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Mr/Ms Rite

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    #32
    coffee_cake
    Registered Users Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Wibbs wrote: »
    You never know. Each time you fall in love you think they're perfect and the one for you. Throw a few years at it and the mad passion and sex wanes and the things that worried you right at the start will usually come right back to split you up and you wonder why you were with them. They're the signs. Try to remember when you met and the little things that irritated you or concerned you, but where glossed over by the lurrve? They're the things that'll cause a split if nothing changes, as that's their default setting that comes out when the romance is kaput.

    Aye, just what I was about to post.

    And as for friends' reactions - its a discussion I had recently with my best friend that she refers to all of my boyfriends as lovely and perfect for me when I am with them and then tells me she hated them when we split...
    God, I would absolutely hate that. It almost seems twofaced, not remotely supportive. A family member tried that take once when I was asking for an opinion on clothes once, I chewed them out of it. Honest opinions only and always, please.


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    #33
    girl_friday
    Subscribers Posts: 5,766 ✭✭✭girl_friday


    bluewolf wrote: »
    God, I would absolutely hate that. It almost seems twofaced, not remotely supportive.

    She meant it in a supportive way when we chatted about it. I explained to her that her opinion is important to me and that when she keeps telling me that they're lovely even though it's blatantly obvious that they are not right for me I start to second guess myself that it's all in my head... She then agreed that the guy I was with at the time wasn't at all suitable for me and we had a really honest chat about him!! T'was great!! :D She's much more supportive since but I know she meant no harm originally either!


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    #34
    Kya1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,879 ✭✭✭Kya1976


    Wibbs wrote: »
    You never know. Each time you fall in love you think they're perfect and the one for you. Throw a few years at it and the mad passion and sex wanes and the things that worried you right at the start will usually come right back to split you up and you wonder why you were with them. They're the signs. Try to remember when you met and the little things that irritated you or concerned you, but where glossed over by the lurrve? They're the things that'll cause a split if nothing changes, as that's their default setting that comes out when the romance is kaput.
    its funny though how you see the things that irritate you as cute quirks when you start going out with someone........


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    #35
    coffee_cake
    Registered Users Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    girl_friday wrote: »
    She meant it in a supportive way when we chatted about it. I explained to her that her opinion is important to me and that when she keeps telling me that they're lovely even though it's blatantly obvious that they are not right for me I start to second guess myself that it's all in my head... She then agreed that the guy I was with at the time wasn't at all suitable for me and we had a really honest chat about him!! T'was great!! :D She's much more supportive since but I know she meant no harm originally either!

    Oh no I guessed she meant it in a supportive way which is why I said it wouldnt come across supportive to me. Can understand how it would be meant that way though I disagree with it =)


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    #36
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    rite
       /raɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [rahyt] Show IPA Pronunciation
    –noun
    1. a formal or ceremonial act or procedure prescribed or customary in religious or other solemn use: rites of baptism; sacrificial rites.
    2. a particular form or system of religious or other ceremonial practice: the Roman rite.
    3. (often initial capital letter) one of the historical versions of the Eucharistic service: the Anglican Rite.
    4. (often initial capital letter) liturgy.
    5. (sometimes initial capital letter) Eastern Church, Western Church. a division or differentiation of churches according to liturgy.
    6. any customary observance or practice: the rite of afternoon tea.

    So a mr/miss rite is someone you want to have take part in a ceremonial practice.

    /shakes head

    another thread about the dress and the wedding but not the marriage and attempting to try and spend a lifetimes ( roughtly 20 years) with the same person.


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    #37
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    People confuse mr right/ms right with mr/ms perfect all too often, what people should consider is compatible flaws and how to work a parrellel life with someone.


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    #38
    allabouteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 844 ✭✭✭allabouteve


    Mizz Piggy wrote: »
    I met someone yrs ago thought he was mr rite but just what, only it took me about 3yrs to realise that he wasn't.

    He wasn't Mr. Right, but he was Mr. Right now. Just because things don't last a lifetime, doesnt' mean they weren't worth doing, you learn from every encounter too, which makes knowing and communicating who you are and what you want easier ithe next time.


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    #39
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    Mizz Piggy wrote: »
    .... when ur in love u only see the good and blank out the rest until something makes u wake up and smell the coffee.


