ladies and yer crazy ideas too much:D

takola

She's pregnant? How did I miss that little fact?

I thought she had a child?

It's still a sorry excuse to be honest though. OP.. How did she end it? Did you go and see her?

Cathmandooo

RobbieTheRobber wrote: »

the women will slate me but this is were you went wrong
A relationship is a two way thing give too much respect and boom its over your finished
make them work for it!

You make a good point actually You cant give your partner everything. Life would be very boring if we all got everything we wanted. I've seen couples where one side of them does absolutely everything and it can get a bit sickening and you see the other half of the relationship starting to act the maggot and take them for granted and become unappreciative.

That could be a big aspect of why this lady broke up with you OP, maybe you were too good to be true in her eyes and she didnt trust it or felt a bit smothered.

Star Lord

Or you fell for her and she didn't feel as strongly perhaps...

Either way you have to pick yourself up mate. Next time you start feeling an emotional outburst coming on at work, bite it back and be strong. I know it's not easy, but I've been there and felt like that before myself so I know this is do-able too. When you go home this evening allow yourself a small amount of time to feel emotional, and let it all out. But then once that's done, pick yourself up and think that you should not allow someone to bring you down so much, if they do then surely they are not worth so much worry and pain!

KingKenny7

spinandscribble wrote: »

im sorry but thats a sorry excuse. shes about to have another mans child, you're in love, you're not living together... where exactly is the moving too fast. she was scared this wasnt the right relationship, i know thats what i and my mates think when we say "its moving too fast".
could the fact shes preggy mean shes over reacting emotionally? i think someone (ie. you) might end up with a sobby sorry phonecall soon.

She preggers???? News to me. She has a child already.

the only thing I can think off, is that the whole NYE thing hit her, and started to think is this the start of him becoming an A-hole. Hence your excuse its moving to fast if your scared.

If it was anything else, she could have said that. IE I dont love ya, you smell, cant be with you coz of the child, etc etc.

KingKenny7

Cathooo wrote: »

You make a good point actually You cant give your partner everything. Life would be very boring if we all got everything we wanted. I've seen couples where one side of them does absolutely everything and it can get a bit sickening and you see the other half of the relationship starting to act the maggot and take them for granted and become unappreciative.

That could be a big aspect of why this lady broke up with you OP, maybe you were too good to be true in her eyes and she didnt trust it or felt a bit smothered.

It was give and take on both sides. She'd do anything for me and I did anything for her.

spinandscribble

oopsy i think i misread the posts or read a different one and got confused.

i still think its crazy to get mad over a new years txt. plus the moving too fast excuse sounds a bit silly and maybe this isnt worth the fight. its up to you but if it was me i wouldnt be interested.

KingKenny7

What does the whole "We're moving too fast mean?"

I;m a lad, I dont know what women are thinking my saying stuff like that.

Can women shed a light in it?

Cathmandooo

KingKenny7 wrote: »

the only thing I can think off, is that the whole NYE thing hit her, and started to think is this the start of him becoming an A-hole. Hence your excuse its moving to fast if your scared.

If it was anything else, she could have said that. IE I dont love ya, you smell, cant be with you coz of the child, etc etc.

She cant possibly think you're becoming an A-hole cos of New Years!! It's just an excuse.

KingKenny7 wrote: »

What does the whole "We're moving too fast mean?"

I;m a lad, I dont know what women are thinking my saying stuff like that.

Can women shed a light in it?

If she was hurt in the past by a guy then maybe she's scared at how close ye were getting. With a child involved maybe she just doesnt want to risk falling in love, letting the child get attached to a man and for him to leave. She's obviously going to put her child first.

Sounds like she has issues with men anyway. I don't see her going back to you sorry.

KingKenny7

spinandscribble wrote: »

oopsy i think i misread the posts or read a different one and got confused.

i still think its crazy to get mad over a new years txt. plus the moving too fast excuse sounds a bit silly and maybe this isnt worth the fight. its up to you but if it was me i wouldnt be interested.

I;ve sobatashed all my relationships in my life, perhaps a defence barrier I put up. This one felt right and I didnt. OK I did once about 4 weeks ago, and she wouldnt let me do it, she could have walked away.

Maple

IMO the moving too fast excuse is pathetic. You're either in something or you're not. And if you are getting freaked out about it, then you sit down and discuss it rationally with your partner. This lack of communication and then communication only by text is just ridiculous. She let you stew for a week thinking it was because of not receiving a NYE text and then she castigates you for removing her from your bebo, next she pawns you off with some pathetic we're moving too fast excuse. BY TEXT I might add. :rolleyes: You deserve better than that.

Man she has not behaved properly towards you at all, she doesn't know what she wants. But what she does know is that at the minute its not you. And you deserve so much more than that half hearted bullsh1t while she tries to figure out her head.

I get what you're saying about not having played games with this woman and having been yourself for once in your life. It always hurts like hell when this is the case because you've given your heart honestly and you feel like its been thrown back in your face.

