For bragging about your kids:

di11on

I'm also very proud of our other 15 month old daughter. We're pretty sure she ate a pine cone christmas decoration

Jaden

My post was written (as I suspect the initial post was) with a tongue-in-cheek aspect. It thought this was obvious - maybe it wasn't.

That aside, I am a solid believer in stay-at-home parenting. I am not a mega rich snob who can easily afford to have a single income setup. My wife and I have planned for *years* to ensure that we would be able to have one parent stay at home when we had children. Compromises were made to ensure this, and coupled with astute financial management, we have achieved our goal. I'm (quite rightly) very proud of this, and I am unshakeable in my belief that this has had a very positive influence on our children.

If you are able to hand your child(ren) over to another person to care for during the day, Kudos to you - I would simply not be able to do that.

As parents, my wife and I are the people best suited to the tasks of raising our children, and ensuring their emotional, developmental and day-today needs are met. Handing them over to an industry known for it's low wages and lack of regulation - not on my watch.

To me, it would simply be an admission (however slight), of failure as a parent.

I understand that sometimes it's necessary. I wouldn't dispute that for a minute. But on the other hand, I know of plenty of people who could manage a stay at home situation (at least financially), if they really wanted to. Alot of the time, the financial angle is used as a crutch by people as a self-justification for both parents working. In many cases (and I stress again, not all), if people really wanted to ensure that one parent stayed at home, they'd find a way. It's the same vein as breastfeeding - we all know it's the best way, and in almost every case, it's feasible - yet the vast majority of babies are bottle fed. We are dictated to by social constraints and fear of failure. You're a parent, start acting like one.

As for bragging about my kids - I consider this a job-perk of being a father. It is the right of every parent to be proud of their children.

If people want to attack me for anything is say, that's OK this is a discussion forum, it's what it's here for. I'm in my 10th year of posting to this site, I can handle criticism.

Finally - Godwin!

High&Low

When my wife was pregnant with our daughter we looked into ways how we could be a single income family, in the end there was no way and we had to settle for the creche. My daughter is now 22 months old and in a few weeks she is going to be a sister. Our situation financially is similar to what it was 2 years ago and we already booked the bump into the creche for when he/she is about 7/8months old.

My daughter started creche 16 months ago, and while we initially thought we would have preferred for my wife to stay at home this is not our opinion now. Our daughter is a wonderful, well balanced, sociable little girl with a great vocabularly, she interacts with other kids brilliantly, both her own age group and older kids. We our now of the opinion that our enforced decision to send our daughter to creche was a bit of a blessing in disguise and if our financial situation was to improve in the near future we would still continue to send our daughter and our future children to a creche, albeit part time. I am also of the opinion that this can only help our children when they start school.


In an ideal world I think a happy mix of the two is best for the development of kids. The only downside I see to the creche situation at the moment is that we would prefer if it was a bit of a shorter day.

I know Jaden's original post was tongue in cheek, but to suggest that stay at home is best, I don't agree.

Ludo

High&Low wrote: »

When my wife was pregnant with our daughter we looked into ways how we could be a single income family, in the end there was no way and we had to settle for the creche. My daughter is now 22 months old and in a few weeks she is going to be a sister. Our situation financially is similar to what it was 2 years ago and we already booked the bump into the creche for when he/she is about 7/8months old.

My daughter started creche 16 months ago, and while we initially thought we would have preferred for my wife to stay at home this is not our opinion now. Our daughter is a wonderful, well balanced, sociable little girl with a great vocabularly, she interacts with other kids brilliantly, both her own age group and older kids. We our now of the opinion that our enforced decision to send our daughter to creche was a bit of a blessing in disguise and if our financial situation was to improve in the near future we would still continue to send our daughter and our future children to a creche, albeit part time. I am also of the opinion that this can only help our children when they start school.


In an ideal world I think a happy mix of the two is best for the development of kids. The only downside I see to the creche situation at the moment is that we would prefer if it was a bit of a shorter day.

