Finding it hard to meet members of the opposite sex

wester08

I quit drinking a couple of years ago (had to, was causing too much grief), since that I havent been in a single long term relationship. I met one girl through work, who was great but then she'd get hammered every time she was out, I just couldnt handle it.
Since that haven't met anyone, didnt realise how much of the old 'dutch courage' I actually needed at the time. I've always been relatively shy but seem to be even more so now.
I dont regret stopping drinking but hate feeling out of place when I do go out with friends to pubs, clubs etc.
Anyone else have this problem? Any ideas?

GetOffMyPatch

I don't have a whole lot of advice but I'm sure you will refine your 'technique' and things will improve. It's just a matter of good networking

best of luck

NonDrinkersClub

wester08 wrote: »

I quit drinking a couple of years ago (had to, was causing too much grief), since that I havent been in a single long term relationship. I met one girl through work, who was great but then she'd get hammered every time she was out, I just couldnt handle it.
Since that haven't met anyone, didnt realise how much of the old 'dutch courage' I actually needed at the time. I've always been relatively shy but seem to be even more so now.
I dont regret stopping drinking but hate feeling out of place when I do go out with friends to pubs, clubs etc.
Anyone else have this problem? Any ideas?

I had the same problem for ages, but luckily, I met my boyfriend at a music night I was organising. You gotta find a place where there's gonna be people who share your interests...that's the best way to meet people. If music isn't your scene, maybe try a drama group? http://www.gaietyschool.com/ is great fun! Everyone starts off a bit shy, but there are lots of name games & group forming which get people talking. When I was there, there was way more girls than guys and it was pretty obvious that they were trying to meet guys. That's a Dublin-based drama group, but there are lots more nationwide if you do some research. It'll do wonders for your confidence too!

Probably the best thing you could do is come to some of the events we're organising on this site, or organise one yourself? There are lots of ideas floating around and I'd be more than happy to give you some advice on that. Just PM me if you're interested.

floydmoon1

is funny when you have a picture of someone on here in your head and then it is totaly different.I thought you were a guy NONDRINKERSCLUB.Ifind it difficult meeting any woman as i dont drink and also self employed so noy in office environment.would like to go to some events you are organising but they r probably mostly in dublin.im down in kerry would be cool if ye set up weekend away.kerrys always lovely.

NonDrinkersClub

floydmoon1 wrote: »

is funny when you have a picture of someone on here in your head and then it is totaly different.I thought you were a guy NONDRINKERSCLUB.Ifind it difficult meeting any woman as i dont drink and also self employed so noy in office environment.would like to go to some events you are organising but they r probably mostly in dublin.im down in kerry would be cool if ye set up weekend away.kerrys always lovely.

Haha! You're the 2nd person who thought that but alas yes, I am a girl! So what's to stop you setting up your own event in Kerry? You can advertise on the forum to see how many people would be interested. I can give you some tips depending on what you want to do. It's really easy! I live in Dublin so that's where I'll be organising things mostly, but I'm defo not ruling out weekends away and Kerry is a fabulous place.

wester08

NonDrinkersClub wrote: »

I had the same problem for ages, but luckily, I met my boyfriend at a music night I was organising. You gotta find a place where there's gonna be people who share your interests...that's the best way to meet people. If music isn't your scene, maybe try a drama group? http://www.gaietyschool.com/ is great fun! Everyone starts off a bit shy, but there are lots of name games & group forming which get people talking. When I was there, there was way more girls than guys and it was pretty obvious that they were trying to meet guys. That's a Dublin-based drama group, but there are lots more nationwide if you do some research. It'll do wonders for your confidence too!

Probably the best thing you could do is come to some of the events we're organising on this site, or organise one yourself? There are lots of ideas floating around and I'd be more than happy to give you some advice on that. Just PM me if you're interested.

Thanks for the reply. I suppose I need to broaden my horizons, I still tend to associate pubs/clubs etc with a social life and havent given much thought to anything else.
I dont live in Dublin so the gaiety schoool would be out but I get the idea, I'll keep a look out for any events nearer me,
thanks again

wester08

:cool:

GetOffMyPatch wrote: »

I don't have a whole lot of advice but I'm sure you will refine your 'technique' and things will improve. It's just a matter of good networking

best of luck

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you don't tell someone you're not drinking, (drink something that looks alchohilc) then try & forget you're not drinking you will actually start to feel drunk/flirty as you normally do on alcohol. I think its because you natually mimic someones behaviour when you speak to them.