    When people discuss the things in their relationships that threaten them, they say things like 'But I love the way he calls me at work..' the things you like about each other won't break you up, but the little things that irritate now will be the same things that drive you senseless with annoyance later.

    I've stopped believing in Mr. Right, but I still hope I'll find him somehow standing in front of me when it strikes midnight tonight...:).


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    #40
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    "Wake up and smell the coffee".... disillusionment happens in every relationship, you have choices, to walk or to move through your illusions and love the other despite or or because of their flaws.


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    #41
    meriwether
    Registered Users Posts: 1,232 ✭✭✭meriwether


    There is no such thing as Mr/Mrs right.
    If the was ONE person for you, wouldn't you be doing well to meet them out of a potential market of approx 3bn people to choose from (roughly how many men or women on the planet)?

    There are many Mr/Mrs rights out there. Doesn't mean you're going to meet them straight up, but this 'one person for me' is dippy.


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    #42
    allabouteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 844 ✭✭✭allabouteve


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    So a mr/miss rite is someone you want to have take part in a ceremonial practice.

    /shakes head

    another thread about the dress and the wedding but not the marriage and attempting to try and spend a lifetimes ( roughtly 20 years) with the same person.


    I'm on borrowed time so :eek:


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    #43
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    meriwether wrote: »
    There are many Mr/Mrs rights out there. Doesn't mean you're going to meet them straight up, but this 'one person for me' is dippy.

    Well I wouldn't exactly say that the idea is 'dippy' . . . :rolleyes:

    . . . but I would have to agree that there's more than one person that's right for someone. How depressing to think that there's only one person in the world that's perfect for you -- and what are the odds that the person you find yourself with isn't that perfect person?

    You know when you know. And when you have that little niggly feeling in the back of your mind (or the pit of your stomach) that something's not right, you know then too.


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    #44
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    If it's for you it won't pass you by! That's what i believe.


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    #45
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    i wish there was such a thing as mr/mrs right. it would make things simplier and you wouldn't get a broken heart as frequently in your life. there just seems to be little chance there is. mr right, might be mr right, right now but like everyones saying, theres no promise he'll be mr right in ten years, even two years. i'm just focusing now on being happy by myself. i'm a worrier by nature i don't think i'd ever feel completely like someones the one for me, i wouldn't let myself.


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    #46
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    I'm always (mr) right! :P

    I dunno, my ideas on soulmates and right partners come and go in cycles, depending on whether there's someone on my mind or not generally, or whether I'm in a good mood or not. I don't think I'm ready to have a ms right, or a soulmate. (too immature)


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    #47
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    brianthebard wrote: »
    I'm always (mr) right! :P

    I dunno, my ideas on soulmates and right partners come and go in cycles, depending on whether there's someone on my mind or not generally, or whether I'm in a good mood or not. I don't think I'm ready to have a ms right, or a soulmate. (too immature)

    :P don't think it works that way, you can't just say you're ready for a soulmate and then they pop up. although that would be great lol:D

    the idea of soul mates go very far back, greece as far as i'm aware (so not a hollywood thing). i guess theres always been people feeling incomplete (now thats a depressing though).


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    #48
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    Lolz well I meant I'm so fuzzy in my thoughts on soulmates that atm they could pass me by, or I might latch onto someone and wrongly believe they are a soulmate, or anything really. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.


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    #49
    metaoblivia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    I don't think there's such a thing as a Mr./Ms. Rite. I think that, for most of us, it's natural to have several partners over the course of our lives. We change with time - as we should - and it's difficult to find someone who will change in the same direction. And heave help us if we stop changing. Then we become boring and predictable. I suppose you could spend your time looking for the "right" one, but how on earth would you know? If divorce rates are any indication, a lot of people think they know, but later find out their were wrong.
    I think marriage is somewhat unnatural, although it does work for some couples. But the key word here is work. It takes a lot of work. And as our society is geared more and more toward instant gratification, I see the idea of marriage and subsequently a Mr./Ms. Rite becoming more and more antiquidated.
    And I don't think an expiration date cheapens a relationship. It just means it's run its course, like so many other things.


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    #50
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    spinandscribble wrote: »
    the idea of soul mates go very far back, greece as far as i'm aware (so not a hollywood thing). i guess theres always been people feeling incomplete (now thats a depressing though).