I know Jaden's original post was tongue in cheek, but to suggest that stay at home is best, I don't agree.

I have been reading this forum for a couple of months now and I can honestly say this is the best post I have seen. I agree 100% with it and it is also written brilliantly in such a way as to not sound like a pompous ass who thinks he/she is gods gift to parenting ...well said sir!

dame

Jaden wrote: »

To me, it would simply be an admission (however slight), of failure as a parent.

Oh well, we're one big forum full of failures then, aren't we. :rolleyes:



I agree with High&Low & Ludo.



There's another argument to this thing too. Some women have few or no qualifications, a dead-end job with little satisfaction and no real prospects of promotion. Some of these women see a life of staying at home to mind their kids as a salvation from this. Basically, they would have a very small income anyway and hate their jobs, so of course they will be dying to have kids and give up work and will even plan for years to be able to do this. On the other hand, some women are very well-educated and make a valuable contribution to society through the fulfilling work that they do. They would go up the walls from lack of stimulation if they were to stay at home minding their kids for years on end (although they would be delighted to stay at home for the first year or two of their child's life), and the country would suffer from a lack of these talented professional women. In other words, some women have nothing else in their lives that makes them feel they have any worth, other than being a mother and having their every waking moment revolve around their kids and home.
You're not the only one who can ****-stir Jaden!

SarahMc

High&Low wrote: »

My daughter started creche 16 months ago, and while we initially thought we would have preferred for my wife to stay at home this is not our opinion now. Our daughter is a wonderful, well balanced, sociable little girl with a great vocabularly, she interacts with other kids brilliantly, both her own age group and older kids. We our now of the opinion that our enforced decision to send our daughter to creche was a bit of a blessing in disguise and if our financial situation was to improve in the near future we would still continue to send our daughter and our future children to a creche, albeit part time. I am also of the opinion that this can only help our children when they start school.

I wasn't going to enter this debate... but the above shocked me...

Numerous research shows that children fare better if at home with a parent (if the parent is happy to be at home), second best is a childminder with small group care, third is a grandparent and lastly a creche. One of the ways they fare better is in vocabularly, others... less cortesone (stress), better relationships in school and beyond etc.

I wasn't going to enter the debate as it is so hugely contentious (and I have been misquoted quite a few times by journalists). But to claim that a creche is superior to being minded at home, by a parent who has chosen to stay at home and enjoys minding the child is ludicrous.

Quality

embee wrote: »

God, I wish the nose-blowing would twig in my wee ones mind... she's too little though

When my daughter 8 blows her nose, water comes out of her eye duct....

Shelli

My son puked on my head today, right in the middle of a shopping center.....i'm very proud of his aim and timing

parsi

SarahMc wrote: »

I wasn't going to enter this debate... but the above shocked me...

Numerous research shows that children fare better if at home with a parent (if the parent is happy to be at home), second best is a childminder with small group care, third is a grandparent and lastly a creche. One of the ways they fare better is in vocabularly, others... less cortesone (stress), better relationships in school and beyond etc.

Hmm. "Research" - that dreaded word which is often used as a figleaf to describe studies which prove exactly what they are supposed to prove.

My boys have all gone to the creche. They were great for social skills and developed their counting and letter skills.Next doors young fellas were reared by their granny and they have poorer social skills. Regarding vocab - our eldest has a vocab far in excess of his peers and a higher reading age.

Creches are one aspect of care. The other aspects are what happens at home afterwards. Our guys were encouraged to read and talk. Having Junior at home in front of the Teletubbies is no better than having him at a creche staring at the Teletubbies (it may be worse because he'll have no-one to talk to).

It all depends on the environment that the child is in. If home is a stinking drug-infested dump then it ain't going to be necessarily better...

rosarosa

JC 2K3 wrote: »

The OP read like one of those incredibly annoying letters written by American relatives where they go on and on about the grades their child got, the sporting achievements of their children, competitions their children won etc.