It will take time to get over it and you'll question it and her actions but all I can say is that she doesn't deserve you. It wasn't meant to be and you will find someone who wants you for everything that you are and all that you have to offer. I know its hard but try not to let it embitter you.

As for the crying in work, argh. we've all been there but your best bet is to just bury yourself in it. Smoke your fags, send your emails, try and eat something. Then this evening go see a mate or something. Keep yourself busy. Log on here and vent.

Mind yourself.

John Mason

KingKenny7 wrote: »

What does the whole "We're moving too fast mean?"

I;m a lad, I dont know what women are thinking my saying stuff like that.

Can women shed a light in it?

it means, she doest see the relationship going anywhere and she is trying to let you down gently

Gyalist

Get a grip man. I don't want to sound unsympathetic but you really do need to get a grip. No one died!! Accept that your relationship is over and move on. There are more than 3 billion other women in the world and if one rejects you, for whatever reason, there'll be another one eventually.

Self-pity and moping around will get you no where. I've seen the 3 separate threads that you've started in the past few days and at first i thought that you were some lovelorn teenager. Now is the time to "man up" and get your act together. It's natural to grieve and mourn the loss of a relationship but blubbing in the workplace is just not on (leave that to the women). Use your new-found spare time wisely. Start doing all the things you wanted to do but never had the time. Most importantly, eat well and start an exercise routine. I recommend a book by a guy called David Deida - The Way of The Superior Man. If you can get hold of it make sure you read it closely.

Women sabotage their relationships with men all the time for lots of reasons. Maybe she didn't feel that she deserved your love. You need to come around to accepting that it's over and start looking forward to your future.

I know that this may sound a bit harsh but, believe me, it's for your own good.

Edit: Were you with the same person who started this thread?

Mr. Incognito

Sounds like you were her rebound crutch. Things seem to have gotten WAAAAAAAy too serious too fast.

Wibbs

First off she may well come back. I've had exes come back. All but one actually. Some even swore they would never talk to me again and didn't fancy me anymore. Those bits you can take with a pinch of salt in one way. That's what she means at the time. You'll remember she told you she loved you and fancied you not so long ago. She meant that at the time too. She changed her mind then didn't she?

Funny thing is the best relationships I know were exes at one point. Sometimes for years.

Secondly, the crux of the matter. She won't come back and you'll get and keep no one else, if you're a weak sniveling child, crying into his beer in an emotionally unstable fashion over one woman out of billions. This is a fact. If in the future, you do happen to pull a woman and hang on to her, or even marry her. She will sooner or later lose respect for you and you'll be another one of those all too common spineless husbands that the wife nags and avoids having sex with. Why? Because she wont respect you as a man. She'll resent you and herself for having to act emotionally like the man and woman in the relationship.

If your ex knows you'll always be there for her, you go down in her estimation. If you put her on a pedestal above all other women and yourself, you go down in her estimation. If you tell her that she's the only woman for her and you can't be happy without her, you go down in her estimation. If you're more needy that she is, you go down in her estimation. If you're emotionally more volatile than she is you go down in her estimation. Some of this may seem counter intuitive, but it's pretty much what happens.

She's looking for a man, not another girlfriend or a pretend son that she has to look after. She'll figure, what happens when the **** really hits the fan and she may need support. She won't get it off someone that is not her equal.

"Moving too fast" could be easily translated as " I like you, but you're smothering and a bit too needy. This was fun at first, but theres not a lot to you and I know most of it by now. I'm getting cold feet".

Gyalist put it right. "get a grip". Find out what you need to grip and do it. A 28 year old man and you're crying at work? Cop on and move on.

SarahSassy

Cathooo wrote: »

If she was hurt in the past by a guy then maybe she's scared at how close ye were getting. With a child involved maybe she just doesnt want to risk falling in love, letting the child get attached to a man and for him to leave. She's obviously going to put her child first.

Sounds like she has issues with men anyway. I don't see her going back to you sorry.

This makes a lot of sense... 100% agree.

whatsgoinon

I just split with my fella, after 2 weeks he told me he loved me, this is WAY too fast in my opinion, and I told him so, had a big chat about it, basically there was a major lack of commmunication largely from his side, he was only able to express himself through a screen, ie computer or text. Wrecked my head, yesterday when we broke up, I was up the walls with assignments and he texted to say he was dropping out of his course and he was sorry things ended this way. I was livid, 28yrs old and getting dumped by text, I think not!! called round his house after walking the rage out of myself, he also sent another text after saying he would do anything to keep me, woh sonny!! needy/desperate/slightly psychotic are words that sprung to mind.
anyway we got it sorted but won't be getting back together, we just want totally different things from life.
onwards and upwards eh, yeah it's heartbreaking, but it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Wibbs

whatsgoinon wrote: »

I just split with my fella, after 2 weeks he told me he loved me, this is WAY too fast in my opinion

You are so right. Nail on the head. Anyone man or woman that comes out with i love you too fast is a person with a big red flag sticking outa their head. Really bad sign. It shows serious emotional immaturity. These types always fall out of love just as quickly. I would say too fast is anything under a few months.