Loosing interest in me?

RubyXI

Cathooo wrote: »

Oh no that's not very nice to hear! Depending on how long you've been together and your ages I'd advise you to sit him down and have a good chat about your feelings for each other. There's no point in him stringing you along and you wasting your time.

Im 23. He's 24. We've been together nearly 2 years. We have talked about it because it's not the first time its come up. I dold him we've been together too long to be still wondering if we're just friends. Its also killing me that any time he says he loves me it's followed by a but... I told him i couldnt take it anymore but then he said that he doesnt want us to break up and that everythings fine.

flaka

phi3 wrote: »

He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

Wow he's being honest! this is great. you know where you stand. You may not like it and its better than him telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Like what I just posted - figure out what you want that you're not getting. He's just not the guy to bring that - thats your answer.

IMHO the worst thing you can do is try to chase him into changing.

Maple

phi3 wrote: »

I didnt really wanna go into all this but i gess it doesnt make much sense without it. On st Stephens night i asked him if he loves me. He said he does but sometimes he thinks he loves me just as a friend.

:eek: Red card. Why are you bothering with him missus?

RubyXI

maple wrote: »

:eek: Red card. Why are you bothering with him missus?

because he's not sure. I mean i dont know whether he means he sees me as a friend, which is a good thing coz i think u need to be friends with your OH, or if he sees me as just a friend. Im fairly confused to be honest

Cathmandooo

If he's saying 'I love you but...' it means he only wants to be friends. He doesnt want to break up cos he doesnt want the hassle of it and probably doesnt want to be alone.

I'm afraid the outlook doesnt look good.

Tell him to make up his mind but it sounds like he already has.

RubyXI

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

Jules

Jules wrote: »

Hey i have that problem, but not with tv, mine is with WoW... /me shakes fists the computer.... i hate the game with the fire of a thousand suns!

But jsut lay it out straight tell him you need a bit of personal time, and if there is something on that he really wants to watch, go out for that period of time and when you come back if he is in the mood for a kiss or whatever..... turn on the tv and tell him there is something on you want to watch. see if he gets the point.

Ditto
Agreed, draw a BIG line on personal time
Its completly fine to have interests* but there's a time and a place as in when I'm not there





*I mean obsessions

Maple

phi3 wrote: »

because he's not sure. I mean i dont know whether he means he sees me as a friend, which is a good thing coz i think u need to be friends with your OH, or if he sees me as just a friend. Im fairly confused to be honest

i can imagine! honestly some take some time out from that relationship, "I love you but" is not a nice place to be.

yeah you need to be friends with you OH but you need to know that you love them with no buts after it either.

Oryx

phi3 wrote: »

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

You keep telling him, but you are still allowing him to string you along. And you are unhappy, right?

He may well care about you, but Id agree he may also just not like being alone. Its a sad fact that if hes not giving you the kind of love and attention you need, youll have to let him go.

RubyXI

but if i let him go i'll get no love and attention at all. And i do still love him.

Cathmandooo

phi3 wrote: »

I keep telling him to make his mind up. We took a 6 week break in the summer so we could think about things but he always comes back to me. He says i mean the world to him and that he cares about me and i do believe that. Maybe he's not ready for getting serious about anyone. This is the longest relationship he's ever had.

Sorry but to be blunt dump him! Sounds like you have your mind made up and need a nudge

*nudges ya*

I well believe you mean the world to him, I have friends who mean the world to me and I love them very much. You and him sound similar to that rather than lovers.

Oryx

phi3 wrote: »

but if i let him go i'll get no love and attention at all. And i do still love him.

Thats so clear from the way you post about him.

If you want proper love and adoration and attention in your life, it would involve taking risks. The risk of leaving him and allowing yourself to find someone new, or the risk of telling him ultimately what you want from him, and him leaving you completely because of that instead of changing for you.

You can live with something thats not quite right and hope it will change, or you can take a risk.

RubyXI

I suppose i'll have to go home and really really think about it. But then if he says anything that makes me think he does love me, i wont want to leave him. I know i'll probably end up putting up with it.

Maple

KtK wrote: »

Thats so clear from the way you post about him.

If you want proper love and adoration and attention in your life, it would involve taking risks. The risk of leaving him and allowing yourself to find someone new, or the risk of telling him ultimately what you want from him, and him leaving you completely because of that instead of changing for you.