Oh, and my parents' son is amazing; extremely intelligent, good looking and well rounded. He did a brilliant Leaving Cert and is doing wonderfully in college.

you are right about the OP..but thought it was mainly a tounge- in -cheek post as well. I am guessing you are the parent's son?:) good thing you've firgured that sometimes you have to blow your own trumpet!

I don't know what jaden's post about creche Vs. stay-at-home care was supposed to mean. that sort of statement just ends up raising a lot of backs. to add my own two cents.....my own son is in creche, but he only went in when he was three. this is mostly due to the way I was raised. the child stays at home for the early (baby) years , but my mother always said to appreciate the need for social interaction and to curb selfish tendencies so that
a) the child understands what it means to share and the concept of ownership
b)the parents,mostly mummy, can get some time to herself in case she wants to work, or if there is another child around (my mother stuck religiously to 3 years between babies)

I am lucky in that my husband supported me, but money really put a strain on things.

all the same, my son seems to be really coping and I'm proud to say he has never wet the bed once since he was trained, and he's pretty good-looking. Amazing since his daddy and I never thought our combined genes would turn out so well!!

themadchef

This thread could have been a lighthearted "here's what my little rascal can do" and it seems to be turning into creche verses maternal home care issue.....what a shame.

embee

Jaden wrote: »

My post was written (as I suspect the initial post was) with a tongue-in-cheek aspect. It thought this was obvious - maybe it wasn't.

That aside, I am a solid believer in stay-at-home parenting. I am not a mega rich snob who can easily afford to have a single income setup. My wife and I have planned for *years* to ensure that we would be able to have one parent stay at home when we had children. Compromises were made to ensure this, and coupled with astute financial management, we have achieved our goal. I'm (quite rightly) very proud of this, and I am unshakeable in my belief that this has had a very positive influence on our children.

If you are able to hand your child(ren) over to another person to care for during the day, Kudos to you - I would simply not be able to do that.

As parents, my wife and I are the people best suited to the tasks of raising our children, and ensuring their emotional, developmental and day-today needs are met. Handing them over to an industry known for it's low wages and lack of regulation - not on my watch.

To me, it would simply be an admission (however slight), of failure as a parent.

I understand that sometimes it's necessary. I wouldn't dispute that for a minute. But on the other hand, I know of plenty of people who could manage a stay at home situation (at least financially), if they really wanted to. Alot of the time, the financial angle is used as a crutch by people as a self-justification for both parents working. In many cases (and I stress again, not all), if people really wanted to ensure that one parent stayed at home, they'd find a way. It's the same vein as breastfeeding - we all know it's the best way, and in almost every case, it's feasible - yet the vast majority of babies are bottle fed. We are dictated to by social constraints and fear of failure. You're a parent, start acting like one.

As for bragging about my kids - I consider this a job-perk of being a father. It is the right of every parent to be proud of their children.

If people want to attack me for anything is say, that's OK this is a discussion forum, it's what it's here for. I'm in my 10th year of posting to this site, I can handle criticism.

Finally - Godwin!

Jaden,

No one here would say for a second that you shouldn't be proud of the fact that you and your wife are in the lucky situation of being able to have your kids at home all of the time. I'm sure that many of the working parents on this forum here are probably envious of you for that.

However, I really don't think it's helpful in any way, shape or form to imply that people are "failures" somehow because they have to place their child in care outside of the home. I am, to all intents and purposes, a single parent. My daughters Dad lives 2 hours away and works a 6 day week. I made a decision to go to college in September to do a degree in Midwifery, and for me to think that you think I'm a failure somehow because I've had to place my child in childcare so that I can get ahead in my own life and provide a better future for my daughter in the long run is extremely insulting. Your statment "You're a parent - start acting like one"... seriously, WTF? My recollection of my childhood is of having my Father working fulltime, and my mother went back to work when I was 9. How is it that working outside the home somehow detracts from your status as a parent? Someone has to put food on the table. To do that, people have to work. There is no irresponsibility in that whatsoever - a child can have respect for their parents who are working fulltime just as much as they can have respect for a parent who stays at home. Different strokes for different folks, but you can't for one second say that working outside of the home means that you aren't acting like a parent.