Best you don't tell the person as a lot of people feel uncomfortable speaking to sober folk. Becomes awkward if you're buying rounds of course. Works best in a group situation where there are a lot of people there but you might have one to one conversations with people.

Jusst try & stop thinking about the fact that you're not drinking.

jph100

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

If you don't tell someone you're not drinking, (drink something that looks alchohilc) then try & forget you're not drinking you will actually start to feel drunk/flirty as you normally do on alcohol. I think its because you natually mimic someones behaviour when you speak to them.

Best you don't tell the person as a lot of people feel uncomfortable speaking to sober folk. Becomes awkward if you're buying rounds of course. Works best in a group situation where there are a lot of people there but you might have one to one conversations with people.

Jusst try & stop thinking about the fact that you're not drinking.

yeah good advice there.i should take it on board myself.

if u drink lucozade in a pint glass with lots of ice then people will think its bulmers or somethin. just recently, a couple of people were shocked when they found out i didnt drink cos they always see me with the pint glass,they didnt know it had been lucozade the whole time!

unreggd

Im a stallion on the pull and i dont drink

Its all about confidence.

Example:

Say your sober confidence is 3/10

when u get locked it shoots up to 10, but once your sober its back down to 3

Where as if you dont drink, it will slowly go up the more sober nights you have out, BUT, it stays up, as its genuine confidence your gaining

So just relax, dont stress about it and it'll all work itself out


good luck

stevoman

unreggd wrote: »

Its all about confidence.

He's right. Im not sure about the stallion remark though!:)

Be yourself and show never show any signs of nerves. Women are like animals in that respect, they can sense it!

Rotti Express

Pubs and clubs are rubbish places to meet people, regardless of whether you're drunk or not. Most of them are horrible, overcrowded, noisy hellholes How about joining a sports club or a society or take up a new hobby. Anecdotally, most of my friends met someone through their friends.

wester08

You're right about pubs etc., the problem is it takes a while to build up your confidence again in those kinds of social situations. Its nearly 3 years since I stopped and I still feel uncomfortable around people who are drinking.Its a pity theres not more variety in Irish nightlife.

Rotti Express wrote: »

Pubs and clubs are rubbish places to meet people, regardless of whether you're drunk or not. Most of them are horrible, overcrowded, noisy hellholes How about joining a sports club or a society or take up a new hobby. Anecdotally, most of my friends met someone through their friends.

jph100

wester08 wrote: »

You're right about pubs etc., the problem is it takes a while to build up your confidence again in those kinds of social situations. Its nearly 3 years since I stopped and I still feel uncomfortable around people who are drinking.Its a pity theres not more variety in Irish nightlife.

it is extremely difficult i think to meet someone when they are drinking and u are not. maybe its just me but i nearly feel that id only ever have a chance with someone if they were sober

CerebralCortex

floydmoon1 wrote: »

is funny when you have a picture of someone on here in your head and then it is totaly different.I thought you were a guy NONDRINKERSCLUB.Ifind it difficult meeting any woman as i dont drink and also self employed so noy in office environment.would like to go to some events you are organising but they r probably mostly in dublin.im down in kerry would be cool if ye set up weekend away.kerrys always lovely.

Well I'm in Limerick and I'm a non drinker.

cjmcork

I used to drink when I was in college, but then got a job, which meant getting a car, and more or less packed in the drinking - do you find that people look at you like you've soiled yourself when you say 'no' to drink when you're out and about - sorry, but i'd die without my driving licence

flanum

a few pints and youll be sorted!

NonDrinkersClub

flanum wrote: »

a few pints and youll be sorted!

seriously man, get yourself a life

cjmcork

this is indicative of the problem in this country - drink gets us all into trouble and it's expected to get us out of it too - it's a good job there's drink in this country, otherwise we'd be a nation of singletons.

thusspakeblixa

cjmcork wrote: »

this is indicative of the problem in this country - drink gets us all into trouble and it's expected to get us out of it too - it's a good job there's drink in this country, otherwise we'd be a nation of singletons.

I do think thats kinda true tbh... All my friends drink, and a lot met their partners through a drunken night out!
When I was in Germany a few years ago the place was jammed with Sober, Confidence-Ridden feckers

crotalus667

www.connectingsingles.ie

It's the only true free site Ive found , it's not a non drinker's place but there non drinker's on it and you can check the profiles to see if someone is a drinker