    Indeed, I believe it was Aristophanes who theorized that each of us (ourselves and our soulmates) began as one, then a bolt of lightning stuck (courtesy of Zeus) and all of us were split in two, destined (or cursed!) to roam the earth in search of one another.

    Heavy thinkers, those Greeks.


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    #51
    Bijoux
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,008 ✭✭✭Bijoux


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    People confuse mr right/ms right with mr/ms perfect all too often, what people should consider is compatible flaws and how to work a parrellel life with someone.

    +1, once a relationship gets past the airy fairy 'loved up' phase, being a realist and accepting that they AREN'T perfect is what will pull it through.

    SeekUp wrote: »
    Well I wouldn't exactly say that the idea is 'dippy' . . . :rolleyes:

    . . . but I would have to agree that there's more than one person that's right for someone. How depressing to think that there's only one person in the world that's perfect for you -- and what are the odds that the person you find yourself with isn't that perfect person?

    You know when you know. And when you have that little niggly feeling in the back of your mind (or the pit of your stomach) that something's not right, you know then too.

    I agree with this too, the odds are definitely working against you if you believe there is only one person for you out there.
    metaoblivia wrote: »
    I don't think there's such a thing as a Mr./Ms. Rite. I think that, for most of us, it's natural to have several partners over the course of our lives. We change with time - as we should - and it's difficult to find someone who will change in the same direction. And heave help us if we stop changing. Then we become boring and predictable. I suppose you could spend your time looking for the "right" one, but how on earth would you know? If divorce rates are any indication, a lot of people think they know, but later find out their were wrong.
    I think marriage is somewhat unnatural, although it does work for some couples. But the key word here is work. It takes a lot of work. And as our society is geared more and more toward instant gratification, I see the idea of marriage and subsequently a Mr./Ms. Rite becoming more and more antiquidated.
    And I don't think an expiration date cheapens a relationship. It just means it's run its course, like so many other things.

    Two really good points here. The first defines the problem with the Mr / Ms Right Now concept....you could be perfect for each other at first, but as metaoblivia said, you drift apart as you both change and mature, develop different interests, etc...this is obviously a risk with every relationship, and in my opinion, when it starts to happen, and if you can't accept it, it's time to end it.

    The second point really defines my view of a relationship. You're with someone, you're attracted to them, you have fun, you trust each other, it's all good...but in the majority of cases, these qualities fade as time progresses. When this happens, there's no point continuing it, IMO.

    Obviously if there are kids involved, you would want to try harder, and work to get past these problems, but if there's no solution, I think it's better to end the relationship, as opposed to have kids growing up in a bitter environment, where their parents argue all the time.

    After all, isnt it better to have a good, happy relationship, ended on good terms, as opposed to having a far longer one, which was drawn out through a lot of arguments and fighting, and ended in bitterness and resentment?

    I think so. Obviously easier said than done if you're still mad about the person, but I think everyone should look at these things realistically.


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    #52
    CeilingCat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 164 ✭✭CeilingCat


    No matter how smitten you are, you have to listen to the alarm bells from day one... if something pops a red flag, make a mental note of it... doesn't mean you have to break up with them over it, but there's no sense in being blind either. Also look at how they treat/talk about other people, especially people of the opposite sex (and especially their exes) - that can be very telling. If I had a euro for every time I found myself saying 'but he's not like that with me....'.


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    #53
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    I don't believe in the concept of Mr. Right. Most of the relationships I've been in have been with horribly inappropriate men and I could see bad ends coming. But they all provided something I was looking for at the time, so in that sense I think they were all Mr. Rights.


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    #54
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    PillyPen wrote: »
    I don't believe in the concept of Mr. Right. Most of the relationships I've been in have been with horribly inappropriate men and I could see bad ends coming. But they all provided something I was looking for at the time, so in that sense I think they were all Mr. Rights.

    There is a theory that we seek out partners that re-open parental wounds, the more negative the parental traits the stronger the attraction.


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    #55
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    There is a theory that we seek out partners that re-open parental wounds, the more negative the parental traits the stronger the attraction.

    That was certainly the case for me. I've been attracted to more appropriate men recently, though, so I guess dating the jackasses was useful.


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    #56
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    PillyPen wrote: »
    That was certainly the case for me. I've been attracted to more appropriate men recently, though, so I guess dating the jackasses was useful.

    It would certainly explain to me why when I come across sane people the "does not compute" tape in my head starts playing.


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