SarahMc wrote: »

I wasn't going to enter this debate... but the above shocked me...

Numerous research shows that children fare better if at home with a parent (if the parent is happy to be at home), second best is a childminder with small group care, third is a grandparent and lastly a creche. One of the ways they fare better is in vocabularly, others... less cortesone (stress), better relationships in school and beyond etc.

I wasn't going to enter the debate as it is so hugely contentious (and I have been misquoted quite a few times by journalists). But to claim that a creche is superior to being minded at home, by a parent who has chosen to stay at home and enjoys minding the child is ludicrous.

SarahMc,

Could you provide links for this "research" please? Otherwise they are just empty statements.

Who claimed that having a child in a creche was superior to looking after them at home? It is possible for a child to be in a creche and benefit from it. My daughter is with a childminder (creche too expensive) and since she started with her in September her vocabulary has come on in leaps and bounds. She is interacting with children both younger and older than her and it has really benefited her.

Shelli wrote: »

My son puked on my head today, right in the middle of a shopping center.....i'm very proud of his aim and timing

lol Shelli.... When my wee one was about 6 months old, I was dancing with her, I held her up above my head and she managed to puke right into my mouth. It was joyous

themadchef wrote: »

This thread could have been a lighthearted "here's what my little rascal can do" and it seems to be turning into creche verses maternal home care issue.....what a shame.

You're correct, themadchef.

Come on everyone, let's get back to bragging about our children

RAFC

OK if we are all bragging, I have a 16yr old son (leaving cert - not studying) but he is a slob. Goes to school, trains soccer (Player of the Year 3yrs in a row, just to throw that in there )& GAA and is my built in babysitter FOC :):)

14yr old daughter - babysits elswhere and gets paid (16yr old never complains about that), Goes to school, trains rugby and goes shopping with her babysitting money - no bother.

10yr old son - slob. My 'Little Man Tate', and another treasure - again soccer (another Player of the Year U9s) and GAA.

And then we come to my 7yr old son - where do I start!!!!!!!!
Well he was born and old man - walked around the furniture at 5 months - had to buy shoes for him at 7 months so he could go in the garden to kick the ball. I am still wrecked from running after him. He will be the next Messi................he too plays soccer (a level up no doubt ie U8s :D - and yet again ANOTHER Player of the Year :D) and GAA. I must admit to being very nervous when I see him with a hurley . I love him to bits.

So thats my 4 - proud of them all, they are all mannerly (for the most part) and considerate and look out for each other. I can't ask for much more :):)

High&Low

SarahMc wrote: »

I wasn't going to enter this debate... but the above shocked me...

Numerous research shows that children fare better if at home with a parent (if the parent is happy to be at home), second best is a childminder with small group care, third is a grandparent and lastly a creche. One of the ways they fare better is in vocabularly, others... less cortesone (stress), better relationships in school and beyond etc.

I wasn't going to enter the debate as it is so hugely contentious (and I have been misquoted quite a few times by journalists). But to claim that a creche is superior to being minded at home, by a parent who has chosen to stay at home and enjoys minding the child is ludicrous.

I don't care what other peoples research says, I am speaking from experience (which is my own research) and I have watched my daughter develop.

Maybe we are lucky, maybe the creche that we are in is particularly good.

I don't know how your unlinked research can show that a child minder with a small group of kids is better than 3/4 experienced and qualified girls in a creche looking after 12/16 kids (ratio is 3-1 when they are babies).

I am not saying that a creche is superior, what I am saying is that it works for us (and many others too) and in a perfect world we would have a blend of the two.

Kernel32

embee wrote: »

Jaden,
However, I really don't think it's helpful in any way, shape or form to imply that people are "failures" somehow because they have to place their child in care outside of the home.

jaden wrote:

To me, it would simply be an admission (however slight), of failure as a parent.

I'm not sure where you got that from reading his post. It wasn't the impression I got from reading it. I didn't think he implied that people are failure's for using creches. He said he would feel a slight tinge of failure from doing so, there is a big difference.