You can live with something thats not quite right and hope it will change, or you can take a risk.

Exactly what this poster said.

Life is too short and you're so young (not meant to be patronising in any way) to be "settling" for something where you're not happy and doubting yourself.

Make the break girl.

Rob_l

Op at the beginning of the thread it seemed like a minor thing but the more you say its quite clear you know what to do with this relationship you keep posting hoping someone is going to tell you to stay with him but when we did at the start you keep posting reasons not to

Now i would never tell anyone to dump anyone so what I will do is suggest you take Cathooo's latest advise

Jackz

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

Rob_l

Jackz wrote: »

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

"There is nothing to fear except fear itself"
Teddy Roosevelt

flaka

Jackz wrote: »

Rob lol that's the same thing, it's a scary prospect being alone after 2 years!

What nonsense is this ... alone ... come on. There are more humans on this planet than ever in the history of the world. Go and stand on Grafton Street and look at all the people - even being choosey (which I support) and having high standards (which we should all expect of ourselves) there are plenty of potentials you could have a better relationship with than the current one.

RubyXI

thanx for all the advise guys. Ill get out the tissues n think about it for the night

Jackz

flaka wrote: »

What nonsense is this ... alone ... come on. There are more humans on this planet than ever in the history of the world. Go and stand on Grafton Street and look at all the people - even being choosey (which I support) and having high standards (which we should all expect of ourselves) there are plenty of potentials you could have a better relationship with than the current one.

I meant out of a relationship, there are varying degrees of feeling alone a person can feel alone in a crowded room.

pow wow

Some light relief courtesy of the travesty that is my love life...

I was going down on a bloke once and he asked if I could 'move my head to the left a little' because he couldn't see the telly properly. It was all I could do not to bite it off

Best of luck with whatever you decide OP.

Rattlehead_ie

narco wrote: »

Ok now it makes sense, when I was at work the picture was blocked I didnt even thing Narco posted anything, Im at home now, it makes sense!

Maple

ellscurr wrote: »

Some light relief courtesy of the travesty that is my love life...

I was going down on a bloke once and he asked if I could 'move my head to the left a little' because he couldn't see the telly properly. It was all I could do not to bite it off

Best of luck with whatever you decide OP.

:eek:

LMAO!! Brilliant! I think I might have bitten it off.

Cathmandooo

maple wrote: »

:eek:

LMAO!! Brilliant! I think I might have bitten it off.

Me too, what a fecker

Lemming

narco wrote: »

That's dangerous rope-work. You're not supposed to tie the wrist at points where arteries & veins converge since it'll restrict blood-flow (if you look at the point where her wrist meets forearm.


Oh ... wait ... I shouldn't have said all that should I? Erm ... never mind folks. Move along, nothing to see

Crumble Froo

you learnt that at your first aid course... right?

Lemming

narco wrote: »

you learnt that at your first aid course... right?

First aid course??

Oh, right!! Yes!!! My first aid course!! Yes, that was it!

/me coughs politely

Pyjamarama

You poor thing, the situation sucks bigtime and you're right to go have a serious think about things.

I know things change the longer you go out with someone but if after 2 years he isn't sure if he loves you as a girlfriend, partner, lover as well as a friend then it doesn't really bode well. How long would it take him to know? What if in another 2 years he still doesn't quite know? Are you prepared to hang around wondering?

I think balance is so important in a relationship, knowing you love someone more than they love you is horrible and vice versa. I just don't see how these relationships work. I think both people need to know where they stand. By all means talk to him again as it's not fair for him to string you along. He might be scared of commitment but he doesn't want to be alone, so wants you to keep going out and sees saying he loves you (no buts) is fully committing to you (which you fully deserve!!). That's a total cop out and he needs to sort his priorities out.

Good luck!

RubyXI

Thanks Pyjamarama. It is very hard not knowing what hes thinking. Hes like that with alot of things. He keeps his feelings to himself. We both have out own problems that are making things difficult. Things that would make any relationship difficult. So thats a major issue as far as im concerned. we need to sort out our individual problems before we work on our problems as a couple.

paul_ire57

narco wrote: »

Narco which of the lovely boards.ie ladies did you convince to pose for you in helping recreate your message?

And nice rope work! Did you ever work as a sailor? You may get a few personal requests to demonstrate such nifty skills