The REAL difference between Metal styles (apparently)

Dudess

Is emo considered a "metal style" though?

HEAVY METAL
The warrior arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers,
and bones the princess.

POWER METAL
The warrior arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL
The warrior arrives with a frayed denim jacket, fights the dragon,
saves the princess and ****s her.

VIKING METAL
The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL
The warrior arrives, kills the dragon, rapes the princess in the mouth
and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL
The warrior arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood
in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to
the dragon.

GORE METAL
The warrior arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead
body, slashes her belly, and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass
again, burns the corpse, and ****s it for the last time.

GRIND METAL
The warrior arrives, screams something completely incoherent for about
30 seconds, and then leaves.

DOOM METAL
The warrior arrives, sees the size of the dragon, and thinks he could
never beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragons
eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad
story.

GOTHIC METAL
The warrior in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The
protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the
dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows the flute and
accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death.
All their souls are damned in hell for all eternity.

PROGRESSIVE METAL
The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

INDUSTRIAL METAL
The warrior arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land
by security guards.

SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming
weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
princess are still looking for the one who did this.

CHRISTIAN METAL
The warrior rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy
power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the
dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and
when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry,
but I don't believe in having sex before marriage".

GLAM METAL
The warrior arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL
The warrior arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.

EMO
The warrior sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get
the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is
very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.

cornbb

Lol, very good

cournioni

I always get a kick out of reading that! Never gets old!

John

Classic internet humour!

GhostInTheRuins

An oldie, but a goodie

Vic Vinegar

Ha. Emo

Dudess

D.T. Jesus wrote: »

An oldie, but a goodie

Aw... Thought it was "box" fresh.

GhostInTheRuins

Dudess wrote: »

Aw... Thought it was "box" fresh.

Unfortunately not, I think it was even posted here a few times, still, it never fails to bring a smile

haha, thats a good one.:D

CrazyTalk

The speed metal one was legend

Lemming

As said by others already, that never gets old

Patricide

yup never.

nyarlothothep

haven't seen that ever. Funny because its true allegorically

BrokenArrows

ah that post made my day.

Somnus

AH thats always great. I love the glam metal one for the "the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter"

MoominPapa

How come no NWBHM?

The warrior arrives, piloting an easyjet charter, slays the dragon with an ear piercing high register note sustained for 4 minutes, shags the princess in the gents of the local rub-a-dub after a right old cockney knees up, before dumping her saying "Sorry Dahling, got a try out for keeper for the Hammers in the mornin"

Dudess

What's NWBHM?

smackbunnybaby

new wave of british heavy metal

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nwobhm

Dudess

Lol! Perfect!

nonamemark

Strange the way these things resurface, I remember reading it a few months ago and in the past week it has appeared on 3 different forums and two friends blogs. Good stuff all the same

FunkZ

So old mate but still a classic.

orestes

Whoever wrote this is losing a fortune in well-deserved royalties!