I think his point was that people often say they would like to stay home with their kids but follow it up with, oh we can't because of financial reasons, and I blame the economy etc. When in fact a lot of people could if they planned better in the beginning instead of running a few rough numbers, throwing up their hands and saying it can't be done. And on that particular point I would agree.

Nanoose2

When my two sons were teens they were know to their friends as Phat Boy and Rat Boy.
Our oldest was called Phat Boy because he had money and jewelry our youngest was called Rat Boy because he had his mothers teeth and ears.
Anyway deep down in side I was glad that he wasn’t called
Rat Boy because he was a fink.
For 2 years of his life our youngest son went through a stealing phase and once he got caught doing a crime and his buddies got away.
He stood in front of a Judge and took all the charges rather then rat on his friends.
He and most of his buddies eventually got out of crime and are now law-abiding citizens. Cheers!

Crea

I have my own little scientific experiment of my house.
My son went to a creche until he was 2. My daughter never went.
He has brown eyes, she has blue,
He is right handed, she is left.
He is very practical and she is extremely imaginative.
She was way ahead of him in speech by the age of 2 but he started toilet training at 2.5 and she hasn't a notion of it.
We've another on the way so unless it's an ambidexterious hermaphrodite it's going to throw my research results out the window!!

Nevyn

lol

gubby

Our five wonderful children are a credit to us. I was a stay at home mom cos I couldn't do anything else. my first little princess was singing and dancing around our hearts from day one. She is now very successfully. Has a great job in advertising sales for a radio station which uses her extensive talking skill to their full. She is very happily married and best of all has managed to give us two fantastic grand kids. one boy and one girl. No 2 was a son who once kicked a neighbors car and we had to pay to get it fixed. thankfully, his life of thuggery ended there. He is now married to a wonderful girl and has his own business. The next little man sadly didn't stay with us very long. He died of cot death at 6 weeks. Then we had another girl who often very deep and hard to figure out whats going on in her head. however, she is honest and kindhearted. She lives at home with us and her little girl who is our first granddaughter and a pure joy and makes our house a home. She has not had much luck in love and been badly hurt in the past but I think she has at last found her soul mate. The third girl is our butterfly who is the funniest person I know. She also lives at home and is great company and always can cheer me up when I am down. My baby is, as everyone knows my achillies (is that how to spell it) heel. He can break my heart with one look but I am very proud of him and know that he will be a great success when he grows up.. whenever that may be. He is 21 now so he would want to get started. For those of you who are still reading this I love my family so very much and have often said that I would kill for them.. and I think I would. thankfully it hasn't come to that yet!!

Trinity

gubby wrote: »

Our five wonderful children are a credit to us. I was a stay at home mom cos I couldn't do anything else. my first little princess was singing and dancing around our hearts from day one. She is now very successfully. Has a great job in advertising sales for a radio station which uses her extensive talking skill to their full. She is very happily married and best of all has managed to give us two fantastic grand kids. one boy and one girl. No 2 was a son who once kicked a neighbors car and we had to pay to get it fixed. thankfully, his life of thuggery ended there. He is now married to a wonderful girl and has his own business. The next little man sadly didn't stay with us very long. He died of cot death at 6 weeks. Then we had another girl who often very deep and hard to figure out whats going on in her head. however, she is honest and kindhearted. She lives at home with us and her little girl who is our first granddaughter and a pure joy and makes our house a home. She has not had much luck in love and been badly hurt in the past but I think she has at last found her soul mate. The third girl is our butterfly who is the funniest person I know. She also lives at home and is great company and always can cheer me up when I am down. My baby is, as everyone knows my achillies (is that how to spell it) heel. He can break my heart with one look but I am very proud of him and know that he will be a great success when he grows up.. whenever that may be. He is 21 now so he would want to get started. For those of you who are still reading this I love my family so very much and have often said that I would kill for them.. and I think I would. thankfully it hasn't come to that yet!!

That is really nicely written and made me smile